Where To Turn
by BroodyOTH3
Summary: Karen kills herself when Lucas is 14. How will he deal with it? Couples, brucas, jaley, pathan.
1. It Ends Tonight

14 year-old Lucas Scott walked through the halls of Tree Hill High School, un-noticed. But he wasn't un noticed by everyone, his half-brother and his gang stopped infront of him. Tightening his grip on his backpack strap, he prepared for the confrontation.

"What do you want?" The question came out in a low growl.

"Huh Pucas, we couldn't hear you, speak up, wait, don't tell me that being an unwanted child all these years that you never learned how to stand up for yourself?" The confrontation ended with Nathan's elbow in his groin.

At the end of the day, Lucas was walking home with his head down. He was looking forward to getting home to see his mother, him and her would always sit down, talk about what ever happend that day, and then make fun of it, all the while eating all of the food she had prepared. It was probably the best part of his day. But when he entered the small but comfortable house, he didn't smell any foods coming from the kitchen, or hear the sweet voice of his mother singing to country songs on the radio while she cooked.

There was only one light on in the house, it came form Karen's room, and the flooding light seemed to be daring him to follow it.

Inside the toom, he started to panic, bottles of alcohol and empty medicine bottles littered the aged carpet. Horrified, he desperately started searching for his mom, fearing the worst. Then he saw it, the distinct color of crimson, tainting the peacefulness of the stark white carpet that she was always keen on keeping clean. He had found her, lying on the floor, blood surrounding her, and the letter opener she used on herself still wrapped in her hand. Shrinking down beside her, Lucas reached out and touched her cheek, but quickly withdrawing it when he felt it's cold clamminess.

On her other side, there was a fancy envelope, and it ws adressed to "My Wonderful Lucas"

"Oh Lucas, my baby, I'm very sorry this happened to you, and you had to find me like this. You have to know, that you were my world, and my reason to get out of bed on the morning. But you have to understand that things get to be too much. I hope you realize how much I love you my beautiful boy. Love, Your Mother."

15 minutes later, the shock was still there, but he knew that he had to cell someone soon.

"Hello, 911? I need help, my mother, she, killed her... she commited suicide." Lucas tried to choke back his sobs to no avail. "Are you sure she's still not alive?" The woman on the other side of the line interrupted him.

"Yes, I'm sure, there is no pulse,and, she had cut her wrists..."

"Okay son, stay where you are, and don't do anything stupid, the paramedics and the authoruties will be there in a few minutes." She spoke, terrified that the young sounding boy would do something self-destructive. The phone call was then cut short.

When Lucas heard the sirens outside of his house, he did not move, there was nothing that could keep his attention long enough to take his eyes off of his mother's bloodied body.

"Anyone in here?" A male and a female paramedic, both with flashlights, stopped instantly at the doorframe when they saw the blonde boy.

"Son, are you okay?" The male asked while moving to the other side of the bed. "Oh god!" The man gasped at the horrifying sight. He reached down to the bloodied woman to check for a pulse, there was none.

"Krista, get him out of here." His female partner moved towards the rigid teenager. "Hey buddy, I'm Krista, let's get outside and get something to drink."

The boy didn not move an inch, still not taking his eyes off of his mother. "It's going to be okay." Lucas knew that it wasn't true, nothing would ever be okay, ever again. The warm looking woman was just trying to console him enough to get him out of the room, but at the second, her had nothing also to hang on to.

20 minutes later, Lucas stood outside with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, watching his mother being wheeled into an ambulance in a body bag. There were many neighbors spectating the event, all either speechless, or silently whispering. "Poor boy" He felt so many tears in the back of his head, but he dilligently repressed them,crying would do him no good, not when there was no one there to dry them.

Looking at the ground, he saw feet approach him. "Son, we packed an overnight bag for you, we are going to take you to your father's house."

Lucas numbly sat in the back of the police car, wanting for it to open up and swallow him whole.

Son they ended up at his father's house. Lucas would rather go anywhere, even spend the night in jail, rather than be put at the mercy of his father. The last thing he wanted for tonight was to be picked on by his father, not this night, the night that his mother had killer herself. The thought made him want to cry again, but her that even if he did, that there would be no one there to comfort him.

He caught a look at himself in the rear-view mirror. Boy was he a sad sight, still in his basketball warmups, that has red smudges on them, from hugging his mother, and refusing to believe that she was dead. His face was ghostly and sickly pale, and his blonde hair was more rebellious than normal. But the one thing that really kept his attention, was his eyes, who had lost their expressive color, and were taking on a greyish hue.

Him and the social worker stood on ther front porch, soemnly.

"Hello there, what's going on, would you like to come in." Deb Scott answered the luxurious front door, and ushered him in, giving Lucas a warm smile that held little comfort for him. The only thing that would hold any real comfort was the arms of his mother, wrapping gently around him, and her sweet voice, telling him how much she loved him.

Inside the house, the social worker asked Deb if they could possibly speak alone.

"Sure, Lucas, come to the kitchen with me, let me get you something to drink." Silently, Lucas obliged, following the woman into their designer kitchen.

Lucas couldn't help but feel envious at all of the stainless steel appliances that were decked out in the kitchen. This woman, Deb didn't look like much of a cook, and while she had every single nice appliance, Lucas's mother, Karen, had second hand appliances, and struggled to keep them all working to feed her son, while making her delicious meals.

"What is going on? Where is Karen?" Deb sat down on the plush chair.

"Is your husband here by any chance. I think here should be here to hear this too." The woman asked.

"Yes, let me go get him." When Deb came back, she had an annoyed looking Dan in tow.

"Can we get along with this, I have some sales to look over?" He said, apparently agitated.

"Yes of course Mr. Scott, I am here to imform you that today, Karen killed herself in her home. And your son found her. Lucas needs a place to stay..." The woman started out, only to be stopped by Dan.

"So you want us to take Lucas."

She was quite suprised at his cold tone of voice. "Well yes, in this situation,where he has no other relatives, I feel that Lucas would would fare better in a stable home, than in foster care. Is taking him an inconvenience?"

"Oh, no, of course not. We would love to take him. How had he been doing?" Deb said, very angry that her husband could show such blatant disregard in such a situation.

"I'm not really too sure, he hasn't said a word since the paramedics found him next to his mother. I'm rather concerned about him. It has to be horrible for a 14 year old to find his mother when she killed herself."

Nathan heard the doorbell ring when up in his room. And after a few minutes, and hearing his mother come get his father, he knew that something was up.

Downstairs, sitting at their kitchen table, was Lucas, looking broken and defeated.

"Dude, what the hell are you doing here?" Lucas hardly flinched that his brother's harsh voice.

"Are you even aware that this is my house, you don't belong here...Zombie, are you even listening to me?" Lucas eventually looked up at his brother, but he didn't say anything. It was Nathan's turn to be shocked at his brother's expression. He looked like he was empty, and he had given up. He didn't have the heart to say anything mean, so he hastily left the kitchen to find his parents.

"Mom, dad, why is Lucas here?" He found them in the living room with a woman that looked like a secretary.

"Nate, sweetie, I think that you should sit down." His mother told him sweetly, he did so worriedly.

"Sweetie, today while you and Lucas were at school, Lucas's mother, Karen, she killed herself, and Lucas found her Now he is going to be staying with us for awhile." Nathan was speechless , and now understood why his brother looked the way he did.

"Sweetie, I know this is alot to digest but..." Before his mother could finish her sentence, Nathan stood up and went for the front door. "I'm going out."

After the social worker left, Dan excused himself to go back upstairs. This made Deb sad. She knew that it would be better if Lucas had the support of his father.

She entered the kitchen, finding Lucas in the same exact postion he was in when she had left him there.

"Lucas, honey, do you want anything to eat?" The boy shook his head slowly. "I'll show you to your room."

She said gently, motioning for him to follow her, and he did so, with no distinguishable emotion. When she had gone back downstairs, Lucas sat on the comfortable bed, and pondered the room, which to him, was fit for a king.

Too bad it held no warmth. Nothing in his life ever would, because his mother had been the one to bring the warmth in his life. Now he was cold.

Good? Bad? Crap? please tell me wut you think. Love Kendall 


	2. I'm Tender In Your Arms

Okay, I alot of chapters written, but not alot of them tyoed, I want to get really far into this story before getting it all up, and i have a wrist injury, so please bear with me. Love Kendall

Dan sat casually in his office, twirling the ice around in his drink. Confusion and dread consumed every fiber of his being.

"Why had Karen done this to herself? To her son, to their son?" He wondered.

When he'd always seen her down at her cafe with Lucas and the customers, she looked happy, almost as happy as when they had been together.

And Lucas, the 14 year-old had to be completely crushed, it was one thing to lose your parent, but it's a whole other situation to have them leave you choice.

At the moment, he couldn't accept or love Lucas in public, even if he was really the only parent he had left. But he didn't think that he could hate him like he did before.

Then a thought struck him, conditional love. he'd love the kid and praise him when he felt like it, or when he did something good, but he could also pull that love away at a whim. Sure, it was mean, but it was better than no love at all, right?

Nathan had walked to the ice rink after he left the house. (A/N, I couldn't think of anywhere else to put him, so I put him where people at my high school go on Friday nights) Thoughts of Lucas kept intruding his mind. He and Tim had always called Lucas a mamma's boy, but it never really occured to them that Lucas really didn't have any other choice, he'd never had a father figure or any friends. His brother never had anything else to bond with but his mother, and now she was gone, and it seemed surreal, and Karen wasn't even his mother.

But there was no way that he was going to treat his brother and differently, he had a reputation to uphold.

Lucas laid on his bed, slighly shaking due to the large amount of repressed emotion.

She had left him, his only parent had left him. Damn, he had to be some some horrible kid with something horribly wrong with him that he didn't know about to have his father leave him before he was even born, and to have his mother kill herself, just to get away from him.

He kept searching for small flaws inside himself that would cause the rejection and abandonment. Maybe it was becausehe was blonde. He came up with so many small inperfections about himself, that it made him physically sick to his stomach.

Suddenly he ran to his bathroom and threw up.

Lucas had been incessantly throwing up for 5 minutes. His stomach would settle until the horrible picture of his bloodied mother would flahs back in his head.

Once he was completely sure that his stomach was empty, and the only thing left was dry heaves, he stood up and flushed the toilet.

He looked at his distraught form in the mirror, he was weak and he hated it.

Why would she do this to him? Why? Why? Why? Why did she do this to him? Why did she not love him enough to stay alive? What did he do wrong?

A knock on the expensive wooden door knocked him out of his dangerould trance.

"Lucas, honey, dinner is ready, would you like to come down?"

She opened the door and found him on the floor in a fetal position.

"Aw, Luke, talk to me sweetie." She moved towards him and tried to put a hand on his shoulder, but he scooted away, the human touch would feel like a torch on his skin.

"Sweetie, come get some you'll feel better." The mention of food made his sotmach turn again. Maybe his stomach wasn't empty after all. He rushed over to the toilet and emtied the rest of the contents of his stomach.

Behind him, he could feel Deb rubbing his back and crooning soothing words to him. But he didn't pull away from the human touch this time. The gentleness reminded him of his mother.

Nathan, who was usually in the middle of a circle of girls, flirting with them, or telling far feched stories to the guys, was now standing in a corner, watching his friend Tim make a fool of himself just to lose his virginity.

Hey Nate, what's going on with you?" Haley James, one of his crew approached him.

He wasn't sure if he should tell anyone yet about the news of his brother, but when he saw her eyes, he couldn't resist them. "Haley, you can not tell a soul."

Instantly, the flirty gossip girl was gone, and the serious, best friend, confidant Haley took over.

"What is it Nathan?"

"Let's go outside to talk about it." The two friends ventured outside.

Dan sat on the master bed, watching a previously aired basketball game when his distressed looking wife entered.

"How is he?" Dan casually looked up from the television.

"I had to knock him out on sleeping pills, which he could hardly keep down. But I wouldn't have to tell you this if you were just a bit more attentive to the boy. You are his only biological parent that he has left, and you haven't said one word to him."

"Fine, I'll talk to him tomorrow." He said as if it was an inconveinence.

"You better, because you are the only thing keeping him from becoming a ward of the state. Goodnight Dan."

Dan slowly turned the TV off before laying on his side and letting his silent tears fall for the loss of his forst love.

"So your saying that Lucas's mother killer herself today, and now Lucas is living with your family" Haley said.

"Yep that's pretty much it."

Haley sat down on a bench, not believing the turn of events.

"Wow, so what do you think of Lucas now?"

"I don't know what to think,a part of me says that this doesn't change a thing, but the other part says that he's still a guy that lost his mother, and that I should embrace him. I know that we aren't going to be the best of friends, but a civil relationship might be nice. And I'm not sure that I can be mean to him anymore. What should I do Hales?"

"Trust your instincts, and your heart Nathan. They tend to be pretty accurate."

Sure Deb had given him 3 sleeping pills, but there was no way, that even on drugs that sleep would grace him on this night.

A shadow appeared in his doorway, and he hastily closed his eyes, pretending he was asleep. There was a pressure on the foot of his bed. The voice of the person invading his space made him want to crawl into a hole and die.

"Lucas, I wish that I could talk to youwhen you were awake. I'm very sorry about your mother, but you weren't the only one that lost someone. She was my first love and I'll never forget her. I hope you understand Lucas, I can't love you in public. It's just too complicated. But I do care about you, on the contrary to that, I'm not sorry for abandoning you, not yet. I am sorry for the pain you've been through, and the pain that you are bound to go through because of me."

Lucas wanted to lash out at his father. What right did he have? And what did he mean by the pain he was bound to go through because of him?

It took all of his will power to not open his eyes and yell at his father, and blame him for all the problems he's ever had, including his mother killing herself.

Frustrated, Dan quickly stood up off the bed, wondering why he came to talk to the sleeping boy in the first place.

The next day was Saturday, and Lucas had spent the reamainder of the night sitting up in a fetal position.

When the sun had risen that morning, he heard the downstairs door creep open, followed by the voices of worried parents.

"Damnit Nathan, where were you last night? You knew we already had enough to worry about! We didn't need you to disappear too."

"I know okay! I just needed to get out, chill" Nathan tried walk past his parents, but they stopped him.

"No we won't chill! Not when our 14 year old son stays out all night without calling us! Go to your room and stay there till we tell you to come out." Dan yelled at Nathan.

After Nathan stomped up to his room, Deb looked at her husband.

"Why don't you take some of that concern and give it to Lucas?"

"I can't my tee time with the sheriff is in one hour and I can't cancel it now." Deb gave him a look that could kill, then waved him off.

"I'm going to go make sure Lucas is okay, you can go play your golf, but remember, you are going to have to face him eventually." She left her husband in his tracks, disappointed at his attitude. She had really hoped that this horrible turn of events would encourage him to be responsible, but she was just sad that it took a siucide of the boy's mother to bring the reconciliation about.

Good? Bad? Crap? Tell me please. Love Kendall


	3. Shame On Pain

"Lucas, honey, how are you feeling this morning?" Deb walked into his room and found him sitting on his bed in a fetal position, looking freshly showered with his hair sticking up in randon directions as if it were gelled.

He looked up at her, and she saw his dark, blood shot eyes, she noticed that he didn't seem like the same person when he didn't posess his ocean like blue eyes.

Lucas shrugged, not totally ready to speak at the moment, knowing his voice would betray him and emotion would break through.

Under normal circumstance, Deb would have seem the shrug as slightly rude, but this was nowhere near normal circumstance, and she knew that Lucas might not be prepared to talk for quite awhile, she wasn't expecting him to either.

"Come downstairs please, I have breakfast for you, will you try to keep it in your stomach?" Lucas only nodded, but then a thought struck him.

"What about Dan?" The fear in his voice, in the first words he had spoken since he arrived, all brought about by the absolute fear of his father.

"No Luke, he's not here, he went out golfing." The sentence brought a certain sadness to Lucas. Sure he never expected much out of his father, but he had really hoped that he would be the kind of man to stay around when his son was suffering instead of worrying if he's going to be at the course in time.

Deb saw the distant longing in the horrible mask of stone and ice that Lucas was holding.

"Come here, don't worry, he won't hurt you again." She sat by him on his bed and lovingly touched his forever hunched shoulders.

"It will all be okay, I promise..." Before anymore sooting words could exit her mouth, she heard the heaving convulsions of sobbing.

"Why didn't she love me? What the hell is wrong with me? My parents hate me, my brother hates me, and everyone my age is repulsed by me, why are you being so nice to me? I don't deserve it!" Deb tried to pacify him, but the boy was helplessly upset.

"It's okay Lucas, let it all out. There is nothing wrong with you, and don't doubt that your mother loved you very much, at the cafe she would rant about her perfect son."

"But clearly she didn't love me enough to stay alive for me." Deb hugged him even tighter at those words, she wasn't sure that there was any decent explanation to a mother's suicide. And that meant that there was no way to comfort him. The only thing that he knew was a father's rejection and neglect, and a mother willingly leaving him.

Nathan stood unnoticed in the foorway of his brother's room ad his mother comforted him. He had listened to the whole conversation, and now it was starting to hit him how much he wa hurting about the whole situation.

And the comment about his brother hating him, Nathan never really thought that all the cruel comments that he and his buddies hurled at Lucas would stick to him, they always seemed to roll off his back. But now he knew what a large role that he played in his brother's unhappiness.

At the golf course, Dan and the sheriff were mostly quiet until the man who was his current companion spoke.

"Last night was rough, a woman on the other side of town killed herself, and man it was messy, it was just so terrible, she left behind a 14 yearold boy, and I'm not even sure where he went."

"Dan looked up from his putt, curiosity peaked. "Why didn't this guy know the whole situation with me, Karen, and Lucas." But then again, this was the new sheriff that had moved from South Carolina.

"Wow, that had to be tough..."

"Yeah, but from the look of it, the boy had no father, so he must be in foster care right now." Dan sighed, and mumbled to the small white golf ball. "If you only knew the half of it."

When Monday arrived, Dan still had not confronted his son, and he hadn't strted conditional love, right now it was no love at all. Lucas still continued not to talk, and could only keep down the blandest of foods.

Deb was suprised when he came down in a plain grey hoodie and jeans. "You want to go to school Lucas, is it too soon?" The boy didn't look up from his non-sugared cereal before answering.

"I just want things to be normal." His voice was still very small and sad, as was his body figure.

"I'll take you and Nathan to school then." She smiled at him, hoping that he knew that she loved him. Somebody had to.

"Nathan, you have basketball practice this afternoon, your dad will pick you up, and Lucas I will pick you up when school gets out." Deb said, but her words seemed to fall over deaf ears as the two boys exited the luxurious sports car.

Lucas headed straight to his locker, trying to push through the upper classmen.

There waiting for him at his locker was one of the popular crew, Haley, she ws probably dying for the chance to make him suffer more.

"What is it?" He refrained from looking her in the eyes, and the most interesting thing in his eyes seemes to be his locker combonation.

"Lucas, Nathan told me about your mother and I am really sorry." She said to him, and there was no hint that she wasn't completely serious, because she was. There was no room to joke in a situation like this.

"Yeah, I'm sure you are, why don't you just make the joke and go away." He said sullenly.

"I'm not here to make a joke Lucas, I just wanted you to know how sorry I am about your mother, she was a great woman, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be there.

When Haley left, Lucas was speechless, someone besides Deb had actually been kind to him. But the only thing that he was sick of was people telling him how great his mother was. If they only knew, what kind of great person would deliberately leave her son to suffer. The thought brought more tears to his eyes. Maybe he wasn't ready to come back to school just yet.

Durnig his classes, he was inattentive, but his teachers understood, and it wasn't till after school that anything half way interesting occured.

Instead of Deb being seated in the driver's seat when he approached the car, it was Dan. Hesitantly, he climbed in the car and slouched down, unhappy with being in his father's presence.

"How was school son?"

"Um, okay I guess..." He was too shocked at being adressed as son issue a proper response.

"If you aren't up to school still, then me and Deb will completely understand if you want to stay home." "I guess"

Lucas's only motivation to attend school was that he didn't want any chance of seeing his father and there being any confrontation. But now that things seemed to be going smoothly, he was pretty sure that the next few days would be spent at home, doing nothing but brooding.

When Deb picked Nathan up from basketball practive, he wasn't the usual chatty teenager.

"Bad practice honey?" She asked.

"No, practice was great, but I can't seem to get my mind off Lucas, he looked so sad today, I mean he always looked sort of sad, but today he looked full on depressed."

"Well Nate, maybe he wants his brother, he does need someone to talk to." She looked at him sweetly.

"No, maybe he needs an extra large dose of Prozac."

"He'll get better Nate, it hasn't even been a week yet." Nathan thought about his mother's words for a few seconds. He looked down, maybe he should start talking to his brother.

"Nathan, please comfort him, he needs someone, a friend atleast, and maybe even a brother."

"Dan we're home!" Deb yelled from the entryway in large house.

"I'm in the kitchen." "Where's Lucas?" She asked, curious to where the blonde boy was.

"He went straight up stairs when we got home, and so far, I haven't heard from him since." Dan held a cold and uncaring voice when taking about his first born son.

"Okay, I'm going to go check on him, why don't you go get dinner started." Deb decided to scold him about his indifferent behavior at a later time.

"Luke, sweetie, are you doing okay?" She peeked into his room, and he ws laying face down on the bed, holding a pillow tightly over his head as if he was trying to block out sound. She could see the distinct movement of him shaking his head, signaling that he was not okay.

She moved closer to him and rubbed his back in a comforting manner. After a few moments, the pattern of his breathing changed, he was crying again.

"Did Dan do anything to you?" She saw him shake his head again. Gently she removed the goose feather pillow from on top his head. The fluffy mop of blonde hair came into her line of vision.

"Why am I so damned weak!" He tried to yell, but it was stifled by his tears, and his voice breaking of desperation.

"No Lucas, you are not weak at all, you are perfectly normal, jut let it all out."

Nathan sat at the bar area in the kitchen, watching his father prepare dinner.

"Hey dad, can I ask you something?" "Sure Nate."

"What do you think that I should do about Lucas? Mom thinks that I should embrace him, but I don't know how to even approach him." Nathan spoke to his father, he knew what he was going to do with Lucas, but Dan hadn't been too open and sharing about Lucas's appearance, and he was quite curious about it.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm not too sure how to handle the kid, he seems so...fragile." Dan wasn't sure how to describe the defiant aura and eternally hunched shoulders that seemed to surround the boy.

"I just don't see why you and mom are making this so hard on yourselves, why don'y you just get him some Prozac and shove it down his throat, it might make this situation 10 times easier.

Dan contemplated his son's words, he knew that depression medication might make Lucas feel better, but he also knew that it would be running from the problem, sweeping it under the rug, and in the end, make him and Deb bad parents. But Dan was already qualifying for worst parent of the year, why not secure the position?

Later that night, Dan and Deb were laying in bed silently. Deb was still quite angry with him about Lucas.

"Deb, honey, I've been thinking, maybe we should get something to help Luke."

"Do you mean like a therapist? Because I think that would be a great idea." She said lightly, trying not to show how excited she was that Dan was thinking of Lucas and wanting to help him.

"No, he's too isolated for therapy, I was thinking more of some medicine, Prozac, Zoloft, anything along those lines. It might help him alot."

"You are suggesting Dan, that we don't help or suppost him, but instead we give him some pill to show him how much we care."

Deb was livid. How could he think that instead of giving Lucas some time to recover, that they just medicate him.

"Dan we need to give him some time. He just lost his mother, I'd be suprised if he wasn't depressed. But I will tell you this Dan, I will not medicate that child for something that needs no medication, just time."

Dan was speechless, he never thought, that his wife would have sucha strong opinion about this.

At about midnight, Lucas was putting all of his energy into trying to quell his nausea. The dinner of spaghetti and rich sauces, was not sitting well in his stomach.

Why couldn't he have just ate the bread? He was tempted to do so, but when Dan peered at him and gave him a small smile, he knew that he couldn't refuse, no matter how much his stomach was saying no.

But right now, he was regretting it big time. By this time, his stomach was somewhere in the region of his adams apple. Lucas couldn't keep it down, and rushed into the bathroom and threw up.

A few days later, was the day of Karen's funeral. Lucas had put up a huge fit, saying that Karen didn't deserve a funeral, but the scary look that appeared on his father's face was more than enough to make him regret it.

During the funeral, Deb had comforted him and dried his tears. "You'll be okay, don't worry."

Many people had attended the ceremony, regulars at the cafe, high school friend, and alot of people that Lucas didn't even regonize, but all paid their condolences to him.

Once they arrived home, Lucas was more emotionally exhausted than he had been in a long time, and for the first time in almost a week, he felt like he wanted to sleep.

After he entered the house behind everyone else, he gave them no chance to converse with him. In his room, he threw the expensive suit on the ground, changed into some comfortable pajamas and fell on the bed.

Deb, worried about the 14 year-old boy who hadn't spoken since the end of the funeral, went to check and see if he was doing okay. Suprisingly, his door was open.

Inside, she smiled, Lucas was on his bed, under the comforter, sleeping.

It may have biin a restless sleep, but it was still sleep for the seemingly deprived child. Rubbing his back, and kissing the top of his head, she kindly whispered.

"Sleep tight Luke, I love you."

Hey guys! Happy holidays, i hope you like this new chapter. here are some spoilers for the next chapter

-Deb goes on a trip and meets someone

-A two year jump in time

-Luke has nightmares

And I finally found a way to put Keith in there, but later on in the story. Love Kendall


	4. Stay On My Side Tonight

Hey guys! Hope You like the new chapter, please read and review! Love Kendall

Lucas slept restlessly through the whole night, and whe morning arrived, he slowly trudged down to the kitchen to have breakfast, but what he saw suprised him, but it wasn't in a good way.

Sitting on the kitchen floor was a few suitcases, and sitting on a kitchen chair was Deb, sipping coffee, and looking as if she was ready to go to work.

"What's going on?" Somewhere he found his voice in the back of his throat.

"Oh, Lucas honey, I'm sorry..."

"You're leaving me aren't you." Deb sighed sadly. Did the boy really think that she would leave him?

"No honey, no, my corporation called late last night when you were asleep, they need me to go on a business trip for about two weeks. I promise Lucas, I will be back, don't worry, Dan will take care of you and your brother." She took in the sad look that resided deep in his eyes. He had no choice but to comply.

When the shuttle for the airport arrived, Deb had her family on the front porch, ready to send her off. She spent her time with each of them, giving personal goodbyes and hugs.

As she got to Lucas, she put her arms around him, and pulled him in to a hug. But he hardly returned it, and she could sense him emotionally withdrawing.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, and I promise, you will be okay." He only nodded. and as quickly as possible, turned to go back inside.

Nate, just because your mother is gone, doesn't mean that you can go wild." Dan spoke to his youngest son.

"Yeah, sure Dad, I'm going to go meet some of the guys at the park, have fun with Lucas, it should be some real fun father and son bonding time." Nathan almost laughed his father's reaction to spending alone time with his oldest son.

Dan slowly turned around as Nathan hopped on his bike and rode off.

It seemed that Lucas had already gone up to his room and slammed his door to be his moody, broody, depressing self.

A few hours later, Dan had made some mac and cheese for him and Lucas.

"Lucas! Lunch is ready, come downstairs and eat!" When he didn't come down, Dan went up and entered his room. Lucas looked like he was asleep, whick was good considering that the child needed sleep.

Lucas slept all through the afternoon and into the night.

When Dan heard thrashing and loud voices, he disgruntledly got out of his comfortable bed to go investigate. The disturbance seemed to be coming from Lucas's room.

"No, mom come back! I'm sorry for everything, MOM!" The voice of the young teenager was strained and barely audible.

"Come on Lucas, wake up." Shaking his shoulder, Dan almost pulled his hand back. Lucas seemed to be running a raging fever, and was drenched in a damp sweat. He was almost knocked back when Lucas sat up right, with a terrefied expression on his face.

"Woah, Luke, you're okay now. Shhh, calm down." But that was a lie, the kid looked like he was anything but okay.

"Stay here, I'm going to go get you a cold cloth." Dan walked out of the room cursing. It figured, the day his wife, the only person that could commuincate with Lucas, left, was the day that the kid started having nigtmares.

Once the damp cloth had been retrieved, he walked back to his son's room, where the boy sat, hugging his knees to his chest protectivley.

Dan tentivley sat next to him and brought out the fatherly voice that he used to use when Nathan was little and sick.

"Will you tell me what happened Luke?" He asked while uncomfortably pressing the cloth to Lucas's forehead. And at the same time hating that this was the most contact that he had ever had with his eldest son.

"My mom... she left me, telling me that she hated me, and that you were right, and she should have listened to you. What the hell does that mean!"

A dangerous light flashed in Dan's head, he knew exactly what that meant. He had asked Karen to abort Lucas when he had learned about the pregnancy. But there was no way that he could tell his inconsoleable teenager without Deb around to pick up the pieces.

"I don't know what that means Luke, but she would never say that about you, she loved you too much."

"Yeah, but apparently she didn't love me enough to stay alive till I graduated high school."

Dan had no good way to respond to this pain filled statement, maybe the boy did need some medication.

The next morning, Dan was awoken again to the shrill ringing of the phone.

"Hello?" He said groggily with a slightly irritated tone. If this turned out to be some sales person, he was more that likely to give them an earful.

"Dan, honey? Did I wake you?" It was his wife on the phone, he adapted a slightly happier tone. "Hey Deb, how was the flight?"

"Oh, It was fine. But I want to know how things are back at the house, how's Nathan and Lucas?"

"Oh, they're fine, Lucas is still the same, should I be concerned about him sleeping so mcuh?" He asked, but intentionally leaving out the imformation about the nigt terrors.

"Oh no, he hasn't slept too much since he got here. Let him sleep as much as he wants." Deb said sweetly, happy that her step son was getting some sort of rest.

"Yo, dad, what was going on last night? I heard some yelling and some crying." Nathan came down the stairs that morning, looking very disheveled.

"Your brother had a nightmare, I swear that kid is covered head to toe in issues. Now your mother will want to send him to a therapist, but I won't let that happen, this family's issues will stay inside the family, and besides, I don't need some under educated, touchy-feely guy telling me that Lucas is depressed. I can save some more money and figure that out myself. Your mother doesn't want to put him on medication, but how the hell else are we going to deal with him?"

Nathan could sense the anger radiating off of his father, and was quite intimidated.

"Well I don't know how else to deal with his except drugging him."

Lucas was finally awake, but now even more tired due to the tumultuous night of sleep. But one thing did comfort him, the fact that the night before his father had been nice to him, had comforted him when his dreams had relived him finding his mother dead.

Maybe his father and him would have a decent relationship with. Lucas's hopes were soaring as he imagined him and Dan doing father son activities.

Lucas made his way down the staircase with a little lighter step. Inside the kitchen, he saw his father and brother looking slightly grumpy. Upon hearing footsteps, Nathan turned around and looked at his brother with a blank look.

He proceeded with caution, knowing that if he dove in head first, it would end horribly.

"Good morning." He spoke groggily.

"Lucas, today, me and Nate are going out for a father son day, you are staying home and in the house. Don't cause any trouble." Dan spoke harshly. If Nathan or Dan had bothered to look at Lucas, they would have seen a crest fallen look.

Not bothering to reply to the harsh statement, Lucas trudged back to his room, understanding that his father being civil to him was nothing more than a one time thing. But the fact still hurt all the same.

"What the hell was that dad? Now you know that he is going to call mom and tell her that we aren't playing nice." Nathan turned over to his father, curious about the events that just took hold.

"No he won't, that kid is too concerned about me liking him and staying on my good side that he wouldn't even dare." Dan smiled, realizing that he had Lucas wrapped around his finger, and this conditional love plan would work better than he could ever imagine.

Back in his room, Lucas tried to supress his upset feelings that had erupted inside of him. The words father son outing, had affected him more than he would ever admit.

It also made it clear to him that Dan still didn't consider him as his son, and probably never would. And now he could only imagine the large amount of father son memories being created today that would last a lifetime, while he was left to brood about such events.

He didn't even have Deb to talk to. It ws strange, now that he was alone, he craved some sort of company, while when he had company, he wanted nothing more than to be alone. And it figured that nothing would settle the vigorous feelings in his heart.

During his boring and lnely day at home, Lucas heard the door bell ring, echoing against the walls of the house. Reluctantly getting up, Lucas curiously opened the the grand front door of the house.

"Hello." He said, not yet looking up at the guests.

"Oh, hey Luke. Is Nate here?" The preppy voice of Brooke filled his ears.

"No, him and Dan went out somewhere for a father son day." Brooke's expression fell from the extremely sad voice. Sure she was a cheerleader and most peeple thought her brain was a pom pom, but she knew well enough that Lucas wanted to be with his father and brother.

"Do you mind Luke, if we stay?" Brooke asked softly, seeing that Lucas needed someone to talk to."

"Yeah, if you want to, I guess." He whispered, secretly excited, he had a small crush on her, and now that she finally noted that he even existed gave him a small amount of hope.

"I have some things to do, you two have fun." Haley gave her friend a wink and a call me sign. Then she backed out of the house and rode off on her bike.

"Would you like something to drink?" He asked, trying not to let any emotion flow through his voice, reavealing his crush since the 2nd grade. But what straight male hadn't had a crush on her, what made him so special?

"Dad, why did we have to go out today?" Nathan complained as the two males walked around the mall and entered every sports store that it contained.

"Because, I don't feel like being around that mopey kid right now. I'm actually in a good mood."

"Oh yeah Dad, you just sound ultra excited. But dude, why did mom have to leave, she is the only one that can actually deal with Lucas, what are we supposed to do? Hug him when he cries?" Nathan exclaimed, angry that his mother would leave him and his father with the responsibility of a new born puppy.

"I don't know how to handle him Nate, I feel as if I'm stepping on glass around him. You're his brother Nate, why don't you talk to him?"

"What are you talking about Dad, you're his father, why don't you talk to him?"

"Your mother will be home in a few weeks, I'm sure Lucas will be alive. Maybe a bit depressed, but alive. Where's the harm in that?"

Okay! New chapter up, I hope you liked it , please read and review. Love Kendall


	5. You Don't Have To Go It Alone

"So tell me Lucas, how do you like living with the Scotts? I know that they can be overwhelming at times." Brooke sat beside Lucas on the couch, they had been watching TV for quite some time now and Lucas hadn't shown much interest in talking.

At first Lucas shrugged, not wanting to talk about his emotions yet, none the less this close to a stranger. Brooke thought that this was the only reaction she was going to get out of him.

"Why are you talking to me, I'm sure that a beautiful, popular girl has alot more to do on a Saturday thad hang out with a worthless loser like me..." She instantly objected to his choice of words, and wasnted to wrap her arms around him and take awat all his pain.

"Shush, you are not a worthless loser, form what I can tell from the few hours that I've known you, you are one of the sweetest, kindest guys that I have ever met." She flipped the televison off, and turned to face Lucas.

"Yeah, sure, but why is that good enough for you? Because clearly, I'm not good enough for my father, and I was a sich a horrible son that my own mother had to kill herself just to get away from me."

"Don't talk like that..." Brooke put a freshly manicured hand on Lucas's shoulder, which he pulled away from as if it was scalding hot.

"Then what Brooke! How am I supposed to talk? She left me, they all did, so why don't you just leave me now and get it over with!" Lucas turned away from her.

"What? NO! Lucas, I would never leave you, why would I?" She was shocked at his outburst.

"Why the hell wouldn't you? Everybody else doesn't seem to have a problem with it. Don't you get it LEAVE! Just do it noe so it doesn't hurt later." Lucas seemed to be on an unstoppable rage.

"But Luke, I'm not..." She tried to plead with him when he stood up.

"Do it Brooke, know you want to!."

"No Luke, I don't want to, stop pushing me away, I just want to help." She was close to tears.

"Now Brooke, just leave now, I don't think I can take it later." The expression on his face was dangerous.

"Fine Luke, but remember this, when you are moping tonight, remember that it is all your fault, you left yourself with noone!" Brooke yelled, and left the house, slamming the door violently behind her.

Once Brooke had slammed the door and left, Lucas kept staring at it, replaying the words over and over in his head.

"It will be all your fault, you left yourself alone."

He wouldn't admit it, but htat statement stung, Brooke had pretty much told him that it was his fault his mother left him, his father's abandonment was all his fault, and his brother hating him was his fault.

In the end, he knew that Brooke would leave him. they were polar opposites, and there was no way that a friendship would work out between them. And to him, it was better that she leave him now, when he wasn't so attached, that way it wouldn't hurt as bad.

Brooke couldn't decipher the emotions whirling around her, rage, sadness, and guilt. All she wanted to do was help him, but he wouldn't let her near him. She had tried to get it through that thick Scott skull of his that she wouldn't leave him, but he wouldn't listen, keeping her and her heart at and arms length.

Inside she chatised herself, she really hadn't meant to say that last part out loud. Brooke had been hurt, and she still was, and that cold statement was just a way that she could cover up her emotions.

After a few more hours of sitting in silence, the creaking sound of the front door opened was filling his ears. His father and brother came into view, along with many bags from sports stores where the merchandise muct cost a fortune.

Secretly inside himself, he wondered if any of the items were meant for him. Then almost as fast as theought came, he cursed himself for nurturing the thought, for being so materialistic, for getting his hopes up, and for thinking that Dan and Nathan would actually think of him, never the less buy him a gift.

"How was your day?" Lucas tried to open up some harmless conversation.

"Productive. You didn't cause any trouble did you?" Dan's voice was cold, but he noticed that Lucas was sitting in the same spot that he as in before they left. Dan sort of felt bad, coming back with all of this stuff that Nathan didn't need, but having nothing for his oldest son, who looked as if he could use a distraction from his pain.

Brooke knocked on the door of one of her friend's houses and Haley answered.

"Oh hey Brooke! How did things go with Lucas?" She asked anxiously as they traveled up to Haley's room to gossip.

"It went well for awhile, well meaning, he didn't talk, and he let me watch anything that I wanted on tv. Then I asked him how he was doing, he in return asked me why I was talking to him, and then he goes all nuerotic Luke on me, and tells me to leave him now so it doesn't hurt later. And I told him it was his fault he was alone.

"Wow, that is all like, wow. So he thinks that y ou are going to leave him, where would he get an idea like that?" haley said, gasping.

"I don't know, but I feel so guilty for saying that it was his fault,I was caught off guard, and sort of hurt. Because I had finally decided to be myself around a guy." Brooke finally let the tears come to her eyes, feeling like she was on a safe enviorment.

"I think he needs time Brooke, I mean when you think about it, it's only been about a week since he found his mother. His walls are going to be sky high, if you stick around though, one of these days, he'll realize that he needs someone, and you will be there for him."

That night after an awkward dinner, Dan sat in in office, looking over recent sales, when the piercing ringing of the phone broke him out of his trance. "Hello?"

"Hey honey. How are things?"

"Oh, here? Yeah, things are great, we are having a wonderful time here. We had a father-son day today." Dan immediately felt like kicking himself.

"Is we, including Lucas, Do Not tell me that you left him home today Dan!" Deb's tone told him that he would be in major trouble if he had infact left Lucas in the house.

"Oh no, me and Nate took him too, we all had a pretty good day."

"Oh, that's great, can I talk to Lucas?" Dan was devepling a cold sweat on his forehead.

"Uh, sure, let me go get him." He knew that the boy was moping in his room. Nervously, he handed the phone over to the boy, who looked extremely intimidated by his father's presence.

"Hello?" Lucas's voice was small and meek.

"Hello Luke, how are you feeling?" She asked him.

"Fine, I guess..." HIs reply was short and guarded.

"How was your day with Dan and Nathan?" Lucas could not believe the words. How dare he. the nerve of that man to lie about the day that they didn't spend together just so he could look good infront of his wife.

"Oh, it was pretty good, we had fun." His words were very on edge.

Back in his office, Dan had picked up the extension and was listening to the conversation. Why would Lucas cover for him, he had no good reason. His boy had every right and reason to tuen his back on him.

Too shocked to speak, Dan set down the reciever, careful not to cause any feedback.

Lucas didn't know why he had covered for his father's horrible lies. A part of him said that it was because he did not want to be on the man's bad side. The other part deep inside of him said that he wanted so badl for the lies to be true, that if he said it, it might come true.

A knock on his bedroom door caught him off guard. But whoever the nosy inturder was, they didn't have the decency to wait for permission to enter, they just barged in.

Of course, it was his father. Dan just sat on the bed as he had the night lucas had arrived here.

The two were quiet for awhile, basking in eachother's presence, even though they would never let the other one know.

"Why did you cover for me Lucas?" Dan suddenly blurted out, ruining to comfortable silence.

"You were spying on me." Lucas's reply wasn't angry, but rather embarrased.

"Yes, but it wasn't intentional, I just want to know why." Dan's voice was calm, like he was actually speaking to his son, not like usual when he sounded like he was scolding an animal.

"Why? What could I say? No Deb, your husband was lying, I stayed home while he and his good son went out to have some good fun.How about this? Why the hell did you lie in the first place?"

Dan didn't really have an answer for his irate son. But instead of making an excuse, he came back witha harsh reply.

"Deb would have been really angry, but if you think that saving my ass once gives you any points, you are sadly mistaken. It doesn't change a thing."

Lucas looked away, heart broken.

Deb hung up the hotel phome and turned around to the naked man inder the comforter of the bed.

"Everything okay at home doll?" He asked as he lifted the champagne glass to his mouth.

"Oh yes, everything is great" She said uneasily. What she was doing and the implications it was going to have on her family, were starting to catch up with her.

This would ruin her husband, even being the cold hearted bastard he was, the man still had feelings. Nathan would be heart broken and he would be torn apart between his parents. And Lucas might be destroyed beyond repair.

Trying to forget about her betrayal, she climbed into the bed next to her new love interest.

Sorry It's sooo short, I thought that this was the most logical place to end this chapter. Please don't hate me.

Spoilers for next few chapters

-Deb experiences some major attitude changes

-2 year jump in time.

-Peyton comes into the picture

-Lucas and his anti depressants


	6. You're Gonna Be The One That Saves Me

WARNING! This chapter contains small mentions of abortion, I am deeply sorry if this offends anyone of my readers. Please do not read this chapter if the subject offends you, or makes you uncomfortable. Once again I offer my sincere apologies. Thanks. Love Kendall I Don't own anything.

_4 Weeks Later_:

Dan, Nathan, and Lucas were all extremely excited about Deb's homecoming. Deb's trip had lasted a few weeks longer due to problems at the foundation. The trio was waiting for Deb at the airport.

Dan wanted his wife home due to the fact that he was sick of taking care of Lucas and his depressed self. He had told the kid to get over it, a few different occasions when Deb was gone.

Nathan just wanted her home because he was sick of take out food. And even if he wouldn't admit it, he missed her, and he missed her standing up for him when Dan critisized him in basketball.

Lucas was especially thankful, because Dan and Nathan had been downright cruel to him for the past weeks, going out of their ways to make him like he was unloved, and that he was a nuisance. Deb was probably the only person right now he knew would never leave him behind. Of course, he said the same about his mother, so there was always that small chance.

All of their eyes lit up when Deb appeared at the luggage carousel. But she didn't look the same, sure she still had her same blonde hair, slim body, but her aura was different, cold and uncaring. She didn't have the same motherly air about her, instead she looked more formal than carefree.

She individually hugged both her husband and son, but both noticed that the hug was not warm, but one that you would give an acquaintance. When Lucas was expecting his hug, she went right past him, telling him to gather her luggage and meet 'the family' out in the car.

Deb hadn't meant to be so cruel to Lucas, but she was emotionally destroyed right now. Her affair with her co-workerhad ended traumatically, with an unplanned pregnancy. Both parties had agreed to terminate the pregnancy, breaking the maternal side of Deb apart. That was the real reason she had been gone the extra time, to heal from the abortion, but at this point, she felt as it it would never happen.

Lucas followed 'the family' out to the car with Deb's numerous suitcases. Thoughts swarmed through his mind, ones that told him that his worst fears had been confirmed. Deb didn't love him, or even like him anymore. She saw him as an inconvienence.

"What did I do wrong?" He kept asking himself.

"Maybe I was too needy and whiny. But she told me to let it out..."

That night, as Deb laid in bed pondering Lucas. Maybe right now the anti-depressants weren't such a bad idea right now. She was too busy dealing with her horrible issues about the ended pregnancy. Unconciously she rubbed her stomach, feeling where the child used to grow inside of her. Sadly she thought that the pills might take care of Lucas while she dealt with her inner demons. Until then, she hoped Lucas could take care of himself emoitionally.

"Lucas, you have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. Your father and I will pick you up at lunch." Deb said coldly as she cleaned up the remains of breakfast.

Lucas looked up, puzzled. Why did he need to see a doctor? He wasn't sick or anything. But the attitude Deb had been directing towards him, he refrained from questioning her.

When he arrived at school, there stood Brooke, at his locker. Didn't she get the point, it was inevitable, she would have gotten bored with him, and gone back to her group.The novelty of being nice to him had worn off of Deb, now she had turned her back on him. Why was she interested in him all of a sudden?

"What Brooke?" He forced the annoyed tone.

"Don't talk to me like that Luke, because I won't fall for it."

"What makes you think that I want to hear what you have to say? What is it going to be next? My fault that Deb can hardly stand to look at me." Just then, the warning bell rang, Lucas gave Lucas gave Brooke one last guarded look before rushing off to class.

When lunch arrived, Lucas reluctantly went out to the parking lot where Dan and Deb were parked. Inside the car, the tension radiated as Lucas still could not find the guts to ask why he was visiting the doctor's office.

As soon as they were in the examining room, not many words had been said except for Dan ordering him to stay still on the exmining table as he fidgeted from nerves.

The doctor entered the room and gave everyone a warm smile.

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Scott, Lucas. My name is Dr. Roth. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"Well, me and my wife discussed it, and we want to put Lucas on depression medication. Zoloft preferably." Dan said in his usually cold voice, making Lucas's jaw drop. Why were they doing this to him?

"May I ask you why he is depressed?" The doctor queried, quite shocked.

"Personal business..."

"Okay, well have you tried therapy for Lucas, because this is a very large step, that has long term reprecussions." the doctor was very suprised with the hastiness of putting this boy on this caliber of medication.

"Yea, Yea, we understand, now will you just write the prescription."

Skeptically giving Lucas a sympathetic look, the doctor wrote the Rx.

Lucas sat in the prarmacy, waiting as they prepared the anti-depressants for him. It seemed so surreal, that the only way they felt like dealing with him was a little pill taken twice a day. Why the hell were they doing this to him? He heard an earlier conversation between Deb and his father, with Deb defending him, saying she would never give him a pill to solve his problems.

Suddenly, he felt like crying, out of the blue. He wanted his mommy. Either that or the old Deb that loved him, and would call him sweety, or honey. But she was gone, taken over by the cold business woman that didn't like him.

**Two Years Later**

A 16 year-old Lucas Scott stood lazily at his locker, waiting for his friend, Brooke. He had a horrible headache, due to the hangover that he had from the night before.

_At 2 am, Lucas stumbled into the house, through the kitchen door. Quickly he recoiled as the lights were flipped on, harming his sensitive blue eyes, which had long since turned hard. _

_"Lucas Eugene Scott! What the hell are you doing home so late?" Dan yelled. _

_"Hey daddy! You finally noticed that I exist, congratulations! You have another kid. It's a boy!" Lucas screamed at his father. _

_"Don't talk to me like that. This is the third time this month you've gone out and gotten drunk. Now this kind of behavior is not acceptable for a Scott."_

_"That's really funny, cause last week I think I remember you saying that I should not be a Scott, the only thing I'll ever be is a loser." Secretly, he was loving the attention, seeing as this was the only way he could get it. _

_"That's enough Lucas, now go to bed, you still have school tomorrow." Deb finally spoke up. _

_On his way out of the kitchen, he flipped off both of his 'parents'. Dan ran forward, roughly turned Lucas around, and smacked him on his cheek, before whispering that he would regret it if he ever did that again. _

Brooke tapped him lightly on his shoulder, startling Lucas.

"Hey Luke, how were your parents last night?" She asked him.

"They were fine, all I got last night was a smack on the cheek. Nothing to worry about." He whispered so no one would hear him, as he searched through his locker for his pre-calculus book.

"Lucas, please, will you calm down a little bit, at parties, it's not like you're wild, you just sit there, drinking the strongest drink you can find. It's not good for you." She ran her hand over the slight swelling under his eye.

"I know Brooke, but every night, Dan or someone says something that just sticks to me. And I just can't take it anymore. Drinking, basketball, and you, that is all I have, Nathan is sometimes cool, but that is only on his agenda. I already lost my mom, I can't lose anything else."

"Drinking isn't a thing Lucas, it is what is causing you so much grief right now, I know that it hurts,but I know you remember what happened last year with me. And how I wanted to lose myself in drinking, I would have lost myself if it wasn't for you! Now it's my turn to help you."

At the mention of what happened last year, Lucas softened a great deal, and pulled his friend into a hug

"I'm so sorry Brooke, thankyou so much, I know you're just trying to save me, and I love you for it. If you need anything Brooke, just call me whenever, I'll deal with my parents." Lucas was shocked at his admission of love, but Brooke didn't seem to notice it, thinking it was just a friendly gesture.

Just then, the bell rang, and Lucas and Brooke, arm in arm, walked off to their class together.

Nathan stood in the middle of his worshippers, aka, people who only loved him for his money, not listening to a word that anyone of them was saying.

His girlfriend, Haley was all over him, flaunting him off to all of the other girls. He hated how she had changed over the years. She had gone from friendly, nerdy, confidant. To snobby, shallow, slut who only wanted him for sex, and to show the other girls that she was better than them.

Now looking over at his pathetic excuse for a brother, he saw him and Brooke hugging, and her touching the slight bruise Lucas had sustained from their father. He laughed at the memory of last night's events.

_Nathan was in his bed, listening to the screams that emanted from the bottom floor of the house. He laughed, wondering why his brother was such a dumbass._

_The kitchen door was probably the most obvious entrance in the house. And why wasn't Lucas even denying the fact that he was drunk. _

_Then Nathan remembered a conversation he and Lucas had one week, and realized that all of this was just a ploy for attention, since Dan and Deb couln't give him the light of day any other time. _

_A loud pop, took him from his reminicense, Lucas was just smacked. At that point, he felt very sorry for his half-brother. Lucas got smacked around every now and then, it was never too horrible, but just enough to hurt and tell him never to commit that offense again. But Lucas never got the hint. _

Nathan gagged ay the hug between Brooke and Lucas. Eventhough he thought over the years, Brooke and Haley had switched places. Brooke had calmed down, befriending Lucas when the boy seemed to have no one else. But Haley took Brooke's place when she stepped down from the highest peak of the social heirarchy.

A big blotch of curly blonde hair caught his eye. It was a new girl. Nathan thought she looked dreamy with her simple clothes, and converse. It also seemed that Haley thought otherwise.

"Omigod, guys, look at Curly Q over there. Don't they have brushes in the poor house. And seriously, what is up with those ugly clothes. I feel sorry for the garbage can they came out of." The rest of the posse knew to laugh, even if they didn't think it was funny.

"Cool it Haley, she's new, you remember how people treated you when you moved here." Nathan said, feeling some sort of responsibilty to defend the dreamy new girl.

A collective gasp took over the group. "Nathan if you love her so much already, why don't you go over there and join her." Haley snotted back to her boyfriend.

"You know I didn't mean that Haley, I love you. YOU. Okay?" He leaned down and kissed her.

"Okay, I guess you redeemed yourself. I love you too." Then the bell rang, and they all split up, and went to class. Nathan was staring back at the new girl, who looked lost, but was quickly confronted by Brooke, and a shy looking Lucas.

"Hey, are you new here?" Brooke asked the new girl that looked completely lost.

"Yeah, I just moved here from Hinsdale, Illinois. My name is Peyton." She held out her hand, which was taken gratefully by Brooke.

"Hi, I'm Brooke, and this is my best friend ever, Lucas." Brooke looked up to her BFF. He looked shy, and guarded. This always happened when they met new people. Lucas would withdraw into the shell he had created, determined not to get hurt. Now the fun, (If you could call his broodiness fun), joking self, was gone, replaced by guarded Lucas who didn't talk.

"Hi." He said lowly, with his head turned towards the floor, and hand barely extended. Peyton shook his hand, and asked where her first class was.

"Oh, Nathan has that class first. Let me get him. Hey Nate! Come here." She yelled at the retreating Nathan who was hand in hand with his girlfriend, aka, her ex BFF.

Nathan complied, even if he and Brooke weren't best friends, she was still really nice to him, and he was nice to her, sort of like a silent agreement.

"Hey Brooke, Luke, what's going on?" He couldn't take his eyes off the new girl, she was even more beautiful up close, even if she didn't have makeup, it was like an untouched beauty.

"This is Peyton, she just moved here. You two have a first period class together, will you show her to class, and maybe around school a little bit?" But Brooke didn't have to worry about him saying no.

Nathan introduced himself, and put out his arm, the two walked towards the stairs, arms connecting.

"Oh, I just love putting two people together, just call me cupid." Brooke joked to her friend, who was in the process of taking down his guard.

"Yeah, good job." He said dryly, not sounding like he was listening.

"Why do you do that Lucas? Not everyone is an enemy who will hurt you. Give her a chance." She said, upset that over the years, Lucas's walls only toppled for her. She was happy that she had pestered Lucas two years ago so much that he gave her a chance. And that chance turned into the best friendship either one of them had ever experienced.

"I don't know Brooke, now can we just get to class." She could feel him avoiding the subject. And if they weren't in danger of getting detentions for being late for class, then she would have made him spill the beans right now.

"Fine Luke, let's just get to class." He put his arm around her shoulder, and the pair went to class.

Hey Guys! I hope you liked this chapter. I really liked this one, but I'm not sure how you feel about it. Please leave some more reviews. Huge thanks to Lucasscottlover, who gave me the idea for rebellious Luke, and there is more of him coming. Love Kendall

Spoilers:

-What happened to Brooke last year to scar her?

- Is Naley history?

-Jake comes into the picture


	7. I'll Be Love's Suicide

"So...Where did you move here from?" Nathan asked, sounding like he had never talked to a girl in his life. Well he had never talked to a girl that he felt such an attraction to.

"Illinois, my parents used to live here before I was bron, my dad got transferred there, but when..." Peyton started to choke up, and Nathan felt bad, he hadn't wanted to cause her pain.

"Don't worry Peyton, you don't have to tell me." Nathan said as he moved a little bit closer, hoping to comfort her in any way that he could.

"It's nothing, really, let's just get to class." She felt herself moving into Nathan's touch. There was something special about this seemingly typical jock.

"Okay, Peyt. But if you ever need a friend, or anything, just talk to me." Peyton spontaneously hugged him. 'Peyt' was the name that her mother and sister would call her before... she couldn't go into the pain of that situation right now.

"Thankyou." She spoke, and relaxed into the arms of Nathan.

What niether of them knew was that Haley James was eavesdropping on them from one of the hallways. "Curly Q was going down." Her mind spoke to her. Nathan was the only one that was half-way stable in her life.

The pair walked into the classroom, where the teacher with the bad sweater, pointing to the chalk board stopped and looked at them.

"Mr. Scott, and..." He stopped to check the new attendence sheet he had been given. "Ms. Sawyer, since it seems that you enjoy being late to class together, I should believe that you would like to do the presentation that is 30 of your grade together too."

Both grinned on the inside, this would mean that they would have an excuse to spend long hours together.

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"Mr. Scott, Ms. Davis, are we late again? I believe this is 3 times Mr. Scott, I will need to call your father." The old woman sitting at her desk gave Lucas an evil look.

"Yeah, like he will really care that I was late for this worthless class." He mumbled into his desk, as he picked at the loose wood on the top.

"Do you have a problem Lucas?" She asked him pointedly.

"Yeah, I have alot of problems, but I don't see why you have to humiliate me by bringing them up." Lucas looked up at the woman who had caused him many troubles over the years. She had not liked his mother, due to the fact that she got pregnant right out of high school. And she didn't like that she hadn't aborted him either. So pretty much every chance she got to cause him any sort of grief, she took it with greed.

"Well then I suggest that you go talk to the dean about these said problems tomorrow at 7:15 in the morning."

"Maybe you should go talk to a doctor about your hearing and sight issues." He could feel Brooke's hand digging into his shoulder, she hated when he would get in this rebellious mood.

"Lucas Scott, go see the dean this instant!" Lucas stood up angrily and left the room, Brooke following him.

"Ms. Davis, if I were you, I would stay away from worthless trouble makers like him. That is what comes from someone who gets pregnant after high shcool, she killed herself, and left behind a trouble maker."

Brooke didn't care about what the teacher said, she wanted to be there for Lucas, even if he looked guarded and rebellious, she knew that this was one of the times that Lucas was most vulnerable, and the smart ass remarks were only defense mechanism. His philosophy was that if you said something equally mean and hurtful to someone that hurt you, then it won't hurt as much.

She wished for the day that Lucas would figure out that this philosophy was worthless, and abandon it soon, before he got in serious trouble because of it. It had already caused his father to hit him on different occasions.

When Brooke rushed out in the hallway, she found him leaning against his locker, the familiar bottle of Zoloft residing in his hand, which even from the distance she was at, she could see it shaking.

"Luke." She stalked up behind him, and took ahold of his hands to make him stop shaking. But instead of relaxing him, she only scared him to the point where he dropped the bottle of pills, spilling them.

"Oh, Brooke, I'm so sorry. I just feel like I'm falling apart." He slid down to the floor, and started shakily trying to gather the pills.

Brooke bent down infront of him, taking in his vulnerable appearance. She grabbed his hands in her's, trying to cease the shaking.

"Why do you do this Lucas? You are a great guy, but when you get in these moods, you change, like the Luke I know is gone, and a smart ass Luke takes place. I know that it is a defense mechanism, and I also know that, that teacher is a world class bitch, but getting in trouble so much is going to start affecting your future, colleges don't like suspensions. So please Luke, do this for me, in that class room, chill out a little bit."

"But I just hate the stuff she says, I heard her say before I left, the stuff about my mom, and how I'm a trouble maker. How do I deal with that?" He asked desperately.

"Prove her wrong Luke, prove to her that you aren't a trouble maker. I will talk to her about the things she says, and tell her to take it easy." She said lightly, pleased that Lucas's hands were a tiny bit calmer.

"I don't need you to do that for me. I can take care of myself." He stated, trying to be independent.

"Too bad Luke, it's my job, and face it, your whole life would fall apart without me. Gosh you men are so needy. You're just lucky that I like ya." She patted the side of his face, and handed him a pill to swallow.

He tried to push it away, even after all these years, he still hated the pill, it represented too much in his life. The rejection, the abandonment, the gut wrenching pain.

"Please take it Luke, you know how your dad gets when he counts the pills and finds that you haven't taken one. Please, I'll be your best friend if you do." She asked, giving him the wounded cheerleader look.

"You already are my bestfriend, but I guess I will, but just for you." He stuck the pill in his mouth and dry swallowed it.

He stood up, and helped her up. "Well, maybe you should get to the dean before you get in even more trouble." Lucas sighed at that comment. The dean, again. The man was friends with his father, which meant that he had the same feeling about Lucas as his father. It was simply amazing how much power you got from donating thousands of dollars to the school board gave you.

As he entered the dean's office, the disgruntled man peered up at him.

"Well, well, what a suprise, Lucas Scott. What did you do now?" Dean Jones motioned for him to sit down in the chair infront of his desk.

"Mrs. Dejaynes was being a..." Lucas decided not to finish that sentence the way he had intended to.

"She was saying things about me and my mother, so I kind of got really pissed and got sent out of class." Lucas said without his usual composure, and smart alec comments.

"So pretty much, you were being a trouble maker again, and got kicked out. I'm going to call your father. You have detention all next week at 7:15 am. Go sit outside."

Not at all happy, Lucas picked up his bag, slung it over his shoulder, and went to sit outside to wait for his next class.

-------------------------------------------

Haley James walked through the hallways of the school, trying to find Nathan. Ever since that blonde wannabe came to Tree Hill High, whick had been approximately 3 hours, Nathan had been spending every waking moment with her.

As she looked through her purse to find her phone to call Nathan, she felt something smack into her, sending her flying. But before she could spit out the usual 'watch where you're going' she caught the eyes of none other than Jake Jageilski.

"Hey..." She spoke, still looking into his eyes, wondering why she had never noticed their wonderful color, and sensitivness.

"Are you okay Haley? I'm so sorry, I was just on my way to class, and I thought I heard someone say my name. I didn't see you." Haley found his rambling sweet. The fall had been both their faults, but he was taking the whole blame, dusting off her books, and putting all of her stuff back in her purse.

"Don't worry Jake, I'm fine, you know me, I'm a total klutz, remember at my 10th birthday party where I tripped on the cat and fell into the garbage can." She laughed. It felt good, not being this forced 24 hour a day bitch. But being her old self, the nice girl.

"Yeah, that was hilarious by the way." They both laughed, and were amazed how natural they felt around eachother.

"Would you like me to walk you down to the cafetaria?" He asked. She happily nodded, as they began to make their way to the cafeteria.

---------------------------------------------

After a long and monotonous day school, Lucas opened the front door to the house and quietly shut the door, attempting to avoid his father or step-mother. When he heard some voices coming his way though, it was apparent that luck was not on his side.

"Don't move Lucas!" His father's voice boomed through the entry way. Lucas adapted his standoffish composure, the one that his father despised, because it looked like Lucas didn't care what he was saying.

"Why the hell did I get a call from the dean today, saying that you were once again being an embarassment to The Scott Legacy?"

Lucas chose not to answer that question, but continued with his biting silence. He didn't let anything show on his face that the fact that he was an embarassment to the family hurt him.

"What Lucas, nothing to say? You seemed to have plenty to say last night when you were drunk! Is that the only way you open up? Alcohol? Figures you would be an alcoholic after your crazy mother was one."

Silence couldn't cover how Lucas felt anymore. No one talked like that about his mother. No one. He stepped closer to his father.

"Don't you ever talk that way about my mother! You didn't know her, she wasn't an alcoholic, I got that trait from you!" Lucas's face was flushed with anger.

Dan took the front of his shirt and balled it into his fist. He was incredibly close to hurting the kid.

"Don't you ever compare your worthless ass to me again. I am so much better than you." Dan pushed Lucas back, his back making contact with the corner of a nearby table.

Lucas's body was telling him to double over in pain, but his desire to never let Dan see him weak, wouldn't let him. Instead, he only allowed himself to let out a small whimper.

Lucas looked up at his father who was smirking at him. He couldn't believe that he had ever wanted this man to be his father. Before any other cruel words could be exchanged between father and son, the door bell rang.

Dan answered it, and found Brooke on the other side. "Hi Mr. Scott, where's Luke?" She asked coldly, she absolutely hated this man, who had been so cruel to Lucas over the years.

"He's in some trouble right now, I don't think he has time for any nonsense in his room with you." He said with venom. Even if Brooke was a perfectly respectable girl, he just enjoyed how Lucas got angry when he bugged his only friend.

"Mr. Scott, I'm sure that if you knew anything about your son, that you would know he has no girlfriend. We are friends. Nothing more, So lay off." Brooke yelled at Dan.

"I know that you kids these days do have friends with benefits. And someone like you, Brooke, probably loves to take part in these activities."

"Shut the hell up dad! You don't know anything about Brooke, you SOB. Don't ever judge her ever again. Or I will hurt you." He stepped up to his father. Brooke's words hurt him and crushed his hopes of her ever returning his feelings slightly, but that only made his sense of protection towards her, increase. But damn, he would never let his father hurt her, even if Dan beat the hell out of him for his threats, he would protect her till the end of time.

"Wow, wait a second, who ever said that I would lower myself to the point that I would actually call the likes of you, my son." Dan knew just how to push Lucas's buttons. Truth was, Dan was proud to have Lucas as his son, but he already lost Karen, his one true love, and he didn't think he could take it if he put himself out there for Lucas, and then have the boy shoot him down.

Lucas felt like he was just punched in the gut, he really wanted Dan to say. "Yeah Luke, I am your father, and there is nothing you can do about it." Sure he would have brought a smartass comment to fight back, but the comment would have meant something to him, it would have meant that he had a father who cared about him in his life. But in the end, Dan had to crush those dreams too, didn't he.

"Who says that I would want to be the son of smarmy scum like you?" By this time, Brooke had grabbed his hand, and was guiding him up the stairs to his room.

"Why you little bastard." Dan said, but immediately regretted it when Lucas looked like a kicked puppy before covering it up with his horrible mask of stone.

Lucas turned back around when he was on the stairs, to face his father a last time.

"Bastard. You could stand to be a little bit more original. Dad."

-------------------------------------------------

"Why do you do that Lucas? He riles you up every time. And you don't have to defend me against him. I can protect myself." She sat by him on his bed, rubbing his arm. He had been locked up emotionally for a few minutes, and it always scared her when he did.

"Talk to me Lucas..." She tried to coax him out of his silence.

After a few more minutes past, he looked at her. "I just hate him." He said with no emotion.

"That is not the only reason you snap when he says something bad about me." Brooke hugged his larger frame close to her. These were some of the times that he needed her the most.

Lucas knew there were two reasons that he had for yelling at his father about Brooke. One of them was the fact that he loved Brooke with every fiber of his being. And he would not stand by and let someone degrade her. He even got jealous when the band geeks stared at her.(A/N no offense to anyone in band.) The other reason could be voice to Brooke though, it was something he had to get off his chest.

"Because Brooke, I don't want anything to drive you away. I'm always so afraid that someone will say something that will make you rethink your decision to be my friend. You are the only thing that I have left, and I could never stand to lose you, so I have to do everything, and I mean everything to show you that you mean everything to me. I can't let Dan drive you away, I just can't." He pounded his fist into the bed.

Lucas's reason for protecting her was so sweet, but so heartbreaking. Even after all they had been through, what happened to Brooke last year, Karen's suicide, and Brooke's transition from flirty gossip girl, to his best friend, Lucas was still fearing that she would leave him.

"Lucas, no matter what anyone says, I will always be there for you. Even if someone told me that you were a closet gay, or that you stole candy from little children, I would still be there for you. Remember, I was where you turned to when you had no one." He needed to understand that no matter what happened, they would always be there for eachother, and no matter how many jack assish things Dan said, she would be there for him.

"Thankyou Brooke." He whispered into her shoulder, as she ran her hands through his hair.

----------------------------------

Nathan and Haley were sitting at Haley's house that night, both watching a movie, but both thinking about the new people that they liked.

Nathan couldn't keep his mind off Peyton, the new girl who looked needed no makeup to look like his angel. Sure Haley was beautiful with her brownie doe like eyes. But in his eyes, she had nothing on the curly haired, green eyed angel that had graced Nathan with her presence today. He couldn't keep living this lie with Haley for any longer.

Haley thought about how stupid she was about never noticing how attractive and wonderful Jake was. His eyes, oh his wonderful eyes, they looked like a fox's, with their sharpness and their thoughtfulness. Haley wanted to keep that image in her mind for the rest of eternity. But what Haley really couldn't believe was that Jake brought out the old her, the one from two years ago. It felt so good that she could just let go and be herself around him, and she felt so much lighter when she did. Nathan needed to know the truth about how she was feeling about their relationship.

"Nathan" "Haley" They both said at once.

"You go first." Nathan said, hoping that whatever Haley said wouldn't make it any harder to break up with her.

"Nathan, I have been thinking about how lately, things have been different between us, and I just don't feel how I did when we first started going out. I think that we should break up." She said while looking at the ground.

"Don't take any offense to this but I feel the same. I think that we should break up, but I do feel that we make better friends that couples." Nathan said.

After Haley agreed to it, Nathan put his arm around her shoulder and they continued to watch the movie, feeling much lighted about what happened between them.

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Deb sat on her bed, flipping through an old photo album that had been given to her by Karen before she killed herself. She had been instructed to give this to Lucas when he turned 17, at that age, he would be ready to face the real truth about what events surrounded her death.

------------------------------------

So.. What did you guys think? I hope you liked it. It may seem a bit choppy because I just changed something major, and had to change alot of stuff back here. Please review. Love Kendall


	8. Calling All The Stars To Fall

I don't own anything.

Warning, contains small mentions of aboriton. I deeply apologize if this offends anyone, or makes any of my reader umcomfortable. Please do not read if you feel this way. Love Kendall

"Tomorrow is the first Raven's game of the season, we are playing Bear Creek. I believe that they lost most of their strong players graduated, and this will be a building year for them. We should be able to beat them easily. But since we are playing a weaker team, I'm thinking of changing the line up a little bit. I'm changing Lucas to shooting guard, and Nathan to right wing..."

Coach Whitey Durham preached to his players after practice.

Sure, he knew that Nathan was a stronger shooting guard, and Lucas fit very well with his position, but this was not a hard game, and Lucas hardly ever got attention from Danny, and the only times he did, Danny yelled at the poor boy. Maybe if they could show Danny that Lucas could play and hold his game in a higher position, then maybe, Lucas could get some positive attention from his father.

Practice had finished, and Lucas was leaving the gym. Agter he was out the door, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he was sharply turned around. Of course, it was Nathan.

"What the hell was that in there?" At this point, Lucas's face was red with rage. Why did everyone seem to have a problem with him?

"What do you mean Nathan?" He asked pointedly.

"You know what I mean. Whitey moved you to my position."

"So talk to Whitey about it." Lucas turned away from his father, and started to continue his way to his car.

"No Lucas, why the hell didn't you tell him no? That you were perfectly fine with your spot. And think about it this way, dad will be pissed. And he won't be pissed at Whitey, he will be pissed at you, even more than he usually is."

"And how is that any different that regular times?" Lucas asked. He would not give up his new spot. He was actually really excited about it.

"I thought you didn't like it when Dad hits you. I thought that you wanted him to accept you, well here's your chance, he might chill if you gove up your spot to me. Go tell Whitey you want your spot back, or Dad will personally force you back himself.

When at home, the two teenage boyss arrived at the same time. Inside the kitchen, Nathan smiled. Dan was in the kitchen like he wanted him to be.

"Hey, Nate, how was basketball practice?" He asked, ignoring the other blonde boy.

"Oh, it was good, but I think Lucas has something to tell you." Nathan laughed, and looked at his brother who was trying his best to either make himself invisible, or escape the kitchen.

"What is it Luke?" Lucas only answered with his biting silence. "Come on Luke, tell him." More silence.

"Tell me Lucas!" Dan stepped closer to his son dangerously. He knew that if he acted like he was going to hit Lucas, then Lucas would give in and tell him anything that Dan wanted to know.

"Fine! during practice today, Whitey changed the line up, and switched me and Nathan's spots."

"He what! You told him that you didn't want to switch, right?" Lucas looked at the ground, he wasn't in any mood to fight with Dan tonight. When Lucas didn't answer his question, Dan got the hint that he didn't.

"Damnit Lucas! Don't you see? You don't have the skill or talent that Nathan has, you can't play at his level, Hell, you couldn't even pretend to!"

Whitey sat in his office, quite pleased with how his plan was working out. But he had a feeling he would be getting a call from Danny, bitching about how better Nathan was than Lucas. He wasn't prepared for how soon the call would come though. The phone on his desk rang.

"What are you thinking? Giving Lucas a spot like that. He can't play at that caliber. If you know what's good for the team, then you would put Lucas back in his old position, or better yet, on the bench. The scouts will be wathcing like a hawk this year, and I can't have Lucas getting in the way." Dan vented to the old pompous windbag, better know as Whitey "Brian" Durham.

"Well hello to you too Danny. And I have to repeat your question. What is your problem? I put your son in that spot for a reason, we are playing a weaker team tomorrow and Lucas will be able to play against them just fine, but I thought that maybe, if I put Lucas there, then maybe you might be proud of him, instead of hitting and demeaning him. But clearly, I thought wrong. As for the scouts, there will be plenty of games, and both your sons, and all the boys on the team will get their chances. And if you give Lucas a hard time for it, then Tree Hill will find out that Dan Scott is a souless bastard who hits kids, and works them so hard that they puke." Whitey slammed the phone down in anger.

Why did Danny have to give the kid such a hard time. When he confronted the man about a few of Lucas's bruises, Danny just said that it was his way to keep Lucas in line. Whitey knew that Lucas was a bit rebellious, but he also knew that it was Lucas's indirect way of crying for help, and attention.

Sometimes Whitey wondered if Dan really did have a heart. And he noticed that recently, Deb hadn't been much better with the boy. A few times when he would see a bruise on Lucas's back, or on his face, he had to resist the overwhelming temptation to take Lucas and Nathan away from that house and Dan.

From the moment he'd talked to Lucas when he wanted to join the team, he'd felt a fatherly protectiveness towards Lucas. Some of it came from how much he cared for Karen, and his guilt for encouraging Dan to move on to college and take the scholarship. But he also knew the horrible things that were the real cause of Karen's death. Now he was trying to make it up to the boy.

In his room, Lucas sat on his bed, attempting to start on the killer load of homework that had built up. Even if he was giving up on everything else in his life but Brooke and basketball, he would never let his grades lower. School work was one thing that his mother found extremely important, and he would never want to disappoint her.

Nathan came barging into his room randomly.

"What now Nate?" He asked, agitated.

"Dad is pissed at you. Coach woudn't put you back where you belong."

"How is this my fault?" Lucas hadn't taken his Zoloft this afternoon, and he was more emotional than usual. The pill never actually made his feelings lighter, it just turned them on mute.

"Because Luke, you still could have said that you didn't want my spot. There are going to be a bunch of scouts this year, and noone wants a suckass player like you in the way.

Lucas would admit it, that statement hurt. Because he wanted nothing more than to please his father, and basketball might have been the way to do it.

But Dan, his own father, thought that he was a horrible basketball player that didn't deserve to be on the team. Maybe if Dan had offered to send him to those basketball camps every summer, like he did with Nathan, then maybe Lucas wouldn't have to practice at the rivercourt for hours on end. He wasn't allowed to play on the Scott's private court, even when Nathan wasn't out there. It was only reserved for Nathan and his buddies.

Sometimes after practice, he would stay after and practice with Whitey, who gave him pointers on his game and a significant boost in his self-esteem. He would also help Brooke learn to play basketball, but she would only agree if he would learn one of her cheers.

Whitey also taught him ways to not let his father get to him, but Dan always found ways to get around that and push his buttons more and more.

Dinner that night was tense. Dan continues giving Lucas an evil eye, and Nathan a praising look.

"So Lucas, I talked to Whitey today, you know, about your new spot. He said it was all a big mix up, and he meant to say that it was the Rafe kid who was supposed to take your spot, and you were just supposed to sit on the bench." Dan said while grinning.

Dropping his spoon, Lucas glanced a steely, hard, glare at his father.

"Don't look so suprised,Whitey, me, Nathan, the whole team, everyone knows that you suck." Lucas's gaze was lowered down to the table.

"Well, maybe if you gave me half the things you gave Nathan..." Lucas mumbled angrily into his bowl of homemade stew that Deb made. Lucas knew that it was the recipe that his mother made. Deb had ripped it off, trying to pass it off as her own. But Lucas would always know better.

"What was that Lucas? Did you not understand? You are lucky to be here. Not just in this house, but on this planet. Your mother was at the abortion clinic. But she chickened out at the last minute. We had agreed that we didn't want you, and you were to be aborted. So I wouldn't be complaining if I were you, I would be counting my lucky stars that I was even alive."

Lucas held a stricken look on his face, and the pain that erupted in his chest, and spread to every fiber of his being was unbearable. No one had wanted him. He was mere minutes from being non-existent. All of those years with his mother were now tainted with the fact that she had never wanted him to be born. The harsh statement even got a reaction out of Deb.

"Goodness Dan, we promised that we would never tell him."

Suddenly, Lucas wanted to cry, like a little baby, and throw a hissy fit to release all of his rage. He hadn't felt pain this severe since he found his mother when he was 14.

"Uh, I gotta go do... I just gotta go." He stood up quickly, and searching his front hoodie pocket for is car keys. As fast as he could, with screeching tires, he got away form that house.

Minutes later of speeding, he ended up at the massive white house, with the black shutters, and the eccentric red door.

Knocking as hard as he could, some annoyed servant finally answered the door.

"I really need to speak with Brooke." He said, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

"You are the Scott boy, right? Go ahead, she is in her room." The woman said in an accent that he hardly understood.

Lucas sprinted up to her room. He would have gone through her window, but when Brooke's father had confronted him on not using that enteance, and had literlly threatened him with bodily harm, Lucas never used that way again.

He knocked on her door excessively, till a clearly agitated Brooke answered the door. Her agitation faded, when she saw his distressed form at her door.

"Luke,omg, what happened? What's wrong?" She asked while ushering him into her room, and leading him to her bed. She was incredibly worried about what had him so sad. He didn't appear to have any more bruises other than the ones already acquired. This wasn't a physical problem, this was emotional and mental. And Deb and Nathan could get a reaction this powerful from Lucas, so this either had to be about Dan, or Karen. Or even worse, both.

"Just calm down and tell me what happened Luke." He was now laying on his stomach on her bed, finally feeling free to cry. So he finally let the tears seep into the comforter on Brooke's bed.

"They didn't want me, either of them. No wonder she killed herself. She never wanted me in the first place..." He sobbed into the bed.

When he wouldn't elaborate on the words, she lifted his head up off of her bed, and looked into his teary eyes.

"You'll be okay Lucas. Just please, please, tell me what's wrong." She whispered, and kissed his forehead. The kiss alone made him feel a small bit better.

"Dan, he told me that he and my mother hadn't wanted me, they had both agreed on an abortion to get rid of me. If I were them, I would have too." He stammered out.

After he was some what relaxed, she rested his head on her stomach, and put a blanket over him. He was falling into a restless sleep, but not before whispering. "I love you Brooke."

"I love you too Lucas." She said back, and kissed between his brow.

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Okay, major filler chapter. I got bored today, and I am on a roll with my writing, so I thought my wonderful readers deserved an ud. Love Kendall

Next time.

-The big game.

-Brucas, jaley, pathan action?

-Secrets come out

-Gotta Love Keith.


	9. Show Me When To Run Away

WARNING! This chapter contains mentions of rape. I am deeply sorry if this offends anyone, or makes them uncomfortable. I offer my deepest apoligies if it does. Please do not read if so. Thanks. Love Kendall

I don't own anything

The next morning, Robert Davis heard a knock on his front door. Sighing, he opened the door and saw a very annoyed Dan Scott.

"Hello Dan, what are you doing here so early?" He asked poiltely to his usual weekend golfing partner. Why would Dan be here? Surely that troublesome bastard boy of his hadn't stayed here last night. He had threatened the boy to never do that.

"I can't find Lucas. And I figured since Brooke is his only friend, that this is the most logical place that he would go..." Dan was getting agitated, this was the last thing that he needed right now, was for Lucas to run away. He did feel a large amount of guilt for telling the boy that he and his mother had agreed to abort him. And right now he was worried sick for what the boy might do to himself or someone else in the rage they had seen last night.

"I'm not sure where he is, maybe we should go check Brooke's room, and make sure those kids aren't doing anything." Robert joked, but he was really saying in his mind. "Let's go see that my child is more mature and responsible than yours. Brookie would never do anything like that. But I bet your boy would"

They knocked on Brooke's door, and didn't hear any movement. That was strange though, usually, he would hear Brooke's hair dryer, or her complaining that her shoes didn't match her lip gloss.

Practicing his parental authority he had rarely ever shown, he barged into her room, without permission.

Both parents were unpleasantly suprised to see the sight on the bed.

On the bed was Brooke laying on her back peacefully, with Lucas's head still on her stomach. There was a blanket laying over an unmoving Lucas, who was snoring softly. Brooke's hand was rested on the side of Lucas's face, like she was a mother trying to protect her child from the world.

"LUCAS!" Dan yelled. Brooke stirred, but the teenage boy stayed asleep. He did look rather sleep deprived. Dan felt guilty at this, knowing he was probably the one that caused the sleepless nights that they boy often experienced.

Dan walked over to his son, and smacked him in the back of his head. "Wake the hell up!" He yelled into the boy's ear. Brooke held Lucas's head closer to her abdomen, trying to keep him out of harm, namely Dan's way.

"What?..." Lucas groaned, very disoriented. He looked around, and the bright pink room assaulted his eyes. But what was a worst sight was the blue eyes that appeared infront of him, the eyes mirrored his own.

"Get up Lucas, NOW!" He yelled at his boy. Lucas was very startled, he hated when Dan woke him up. I was like someone throwing a bag of hammers on you while you were in bed. When Lucas just layed there, staring at him, Dan put his hand in a back swing." As soon as Lucas cowered in fear, Dan smirked, loving the control.

"Good, now get your lazy ass up." Dan gritted his teeth. Lucas was afraid of what his father would do, but more afraid of what Brooke might see. Brooke had never actually witnessed the small abuse he recieved from his father.

"Dad, not now..." He mumbled.

"Why not now Lucas, we could have had all night if you hadn't been a whiny baby, and had to run to your little girlfriend. So come on, let's go home." He said coldly as Lucas slowly got up.

"I'll see you at school Luke." Brooke whispered, scared of letting Lucas go home with Dan. She didn't know the kind of damage Dan would do to him, if he didn't hit Lucas when they got home, then Dan would say something that would encourage Lucas to go get drunk later that night after the game.

"Oh no you won't Brooke. I don't think that you and Luke should be friends anymore. Right Dan?" Both Brooke and Lucas looked stricken.

"What dad, why? Me and Luke are best friends, you can't just tear us apart like this. We won't let you. How could you do this?" Brooke yelled dramatically, she would not be torn apart from Lucas. That boy needed her, and she needed him just as much.

"Brooke, Lucas is a trouble maker, no offense Dan, and he is just trying to ruin your future. Brookie, what has he ever done for you except dump his problems on you. What ever happened to that nice Haley girl, and all of those friends. Tell me what got into you that you wanted to be friends with 'him'."

That was officially the last straw for Brooke, no one would go on accusing Lucas for things that they had no control over. And as for everything Lucas had done for her, helping him with all of his problems didn't seem like enough for everything he had done for her.

"Do you want to know everything that Lucas has done for me? Dad, do you even remember what happened last year? I bet you don't, so let me remind you. I was raped. I was 15, and I was raped. I had an older boyfriend, but you didn't care like most fathers would, Lucas did though, he warned my boyfriend, and I thought he was crazy, Kurt seemed like a nice guy, but he raped me. I had never been so traumatized, and Lucas saved me. He also confronted Kurt about it, and got the living life beat out of him, but you didn't notice Dan. Lucas saved me from losing myself in drinking, drugs, and all sorts of things that you should never know about. So don't ever think that Lucas has done nothing, if anything, he's done more than you could ever hope to."

Lucas was shocked at the outburst coming from his best friend. She had never openly spoke out about her being raped by Kurt. It had always been her biggest demon, and to hear her yell at her father about it, made him worried, but he was also glad. He was elated because one of his biggest worries was that Brooke would never talk about it, and keep it bottled inside of her.

Robert was so suprised that his little baby girl felt so strongly about this. And he literally had no idea that Lucas held such a high place in Brooke's heart. He had always thought that the kid was just trying to bring down his innocent girl. He was starting to rethink the decision to tear these two apart, and he had to admit it, if they got together, they would make a pretty cute couple. Looking at Dan, he wanted to see if the other man wanted to take back the choice. But the look on Dan's face made him sure that he was going full force with ripping this friendship to shreds.

Dan peered over at his son, who looked systematically destroyed, and for a second, he thought he saw Karen in his eyes. But when taking a double take, he only saw Lucas standing there, like he was trying to hold back any emotion, but Dan could easily see that he was failing miserably. He didn't know why he was trying to rip this part of his son's life to shreds and throw it in his face, he really didn't. Maybe it was because he envied Lucas, yes, he envied his son for knowing Karen, and how sweet she was for 14 whole years, while Dan got dirty looks when he would walk by the cafe.

He was sort of excited when Lucas moved in, mostly because he thought that he would get a reincarnation of Karen in male form, he sweet caring would be transferred into Lucas, but he didn't get Karen, he got Lucas the individual. Now because of his selfishness about not having Karen, then he didn't want Lucas either, Lucas was too far gone to ever got back. The sad part was, Dan was finally seeing the light that his son needed him, even if it did not look like Lucas wanted him as a father. But sometimes, the needs are the things that you don't want to need at all.

"Daddy, please don't do this. We need eachother..." Brooke was starting to break down crying.

Lucas moved from the spot by his father, over to Brooke, only to have his elbow grabbed by Dan, and be pulled back to his spot. It was weird to Lucas though, the grasp, and the pull held none of the hostility and roughness that usually accompanied it.

Dan was basking in touching his son kindly, it had been so long since he had held contact with the boy without striking him. But mostly, he hadn't let the boy move because it felt nice to have his son near him, like father and son should be able to without mean words, or lashing out physically, and emotionally.

Robert and Dan calught eyes for a few seconds, it appeated that both both were having second thoughts about ending the friendship that both of their children held so dearly to their hearts.

One movement ended the threat of the end of the relationship, just one symbolic movement that seemed to be in slow motion to everyone in the room.

Dan dropped his son's arm from his grasp, signaling for him to go to the girl he clearly loved. Lucas made no hesitation to run to Brooke, who welcomed him with open arms. The friends hugged eachother tightly, afraid to let go. None of the people in the room noticed the tears making a silent path down Lucas's face. He was crying because the threat of someone else leaving, and the feeling of being completely alone had been entirely too close to his soul. It had been so close that he could smell it's stench, it was the same stench that accompanied his mother's death.

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"Come on Lucas, we have to get you to school, we don't want you to have to miss the big game tonight." Dan spoke softly to his son, who was in his room, changing for school.

"What is taking you so long Luke?" He said still waitng for his son to get dressed. Finally his son opened the door timidly, dressed, but the plain navy tie, hanging untied around his neck.

"I don't know how to tie a tie..." He whispered, still testing waters of nice Dan that actually was civil to him.

Dan was wondering how Lucas didn't know how to tie a tie. Then it hit him, all of those fancy events they had taken Nathan to, they left Lucas home alone. Dan hadn't wanted to deal with all of the questions that came along with Lucas. But now he realized that it had seemed like he was ashamed of Lucas, and he never was.

"Come here." He said with a smile on his face. Lightly, he took the two ends of the tie and bagan to tie it, loving the close contact with his son. And he also was enjoying the quiet comfortableness that had settled between them.

By this time, Lucas was fearing that his father would try to strangle him with the piece of fabric hanging from his neck. He had once heard Dan say to Deb once that if he could change Lucas's existence, he would. A sick and twisted thought crossed his mind. "Well come on daddy, here's your chance, change my existence, do it, I dare you!" But Dan never did, all he did was nicely tie the knot around his neck.

"Here ya go Luke, is that loose enough?" Lucas wanted te scream at his father, and ask him all sorts of questions, starting with if he was bi-polar. What made this sudden change? And the one question that surrounded Lucas's life the most.

WHY?

"Yeah, thanks..." Lucas still looked at the knot, seeing if at any second Dan would pull it tight and choke him to death, and Lucas almost wanted that to happen. Anything was better than this world that was completely different, atleast if Dan had tried to strangle him, it would have made sense. "What the hell is my problem? Damn Luke, you need so much help. Too bad daddy is too ashamed of you to admit that you are a mess."

"Come on Luke, I'll drive you to school, Nathan already left, and you'll just have to drive back to the shcool later to get your car." He motioned to his boy, who was standing rigidly, . his tie, almost as if he was expecting it to tighten suddenly, and kill him.

"Okay," The boy said quietly after a few moments. And in his mind, he was damning Whitey requiring the boys play dress up on game days. And on those days before, Brooke had helped him, saying he had no fashion sense.

The car ride was so tense, Lucas almost wanted to put down the window, just to be able to breathe. And it wasn't jus the tension in the car, it was the damned knot around his neck. Why was this still making him nervous? Brooke had tied it before, and he was fine. It had to be his father's kind touch he was so unfamiliar with. He had to get out of here or he was going to suffocate.

Once Lucas was in the school, he pulled the knot loose, seeing if it would help him breathe, but Dan's touch still lingered. This was making him sick, that was supposed to be a father son moment, and it would have been if Dan hadn't caused him more pain than he could ever imagine. But he had, and now his touch was like poison, slowly killing him.

"Hey Luke, how pissed was dad this morning, when he got you from Brooke's house?" Nathan confronted him at his locker. Lucas was already seething from Dan playing nice, and he would have turned around and slugged him, if it weren't for the game he so desperately desired to perform well in.

"He was horrible, hit me a few times, called me worthless, you know the drill." He replied emtionlessly. He knew not to show any weakness to Nathan, or give him any ammumnition. And if he palyed emotionless, then Nathan would take the hint to leave him alone. Either that, ot the btotherly intuition would kick in, and he would actually notice that Lucas was not alright, but rather suffocating slowly.

"Nathan, can I ask you some..."Lucas started cautiously, he was going to ask some questions about the father they shared, but was interrupted at the last minute, by the curly blonde girl he had met a few days ago.

" Hey Nate, I was wondering where the tutoring center was." She said shyly, she was quickly developing a crush on this guy, who seemed to own the halls of THHS.

"Yeah Peyt,this way, just follow me." He locked hands with her, in a more than friendly gesture.

"Sure Nate, see ya later..." Lucas whispered into his locker, while looking for his stupid British Literature book. He was jealous that he had to fight for his own brother's attention, while that new girl could instantly come up, and sweep him away. A soft touch on his upper back brought his out if his self induced pity party.

Jerking out of his locker, he hit the back of his head on the top, letting out a yelp. That had been the place that his daddy, had so cruely smacked him that morning. How could a man go from borderline abuse, to trying the waters of a relationship with his son.

"Sorry Brooke, I'm just kinda touchy, I stopped taking my pills, and now everything is just like making me jump, and scaring me." Lucas actually had quit on the anti depressants, he was finding the temptation to OD overwhelming. So he locked the bottle up.

One night, he had just finished a grueling fight with his father, and was literally shaking with rage, so he took another pill, then another, and then he started to feel so good, why not 10 more? When he got to the point where he was staggering across the room, he fell to his knees and started crawling to the bathroom, and he stuck his fingers down his throat to throw everything back up. He was so ashamed of himself, sitting on the floor, sweat drenching his whole body, making his clothes stick to his body. At that point he decided that he couldn't handle it, taking only one pill. So he completely cut himself off, becasue this would push Brooke away, and the last thing that Lucas ever wanted to do was disappoint Brooke.

"Why Lucas, why would you stop taking them. You know how Dan gets when you don't take the Zoloft." She almost started crying, she hated it when Dan would hurt him, but it seemed that lately, Lucas was asking for it. She had to calm him down before Dan lost himself, and really hurt Lucas.

"I just can't take them anymore Brooke. And right now, I think Dan is more concerned in making me liking him, dude, he's stepford dad now, and I hate it." Brooke instantly took him into her arms.

"Luke, maybe he finally woke up, and realized what a great son you are. That bug probably crawled out of his ass. If you want to give him a chance, I think you should, and if it turns out he has motives, then chalk it up, and say you tried, but maybe he really wants to know you."

"Brooke, I'm just afraid that if I get to know him, then I give him all the ammunition to hurt me, and I don't want that. But at the same time, what if it is true, and he really wants to know me, and I push him away like I do everyone."

"Lucas, it is entirely up to you. But I will help you make the decision, not right now though, because you have to get your ass to class, or you don't play tonight."

The thought of the game tonight made Lucas think, if he did well tonight, and Dan wasn't mean, then maybe this new Stepford Dan was real. He would just have to wait and see. But the waiting was making him choke, like the touch of Dan.

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Sorry guys, I will get Keith in there next time, I have the perfect place to put him, the game will be next time. But I think that I will let you decide, should the new Dan be real, and not have motives, or should Dan Dan the evil man, come back. Your choice guys. Please review, Love Kendall


	10. Release Me From My Dirty Cage

I Don't own anything. Okay, I tallied up the votes, and Nice Dan won. He got 13 votes. Mean Dan got 4 votes, and a middle Dan got 3 votes. Thanks for all the great reviews, Love Kendall

Game Time... The air was thick and tense, as Lucas looked at his father, he could almost feel the vice like grip that Dan had around his wind pipe.

"Thump, Thump, Thump..." Lucas heard, it was the only thing he could hear, and whether it was the basketballs bouncing around the gym, or the beat of his heart, he couldn't tell. Both sounds were pounding loudly, and rapidly.

The Ravens had traveled from Tree Hill, all the way to Bear Creek in their beat up old activity bus with no aor conditioning, and Whitey's favorite old country gospel tape stuck in the tape deck.

Bear Creek was a nice small town, where everyone knew everyone, but unlike Tree Hill, people kept their business to themselves. No, this was nothing like Tree Hill, or Pickerington. Sometimes Lucas would have preferred to grow up in Bear Creek, where he wouldn't have to hear the words 'illegitimate' 'bastard', and other slanderous words that were chucked at him since before he even knew what they meant.

Lucas scanned the other side of the floor, where the other team was practicing. Whitey was right, the team was mostly small freshmen, who were staring frightened at Nathan.

"It's not Nathan you should be afraid of, it's Dan, he hates me, he wants to choke me, help me get away from Dan." He yelled in his mind, but a gruff voice interuppted him.

"Luke, quit starin' at 'em, you'll be fine!" It was Whitey.

Lucas turned back to look at his coach, but his line of sight never made it to the old man, instead, it landed on his father, who was sitting courtside, just mere feet away from Whitey.

Dan gave him a smile that seemed to be from a proud father, to his son, but Lucas could have sworn he saw fangs poking out the sides of his father's mouth.

"Why was he so nervous about tonight? All of his other games, he was never this on edge. But tonight it seemed that he was strung up, and pulled tight.

"Because Luke, all of those other nighs, you never had Dan's attention and affection, this is make or break Luke. You either do well tonight, and Dan will continue to love you, or you disappoint him like you usually do, and he goes back to hating you. Damn, stop acting like the affection starved child that you are. Dan hates you, he always will, deal with it." Some how, his little pep talk with himself, didn't help with his nerves.

When on the boring bus ride to Bear Creek, Lucas figured out how to tell if Dan was showing his true colors right now. Basketball. If there was one thing that Dan always lost control with, it was basketball.

"Ok ready? Win on three. One...Two...Thee... WIN" The word 'win' echoed in his mind, and it slowly turned into Dan's voice in his mind, repeating, win, win, win, win. Then finally, "Win, or I will never love you..."

A fire ignited inside of his heart, one he had never felt before, it heated his soul, and every fiber of his being. Dan would love him, he would, he would have to. Lucas would make him.

"Lucas, Lucas, Lucas, hey Scott!" He heard Whitey yelling his name, but for a few eternally long seconds, he thought that it was his mother calling his name.

By the time half time rolled around, Lucas was playing the game of his life. Every move he made was graceful, precise, and had a critical role in all the plays. He had scored 21 of the Raven's 40 points. Sweat poured ouf of every pore that covered his body. But that fire that sparked at tip off, had not withered, but had grown. Dan had to love him after this. He just had to.

Brooke watched from the sidelines as a cheerleader. She was starting to worry about her best friend, he looked like he was working himself to the bone. It had to be Dan, only Dan could got such a strong reaction from Lucas.

Something about Lucas seemed different tonight, all of his other games where she would cheer for him, he would never have such motivation to play, he would score a few points, make a few good plays, but never how he was playing tonight. She was starting to get intruiged, Lucas was very good looking, and he was different than all of the other guys, she knew that from the beginning. But she had dismissed the thought, knowing that Lucas had way too much in his life to worry about a girlfriend, especially someone like her.

Nathan was amazed at how his brother was playing that night, it was simply incredible. Where had Lucas learned to play like this? Because this was not the Lucas that he was familiar with.

"Go Nathan!" He heard one of the cheerleaders yell, but he looked over, none of the cheerleaders were paying attention, they were all sitting on the ground stretching.

Looking around, he found the culprit. The current reciever of his attention. The curly blonde was looking quite cheerful. Something Nathan had never seen from her. He loved her smile, and her cute little dimples, it was what made him start moving more in the game now, he had to make Peyton proud. It wasn't about his father anymore.

"Lucas, you okay there son?" Whitey said softly as Lucas almost inhaled his cup of water.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just have to pick up my game a bit more, and everything will be okay." Whitey was growing quite concerned. This boy was pushing himself to major physical limitations, and he knew it was all just to try to make Dan proud. He had seen this sort of behavior from Nathan many times before.

"Luke, kid, you're doing fine, just keep up the good work, don't try to do any better, we have this game wrapped up. Don't wear yourself out for nothing." He patted the kid on the back, trying to get him to calm down. He was ready to smack Dan for doing this to his kids.

After the whole chant, he heard the word 'win' again.

"Win, or I will never love you." The words seemed so real, he even looked over at his father, who saw him lightly pumping his fist, telling him to keep it up. But to Lucas, it seemed that his throat was trapped inside of his father's fist. Dan was trying to choke him again.

"Win, or I will never love you." The fire grew bigger, as if Dan telling him good job threw gasoline on the internal fire.

"Come on guys, wrap this game up, you guys can do it." And they did, the Ravens ended up winning 61-36. Mostly thanks to Lucas and Nathan, who understood eachother on the court, and they almost knew every move that the other would make. Whitey was very proud of the brothers. They finally worked together as a team.

After the boys all took showers, Dan and Deb met Nathan and Lucas outside the locker room.

"I'm very proud of both of you boys..." What ever else Dan had said was mush for Lucas, for Dan had said the one thing he had desired to hear for so many long years.

"Nate, why don't you ride with your mom, I want to have a talk with Lucas." Lucas almost puked at the Mrs. Fields gone wrong voice that his father was using.

"Here it comes Luke, he was never proud of you, ever, he is going to say that he never wanted a loser like you for a son. This was never true. Any of it. After he says that, he will strangle you. He hates you. He hates you. Brooke is the only one that loves you, and that is only as a friend. Damn, you are so stupid to fall for this. Maybe I can forget when I get home, yeah that's it, I'll just take somemore Zoloft, and it will make me forget."

Once they got in the car, Lucas instantly went for the radio control, he needed something on his side if he was going to survive this tear down. He needed something to keep his mind off of the pain.

"Lucas, chill out a little bit kid..." Dan said as his son's shaking hands were still attached to the radio controls, trying to find a decent station.

"Don't call me kid." Lucas replied angrily, it was like Dan was going out of his way just to not call him by his name. Dan would call him kid all those years he had stayed in this miserable enviorment.

"I'm sorry Luke, relax, I'm not going to kill you and throw you in a ditch, I just want to talk to my son."

"I think you got the wrong car..." Lucas knew that he was beginning to be unreasonable, but Dan didn't realize that he had no reason to trust him, Dan had done everything to ruin any microfiber of trust he might have for him.

"No, Lucas I want to talk to you, tell you how proud of you I am tonight. I have never seen such passion from a player, not even Nathan, sometimes I wonder if he doesn't want to play basketball anymore." Lucas started laughing shamelessly at this, Nathan hates basketball right now, almost as much as Lucas hates his father.

"Nathan only plays for you now, and he can't get into college with his grades. I thought you knew that." Lucas said angrily, how did Dan say that he wanted to talk to him, but instead, he always makes it about Nathan, I guess that is how Lucas's life always is, Nathan would always be chosen over him.

"I'm not here to talk about Nathan, I want to talk about you Lucas. Why is it so hard for you to believe that?"

"Because you never have wanted to talk to me, not once in the two years that I lived with you, or the 14 with my mom. The most meaningful conversation we have ever had was the one last night where you said that I was never supposed to have been born. That is why it is so hard to believe that you would want to speak to me."

Dan could tell that his son was way beyond angry, and he couldn't blame him. Why had he never took the time for Lucas before? Because Lucas wasn't Karen, and Dan thought in taking in Lucas, would mean he would have part of Karen back. But now, that part of Lucas had long since been shattered from years of torment, abuse, and a cold household where he knew he wasn't accepted.

"Talk to me Lucas, why have you been in so much trouble lately? You have come home drunk more times than I can count, you get in alot of trouble at school, and once you were escorted home by a cop." Dan remembered that night vividly. He had been so pissed that his son was so idiotic to throw a rock at a cop car. But when the officer saw that Lucas was the almighty Dan Scott's son, he lowered the charges significantly. It had still been hell to get that little knuckle head out of trouble.

"I love pissing you off. I enjoy disappointing you. Is that what you want to hear? That I jump with joy when you call me a loser, or a failure." Lucas was building the walls back up again, and then Dan would get pissed, and hit him a few times when he couldn't get through to him, then he would go back to ignoring him.

"Right, go back to being a smart ass Luke, what a great way of pushing people away and running away from your problems. Too damn bad, I won't fall for it." Dan was going to prove Lucas wrong this time, he needed to know that being a smart ass wouldn't push him away, like it did everyone else.

"You talk about me running away from my problems, you are a f hypocrite. You run away from my mother, and get another woman pregnant. You ran away from me when I moved in because you are a coward. So shut up about me running away." He was doing his best to see if his father would go back to his evil self, but so far, the new Dan kept composure, and right now, Lucas wasn't sure he could handle that.

"You can say all you want to me, but one of these days, you might realize that when you keep pushing away people, then people won't come back, please just let me in."

"Would you STOP with the mushy father crap, I don't want you as my father, I thought you would have realized that a long time ago. Besides, you haven't shown any interest in being my father for 17 years, why start now?" Dan couldn't see it, but Lucas was close to tears. He was so thankful that the car was dark.

"You may not want me as your father, but whether you know it or not, you need me as your father."

"I don't need you, I thought you would love me though, after tonight's game. But what was I thinking? You won't ever love me."

"Do you have your Zoloft Luke?" Dan asked, he knew Lucas was getting emotionally exhausted, and he needed that pill. He had noticed that Lucas was acting different lately.

"Now you're starting to sound like Deb, cause god knows that is all she cares about..." Dan gave him a look that told him to watch it. So he sighed, quit his smart attitiude, and answered his father.

"I don't have it with me. It's in my room..." He whined to his father. He knew very well that the man would be pissed off that he wasn't talking his pills. But the threat of him overdosing was too large. He was very knew himself well enough to know that he was already having a hard enough time without the pills, but he couldn't stand taking controlled amounts. He just couldn't without wanting to OD, he would want to OD again, just to forget for a few seconds. That's all he wanted. Was to forget, even if it was only for a small amount of time.

"Have you stopped taking your pills? You know that you need to take them" Dan looked over at his son, who was starting to get physically tired. That draining basketball game was taking it's toll.

"Yeah, whatever..." Lucas said, while trying to stifle a yawn. Sleep was trying to take him away, away from this conversation.

"Go to sleep Luke, I'll wake you up when we get there." He spoke lightly, and looked over at the boy, who had his head rested on the center compartment.

"I'm sorry Dad, so sorry I couldn't make you love me..." Before Lucas could finish his sentence, a wave of sleep came over him, pulling him away.

Dan watched his son wistfully, loving how the moonlight accented his angelic young features. Lightly, he ran his hands over the boy's face and hair, putting his hand in the same position that Brooke's was in that same morning.

Why was it so hard for Lucas to understand that he was just trying to be a father after all these years?

"Because you abused, tormented, destroyed, shattered, and isolated the kid for so many years, and now that you want repentance, the kid closed himself off. But he still wants you to love him, he never gave up hope for that. You still might have a chance."

It broke Dan's heart that Lucas was sorry, his boy had nothing to be sorry about. But he couldn't seem to get it through his son's thick head that he wanted another chance with him.

Taking out his cell phone, he scrolled through his phone book, going past all the clients, and consultants. Until he found the entry he had been looking for. Hesitatiny slightly, he glanced down to Lucas, who was starting to snore slightly, bringing a wistful smile to his face.

"This had to be done." He told himself.

"If I can't give Lucas what he needs right now, then I will have to find someone who can" Sighing, he pressed the glowing green send button.

"Hey, Keith, It's me Danny, I was wondering if you could come to Tree Hill for a few weeks." He saw Lucas start to become restless.

"I'm doing this for you. You don't have to be sorry, I love you." He whispered after Keith hung up the phone. His brother was agreeing to come to Tree Hill for a few weeks, to take care of Lucas, and give him the sort of father figure that he needed.

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Keith Scott hung up the phone solemnly in his Californian home. His little brother Danny was wanting him to travel to Tree Hill for a few weeks to take care of his kid.

He looked around at his large, comfortable loft that he acquired from the large amounts of cash he rolled in. He made his living as a prestigious therapist, one of the most successful ones on the west coast. And now he was booking a ticket to go take care of the poor kid that got stuck with Dan after his mother killed himself.

Keith loved his brother to death, but sometimes he wondered how he got himself into these messes. He couldn't just be nice to a boy that was severely suffering. He had met Lucas once over the two years he had lived with Danny, but Lucas only said a few words to him, but when he looked into the boy's eyes, he saw a desperate and pleading look.

Why hadn't he seen how much the boy was suffering before? It was so obvious, but he had never paid attention.

"I'm coming Luke..." He whispered to himself. Keith really wanted the boy to be okay when he got there.

---------------------------------

"We're here Luke, come on son, wake up." He said softly, he was trying to be much gentler than he had been that morning. He was nudging the boy's shoulder, but clearly he had gotten the heavy sleeper gene from him.

"Come on Luke, please." Then he realized how stupid he sounded, begging a sleeping teenager to wake up. Groaning, he knew that there was no chance that Lucas was going to wake up any time soon, and that the kid had to be physically, emotionally, and mentally, exhausted.

He grabbed his son from under his legs and shoulders, and lifted him up, careful not to hit any of his long limbs on the car door. At that moment, and that contact with his son, he knew how much he loved Lucas, and how much he had royally screwed up.

As soon as he got the boy in his bed, and comfortably under the blankets, he kneeled at the bed side, and smiled, Lucas's restlesness had ceased, leaving him in a deep sleep.

"I'm getting you some help, I just wish it was me helping you. I wish you would let me help you. I love you, night Luke."

Nathan watched from his bedroom door, unnoticed. He felt the jealousy burning through his face. His father was never this nice with him. Maybe it was him, not Lucas, who was the prouct of a mistake, and maybe it was him who was supposed to be the bastard, not Lucas. And now, he understood his brother's feeling of being unwanted.

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Okay guys, not my best work, and I really apologize for lack of couple action. I am just on a writing roll with Scott angst. I hope you liked it though, Please review. Love Kendall


	11. Don't Look Back In Anger

I Don't Own Anything

A very tired looking Dan Scott entered the master bedroom, where his wife resided. The dimly lit room only made him want to fall asleep faster. It seemed Lucas wasn't the only one exhausted from their draining conversation.

"I called Keith tonight." He spoke to Deb as if he were in a trance.

Deb looked up from her book, very alarmed. Why would Dan call Keith? She started to panic.

Keith had been the only one that she had ever told about her affair, and her abortion. Unconciously, she touched her stomach, secretly longing for the child she had never given the chance to live.

"Why, is something wrong?" She would try her best to convince him to not have Keith come, sure she loved her brother in law, but he could ruin her stable existence.

"Lucas, he is really messed up, and I think it is finally time to get him some for him to get some therapy. But I want to keep the issues inside the family." He still spoke softly, the looks on his son's face that night still embedded inside his mind, binding whatever feelings he had before about the boy.

"Why now, after these years, why now would you want him to have therapy, I suggested it a few years ago, but the only thing that you said was that he should have the anti depressants. So tell me Dan, why now?" She was starting to get angry. The Zoloft had obviously not worked for the boy, so now that he wanted to get his son some help, he was still too ashamed of Lucas to have him see a professional outside of the family.

"I think I might have uncovered alot of ground with him today, and I think I know why he has been getting into so much trouble lately, attention. He wants my attention. Why? I don't know...but I think that it is time to get him something to deal with his issues. The pill isn't doing it for him anymore." At this point, Deb wanted to scream at her husband, how could he be so clueless, that the pill that they practically shoved down Lucas's throat had never helped him, but it had only given him one more reason not to trust them.

"How was the ride with Nathan?" Dan queried after a few minutes of silence, filled with unsaid words between the couple. All the untold truths, and biting lies were hanging like air pollution in the air.

"Oh, it was great bonding time, I don't think that I have ever had such an insightful conversation with him in years. He asked me about girl stuff, and how to understand girls. It was nice to be able to have such a great time bonding with him." Dan listened jealously, he had wished that his conversation with Lucas would have gone half way as well as Deb's did with Nathan. But Dan knew he should't expect much from the boy he tortured for the better part of 16 years.

"Yeah, that's great..." He said wistfully, all the while thinking about his two boys.

----------------------------------------

"Brooke, I still don't see why you didn't tell me that you were having such a hard time with this, I'm your father, and you can come to me." Robert Davis stood in the middle of the living room with his daughter, both fighting over the morning's events.

"Since when are you my father? I have needed you so many times in my life, but you always blow me off for your work! And now that something happens to me, you figure that you want to be my father. Is this what has to happen, I have to be raped for you to pay attention to me, and be a father!" She screamed, tears falling from her eyes.

"No, Brookie, I love you sweetie, you just grew up into such and independent little girl, and I am so proud of that. I am not very proud of myself though, because you are right, I have never made it clear to you in the past few years that I am here for you. I'm sorry Brooke, I love you so much, you are still my little girl." He moved into hug her, but it appeared that Brooke still had some things to get off of her chest.

"You can't do that daddy! You can't just come back and apologize now, you know that you wouldn't have done this if you hadn't known I was raped. Please, just stop." She cried, moving away from her father's attepmt to hug her.

"Brooke, sweetie, I know that you won't forgive me for this right now. I don't expect you to. But you have to know that I love you. I will try to be a better father to you now. I hope you will decide to forgive me for not being there for you."

"Daddy, I won't forgive you for this, or for trying to keep me away from Lucas. When will you realize that we need eachother? Lucas is my best friend, and I will not stand for you insulting him, or calling him a trouble maker. I know that you I am to good for him. Don't you? I can't believe you!" Brooke turned around and started to leave the living room, and head for her room.

"Brooke, sweetie, wait. I have to admit, yes I do...did think that my little girl was to good for him, but no one is good enough for my little princess. The only reason I wanted to keep you two apart was because I thought he was getting you in trouble. But I was wrong, you two are really close, and you help eachother. I'm so sorry for that." He was now pleading with his daughter.

"I have to give you one thing, you are a better father than Dan Scott." Brooke whispered before turning to leave again.

"Brookie, I'm so sorry I can't make this easy for you, this is one of the times I wish you still had your mother." He whispered, defeated.

Brooke turned on her heels sadly, and went to hug her father.

"I'm sorry daddy. I love you so much." Robert was suprised, but he knew that if anything could get a reaction out of his daughter, it was the mother she had never gotten the chance to know.

"Your mother would have been so proud of you. She loved you so much before she died, never doubt that, I love you so much Brooke." The father and daughter stood together against the world, hugging eachother for dear life.

---------------------------------

Two days later, Sunday, Dan stood in the entry way of his large house, waiting for the airport shuttle that contained his older brother, to show up.

His nerves increased even more when the airport marked van arrived in his circle drive way. The driver got out, and opened the door for Keith, before retrieving his luggage.

Dan savored the first sight he had seen of his brother in over a year. There were a few extra lines on his face, but the friendly Keith that had always protected him as a child, was still there.

He opened the door for his older brother, and immediately pulled him in for a hug, which Keith returned gratefully.

"Why couldn't you pick me up at the airport? To embarrassed to be seen with your older brother?" Keith joked with his little brother.

"I'm sorry I couldn't Keith...It's just that I didn't want Lucas to get too suspicious." Matters quickly turned hard and serious at the mention of Lucas.

"Well Danny, springing a live in therapist for a child who is already on edge isn't exactly the greatest idea ever..."

"Keith, Lucas won't know that you are his therapist, you will be acting as his uncle while you're here, but will be his therapist, undercover. Please do this Keith..."

Before Keith had a chance to reply, Deb walked in with Nathan.

Deb and Keith gave eachother knowing looks. She gave him a pleading look, silently begging him not to tell her husband things that would destroy things between her husband, and her son. Keith gave her a look back that comforted her. I was the look of a confidant.

"Hey, Uncle Keith! What are you doing here?" Nathan broke in, and hugged his uncle.

"I just thought that I would come and suprise my favorite brother, sister-in-law, and nephews. Speaking of which, where is that other nephew of mine?" Keith asked, wondering why the kid didn't come down with the rest of the family.

"Let me get him down here. He must be upstairs reading in his own little world. LUKE, come downstairs please." He yelled up to the next level of the house where his first born son was currently residing.

"F... You Dan!" He heard his son yell back at him. Nathan started bursting into laughter at his brother's misbehavior. Dan blushed slightly, but Keith was concerned about the boy.

"Don't worry Keith, he's a really sweet kid, you've met him before. You told me that it went well with him." Dan was nervous because Lucas's behavior was screaming out Dan's horrible fathering skills.

Keith recalled the event. He had told his brother that things had gone well with Lucas. But what he had never actually told Danny that 'well' was Lucas giving him one word, smart ass answers.

"Yeah, I know. I'll go see him later, we should let him chill out a bit right now." Keith said as he smiled at the other members of his family, but he was still concerned about Lucas, who was right now probably having a panic attack about him being here, invading his life.

--------------------------------

Nathan and Peyton walked silently through Tree Hill park, hands entwined in a friendly gesture. The gesture seemed friendly enough to the friends.

Both were basking in the contact with eachother, wanting to have the contact forever.

The moment was almost perfect, Tree Hill park was completely empty except for the couple, leaving the park silent, and beautiful.

Nathan was trying to resist the urge to touch her cheek, and bring his lips down to her's. But he was too nervous to attempt it.

"Hey Peyt, do you want to go to your house for awhile?" He asked, very curious about Peyton's past, but trying not to be too prying into her life.

"Why don't we go to your house Nate?" She replied nervously, she didn't want to have to expose her past to Nathan yet, even if she did trust him. She was simply afraid that once he saw the way she lived, that he wouldn't want to go anywhere near her anymore.

"Cause, my uncle just arrived, and with my dysfunctional family, I have a feeling that right about now, they are probably trying to get my brother to stop fighting them, then my dad will hit him once or twice, and all will be back to normal in the completely non-normal Scott household."

Nathan rolled off his tongue like it was nothing. Peyton gived him a horrified look. "How could that life be normal to Nathan, having his brother being hit on a regular basis.

"I think you're right, let's go to my house, you'll find out eventually how I live." She sighed reluctantly."

--------------------------------------

Keith stood outside of his nephew's door, the one with the Snow Patrol poster pinned on the door. He knew that this was going to be hard, and that Lucas would be extremely difficult to deal with considering everything.

At this point, Keith started to feel a small amount of guilt, he hadn't been much better with Lucas, he too, had abandoned Lucas for almost two years.

Swallowing back all emotions of guilt, knowing he had to show a sense of strength infront of the boy, he didn't bother knocking before barging into the room unannounced.

"Damnit Dan! Screw You, I thought I told you to stay the hell away from me!" Lucas yelled at hearing and intruder, but he never looked up from his book, to see who the real person invading his privacy was.

Keith was expecting a goth, dark kid painting his nails black, and blasting some heavy metal rock, but what he didn't expect was the blonde kid deeply absorbed into the world of Steinbeck, and light waves of Coldplay coming from his stereo.

"What the hell do you want Keith?" He forced the emoitonless voice after he noticed his uncle.

"What Luke? No welcome to your favorite uncle?" He asked, trying to be a good uncle, but at the same time, trying to examine the boy. But he was finding the mixture of identidies very challenging.

"Oh yeah, three cheers for my favorite absentee uncle!" The rebellious composition was starting to get on Keith's nerves. It was hard to examine the boy without the atmosphere of his office.

"You know that I couldn't be around all the time Luke. I live in California." Keith could see that he was starting to get under Lucas's skin by the way he had slammed his book shut, and his knee was shaking in with either nerves, or repressed emotion. He was satisfied, knowing that getting a reaction from the boy was all he was really striving for in this twisted 'first session'.

"Yeah, but ya know, a phone call would have been nice, I know that you call every week. But you don't ever ask if you can talk to Lucas. You know, when you actually showed an interest in me last year, I sort of expected a follow up, maybe just a hi, or atleast something. But what the hell was I thinking, why would you want to get to know me?" Lucas spoke, releasing some rage and hurt that he had from every week Keith called, he didn't ask to talk to him, or there was no message from Keith saying hi. He would admit it, that was like pourning salt into all of the wounds in his heart.

"Lucas, I didn't think that you liked me, you hardly said 5 words to me when we met, I wasn't sure you had any interest in knowing me." He said, knowing he was throwing fuel into the fire, which was exactly what he wanted to do at the moment. He wanted to see exactly how far he could take the kid without breaking him.

"That's a bunch of BS and you know it! I said that I hoped that I heard from you, is that really that hard?" He asked, he had really missed his uncle over the years, and had really needed to talk to him sometimes. Like the times that he desired to OD on Zoloft. He couldn't tell Brooke that, and expose his dark thoughts and feelings of that sort to her. He had to be strong for her, and not disappoint her. So in the end, he learned to keep those thoughts and feelings to himself, letting them churn in his stomach, making him physically sick.

"I thought you were being sarcastic, and with how that conversation went, I assumed you wanted nothing to do with me, I guess I was wrong."

"You know Keith, for being some expert therapist, you are not very bright. I thought you were supposed to decode this stuff for a living. Of course I wanted to know you, you were possibly the one person who showed interest in being nice to me besides my best friend, but as always, shame on me, for thinking that. I'm sorry I missed you." Lucas admitted, his head now bowed almost between his legs. He was completely serious about being sorry for missing his uncle. He pushed to get people to be around him, and sometimes he forced them, but apparently, a few times they just didn't want to be around him.

Keith smiled, that was what he wanted, was for the kid to admit that he missed him. Satisfied, he pat Lucas on the shoulder a few times, almost as if signaling that he wasn't going to be pushed away by lame defense mechnisms. Then he ruffled his hand through the boy's dirty blonde hair, seeing that he wasn't pulling away.

"You don't have to be sorry" He whispered before turning to leave the room.

-----------------------------

As soon as Keith left his room, Lucas threw the stress ball he had been abusing, straight into his mirror. He had learned to hate his reflection over the years. Thanks to Dan, who had always pointed out his small imperfections, he knew that his reflection was one of his top enemies.

And then there was the new arrival of his 'Uncle Keith', who seemed to think he was all high and mighty, coming into his life unannounced after almost 2 years. And somehow, Keith wanted him to forgive and forget that year and a half of neglect.

Lucas hadn't been expecting anything huge, like weekly conversations for hours with his uncle, sure he wanted that, but he never expected it. Instead, he was hurt that Keith never asked to talk about him, or even asked about him. Yep, Lucas knew all of this, he had eavesdropped on all of the phone calls, just waiting for the mention of his name. But it never happened.

Now he knew that Keith wasn't just here for a visit, there were other motives, it was just coincidental for Keith to come to Tree Hill now that Dan wanted to take an interest in him. Well, it was too damed late, they had neglected him, and now they were going to have to pay for it.

After his bout of thoughts of revenge, Lucas's feelings turned to ones of hurt, clearly, Dan wanting to take an interest in him was nothing more than a momentary epiphany, that had long since past. So now, he figured that Dan didn't want to deal with him now, so he called Keith to either soften the blow of Dan walking out on him again, or to give up on him completely, and have Keith try to be his new father figure.

Both options made his heart and soul ache even more than they already did. But no, he wasn't going to cry, instead, he retrieved his stress ball, and thought about all the things Dan had ever said to him.

"You're too blonde, you don't look anything like me..." He threw the ball back at the mirror, and grabbed for the nearest object, and kept continuing the action.

"You're not good enough at basketball..." He groaned again in exertion.

"No wonder your mother killed herself after she had a worthless bastard like you. I would have too." Dan had told him that after Lucas got in trouble at school, and had to miss basketball practice for detention.

"You are so stupid, now I know why I never wanted you, you were never the sharpest tool in the shed..." At this point, Lucas had given up on his resolve to not cry, and his mirror had many ragged cracks, and pieces missing from it. After he collapsed, sweaty from the high amount of exertion, he looked at the damage he had done to his mirror, the cracks, and pieces missing reminded him of his incomplete heart.

But something caught his eye, the picture of Brooke was neatly tucked into one of the corners of his mirror, and that just happened to be the one section that wasn't about to shatter at any moment. Brooke was the stable thing in his life. But lately, his growing feelings of love and affection of her, were getting in the way of his friendship.

---------------------------------

Keith stood outside of his oldest nephew's room, hearing the objects collide with his dresser, shattering the mirror. He was tempted to go in there and restrain Lucas, but he knew that the boy needed time to vent, and if right now, it meant that he had to be somewhat destructive, then so be it. It broke his heart though when he heard sobbing.

Dan was more than right saying that this kid was an emotionally high wired mess.

--------------------------------

Nathan and Peyton stood outside of Peyton's house, which was more than enormous, gargantuan described it to a point. He had always thought that he had a large house in Tree Hill, and so did Brooke, but this house was a new kind of big, even bigger than Brooke and Nathan's combined.

Nathan had to admit it, that when he heard Peyton say that he probably wouldn't want to be her friend anymore when he found out where she lived, that he thought she was taking him to a trailer park, or the wrong side of Tree Hill, where his brother spent the majority of his childhood growing up.

"I will understand if you want to go now." She said, disconnecting her hand from his when she didn't see any reaction from him. No reaction usually meant rejection for her.

"No Peyt, not at all. I was just sort of shocked. I still want to be with you...be your friend..." He caught himself at the last minute, afraid that she had caught his slip up.

"Let's go inside." She suggested, very umcomfortable with the silence. The sooner he found about her past, the better. Brooke just hoped that he would accept her for the way she was, from her tomboyish ways, to her family's past.

----------------------------

After dinner that night, which Lucas had skipped out on, Keith wanted to go up to Lucas's room where they had stopped hearing different sounds of crashing and stomping coming from the fit Lucas was throwing.

Dan made some random comment about the damage the boy had probably caused, but no one was listenting. Nathan probably would have made a comment, but he was at Peyton's, much to the dismay of Deb and Keith.

"I'll go check on him." Keith offered, he felt like it was time for another so called 'session' with Lucas, to deal with the tantrum he had just thrown.

"He's fine Keith, he's just being a brat to get out attention, don't worry about him, this isn't the first time." Dan said as he sat a piece of dessert on his plate. He remembered a few weeks ago when Lucas threw a fit after Dan and him had a fight, Dan had gone up to his room, and showed him who was boss. But he did remember a glint of satisfaction behind those blue eyes, like he had thrown the fit just to get his father to come up to his room and give him attention, not caring whether it was positive or negative.

"I thought you wanted to help the boy Danny, and I don't know if you know it, but I know that a sixteen yearold throwing a 5 year old's tantrum, just to get attention, is anything but normal. Thankyou for the dinner Deb, it was wonderful." He said while getting up, and throwing the napkin down as the maid followed behind to pick up his place.

Keith found himself infront of Lucas's door, eerie silence emanted from the room. Something wasn't right. Keith just had the feeling.

He couldn't hear any crying, or any angry cussing coming from the boy, and that worried him more than any fit or tantrum. Not bothering to knock, he disrespected the boy's unearned privacy and entered the room.

No amount of experience of being a therapist could have prepared him for the sight he saw before him.

Sitting on the floor, surrounded by shards of glass from his mirror, shaking, was Lucas. But what really disturbed him was the numerous pills sitting in the boy's hand.

As soon as Lucas saw his uncle, he stuck the pills in his mouth, and took many seconds to dry swallow them.

"What are those Lucas?" He asked scarily, knowing that whatever the boy was doing was not good at all.

"Nothing that concerns you Keith. Go back to California. Atleast there you won't feel obligated to take care of me." Lucas said, as if he hadn't just swallowed 5 more anti-depressants. But really, his stomach was convulsing, making this attempt to OD a failure if he had to throw this up.

"Tell me Lucas, and we can make this alot easier. I'm not your father. I won't let the fact that you just swallowed 3 plus pills slide like he does. So just make it easier, tell me what you just swallowed." Keith walked closer towards Lucas, getting a better look at him, and not liking the glazed eyes and the damp face that indicated even more pills and tears.

"That's right, you're not my father..." Lucas said as he tried to move away from Keith, but only succeeding in cutting himself on a piece of glass. But Keith didn't notice that yet, his eyes were concentrated on the prescription bottle at his side.

"Don't give me lip Luke, this is a matter of your personal health, and I will not stand by and watch you swallow pill after prescription pill. So tell me before I come over there and take that bottle from you."

"Fine, Zoloft, are you happy? I just swallowed 5 pills, but before that, while you and everyone else were down stairs being clueless, I took 7 more." Lucas yelled, and threw the empty bottle across the room. He was starting to feel the reprecussions of swallowing so many pills. The blurry vision was beginning, and the sweat was making his shirt stick to him.

"Get up Luke, go throw it up. NOW!" Keith almost yelled, extremely worried about this child. What kind of kid tried to OD when his family was right down stairs?

Not caring that this overdose would be counted as a failure, he started to stand up, not counting on the dizziness that enveloped him. Keith quickly came behind him to steady him, and lead him to his personal bathroom.

When hunched over the toilet, Lucas's convulsing stomach, which was in the back of his throat at the moment, finally emptied out into the bowl, right infront of his Uncle Keith.

After he was down to painful dry heaves, his stomach was still rebelling. Keith pulled him away, and handed him a wet rag to bring down the fever that was induced by swallowing 12 pills.

Lucas leaned against the bath tub a few minutes later, feeling his stomach return to it's oringinal position. Keith dabbed his face lightly with the rag.

Neither of them saw a bewildered Dan Scott standing at the entrance of the bathroom, looking horrified of what had become of his first born son.

---------------------------------------

Lucas had long since passed out leaning on his bath tub with Keith right by his side, still taking care of him. He had bandaged the boy's fore arm, where blood had been pumping out with a shard of glass sticking out of it.

He picked the boy up gently as Dan had done the night before, and transported him to his room.

Dan was standing in the middle of Lucas's room, surveying the damage he had done to the room, seeing the transparent orange bottle that had previously contained prescription pills, laying on the floor, he picked it up and shook it. Nothing. That was not good. They had just bought him a refill of his anti-depressants a week ago, and it was all gone. How many pills did Lucas take tonight?

He heard crunching glass, and turned to the doorway where Keith had Lucas in his arms. The boy appeared to be passed out in his uncle's arms. Both brothers gave eachother a sad look that niether of them had noticed that the things that Luas was doing to himself.

"Get me one of his shirts, I need to change his shirt, it's drenched in sweat." Keith broke their biting silence. Obliging, he grabbed one of Lucas's black, ravens practice shirts, and tossed it to his brother.

Lightly, he tugged the shirt over the boy's head, and avoided disturbing the first aid done to his arm. What he saw when the shirt was removed was more than frightening. Bruise after bruise, fresh and faded, it didn't matter, the boy's skin was pale from the overdose, and it made all the bruises stand out. But one large welt stood out from them all, it covered his lower back, different shades of blue, purple and yellow decorated the welt. It was disgusting.

Dan stood by as his brother uncovered the many bruises that his son had sustained at his hands. The disgusting display made him want to vomit. But then he realized he had no right to feel this way, he had done this to the kid. And that large bruise on his lower back, from when he shoved his son into the corner of a table. Memories of that fight came back to his mind, he had seen the pain in Lucas's eyes, he had seen the will to double over in pain, but Lucas didn't, and now he had carried that bruise around, remembering that his father had given it to him.

"Danny, where are these from?" Keith finally said, seeing the shock on his brother's face.

Dan contmplated telling his brother that "Yeah, these bruises are from me, I gave them to my son, it was my way of disciplinig him and keeping him in line." But he knew better, and he didn't want to see the utter disappointment in his brother's eyes when he heard that he had been abusing Lucas.

"I don't know, he might have gotten them from basketball, or maybe him and Nathan got into a fight. He hasn't said anything about getting hurt at practice or anything though." It was official, Daniel Edward Scott was the lowest scum of the universe. He had just lied to his brother's face about abusing his child. But in Dan's mind, if he didn't say anything about it, and Lucas didn't say anything about it, then why would it be true?

"No, these don't look like anything from basketball, but you might be right about him and Nathan getting into a fight." Keith pulled the black shirt over Lucas's head, covering the disgusting sight of Lucas's bruises. Covering up all Dan's secrets with it.

"Well, he should sleep well until morning, when he will wake up feeling like he has a hangover. Come on, let's let him go to bed now." Keith said, still not completely believing his brother's reasons for Lucas's bruises. The way he said it was like. "Lucas got the bruises from Nathan, leave it alone. End of story."

"Okay, but maybe we should clean up all the glass first, I don't want him coming downstairs with a bloody foot or anything." Dan was slightly annoyed at his first born, this was going to be the third mirror he would have to buy him, all from thrownig fits like a 5 year old who didn't get the toy he wanted from the toy store.

Both brothers picked up all the stray glass off the floor before taking one last glance at Lucas. Dan walked towards Lucas and retireved a stray quilt from the end of his bed, and covered the boy with it lovingly.

------------------------------

The next morning, everyone but Lucas was awoken by a loud knocking at the front door, tired, Dan was the first one to get the energy up to answer the door. On the other side of the door was an overly perky Brooke Davis.

"Hi Mr. Scott, is Lucas up yet?" She asked, and almost laughed at the dry look he gave her.

"Uh, no, he's gonna be asl..." The rest of his sentence was interrupted by Brooke not caring what he had to say, she pushed past him into the house.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to wake him up." She said, and strode up the stairs as fast as she could with her crazily high heels.

Brooke thought it was extremely odd that Lucas's bedroom door was closed, usually Lucas always kept his door shut and locked to keep the rest of his family out. But now, as she looked in, she saw a sad sight.

On his bed, shivering from cold, was Lucas, his face was overly pale, and his left forearm was bandaged. This was one of the times that she thanked whatever power that controlled teacher institute days. Because that was what they had today, a day off.

The two always enjoyed these days a little but too much. Dan and Deb would always have to go to whatever boring work that they had, but these two would act like little children, going to the mini golf course, and whatever sad and pathetic tourist sights that Tree Hill had.

Sitting at his bed side, she took another blanket and covered him with it, and tucked it into his sides, she knew he liked when someone did that, because that was always how his mother would tuck him in as a child. His shivering seemed to cease as she brought a blanket and curled up next to him.

30 minutes later, Brooke woke up, and next to her was a sleeping Lucas who showed no signs of letting up.

"Gosh you giant lug, get your scrawny ass up!" She groaned silently, unaware that she was being watched by someone. A laugh informed her of such events.

"Omg, who are you?" She asked, her voice made up of fear and embarrassment. There was a guy in Lucas's doorway, watching her with Lucas.

---------------------------------

Dan almost sleep walked back to the kitchen, knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep with the high squeaky, cheerleading voice that belonged to Brooke in his head.

In the kitchen, sat Keith, who looked like he was a morning person. Groaning an inaudible morning greeting to his brother, he went to the coffee machine, where he poured the liquid to the edge of his mug.

"Danny, do you always just let random girls go up to your son's rooms at 7 in the morning?" Keith asked, quite perplexed about his brother's parenting skills.

"She's not random, she's Lucas's best friend, and I figured out with her, that if I fight her too much, then she just get's louder, and I don't feel like hearing that voice this early in the morning."

"But you still let a girl in your son's room unsupervised." Keith couldn't understand how that worked out.

"Those two are harmless, just best friends, I swear they still think that the other has cooties." A drowsy laugh was shared between them. These were some of the moments that they lived for, sharing small moments laughing with eachother, insulting eachother, fighting with eachother. Doing everything that brothers did with the other. After the laughter died down a small bit, the older generation of Scott brothers sat in silence, sipping their coffee.

"I'm going to go check and make sure that they are just 'completely harmless'." Keith said, still quite drowsy.

As he made his way up the stairs, he was reminded of the previous night, when he found Lucas in his room, overdising as they sat down in the dining room laughing about different subjects.

Standing in the doorway, he smiled at the sight, Brooke awakening and pushing Lucas's shoulder, and calling him a giant lug. His laughter startled Brooke, causing her to turn around and question his identity.

"Don't worry Brooke, I'm Nathan and Lucas's uncle Keith. He's going to be asleep for awhile." He pointed to Lucas, who was as still as a log.

"Oh, I always wondered where Luke and Nate got their good looks." She spoke in her flirty voice.

"Cool down Brooke, I wouldn't expect Lucas to wake up any time soon." Keith wanted to tell Brooke about Lucas's overdose the night before, but he didn't know how much insight Lucas gave this poor girl into his rebellious life. For all he knew, he could ruin Lucas's friendship with Brooke, or he could mention it, and it would not be any shock at all to her, meaning that Lucas had done this numerous times before.

"Did he go out and get drunk again? I told him that drinking was not the answer, but I don't know how to get that through that thick, Scott head of his.

This information shocked Keith, did Lucas go out and get drunk that often? That the event had become a regular occurece? Maybe Lucas was more messed up than he could ever imagine.

"No, we just gave him something to sleep last night, he couldn't sleep." What Keith really wanted to say was that Lucas took something to sleep for good last night, but we made him throw it up.

"Good, Maybe with you around, he will calm down a little bit, I mean he's been so wild, and that just causes Dan to hit him even more..." She gasped as soon as she said that. She promised Lucas that she would never tell anyone about that unless it got too horrible.

"What did you say Brooke?" He asked with a false calm, if she said what he thought she said, then he might just go down those stairs and give his brother ten times the bruises that Dan had given to Lucas.

"Please Keith, don't tell anyone, Lucas is so ashamed of it, and I don't think he could take anyone else knowing." She begged, tears coming to her eyes.

"Brooke, I know that you want to protect Lucas, but the right thing to do here is let me help Lucas, I promise I won't take him away from you." Keith was suprised when he felt arms wrap around his middle, the upset girl was hugging him.

"I don't want him to be hurt anymore Keith, but I don't want him to leave he either, he promised me that he wouldn't" She cried into this near stranger's chest. She cried for herself, and for Lucas.

"He won't be Brooke, I won't let Dan do that anymore." He was cursing his brother in his mind. How could he lie about something like that? He said that the bruises came from Nathan, but now he figured out that it was him causing such welts on the boy's body. The previous brother moment was ruined now that he knew the untruth about Dan's earlier words.

"Brooke, stay here with Luke, I want to go talk to Dan." His voice was dark and dangerous. "His voice was dark and dangerous, making Brooke feel even worse for letting word of the abuse slip so carelessly.

Keith slammed the door of Lucas's door violently, awakening Lucas, who was drowsy and disoriented.

"Brooke, what's going on? Was that Dad?" He asked with slurred words. He didn't remember going to sleep here, then he remembered the OD.

"Nothing Luke, just go back to sleep, there is nothing going on, Dan was just talking about how I shouldn't be up in your room alone." She tried to encourage him to go back to sleep by pushing him down on his bed again, and tucking his body in the way he liked.

"Did he hurt you Brooke. I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch." He tried to get back up, but Brooke wouldn't let him. She couldn't let him find out yet.

"No, Luke, he didn't hurt me, if anything, I showed him who's boss, no go back to sleep, you look tired." She hated lying to that sweet face, but she was doing it to protect him...from her lies.

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Not the best ending, but I just needed to get somethin before i went to indiana this weekend. Please review, they are always appreciated. Love Kendall


	12. How Many Special Poeple Change?

I Don't own anything

Dan sat down in the kitchen, slowly sipping his coffee as he thought about his brother's questions about the marred skin of his son.

In his mind, he kept trying to switch around stories of the bruises, attempting to make the way Lucas had sustained them, morally correct. But every time, it ended the same, he still hit, kicked, and shoved his son, and there was no way that would ever be morally correct.

What kind of father was he? He claimed that hurting his son was the only way to keep him in line, but it didn't work that way. If anything, it only made Lucas act out even more, as if it was his only means of getting attention.

What if that was exactly the point? That was the reason Lucas rebelled so much. It was the only way he could have gotten some attention. Everyone knew that when Lucas did brought home a good grade, or did very well in a basketball game, that Dan never noticed him for that. So if you're starved of positive attention, why not go for negative. To Lucas, it seemes like any sort of attention was means for survival.

How come Dan had never noticed this blantantly obvious cry for attention and affection before?

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Keith almost stomped his way down to the kitchen, his rage taking over most of his body.

His brother, his little brother, his Danny, had lied about hitting his child. In all his years, he never, ever expected his brother would be capable of hitting a defensless child, deliberately causing him an unexplainable kind of pain. But appartly he had been dead wrong, and now, his brother would have to pay for causing Lucas that kind of pain.

He wasn't calling Lucas completely defensless, infact, he was pretty sure that Lucas could give Danny a pretty good run for his money, but what child, no matter how old, wanted to have to ward off an attack given by their own father?

In the kitchen, sitting at the table absentmindedly sitting and drinking his coffee, black coffee with sugar. Yeah, cause caffeine is the one thing that everyone wants Dan Scott to have. The last thing he needed was more energy to make everyone that touched him suffer.

At that moment, seeing how calm Dan was, Keith wanted to grab him, and make him feel just a tiny fraction of the pain that Lucas had felt when he was being beaten.

"Hey Danny, I was thinking about those bruises that Lucas had..." Keith started, not quite ready to beat the hell out of him. He wanted Danny to confess first. But clearly he was avoiding the subject like the plague, which only confirmed his fears.

"I told you, Lucas got them from Nathan. Those two are always fighting, they're brothers, it's not too much of a shock." Dan's voice becaome dangerous, he didn't want anyone to touch this subject. If he didn't admit it, and Lucas didn't say anything about it, which Dan knew he wouldn't, he had put the fear of god in that kid, then Lucas was never hit, kicked, or shoved by him.

"I doubt it Danny, for one, Lucas doesn't look like he got those bruises all at the same time. For two, those bruises look deep, brothers whether they like eachother or not, would never be that brutal to eachother, and tell me this Danny. Why are all of his bruises all conveniently covered bt a t-shirt? If him and Nathan were fighting, then why aren't there bruises anywhere else, like his face, or his arms?" Keith's voice climbed a decibel with every word, loving how his brother squirmed the way Lucas probably did when Dan was about to hit him.

"Well Keith, he could have gotten them from some kid at school, Lucas is like a social pariah." Dan matched his brother's tone, Keith wasn't supposed to know about this, no one was."

"I don't know about that Danny, but it looks a bit like someone has been abusing him, what do you think?"

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Brooke could hear the yelling match that came from the main floor of the Scott home, and it scared her that she was the cause of it.

"No, Brooke, you didn't cause this, Dan caused it, he hurt Luke, and now he needs to pay for it." She told herself over and over in her head, trying to completely believe it.

Caressing the blonde boy's face, and seeing that he was sound asleep again, she stood up and carefully examined the damage that had been done to the room.

Lucas's dresser was decorated messily with many basketball awards, including 'Best Effort' awards, given to him by Whitey, many certificates for his good grades, and random items with personal meaning from his childhood. Her favorite part of the collage of items was probably the pictues, there were many, including ones of her and Lucas, and Lucas and his mother. Everything seemes out of place though when it was surrounded by shards of glass.

She sighed sadly. When would Lucas learn to control that temper of his that he inherited from Dan? It was causing him so much stress that he didn't need, including the abuse. How could she get him to settle down? Brooke's thoughts ran through her head at top speed, as she peered over at the sleeping boy. He always looked so sad, even in his sleep, because she knew that in his sleep, he always had nightmares of finding his mother dead in her bedroom. But now she just needed to find ways to keep Lucas from getting into more trouble.

Logic worked for about two minutes, or until someone else made a biting or inappropriate comment to him, or about her. Then the old troublesome Lucas would be back. And now she was ready to get on her knees and beg him to settle down, and stop this nonsense.

Her head shot up when she heard more yelling, she could only hope now that they wouldn't give into fists, that would only upset Lucas more than the situation already would.

Speaking of the situation, she prayed that Lucas would be kind o her after leaning of her slipping of the secret that he thought shameful. He had done these kinds of things for her in her time of need. He had told her a few things that she hadn't wanted to hear, and she had been pretty mad at him for awhile, but now as she thought back, she knew that if he hadn't, then she might have been lost forever. Now it was time for her to do the same, no matter the consequenses.

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Nathan awoke on the couch that morning to loud voices saying things that he didn't understand yet, this early in the morning.

The night before, he had snuck into the house from the side door, but before he could make his way up to his room, he heard voices, sounding like they were coming from his brother's room, meaning it was way too risky to try, and he just fell asleep on the floor between the coffee table, and the couch, where the dog used to sleep, before it 'ran away while he was at summer camp'.

"I told you, Nathan probably did it to him, they always fight, they're brothers, it's not too much of a shock." He heard his father say in an agitated tone.

"What? Me and Luke don't fight,we may not be the best of friends, but we are brothers. I would never hit Luke, and he would never hit me. Not after all we've both been through with Dad. We both know that we love eachother though, it is like unwritten, and unsaid, but it was an understanding between them, that they knew they loved eachother, they just didn't need to say it out loud." Nathan thought peacefully.

The next part of the conversation he caught was his uncle Keith saying. "I don't know Danny, looks a bit like someone's abusing him. What do you think?"

Nathan's eyes grew wide, no one, and he meant NO ONE, spoke of the abuse Dan had been more frequently serving to his brother. The only person who talked about it was Lucas, and that was to his only friend, who swore to never say anything, which brought out another point.

"How did Keith find out that Dan was doing this? And more importantly, would Dan deny it?"

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Dan looked stricken at Keith's question, how could he answer this? It was easier before because it wasn't the actual question, but now, straight forward was the question, was he abusing Lucas? It sounded more convincing when he acually had an already made up excuse just for the occasion, but now, what could he say? Even if he denied it, then Keith would know he was lying.

"It's not a hard question Dan, just tell me, are you abusing Lucas?" The question had accusingly turned from if someone had abused Lucas, to wondering if Dan was abusing Lucas. And the way Keith was looking at him was as if he already knew the answer to that question. There was no use denying it.

Before he could admit it, Keith ran over to him in a flash, and pushed him up against the wall. This was angrier than Dan had ever seen his brother, including the time that Dan took Keith's new set of crayons, and ate the indigo one, Keith's favorite.

"You hit the kid, didn't you! I don't know how you do it Dan, but you always find some way to shock me even more. Dan, how could you do it? Hitting a defensless kid! He could have fought back, but what would you have done, cause him even more pain? I swear to you Dan, if you ever touch that kid the wrong way again, then I will make you live Lucas's pain, the way he did. Do you understand me?" Dan was actually very afraid of his brother's wrath. Sure, he could take Keith in what shape he was in, but Keith's taller stature left little room for Dan to fight back.

"I never thought you would turn out the way dad did..." Keith whispered, but it was still a heart breaking statement to Dan. He never thought of it that way.

Royal Scott was an evil, vindictive, violent man. He had used violence to keep his sons in line. But it only scarred them even more for life. Both brothers, after suffering a belt beating had made a pact with eachother, to never use violence on their children. And now Dan had broken it.

"You don't understand Keith. Lucas is being a bratty trouble maker lately, and this is the only way that I can keep him in line. He needs discipline, and since he doesn't respond to groundings or verbal threats, the only thing I could use was negative reinforcments on him." The look on his brother's face made Dan think that Keith was about ready to turn around and punch him. But he only responded in the smart ass composition that Dan was learing to hate.

"Where have you heard that one before Danny. Think about it." Keith said before walking away, going back up to Lucas's room, to check and see if the boy had heard anything, and to reassure him that Dan wouldn't hurt him again.

-------------------------------

Lucas woke up some time later, hearing loud voices from downstairs. He groaned from the pressure in his head, and when he opened his eyes, he thought that this was how vampires must feel.

"Why were they yelling so early in the morning? They knew he had tried to overdose the night before, and they knew he would have a killer headache, but they still insisted on yelling." He thought to himself, knowing that he was probably going to get an earful about taking too many pills, and endangering himself.

He hadn't been counting on Keith coming into his room, but secretly, he hadn't locked the door, just so Keith could walk on him like he wanted him to. Then maybe, someone, anyone, would realize that he needed some sort of professional help. He just hoped that Keith paid enough attention to him to atleast be worried about him.

After his thoughts left him, the full force of the headache took over. He felt like he did when Dan had thrown a basketball at the back of his head during a training session when he accidentally got in the way of Nathan. Now it seemed like Dan had a whole bag of basketball, and was throwing them repeatedly at him, laughing at him so cruelly.

Finally, letting out the only language he could that early, he said, "Ugh..." And after that, he felt some pressure on the foot of his bed, and heard a laughing Brooke.

"What did they give you last night moody broody? You look like you have a hangover." She laughed at him while trying to mat down his bed head.

"What did she mean 'what did they give him?' They never gave him anything...unless Keith tried to cover for him this morning about the overdose." He silently thanked his favorite absentee uncle, in his head.

"Shut up Brooke." He grumbled, relaxing into her touch. It was amazing how she could just automatically make him feel better with just her touch.

They heard more, and more yelling from the kitchen. Brooke's voice got caught in the back of her throat, knowing that Lucas would ask what was going on, and she didn't think she could lie to him about it this time.

"Why the hell are they yelling Brooke? Does anyone here know the meaning of a good night of sleep?" He stuck his face into his pillow to try to block out some of the sound.

Brooke sighed stressfully, before rubbing his back, trying to make him comfortable, and relaxed for what she was about to tell him. A stray tear fell from her eye when his shirt rid up, displaying some patches of horribly marred skin. That display should have made this easier to tell him, but now seeing that he had to go through the pain of sustaining that bruise, it seemes harder, because she didn't want to cause him anymore pain.

"Luke, sweetie, they are talking about you down there... I was talking to Keith this morning, and I accidentally let it slip that Dan hit you sometimes, and..." She didn't have the time to finish that sentence before Lucas shot up, looking absolutely terrified.

"Y,You, did wh. what?" Lucas eeked out, he wasn't mad at her, but he just felt like crawling in a hole and dying from so much shame and humiliation of someone else knowing that he allowed his father to hit him.

Brooke felt the tears come harder now, seeing the blood rush to Lucas's ears, and his cheeks turn red in shame. It made her even more devastated that Lucas was so humiliated about it. He shouldn't have to feel shame and humiliation for this, if anything, Dan should be shamful and humiliated for hitting his child numerous times. He should have to feel the pain that Lucas did everytime he was mercilessly struck.

"I told Keith, this needs to stop. You shouldn't have to be hit whenever you act out like any normal teenager. Keith is just talking to Dan about this. Don't worry Luke..."

"But what if Keith hurts him. I don't want that to happen. Dan said he would stop, he's been alot nicer to me now, and I don't think he'll hit me anymore. Don't let Keith hurt Dan, he's still my dad, and I love him, even if he doesn't love me back." Lucas said frantically, wondering if anyone understood that he loved his father, and Dan wouldn't hurt him anymore.

Brooke's tears fell even harder if that was possible, it was setting in, the Stockholm Syndrome. Lucas was starting to feel compassion for his father... his abuser.

She had heard of the syndrome last years in health class, and had always thought it was incredibly sad, and somewhat unrealistic. But now, seeing it happen to her best friend, seeing it HAVE to happen to her best friend, brought out an unexplainable sadness from deep inside her soul. And she knew that Lucas sometimes thought that life ws extremely unfair to him, and he had every right to think that. How was it fair to live in a house where everyone hated you, and you knew that you were the out of place one?

What did Lucas ever do in life that warrants this kind of torture? He was kind beyond words, he had the soul of an angel. (And the looks). And she knew that he went out of his way to do nice things for people.

Sure, Lucas was a little bit rough around the edges, but who wasn't? But that still didn't mean that he deserved to be abandoned by his father, have his mother kill herself, and he abused by his father.

As sure as night follows day, and inexplicable anger inside Brooke sparked, lighting an internal fire inside of her soul. She was so angry at Dan, he didn't deserve Lucas's compassion and forgiveness. He did deserve a good kick where it hurts with her Jimmy Choos. But right now, Lucas wouldn't understand that, his eyes and mind were too clouded by Stockholm Syndrome.

An angry cry brought Brooke out of her thoughts, Lucas had forcefully say up, knocking her hand away from her back. She realized that she had probably put too much pressure on Lucas's bruises when thinking about her rage against Dan.

"Why did you have to do that Brooke? Don't you realize that Dan loves me? He wouldn't hurt me without good reason. How could you be so selfish to think that Dan would hurt me. He's right, I was being a brat, and this is the only way to deal with it." Lucas was raising his voice and struggling to not to blink, keeping his tears at bay.

Brooke's heart was breaking, she had gone through this same stage after she got raped, when Lucas had gone to go confront Kurt, Brooke had immediately defended his horrible actions. She had felt dirty, and embarrassed, and Lucas had comforted her through it. And she had never realized how hard that must have been on him until now.

Lucas kept rambling on, defending his father and his shameful actions, making Brooke more and more upset with each word. Finally she couldn't take it anymore, and she recklessly struck her hand out to his face. Slapping him as hard as she could, just to make him stop, she wanted him to stop all of this, and to stop defending Dan.

All sounds were blocked out except the loud popping sound of Brooke's hand colliding violently with Lucas's cheek. "STOP!" She yelled. All events after that seemed to be going in slow motion.

Horrified, Brooke quickly withdrew her hand, and pulled it to her mouth to cover it in her shock. She had just hit a severely abused child. And now she felt as bad, or even worse than Dan. No, she really felt worse, she was the one that promised that she would never, ever hurt, or hit him. But she was just as bad as some other people in Lucas's life, she had lied to him, and turned her back on him.

Brooke couldn't bring herself to look at Lucas, terrified of what she might see on his face. It was even harder to not look at him when she heard Lucas whining. She did that to him. And she couldn't take it back, no matter how much she wanted to.

Lucas was beyond astonished of what Brooke had just done. She had just hit him. He told himself in many ways, trying to make sense of it all. She promised him, she had promised. They had pinky sweared, and he had actually trusted her. He loved her, and she hit him. It still made no sense in his head. "How could you love someone, but hurt them at the same time?"

He opened his mouth to question her. But the only thing that came out was a pathetic whine. He was whining? Why? People had hit him before, but it never affected him like this.

"Lucas, listen to me. I didn't mean it. I just wanted you to stop defending Dan, he deserves whatever is coming to him. Look at me Luke, please..." She couldn't hold back all of her emotions, they were taking over her.

Lucas didn't turn to look at her, instead, he just brought his hand shakily up to the raw skin on his face. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. Not yet anyways. He couldn't even form words yet, and the pain in his face was starting to burn, there was no way that he could look at her without being able to make words, and the reminder of the pain so clearly spreading through his face.

It never hurt this bad when Dan hit him, no matter how hard he did. Why? He asked himself, screaming in his head. "Because Luke, you never ever expected anything from Dan, so when he hit you, it was like he was just comfirming everything you thought about him. But Brooke... you two are best friends, and you love her, clearly she doesn't love you back... not the point Luke. But she hurt you in the way she always promised never to."

He suddenly felt Brooke's soft touch on his arm, and he pulled his arm away even faster. But he immediately regretted that choice, it was the arm that had previously been sliced up from the glass, and the sudden movement disturbed the wound, making it sting beyond belief.

"Ow..." Came the soft reflexive reply. "Don't touch me..." He spoke, finally finding his voice. The words were small and held little, to no emotion. He knew that right now he was probably upsetting Brooke, but he had every right to. She wasn't supposed to hit him, but she did, she did...

Brooke let out even more cries out when she heard him tell her to not touch him. She just wanted him to forgive her, no matter how far fetched that seemed at the moment. And it made things ten times worse that she couldn't see his face, and see how he was feeling. If she saw his eyes, she could read him like an open book, like while he seemes emotionally cut-off to most people, to her, she could read him like a giant bill board with neon lights. That was why he wasn't letting her look at him, he didn't want her to see how he felt, and that meant that he was feeling something that she didn't want to know, because it would break her heart. Even now he was still trying to protect her.

------------------------

Keith watched from the doorway, unnoticed by the two teenagers, but still shocked by the events that had just took hold. He had witnessed the Stockholm Syndrome that made him want to puke, seeing what Dan had made of his son.

He'd seen Brooke smack Lucas, and the reprecussions of that. He completely understood Brooke's actions, because he too had watned Lucas to quit defending the man who had mistreated him over the years. But Brooke had taken her reaction one step further than needed.

Seeing that Brooke was helplessly upset, he decided to intervene before Lucas started saying things that he didn't mean. He didn't know Lucas that well, but he did know that Lucas needed this friendship, he just didn't have enough to pick and choose from. And he also knew very well that Lucas would live to regret it if he said something stupid.

"Brooke, why don't you go wait in Nathan's room hon, I want to talk a few minutes with Lucas." He said in a comforting tone, knowing that Brooke needed kind words. But he did notice that Lucas didn't move an inch at hearing his uncle's voice, which was very worrying.

Lucas heard the voice of his uncle, and resisted groaning in agitation. The last thing he felt like doing right now, was listening to another lecture from his martyr of an uncle. Why did everyone seem to want to lecture him? It was Brooke right now who needed to be lectured about not hitting an already abused child.

Brooke got up off of the bed, but not before touching Lucas on his upper back, letting him know that she still loved him, even if he didn't want her to touch him.

Keith gave her a small hug, letting her know that Lucas would forgive her in time. She have him a light smile through her tears, then looking back, and seeing that Lucas had turned forward, and was watching her and Keith's exchange. The look on Lucas's face was unforgettable, it was a mix of confusion, fear, vulnerability, and hurt. A combonation that always meant trouble for Lucas, he would most likely start to cause trouble for himself again.

Then she caught sight of the horrible patch of miscolored skin on his face. That was caused by the palm of her small hand, and he would carry that scar for days, he would look in the mirror and see his face, marred from her touch. The view was too much for her to see, so she left, and went into Nathan's room, where she layed down on the bed and cried.

Keith cautiously walked forward to his nephew, wondering what the look of resentment in Lucas's eyes was about.

"Don't give me that look Lucas. I just want to talk to you about the overdose. Are you okay with that?" He asked, sitting close to the boy, but still feeling the emotional withdrawal coming from Lucas.

"What if I said no? Would you still talk about it then?" Lucas said snottily. He didn't feel like talking about that at the moment. He was too busy thinking about Brooke, and how if she didn't like him when he talked nice about his father, then she might just hate him if he comfessed to her about his growing obsession with the overdose on Zoloft.

"Yes I would, because after what I saw last night, I think that you need more help than you are letting on. Why did you do that? What got into you that you decided to swallow 12 anti-depressants?" He asked, attempting not to raise his voice, knowing that would only make Lucas upset, and withdraw even further.

"Why do you care all of a sudden? Just tell me, why now? Because if you had bothered to pay the smallest ounce of attention to me, then you would have realized that this wasn't the first time I did this. That was the third. But did you know that I used to need you, I didn't want to need you, I didn't want to need anyone, but I wanted you to be there for me." Lucas's words got very quiet, knowing that he didn't want Brooke to over hear this conversation. But it was already too late for that. Brooke and Dan had heard his words, and their shocking impact.

Him and Keith never got to finish their conversation before Dan stormed into the room in a confrontational stance. He knew that his son had taken some pills last night, but he didn't think that the kid had taken 12 Zoloft, on purpose. That screamed that he had problems, and professional help. But the question was, if he would become less ashamed of his son's problems, and allow him to get some of that help.

Lucas, seeing his father come into his room, demanding atteniton, he ran to his father's side, feeling an overwhelming sense of protection against Keith and Brooke.

Brooke was the next presence in the room, after overhearing that her bestfriend had taken a dozen pills the night before. She was frightened that Lucas could be capable of doing something like that, without telling her if he was having those sorts of problems. He scared her more than she would admit. He was starting into self-destructive ways, and everything in his life seemed to be falling apart.

She saw Lucas rush to Dan's side protectively, understanding that he still thought that her and Keith were out to get Dan, and take him away from Lucas.

"Stay away from him, I thought I told you that he wouldn't hurt me, why won't you believe me?" He almost cried. He couldn't lose Dan, it was his last tie preceding foster care, then being kicked out on the street. Maybe now, Dan would finally have to pay attention to him, if he cared enough about him overdosing.

Dan looked at his frightened son, wondering why he seemed to think that someone would hurt him. He grabbed Lucas's arm, above where the first aid had been applied, and brought his son closer. Well, he couldn't push Lucas away, that would just make Keith look down on him even more. A small bruise above his son's eye made him wonder for a few moments. He didn't remember giving that to Lucas. Of course, he probably did, there had been too many occasions where he had caused the kid a mark, and not remembered what he did to get it. "Did that make him a bad father?"

"Lucas, we don't want to take Dan away from you. We just want to help you, you know how much he hurt you." Brooke cried, she hated not being on the same side as Lucas. If she could just take back that slap, then Lucas might be more mentally and emotionally stable.

"Yeah, Brooke, and if only you hadn't slapped me, right? Then it would all be better. You both betrayed me!" Dan was getting more and more frightened as his son began shaking. Lightly, he brought his hand to Lucas's shoulder, in an attempt to calm him down.

"Kid...Lucas, you have to let people make mistakes in life, even if they do something that you deem as wrong, you have to forgive them. It is all part of getting along in the real world. They have forgiven you for overdosing, and you need to forigve them. You forgave me, right?"

Dan spoke nicely to Lucas, his mind traveling to his earlier thoughts that Lucas savored this kind of attention that he was virtually starved of from him.

"For what? Abandoning me? My mother? Hitting me? Or making the mistake 17 years ago that brought me about? Tell me Dad, which one?" He was testing all the waters between a relationship with his father. If Dan responded nicely to this, then maybe he actually cared about him.

"That wasn't a mistake Lucas, you weren't a mistake..." There were no words to comfort a child that still thought that he was a mistake. He looked to his brother for some help on how to respond. After all, Keith was the therapist for a living.

"Then what the hell was I? Illegitimate love child, or what about your favorite little pet name for me. Bastard." Everyone in the room was dumbfounded about how much venom came out with those words. Dan and Keith wondered how they could have let all of this pile up over years, letting it simmer inside of Lucas.

Brooke couldn't stand it anymore, seeing Lucas this distraught. She was the only one that knew how to confort him, and he wouldn't let her. Knowing very well that it wasn't her best idea ever, she rushed over to Lucas, and hugged him.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you Lucas, I love you, and I would never do it again. You are my best friend, and I need you. Please Lucas, please." She cried into his chest. Hugging him. Disobeying his telling her not to touch him.

"Don't touch me, don't touch me..." Lucas cried into her shoulder, secretly savoring her touch. She didn't understand. He couldn't touch her without telling her he loved her with all his heart. And clearly, if she didn't love him back, then it was too hard to be her friend.

Another presence appeared into the room, Nathan, he was astonished at what had become of his brother. Why did he not want Brooke to touch him? And what was that about Lucas overdosing?

He watched his brother sadly, seeing the emotional mess that he had become. It was a rather sad sight, seeing your brother fall apart from the seams. This is was what became of a person after years of neglect.

Neglect... He had done the same thing to his brother, yeah, they had been civil to eachother. Not being exceptionally nice, or excaptionally mean to the other.

But in that sheer civillity, they had lost out on great brotherly moments. And they had both grown up without the security that they had eachother's backs. Well, not quite.

FLASHBACK

Dan had just finished running both Nathan and Lucas into the ground during basketball drills at one o'clock a.m. When they had finished, both were standing up, but hunched down, hands on their knees, trying not to puke.

"You guys are both pathetic. One of you more than the other. If either one of you want a school to look at your sorry asses, then you have to work 100 times harder. Do you understand me?" Dan yelled at his sons, knowing he was being harsh, but still wanting them to succeed.

Nathan made some smart ass comment under his breath, but it wasn't quiet enough for Dan to not hear.

"What was that Nathan? Do you realize that I have to do this you get you into shape. You will never be as good as me. Ever, but right now I am pushing 100 percent to make you even a fraction as good as me. Do you understand me Nathan, you need to shape up. And I can't make you do it without your effort. Do you understands me?" Dan screamed at his second born son, purposefully trying to leave Lucas out of the conversation.

Lucas looked nervously at his brother, knowing that he hated when their father was like this. They had just finished a basketball game where both boys played exceptionally well, but that wasn't good enough for Dan, when they got home, the ruthless drills began, all of them designed to run the boys till they puked. It succeeded.

"Yes." Nathan said simply, eyes trained at the asphalt below him, finding the painted basketball lines on them extremely interesting.

"Yes what Nathan? I though you actually had manners unlike your sorry excuse for a brother over there. He wouldn't know manners if they smacked him in that oversized head of his." Dan evilly laughed at his own joke.

"Yes sir." He said, trying not to fall over and collapse. He knew not to defend his brother yet, not when their father was watching. But later, he would give out a meaningless apology to Lucas, just like always.

"Good. Now go to bed, I expect you two to be up tomorrow at 5, that means you get 4 hours of rest. Take advantage of it!" He yelled at his sons before stalking away angrily, loving the power and control that he had over two 16 year old boys.

After their father had left, the two boys stood up straight and looked at eachother, not really knowing what to say. Once a few more moments of brotherly silence, Lucas broke it, stating a cornerstone in their brotherly relationship.

"Nate, man, I got your back, whenever you need me. Kay?" Lucas spoke nervously, he was still very unsure about his relationship with his brother, and extremely worried about Nathan's response to this would be.

When Nathan didn't say anything for over a minute, Lucas left, feeling the slightest bit dejected.

END FLASHBACK

"Why the hell didn't you say anything to Lucas? He had put himself out there, and you just ignored him." The truth was, he was so stunned about how much that statement meant to him, that he didn't know the correct response to it. But now, he realized that he probably hurt Lucas with not responding.

"You'll hate me. I promise that you'll hate me. Stay away from me." His plea wasn't very strong, infact, it was weaker than he meant it to come out.

"I could never hate you, ever. Why would I hate you, just tell me Lucas." She brought her hand to his face in an attempt to comfort him. But she was reminded of her earlier actions when he flinched timidly, and shyed away.

"You are going to hate me..." He whined pathetically, knowing that she would hate him for overdosing, and he wasn't sure he could handle the look of sheer disappointment of him on her face. He'd had enough people disappointed in him in his life, and having his best friend feel the same way would be far too painful.

His mother had obviously been disappointed with the way he had turned out, so with all her disappointment in him, she killed herself. Dan hadn't wanted him in the first place, and was disappointed with having to take care of him. And everyone else had just given up on him. His whole life was full of disappointments.

"I couldn't possibly hate you, no matter what you did. I love you Luke." Those words were the ones that he had been dying to hear from her from over a year. Too bad it wasn't the same way he meant it.

"Not the same way I love you Brooke." There it was, he finally admitted it. He hadn't meant to, but it just came out, much like many other comments in his life. And Brooke's silence was making him pay the price.

Brooke stared at him, not having any idea of what to say. She had been prepared for everything else, everything but this. This revelation was the last thing she had ever been expecting. It wasn't like she had even thought of harboring these types of feelings. They had just been friends. What could she say now to that sad face that was slowly losing hope or her returning his feelings with each eternally long moment that passed? Finally, it looked like he had given up.

"See, I told you that you would hate me!" He spoke with his voice breaking with shame. How embarrassing to admit your feelings to someone, infront of other people, and have them not even answer you.

Lucas, red in the face, left his room, leaving everyone else behind.

No one knew what to say. Especially Brooke, who was currently standing with her open jaw trembling. She didn't hate him, not at all, if anything, she loved him even more. But if it was in the same way as Lucas loved her, she wasn't so sure.

Now everyone wondered where Lucas was going to go. He was such an unpredictable kid, and the only person who knew him well, was Brooke, and she was in a heart broken trance.

--------------------------------

Lucas didn't bother taking his car anywhere, instead, he wandered the Scott estate aimlessly, wondering how he could have said that. Wondering how he could have ruined the only friendship he had, just like that.

Right now, Brooke was probably upstairs laughing at him, wondering how she could let him down easy. He couldn't take it anymore, all the not being loved. Everything from his mother's suicide, to his recent silent rejection from Brooke, was starting to boil up again, taking it's toll, 10 fold on him.

Why him? Why had everything bad and horrible always happened to him? "It wasn't fair" He crossed his arms across his chest protectively.

Yeah, he knew he was being childish, ranting on how it wasn't fair, but it felt good. Just to finally let go, and now worry how Dan, Keith, Brooke, Nathan, Deb, and everyone else felt about him.

Brooke... That name made the splinters of his mutilated heart pierce his body. How could she just not say anything? Atleast she could have said that she was sorry that she didn't feel the same way. Instead, she had made him figure it out all on his own that she didn't love him back.

--------------------------------

Everyone had obeyed Brooke's request to be left alone for a few moments. She finally collapsed on Lucas's bed, burying her head in his pillow, and inhaling that scent that was a mixture of Tommy Hilfiger, and Lucas.

How could she have taken advantage of this before? Not just the scent, but Lucas all together. She hadn't said anything to him, because she hadn't known what to say. Those sort of feelings never even occured to her. There had been small moments when she would look at him from the side when they were swimming, or just watching a movie, where she would look at the side of his face, and think about how hot he was, and how sweet he was.

Then she would say, "Yuck, why am I thinkning of him that way? We're best friends." She was at a cross roads now, she couldn't decide how she felt about him, she could either keep her feelings safe, but break Lucas's, or she could admit to herself that she did in fact love him back, and put her feelings in his hands.

The truth was, ever since she had gotten raped, that she was terrified to have another relationship, any boy she could go out with might be some sort of sicko, who just wants her body. But this case was different, she knew Lucas, everything about him. And at the same time, he knew everything about her.

He wouldn't hurt her, he was too sweet for that. Then why was she denying him and his feelings? "Because what if this doesn't work out? Then both of you are down the best friendship that is vital to you. Lucas will just have to understand it that I can't be with him, there were just too many forces working against him.

Lucas had some huge fears of abandonment, rejection, and all things along those lines. And Brooke was deathly afraid of someone betraying her like Kurt had done. Things between them just wouldn't work out. Lucas would just have to accept it.

She got up, and peered over through Lucas's window, he was down at the fountain, leaning against a tree, brooding in that attractive way he does.

"No Brooke, you can't think of him that way anymore, you just can't put yourself out there. Now go before you end up going down there and kissing that scowl right off of his face." She told herself tearily, preceding ripping her vision from the heartbroken blonde out in the yard.

"I'm sorry Luke..." She whispered, and then left, leaving Lucas's room and house, unncoticed.

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Okay, I am having some major Pathan Jaley writer's block. If anyone wants to leave a suggestion about how they get together, just leave me a review. I know this wasn't my best writing, but I hop you guys like it. Love Kendall


	13. Fooling My Selfish Heart

I Don't Own Anything

From the back yard, Lucas heard the rev of Brooke's baby blue VW Bug starting. The sound grew softer as the car drove farther and farther from the Scott estate. Almost crying, he slammed his fist into the nearest tree.

She didn't have the right! She had no right to walk away from this, she just couldn't walk away from his love. She couldn't. Could she...?

If anything, Lucas had every right to walk away, after all, he was the one who was silently rejected. The words made him slam his fist into the tree again, not giving any thought to the pain that flowed through his entire arm. The pain couldn't even think to hold a candle to his emotional pain, and the overwhelming feeling about how stupid he really was.

"Lucas, you stupid ass, how could you tell her that you love her, and actually expect her to say it back. You are an unbelievable ass. Dan was completely right, you are a dumbass." He told himself in an unexplainable rage, but his anger was qiuckly losing out to his mutilated feelings.

The cool autumn wind blew across his body, blowing his loose shirt around his body, letting all the cold air in. A series of shivers made their way up his spine. He was outside in only a tshirt, warmup pants, and brikenstocks, making him vulnerable to the cold air.

Who cared? Maybe if he stayed out here long enough, them the wind would make him numb, then everything might feel a little bit better. The shivering started coursing through his body as another gust of wind blew.

"One step closer to numb." He told himself. So there he stood, arms crossed over his chest, shaking un controllably. All the while attempting to numb the scace remains of his heart.

-----------------------------

For the next hour or so, people and things around the Scott home pursuited getting back to a semblance of normal. Dan prepared to go to the dealership, Keith watched the news while typing up reports on his laptop, and Nathan went back to his room to sleep. Deb was already at work, and had no part in the morning's events.

All thoughts were on the isolated Scott male, all wondering how they could have committed such a sever case of negligence.

Nathan's neglecting to return an answer to his brother, leaving Lucas to fend for himself as he protected Nathan.

Dan's for not realizing sooner that he was from now longer, the child's only parent. Which meant, that while Dan was clueless, Lucas spent two years learning to grieve and raise himself.

Keith's for not knowing how stupid he was to not think Lucas wanted anything to do with him, when he really wanted everything, and got nothing.

Even Deb's, for both of her children, blood or not, she had neglected two boys she really loved. And each day, she got more and more nervous as Lucas's 17th birthday drew nearer. Some days, she thought about not even telling him, knowing the turmoil that it would cause in his life. Then she would think that he had every right to know all the events.

Today, she was torn between her maternal instinct towards him, to protect him, and Lucas's right to know everything that caused his mother's suicide. All of those years, hearing Lucas blame himself for Karen's death, broke her heart, because the truth was quite the opposite of that.

Karen had talked to her before all of the events unfolded, and she had told her that one of her biggest regrets was having to leave Lucas behind, and to hurt him. Deb had promised that day that she would take care of Lucas like he was her second son. A large wave of guilt swept over her as she remembered breaking her promise.

---------------------------------

Lucas had finally reached an acceptance about the biting cold that surrounded his body. He had been out there for almost an hour, and he was past the stage of shivering.

A humorless laugh threatened to take over him. Not a soul noticed that he had been missing for more than an hour. They all claimed to care, all of those stupid speeches in there about caring about him.

"What a bunch of shit! They only cared about me in there because I had overdosed. Is that what I have to do? Do I have to OD on prescription pills to get two minutes of attention?"

"It wasn't fair." Came to his mind again. He shouldn't have to poison his body just to see if someone would care, while golden boy Nathan could get a C average on his report card, and everyone would be there with praise at hand.

Sighing pitifully, he flexed his left hand, and felt cracking. He looked down and saw blood, dried from the cold air, sticking to his knuckles, and down to his wrists.

The knuckled no longer ached from his bout of rage and hurt feelings. His hand had lost all feeling, and whether it was numb from extreme pain, or the cold weather, he couldn't tell.

The question that plagues his mind now was if anyone would ever notice that he wasn't in the warm house, but rather volluntarily standing outside, attempting to freeze his heart, which he had stupidly opened again, letting in the heat of others. But now he was cold again.

-------------------------------

Brooke sat in her room, a trust box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts at her side. She was throwing herself a pity party, and trying to comfort herself. But he guilty conscience wouldn't let her.

"Brooke, you shouldn't be the one that needs comfort, you are the one that walked away like a coward. Lucas needs the comfort, he's the one who had to be rejected by the one person who had always accepted him."

Mentally, Brooke kicked herself, wondering why she hadn't said anything, not one word to Lucas.

"Why didn't you say anything Brooke? He atleast deserved one word from you, but you couldn't even give him that. Instead, you had to be a selfish bitch, and you forced him to figure all by himself that you didn't love him back."

But Brooke did love him, she really did, with all of her heart. But why did it take Lucas admitting it to her, and her not responding, which was just as good as a rejection according to Lucas.

What could she do now? Go back to Lucas, admit that she made a mistake, and kiss him till he suffocated? That would make all parties happy, then why couldn't she?

She was scared and selfish, that's why. She was scared to be betrayed by anyone, and a relationship, even if it was all she desired with Lucas, was one of her biggest fears now. She was selfish because while she was here pitiying herself, Lucas was probably scrounging for the pieces of his obliterated heart.

Brooke sighed, and relucatantly picked up the phone. She dialed the number that was very familiar, but one that had almost become foriegn for her fingers to dial.

"Hey, Haley, Can I talk to you for awhile, me and Luke are fighting, and I need to talk to someone."

---------------------------------

After Nathan woke up from his restless sleep, he started searching for his brother to give a long, drawn out apology to him. One that was long overdue.

But so far, he had no luck in locating Lucas, and he was starting to worry immensly, wondering if his brother had gone and done something stupid in a heart broken rage.

Once again, he traveled into Lucas's room, hoping to find him as a lump under the seemilgly millions on blankets he kept on his bed. Nathan had often thought it odd that Lucas always used 3 or more blankets at night, even in the summer.

No such luck, the blonde haired boy was not in his room, causing Nathan's worry to multiply. "Where are you Luke?" He whispered to himself.

Nathan got his answer when he peered out his brother's window, and saw the broody blonde one standing outside by the fountain, arms crossed over his chest, with a reddish hue to his body.

Rushing down the stairs, he checked the thermometer, which he couldn't really read, but whatever it said, he knew that it was too cold to be outside in only a shirt, pants, and those wierd birkenstocks that Lucas always wore.

He laughed, knowing that their father hated those shoes, knowing that they annoyed the hell out him because Lucas never picked up his feet in them, making it sound like a horse was tracking it's way through their house.

Quickly grabbing Lucas's jacket off of the kitchen chair, he ran out the back door.

"Luke man, what the hell are you doing out here? It's freakin' freezing!" Lucas seemed to not notice him as Nathan moved closer. Lucas's face was red from the wind, or long lasting shame from Brooke's rejection.

"Leave me alone Nate..." Lucas dragged out in exasperation and embarrassment. He was at one of his weakest points right now, and the only people who have seen him that way were his mom, Deb, and Brooke.

But since his mom was long gone, Deb only cared if he had depression medication, and he had obviously ruined any chance he had with Brooke, so if he allowed Nathan to see him at his lowest point of suffering, then he allowed Nathan the chance to hurt him. And he wasn't sure he could handle his brother actually hating him at this point.

In the few years that Lucas had lived in Dan Scott's hell hole, him and Nathan had reached an unsaid agreement that they wouldn't be mean to eachother, but they weren't bestfriends either. But they had both admitted that they were brothers.

"Why are you doing this Luke?" By this time Lucas had grabbed jacket and slipped it on his lanky form, before sitting on the rock hard ground.

"Doing what Nate? All I'm doing is standing out here, is that a problem?" Nathan wanted to strangle some sense into Lucas's thick blonde head as he heard this.

"You are standing out here freezing yourself to death. That is a problem. Just tell me why!" He turned Lucas roughly to face him.

"You want to know why I'm standing out here. Well I want to know why it took someone so long to notice me!" Lucas said angrily, all of his feelings were coming to a boil today, and everyone would just have to deal with it. They had neglected him, and just like he told himself earlier, they would have to pay.

"Luke, we all thought that you had gone somewhere. We didn't think that you were out here trying to kill yourself. Why do you do this Lucas? Why do you try to hurt yourself?" Nathan's questions were desperate.

"Who said I was trying to kill myself? I don't get why you all assume that I try to hurt myself..." Lucas started, but was rudely interrupted by Nathan pulling him to his feet, intent on getting a point into Lucas's head.

"You took a damned overdose Lucas! That is trying to kill yourself. Why don't you get it that when you do that kind of shit, you hurt other people than just yourself. Quit being selfish. You had no semblance of an idea how worried MY dad is when you do that kind of stuff." The way Nathan said 'my dad' in such a posessive way made Lucas acutally physically flinch. It was just another way that he was so cruelly marked an outsider, that his own brother still didn't consider him as part of the family. But instead of picking up in that subject, he continued with the one at hand.

"I wasn't trying to hurt myself, it just makes me feel better. I didn't mean to make anyone worry. Sorry." Lucas's voice was considerably discouraged, and it didn't hold the fight that it did before.

Nathan felt bad about talking about their father in such a posessive manner, he didn't mean to, but it came from years of habit. He had always practiced the habit of rubbing their father in Lucas's face on a regular basis, and now, he felt horrible about doing that. He never even thought about how it might affect Lucas.

"Luke, just, please, don't do it again. No one likes to see you hurt." He tried to make up for acting so harshly around his brother, but clearly, Lucas wasn't falling for it.

"Yeah, no one but Dan Scott. Save it for someone who cares Nate." Lucas said sadly before walking away from the brohterly confrontation. Yeah, he could have easily given up and him and Nathan could have hugged, but that would just give Nathan the ability to hurt him. And to Lucas, it was amazing how everyone he gave that chance took it with an unmeasurable greed. Karen, Dan, Deb, Nathan, Brooke, Keith, those were the important ones, and they were also the ones who had hurt him in the worst ways.

---------------------------

Haley was sitting on Brooke's bed like they used to do when they were younger. She was listening to every heart felt word Brooke was telling her about Lucas, and everything that had happened between them. She was very happy that things could be like this between them, and not awkward.

"What should I do Haley. I love him, I really do, but I don't want to get in a relationship with him where I can't give him all parts of me. I know he'll accept everything I have, but I don't want him to have to deal with it all." Brooke was wanting to cry, and I light touch on her arm, telling her that it was okay, let her let go and cry.

"Tell him this Brooke. From what I've heard about Lucas, he is a really understanding guy, but if you want to get in a relationship with him, and tell him how you feel, then he will take all of you without question. I think you've done the same with him. You guys are best friends, and tell him that if a relationship with him won't work out, then you will still be friends." Haley said, comforting Brooke, as suddenly, her feelings about Jake seemed insignificant compared to the problems that Brooke was having.

Haley had really missed this time with Brooke. All of those girls that she called friends wouldn't care about a word she said. Like when her family was having financial problems when she moved here, Brooke had been the one who had befriended her. But if that happened again, then Haley would be left stranded with those brainless cheerleaders. (No offense anyone. My best friend is actually a cheerleader).But that fear was being sucked away, leaving one less thing on Haley's mind.

"Thankyou Haley. I know we haven't exactly been the best of friends these past few years, but I want that to change. I want to start having some girl time. It was kind of getting old being around a slobby guy who's favorite movie is Die Hard. I love him to death, but after the 15th time, that movie get's kind of old." The girls shared a light laugh, happy to have their friendship back.

------------------------------------

Lucas laid in his bed, under four blankets, trying as hard as he could to get warm, most of his body was warm, except for the small section of his chest where his heart used to be located.

He used to always be questioned about why he always needed so many blankets on his bed. He would just answer them simply. "I'm cold." He was cold on the inside, to him, his heart was his central heating system, the one thing keeping him warm. But when his mother killed herself, she killed his heart along with her. Making him cold.

Another reason was that he liked the weight of the blankets, it was like recreating the feeling of being in his mother's arms again, being her little boy again.

He never told anyone about this, not even Brooke. But he felt like he had no purpose without his mom around anymore. He felt like he wasn't anyone main boy, or anyone's main priority. Like Nathan was Dan and Deb's boy, he was the main thing that they concentrated. Brooke's was a little daddy's girl. One day, Lucas would just like to let go, and for even just one minute be a daddy's boy, or atleast be his father's son.

"Yeah, keep dreaming moron, Nathan will always be loved more, so why the hell don't you get over it." Lucas thought, but the words went through his mind as Dan's voice.

Lucas pulled the blankets tighter around his verging in skinny body, imagining that his mom's arms were wrapped around him, telling him that he didn't have to worry, that she would always love him, and that he would always be her number one. Lucas fell asleep to those thoughts.

----------------------------------

Keith walked into Lucas's room later that afternoon, wanting to talk to him for a few minutes, just to get the kid to bond with him, then maybe, Lucas would open up instead of being the emotionally cut off boy he had learned to love so far.

But when he walked in, he saw his nephew asleep, under different colored blankets. No wonder the kid was so cold last night, him and Dan had only covered him with a thin blanket. As he watched the boy sleep, he thought about how he could have possibly left this child with the monster called Dan Scott, and let him get hurt for meaningless things. He knew the bruises would fade, but the emotional bruises and scars would remain. And that kid would always be afraid of somethings, like the belt Dan once used on him.

It baffled his mind that now, after all these years, that Dan would develop feelings towards Lucas. How did one go from down right cruelty, treating Lucas like an animal, to caring for the kid, and expecting him to forgive him. Dan needs to realize that he broke any potential father son relationship that they had a long time ago. And that it will take that long, or even longer for Lucas to forgive him. Lucas would never completely forget all the horrible things inflicted on him by his father. But Dan still thinks that if he says that he is sorry, and if he tries to act like Mr. Brady, that Lucas would forgive and forget.

Keith heard Lucas start to moan in his sleep, like he was talking to his parents, telling him that he was sorry. Boy, Karen and Dan sure did a number on that boy.

Maybe, one of these days, Lucas would be able to get into a college far away from Dan, and this town that had had no comapssion for Lucas's situation all of these years. But for now, Lucas would have to live here in Tree Hill, with the father who had never wanted him, the step mother who's love was conditional, and the uncle who would try to make it somewhat bearable for him.

-------------------------------

After Deb's work day ended, she drove to the bank, with Lucas's 17th birthday in a matter of weeks, she had to prepare to tell him about his mother.

So as she made her way into the bank, she requested to go into the safe box room (IDK wut it's called, but it was the kind of room Dan was in when he broke into Keith's box and found the ledger.). She counted the boxes until she found the one she was looking for. Box number 146.

She took the box out and set it on the stainless steel table, the flourescent lights above her making her eyes wince as she stuck the key in and opened the top of the box numbered 146.

On the top of the box were the items that had come from her affair, that she didn't want to see, but couldn't get rid of. Sighing, she took out those items and set them aside. The things that appeared were the ones that she was looking for.

A creme colored envelope with her name on the top caught her attention. It was the letter from Karen, to her. She picked it up, and ran her hands along the edges lightly, as if the noticably aged paper would disintegrate if she touched it too harsly. Opening the back flap of the envelope, she gently pulled out the paper within it.

_Dear Deb, _

_I know that our conversation earlier was very tense, and you don't understand my decision. But I have one request, that you take care of my Lucas, he will be crushed, and I need someone in this world to care about him._

_From what I told you earlier, Lucas will most likely come to your house in a week or so, but if he ends up in foster _

_care, I must request that you and Dan go and get him, that is the last place I want my baby to end up. Please_

_don't let Lucas know that you knew about what was going to happen to me. I'm not sure that he will understand._

_Attached in this package is a gift for Lucas, please give it to him when he is 17, then he will be mature enough_

_to know about what has happened to me, and caused me to have to leave him. He won't understand if you give_

_it to him earlier. _

_Debra, you are a very caring woman, and I know that you will take care of Lucas as if he were Nathan. I must ask _

_you, that if you can, please get Lucas and Dan to reconcile, I know my baby wants his father. _

_I know very well that this is alot of responsibilty to ask of someone, but I know not one better person for the job of_

_taking care of Lucas, and all of the events that will be happening. Please take care of my Lucas._

_Sincerely,_

_ Karen Roe_

Tears fell from Deb's eyes when she re-read the letter, and remembering how hard she worked to fufill all of the wishes that Karen had for her only child. But in the end, after she had her abortion, she just found it too hard to keep it up, and to keep taking care of Lucas.

And she knew that in a few weeks, she would have to complete a difficult task, telling Lucas what had happened to his mother, destroying any stability he had, and possibly ruining his miniscule ability to trust for good.

Removing to simply wrapped item from her security box, she began preparing how she was going to break the news to Lucas. "Poor Boy..." She whispered to herself.

-----------------------------------

At dinner that night, things were very light hearted between the Scott family, but all they were all focused on something else. But conversation was going quite well until Dan brought up the subject on Lucas's birthday.

"Luke, your birthday is in two weeks, I was wondering if ther was anything special that you wanted to do." Dan said lightly, hoping that he would be able to do something special for his son.

"Why would we do anything different than the past two birthdays?" Lucas spoke with his default personality of being a smart ass. He was just trying to make Dan squirm. And it was working because Dan was thinking about what they had done the past two years, but came up with no answer.

"What dad, don't you remember what we did my last two birthdays?" Lucas feigned hurt, determined to make his father feel as guilty as he could about what happened on the days that Lucas turned 15 and 16.

"Well, how about I give you a little reminder, the day I turned 15, you and Deb started planning Nathan's big birthday bash, which the whole sophmore class was invited to, but me. What a great birthday suprise! And when I turned 16, do you remember what happened there either? No? Well does this come to mind? You kicked my ass because I gave you some comment about not remembering my birthday. You did remember though, because I got 16 punches to my stomach. Then you actually told me happy birthday. But don't worry Dad, I got to celebrate that day, my birthday celebration was Brooke holding an ice pack to my stomach, and helping me when I coughed up blood! That sure was a sweet sixteen." Lucas's devastating admission made tears come to everyone's eyes.

"So what are you going to do this year Dad? Lock me in a poisonous gas chamber. It would be fitting." Lucas finished, sweat starting to bead down his face. It had been very difficult to admit the pain he had been put through, but as soon as he watched his father turn pale at the mention of his faults, Lucas had to keep going with making Dan feel guiltier than he ever had before.

Normally, Dan wasn't one to walk away from confrontation, infact, he was usually the one who rose to the occasion, but the accusing stares of his family, and the absolutely cutting glare from Lucas, he couldn't take it. He felt like throwing up the contents of his stomach from the shame he had from hearing the horrible way he had treated Lucas thrown back at him. Usually, when Dan had told Lucas to shut up about something, it was never hears of again. But now it seemed that his first born son was finally growing a back bone. If Dan wasn't about to puke, he might just be proud of Lucas.

"I'l be right back." Dan threw his napkin on the table and rapidly left the room. When he was gone, all of the stares turned to Lucas, who was red, and slightly panting from exertion.

Lucas remembered his 16th birthday vividly. After he had gotten his ass kicked, he limped over to Brooke's house, his hand grasping his stomach painfully. Brooke had let him in, and had gotten him ice, and a bowl when he started coughing up bile and blood. She had called her doctor to come over, and make sure that Lucas wasn't in any serious danger. And he spent the rest of that day with an ice pack covering his stomach, and coughing up more blood and bile. But Brooke had tried to make him a birthday cake, and failed miserably, so she ended up going out and getting him an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen.

No other words were said for the rest of the dinner as the remainder of the family ate in silence, not knowing what to say to Lucas about the pain of his horrible birthdays.

---------------------------

Dan sat in his office, going through his "Lucas records", which he had collected over the years. There was a birth announcement, a copy of Lucas's birth certificate, random pictures, health records, and a father's day card that Lucas had made in summer day care. Karen had sent it to him, and after he read it, it finally dawned on him about the gigantic mistake he had made in abandoning them. But being a coward, he didn't do anything about it.

"Dear daddy, I don't know who you are, but I just wanted to wish you a happy father's day. I think my mommy misses you. Please forgive us for whatever we've done and come back. I love you daddy, Lucas Scott."

Dan had tears threatening from this letter. Lucas was so innocent, with his messy handwriting, and the heartbreaking letter that he wrote. He remembered an angry letter coming in the envelope from Karen. It told him how her and Lucas were getting along just fine without him.

He heard a knock on the door, and in one swift motion, he put away the Lucas records. When he looked up, he saw that it was just his brother, either looking to demean him even more for his maltreatment of Lucas, or to comfort him, and tell him that he could make it up to Lucas.

Keith saw his brother waiting for him to say something, but the truth was, he had no idea what to say, Dan had done more to hurt his son that he had thought.

"I don't what to say Danny. There is nothing to say that you don't already know. You hurt your son in unimaginable ways, and there is a possibility that he will never recover from it. And Danny, there is not a damned thing that you can do about it. You can try to be the perfect father to him now, but I don't think you realize that everytime Lucas looks at you, he is going to remember everytime that you hurt him." Keith wasn't trying to be mean to his little brother, but sometimes he thought that Danny was a little bit unrealistic, because he still thought that he could get Lucas back.

"I know Keith, I destroyed the kid, and now there is no way to get him back. It's too late, isn't it." Dan looked utterly defeated, a look that rarely ever crossed the man's face. Keith started feeling bad, even if he knew what he was going to say might not be true, he still wanted to protect his little brother.

"Danny, he is probably never going to completely forgive you, but there is a chance that if you tried hard enough, and showed the kid enough persistence, then maybe later on, you two might have a civil relationship, and who knows, he might just accept you as his father." Those words sounded wierd to Dan, it had always been about him not accepting Lucas as his son, not Lucas not accepting him as his father.

"Thanks Keith, but what do you think I should do about his birthday?" Dan was confused, he didn't know if the boy wanted anything for his birthday, or if he wanted a party, or if he had any friends left to invite to a party." He knew that Lucas and Brooke's friendship was on the rocks from Lucas's confession of love.

"Don't try to give him a big party, then he would think that you were trying to buy his love and affection, and Lucas would hate that. And don't completely ignore it, thinking he didn't want anything, that would just hurt him even more. I think that your best bet would just be something small, with maybe only you guys and Brooke, like just a cake and a few presents. Lucas isn't real flashy, and that is just the kind of celebration that Lucas would like." Dan nodded, mentally taking notes, he understood exactly what his brother was saying, and he was right, it made perfect sense.

A more serious look crossed Keith's face. "Tell me something Dan. Why do you want to get to know Lucas now? After all these years you have been downright cruel, and now, you are planning birthday parties for the kid. What changed Danny?" A grave expression made it's way over Dan's face as he heard this question.

"Because Keith, about a week ago I did something that I'm really not proud of, I tried to take Brooke away from Lucas. During this, I watched Lucas's reactions and I wondered to myself, why was I doing this? Why was I trying to rip my son's life to shreds and then throw it in his face? That's when it hit me, Lucas was my son. It may sound mean, but I had never acknowledged myself as Lucas's parent until that moment. I mean sure, Lucas had lived in my house for two years, but I always thought of his as sort of a house guest, not my child who had made himself at home." Dan choked up for a few seconds, feeling the emotion of the situation finally catch up to him after almost 17 years.

"I always just assumed that he had always had what he had needed. But I guess I was wrong, Lucas needed his father, and once again I denied him that. I love him Keith, I love both my boys, but I never tell them that. What is wrong with me Keith, how can I just smother Nathan with atttention, while I leave Lucas outside to watch. Did you know that when he moved in, after Karen killed herself, that I took Nathan out for a father- son day, just to rub it in Lucas's face. He looked so sad Keith, nothing else, just extreme sadness. And I caused it." Dan spoke, feeling a ton lighter that he got some of the feelings off of his chest. But the lingering weight of what he had done to his sons felt like someone was continually dropping boulders on top of his back, and he couldn't shake them off.

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Nathan stood outside of his father's office, eavesdropping on the conversation that was taking place between his uncle and father. A few times his curiosity was peaked when he heard his name mentioned, but he always turned out disappointed when it all turned out be be about Lucas.

Over the past few weeks, it had always been about Lucas, everything that happened around the house, it all revolved around Lucas's miserable ass. And he was starting to get jealous.

"I guess this is what happens when you get all of the attention for 16 years. Lucas deserves to have some attention." Nathan tried to tell himself, but he still felt like he had been neglected, even by Keith. Him and Keith had always had a good relationship, but now, that little attention hog Lucas had taken that away from him too.

He was feeling a little bit over protective of things in his life, Lucas was taking his father's attention, his uncle's attention, and many other things. But the comment that really got to him was when his father told Keith that he onlt took him out for that father- son day just to spite Lucas. And he had actually thought that his father had wanted to spend time with him, but no, it still revolved around Lucas.

Nathan felt something that he hadn't felt in a long time, bitterness against his brother. Over the years, he had abandoned that philosphy, and tried to get to know his brother. But he felt that his brother was trying to take everything that he was about, back. And he simply couldn't accept that.

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Once dinner had finished, Lucas had stormed up to his room, very satisfied with the result of his actions. That was his goal, to get someone to finally notice his suffering. Well they had, and it made him feel great that they had felt a miniscule fraction of what he carried around with him, and felt every single day.

He was trying to make himself feel better to get some of the horrible days back. He deserved his deprived child hood back, he just wanted some days of his life back.

He wanted the day that he found out about his father, and his other family. That was the day when a hole in his heart had been pierced violently with the knowledge that he was an unwanted, unplanned, and unloved bastard child.

He wanted the day back when he was getting hit, and the one time he looked into his father's eyes and he realized that Dan, his own father, his only father, thought he was a loser.

Damnit, he wanted the day back where he learned to look at the floor while walking around his own home, he did that because he didn't want to have to face that look that his father gave him that told him he was a loser.

But he couldn't get those days back, not a one of them. They would all be imprinted into his mind with a permanent marker. The look in his father's eyes that day would forever be with him. It had been different than the other looks of hatred he got from Dan on a reglular basis, this one had been full of realization, realization that his dad thought he was a loser. That look was never given Nathan.

Even if his Dad was starting to try with him, Lucas still saw that malicious look, it still lingered in the back of Dan's eyes, either that, or it was just him imagining it. Why did he have to face that look on a regular basis? Why was he forced to hang his head in shame, and look at the expensive flooring in his home, where he was supposed to be comfortable?

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Brooke pulled up to the Scott's home again, instantly wondering why she came. Why had she come? What did she expect out of this visit? She knew that she didn't come here to tell Lucas that she loved him back, but she just had to see him. How was he getting along without her.

Her guilt was starting up again, she had been the only stability in his life, and she had left him, and hit him, just like she had promised never to do.

Shivering from the frosty cold, she made her way around to the back of the house, to the familiar area of Lucas's balcony. She had climbed the balcony on a regular basis, but she hadn't this morning, she had just wanted to bug Dan. But tonight, she climbed up the balcony, still wondering what she expected from this meeting.

When she got to the top, Brooke opened the door, which Lucas never locked, just for her. Dan got mad on a regular basis, telling Lucas how unsafe, and immature that it was that he left one of the entrances to his door unlocked. As she turned the chilling brass handle, she sighed in relief, Lucas hadn't locked it, he still wanted to see her.

The inside of Lucas's room was dark, and the only thing she could distinguish was the irregular sound of Lucas's breathing, signaling that he was not yet asleep. She climbed into bed behind him, under his large assortment of blankets, trying to get warm against Lucas's body heat and blankets.

Brooke wrapped her arms around his muscular middle, relieved that he wasn't pulling away from her. She opened her mouth to say something to him, to tell him how sorry she was, but Lucas got to it first.

"I love you Brooke...please don't say anything." He whispered lightly, basking in her presence. Brooke fell asleep that way. When Lucas could tell that she was asleep, he turned over, and they were now facing eachother. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, loving the physical contact that felt more than platonic.

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So.. Hate it, or love it? I took a few lines off 3:16, and changed them to Lucas's POV. I hope you liked this chapter. Love Kendall


	14. Who Stole The Soul From The Sun?

I Don't Own Anything

Early morning came, the sun was peaking above the horizon, sending small rays of sunlight through the houses in Tree Hill. One person was awakened, Brooke Davis. She tiredly blinked her eyes open, trying at the same time to rub the sleep from her eyes, and identify her surroundings.

Brooke saw that she was in Lucas's dark blue painted room, lying comfortably in his bed. The one thing that really got her attention though was her incredible closeness to Lucas.

Lucas's arms were wrapped around her shoulders, holding her close to him as if he were to let her go, then she might leave him alone with no one.

Oh, how she loved to be close to him when he slept. It made him look like he was actually a teenager, not like his usual appearance when he looked like he was 16 going on 60. She would always kid him for his overall seriousness, but he deserved every right he had to be serious and sad.

Brooke hared doing what her was about to do. What was left of Lucas's sould would be shredded into even more pieces. But even if she didn't want to do this, she knew that it was completely necessary.

Lightly, she caressed his cheeks with her hands, and she ran her fingertips over his soft lips, wishing for the contact with them. Instead of kissing his lips, she craned her head slowly, and gave him a peck in between his brow.

"I never said that I didn't love you back." She whispered into his ear, hoping he heard her, but knowing that he didn't.

Carefully, she removed his dead weights of arms from the loving embrace that he held her in. Sighing, she opened the door of Lucas's balcony, letting in the chilling air. She looked back at the blonde boy behind her, and saw him start to shake from the cold air.

Brooke tucked Lucas's blankets around his body, and rubbed his back to cease the shivering before finally leaving the room, and climbing down the balcony, not bothering to leave Lucas any sort of apology note.

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Lucas awoke later that morning, satisfied with the night of sleep that he had, he always had his best nights of sleep with Brooke by his side.

Slowly, he inhaled, trying to smell the wonderful scent that was Brooke, but his nostrils weren't greeted with the fruity scent of her brunette hair. Wondering why, he tightened his arms, expecting to feel the soft body that was Brooke. But that presence wasn't there to greet him either.

His fears and curiosity was peaked, he opened his eyes, and saw the empty spot next to him. He never thought it was possibe, but he could feel the splinters of his heart wedged into his chest. She came, and then left.

Lucas was a broken man, oh who was he kidding, he was still just a kid. He was hurting and he hated it. She didn't even say goodbye. Then a spark flew in his mind. He bolted up, and checked both of his nightstands, and the ground beside him. Nothing. He was even more broken.

He wanted to cry, it seemed like the only logical emotion, but after so many heaves of trying to cry, it dawned on him that he couldn't. After all these years, he was out of tears. Or maybe he was so hurt that crying wouldn't even help him anymore.

"Why would she do this? Come into my room last night, give me hope when she hugs me, and then leaves in the morning when she woke up. Once again, she walked away without having the right to. Lucas had this shrinking feeling in his shredded soul that he and Brooke would never be friends again.

He brooded for more and more minutes before finally getting a headache and a heartache. So Lucas bounded down the stairs with heavy feet, and another void in the section of his chest where his heart had been previously located.

He could hardly stand to think about Brooke, and her cute dimples, he perfect hair, her gorgeous body, and her even more beautiful soul. Oh how he loved her, but he couldn't think about her without someone releasing spikes into his body. The spikes represented her betrayal, and her silent rejections.

When Lucas entered the kitchen, he looked up from the expensive floor, and was assaulted with the view of his father, the only person in the kitchen, sipping his coffee, and reading the newspaper. Instead of doing the smart thing, and protecting his feelings by leaving, he stayed. He just couldn't go back into his room where he woke up alone.

"Good morning Luke, what do you want for breakfast, you're the first one up, your choice." Dan said in the fakest voice that Lucas had ever heard, making him want to throw up.

"Good morning Mike Brady, I don't care what the hell you make me for breakfast, just don't put rat poison in it." If Lucas would have looked up from the kitchen table he had sat down at, then he would have seen his father's crest fallen look. But instead of fighthing back, giving Lucas a dose of the same smart ass attitude, he treated Lucas the same that any regular father would treat their son.

"Watch the language Luke, you know I don't like it when you are a smart ass." Dan said in his newly adapted 'I'm a good father' voice. He was really enjoying this one on one time with Lucas, maybe the kid might start to thaw a little bit, letting someone besides Brooke know what was happening in that over sized, blonde head of his.

Dan got up and went to the cabinets, searching for the mix to make waffles. Despite the popular opinion, Dan was a great cook, a trait he learned from Karen when they had been dating. He had been a reluctant and difficult student to teach, but Karen had been a patient and persistant teacher, willing him to have a life skill that didn't involve basketball. Dan made Lucas the waffles because he knew that they were Lucas's favorite, that was something Karen had told him in the few letters they had exchanged over the years, him asking for information about his first born son.

"Why the hell are you doing this dad? A week ago you were calling me a worthless bastard, Saying that I was nothing, and that I didn't even deserve to be a loved human being. Now you want to be daddy of the year, planning a birthday that you never even remembered, and cooking breakfast when for 14 years you didn't care if I starved. Excuse me if I seem the tiniest bit skeptical. But you would make it alot easier for everyone if you would just drop the act and go back to hating me." The last part of the rant was small and sad, cutting a hole into Dan's heart.(Dan does have a heart in this one guys.)

"I never actually hated you Lucas..." He started to say, but he had no idea what to say. How could he justify years of torment and treatment that was worse than animal abuse? There was no possible way without telling the child that he wasn't considered as his child for a matter of 16 years. That would be a breaking point for Lucas, and that was the last thing that he wanted to do to his son, make him hurt more.

"Then what Dad? You loathed me, despised me, loved to watch me suffer? Just tell me the truth, I'm sick of the lies dad." The way Lucas said this made Dan almost crack and tell him right there. But Lucas would hurt even worse knowing that he didn't consider him his child, even when he was living in the house with him.

"Luke, I never felt that way at all about you, I loved you, all this time, it may sound childish, but I always thought you were my little boy, even if you were the older one." He spoke with a loving voice as he sad a plate of waffles down infront of Lucas, who looked almost malnourished. Now that he thought about it, Lucas hadn't eaten anything at dinner last night, and that meant that he hadn't had anything to eat since before the overdose.

"I don't care what you say anymore, you can kiss my ass till the day I die, but I will never forgive you for abandoning my mom, for not being there when I needed you. I can't forgive you for making me live in fear in my own fucking home! Oh wait, I'm sorry, this is your's, Deb's, and Nathan's house, I forgot, I'm not family. You and Nathan have pounded that into my head since before I moved in." The words cut through Dan, sure Keith had said almost the exact same thing earlier, but it was more real this time, to actually hear it from his son's mouth.

Few words made such an impact on Dan, one of the instances was when Karen announced her pregnancy to him, and another was when he heard the devastating news of Karen's suicide.

"I know that you'll never forgive me Lucas. That much is obvious, but..." Once again, Dan was interrupted by Lucas's angry, accusing voice.

"Then why are you doing this. Being father of the year, and planning parties, doing things that only Mrs. Feilds does? Why are you trying now, what changed that finally made me appealing for you to have as a son? You know I won't forgive you, so why are you trying so hard?"

"Because Luke, I don't expect you to forgive me. But I do expect from myself that I make these next few years nice for you. I don't want you to be completely miserable till you go off to college. Maybe then I can show you that I am serious about being your father." Dan said as he examined his son, who was busy eating the meal infront of him with a considerable appetite that he had never seen from Lucas before.

"Just tell me what changed. What made you acknowledge me as an actual human being, not an animal, much less consider me as one of your kids." Lucas wouldn't look into his father's eyes, simply afraid that they might still hold that realization that he was a loser. And if he allowed Dan to look into his eyes, then Dan would be able to see the raw fear in his eyes, and he would see how much control he really had over Lucas.

Lucas's words made Dan speechless, did Lucas really think that you didn't think of him as more than an animal for over two years? He never thought of Lucas like that. But when Dan really searched his mind, it dawned on him that he never treated Lucas better than an animal. As he had never seen Lucas as his son, he noticed that he never saw the kid as a human being with feelings either.

"I just want to get to know my son. Nothing changed, I always loved you, I just never knew you, but I want to now." Dan covered, hoping that his dangerously clever son would believe it. There was no such luck in the world of Dan Scott.

"It just doesn't happen like that Dad, you don't go from smacking a kid around for years, to pampering him the next day, things don't go like that unless an outside source intervenes. Is that what happened Dad? Was it Keith, let me guess, he bribed you to be nice to me." Dan grimaced, it was so hard just to have a conversation with Lucas. This wasn't getting them anywhere but exhausted. He kept glancing towards the entrances to the kitchen, hoping someone, anyone, would come in and end this exchange between Lucas. Hell, Dan would even settle for a bird to break through the window to end this.

"No Luke, it didn't work like that. Keith did make me see the light about how I was treating you, and that triggered my guilt towards my treatment to you."

"Don't bother, I don't want to be your charity case. Thanks for breakfast, it was really good." Lucas got up, put the empty dish in the sink, and left the kitchen, even more unhappy than he was when he entered the kitchen what seemed like a whole life time ago.

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Approximately an hour later, Lucas pulled into the disasterous parking lot that was Tree Hill High, sometimes he wondered if he was the only one who passed the driving test.

Unhappy with how his day was going, he slammed the door of his Navigator, and started to make his way inside. As he neared his locker, he hoped to see the brunette girl who was his best friend. He didn't want to yell at her for leaving, he just wanted to know why she left.

But his hopes plummeted as he found an empty locker, they had always waited at eachother's lockers, whoever was there first, usually Brooke, considering that Lucas always slept like he was a dead man. Even through the few fights they had, everytime, he would see Brooke standing at his locker, either reading Vogue, or doing her homework that had been assigned for first hour.

Then something sparked in his mind, maybe he was the first one here today, and Brooke wasn't at his locker because she wasn't here yet. Yeah, that had to be it. So Lucas traveled to the other end of the hallway, looking for Brooke's locker, which he prayed wasn't occupied by her yet.

"Yes!" Lucas told himself. Brooke wasn't here yet, so almost giddily, he walked over to her locker and leaned against it, still feeling the exhaustion from him and Dan's conversation earlier. While he waited, he pulled out his ipod, and began listening to the song Brooke deemed as their friend song. Wonderwall, by Oasis.

A few minutes later, Lucas took off his ipos, he was starting to worry, the halls were filling up a little bit, and the pretty girl who he loved was still nowhere in sight. Then he heard it, the sweet sound of Brooke's laughter that he continued to charish. He looked around frantically, and he saw her.

Brooke and Haley were exiting the girl's bathroom, both laughing at some joke or some band geek that was staring at them. (I luv the band geeks guys).

"So she was here, this whole time, but she just didn't want to see me. I should have known that my hopes actually coming true was nothing more than some myth." Lucas whispered to himself as Brooke and Haley neared him.

"Oh, hey Luke, sorry about this morning, I just remembered that my dad didn't want me out last night, and I had to get home before he woke up." Brooke's voice was different, and she wondered if Lucas could see through her lies. But knowing him, he could read her like a book, and see that she was scared, so she avoided his beautiful blue eyes.

"Yeah, sure, why weren't you at your locker, or my locker this morning, I waited for you." Lucas spoke, not at all believing what she had told him, but not wanting to confront her about his hurt feelings about her lying until later.

"What, do I need to be waiting for you every day? I have a life too Luke. You are not my keeper." Brooke didn't mean to say her response so harshly, but she was so afraid of trying to have anything with Lucas, that she was starting to push him away.

"No, Brooke, I didn't mean it like that. All I was saying is that you are always there, and I was just wondering why you weren't, cause I wanted to talk to you this morning." Lucas was hurt by her voice, wondering why she was changing now. It was like Brooke and Dan were trying to switch places, and he was not at all happy about it.

"Well, why are you being so needy about it Lucas? All I did was not wait for you at your locker. I thought you were a big boy who could get himself to class. I do have other friends Lucas, and..." Brooke could not stand how cold she was being to Lucas, all he wanted was their friendship, or maybe something more, and she was being the one thing she never wanted to be to Lucas. A bitch.

"Well I don't Brooke, I don't have any other friends, you are it. And I love you. I love you so much I can hardly stand it." Lucas's declaration of love and slightly raised voice was starting to draw the attention of a few students. This made Brooke even more nervous, because now, half the student body was waiting for her to answer Lucas.

"I know you do Lucas, you told me this before..." Brooke said, noticing how the halls were much quieter, the students were very interested in the exchange going on with her and Lucas.

"Then why don't you say anything back to me?" Lucas's voice was desperate, and he looked like he was ready to get on his knees and beg her to answer his pleas.

Brooke sighed in relief, and in guilt as the shrill ringing of the school bell rang, giving her an easy out to not responding to Lucas.

"I'm sorry Luke, but I have to go to class." She whispered as she passed him, feeling afraid of a relationship, and horrible for not answering Lucas again, this time with a public audience.

As Brooke passed him, sending electric chills up his spine, Lucas opened his mouth to object, but no words willed themselves to exit his mouth. It was as if someone was constricting his wind pipe, maybe it was Dan and that demon tie.

Savagely, he unbuttoned the last button to his polo short, hoping to get some oxygen to his body, helping him to breathe, but when it didn't help, he turned and punched Brooke's locker. He instantly regretted it when he remembered that it was the arm he sliced on the glass, and the one where he punched the tree.

Lucas could almost feel the stares of his class mates as he picked up his backpack, and ran to his first class, hoping that the gossip mill that had always been so cruel to him, would cut him some slack.

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The day went on the same for Lucas, all sorts of people asking him what happened, and if Brooke loved him back. Some were malicious, others were nosy, but none were sympathetic. And as soon as basketball pracitce ended, he showered, and broke all speed limits and rules of the road, just to get home and sulk.

When he walked into the house, Lucas looked around and hoped that his father wasn't going to try to have another father-son talk, it would just turn out to be another bitch fest between them. But it wasn't Dan who appeared in the entry way, it was his favorite absentee uncle, who seemed as if he was waiting for him to come home.

"Stay away from me Keith." He instantly said as he walked past his uncle. But clearly, Keith wasn't havng any of his stubborness, and pulled him by his arm, back to face him.

"I just want to talk to you Luke." He said to his nephew, who looked like he had a time bomb ticking in his head. If he kept going this way, then maybe Lucas would blow up, and expose some emotions to him.

"Don't you get it? I don't want to talk, I wanted to talk for 2 years, but you didn't care then, so you don't get to care about talking now. You can just leave me alone." Lucas yelled and pulled his arm from his uncle's loose grip. He left, even more pissed off with this horrible day. Why didn't anyone know when to leave him alone?

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Night arrived as Lucas laid in his bed, trying to empty his mind of every bad thought that plagued his mind. But when he heard the latch doors of his balcony, he smiled inside, it was Brooke.

Brooke cautiously opened the door that connected to Lucas's room, she tried to be as quiet as she could, knowing it was still early enough for Dan to be roaming around the house, threatening to catch them, and give Lucas hell for it.

She wanted to talk to Lucas for awhile, about the hellish day she had. So many people looked at her like she was a horrible person, and a few girls scolded her about not saying anything to Lucas, so now, she wanted to give him a piece of her mind about embarrassing her.

Lucas was under his mass of blankets, not asleep, but rather aware of every creak, and movement coming from his room. He was startled when he saw Brooke appear beside him, crawling into bed with him. He looked her in the eye, wondering what she was doing here.

Neither Brooke or Lucas spoke for the longest time as they layed there, cuddled in eachother's arms. Brooke's head was comfortabally settled on his chest, she was in Lucas's arms, and he was hugging her the way he had that morning. That is until Brooke made her move, she slipped her hands under Lucas's shirt, caressing his muscular torso. She had always thought that Lucas was a strange mix of scrawny, but musclar, but attractive all the same.

Lucas was starting to moan slightly, loving Brooke's touch like he never had before. The movements of her hands under his shirt were agressive, but sweet. She made a cue that she wanted the constricting clothing off of him. So he raised his arms, and the shirt was off in two seconds flat, leaving Brooke to massage his chest, making him feel like heaven.

"Why did you have to embarrass me this morning by telling me that you loved me in the hallway?" She panted as her hands moved lower, coming in contact with the waist band of his warm up pants. She was pleased when she felt Lucas's body go rigid with anticipation. When Lucas didn't answer, she stopped and removed her hands, signaling that she wouldn't go any further until he said something.

"Why did you have to embarrass me even more by not saying anything back." Lucas spoke inbetween his heavy breathing, pleading that she would go even further. She did, Brooke hooked her index fingers under his warm up pants, and started pulling them down. They were soon past his cute plaid boxers that she had caught him changing into on many occasions, not all of them on accident.

Brooke had now kicked all of the blankets off of Lucas's bed, leaving them side by side, uncovered, Lucas's pants half way down his muscular legs. She was not satisfied with just laying beside him, so she ripped the pants down his legs, and heard them land on the carpet with a barely noticable thud. She straddled him, with his boxers still on, and she leaned down and began kissing him with an amount of passion that she or Lucas had never felt before.

Lucas was thinking for a few moments if this was really happening, was Brooke really kissing him? But Brooke's tongue prying his mouth open was his answer, and he loved it. Their tongues clashed and battled for control as Brooke once again began massaging his chest, making him moan in her mouth.

"Luke...You. never thought... of it this..way..., but I never said... that I didn't...love you back." She spoke when she disconnected her lips from Lucas's, but she could hardly get two words in as Lucas attacked her lips with his. As he heard her words, Lucas stopped, and stared at her in an almost paralyzed state.

The two lovers stared at eachother in amazement before their lips went at it again. Brooke's hands lowered down to his hip bones, and circled them, then to his boxers, where they were moved to the extremes without exposing anything private.

"Please Brooke, I love you, just do it!" Lucas moaned in pleasure, not caring how loud he was being, he was in so much pleasurable pain that he needed to beg Brooke to do something about it. But instead of yanking down his boxers like he wanted her to, she just moved south, until her mouth was parallel with the waist band of his boxers. She craned her head and kissed passionately along the line of his soft skin, and the only material covering his body. Lucas was incredibly on edge, and he could hardly take the pleasure that was so intense that it was painful.

Then, abruptly, Brooke stopped and got up off of Lucas with a sexy, but evil smirk on her face. Lucas looked beyond pissed off that she would leave him like that, with his boxer's barely covering him, sweaty, and disheveled from their kissing.

"Sorry Luke, that's all you get for now. Don't embarrass me next time, then you might get the whole package." She whispered into his ear, licking his earlobe. She knew that was a weak spot for Lucas, and she loved torturing him like this.

"Bitch." He whispered in ecstacy. But his dirty talk only turned her on more, she grabbed below his boxers, making him groan even more. "Don't mess with me next time Lucas." She said as she tweaked one of his exposed nipples, giving him a mixtue of pain, and more ecstacy.

Brooke left Lucas's room, which seemed as if it was almost steaming from the heat that had been coming form their intense makeout session. After he heard the door latch shut, and Brooke was out of sight, Lucas curled up on his bed, and screamed into his pillow, in sexual frustration, hoping that no one in the house heard him.

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Morning arrived, and everyone in the house was quietly preparing for the day, well, not everyone. No movement came from Lucas's room, which was odd, since the kid had always been the early riser between him and Nathan.

By the time 7:45 a.m. came around, and Lucas was in danger of being late for school, Dan disgruntledly stalked up to the boy's room and barged in without knocking.

"Get up Luke." He said before he had a chance to check the appearance of his son. When he did though, he laughed hysterically, while flinching away at the sight, it was more of his child than he wanted to see. Clearly someone had a little fun last night.

Dan heard the groaning of his first son, who was obviously not happy with being awoken. "Did ya score last night buddy?" Dan laughed when Lucas's head snapped up defensively at hearing his father's voice.

"I can tell Luke, you are hardly wearing your boxers, you look worse than you do when you come home drunk, oh, and your face and stomach are covered in pink lip stick." Dan grew serious, showing Lucas that any sort of behavior like this was not to be tolerated.

"Dad, I didn't have sex. She ended it before we could get that far." The blatant disappointment in his son's voice almost made Dan pity him...almost.

"Good, I'm glad you didn't make the mistake that I did when I was 17." The words came off Dan's tongue before he could stop them. It came from years of habit of calling Lucas a mistake, but now, as he saw his son's appearance shrink with the cruel words, he was kicking himself.

"So which of us was the mistake, me or Nathan?" Lucas's words were biting, but serious. Dan could tell that the boy was close to lashing out.

"Neither of you were mistakes, what I meant was that..." Dan tried to explain, but Lucas was having none of it. Lucas pulled up his boxers to a point of decency, and slipped on his discarded shirt before he got up off of his bed.

"I know what you meant. It's what you always mean, you think that I was a mistake, I respect that. So you don't have to tell me all the time anymore, I know." Lucas entered his bathroom, and defeatedly shut the door behind him, leaving Dan to curse himself for not choosing his words more carefully.

Lucas stood still, not moving one toned muscle until he heard his father leave his room, and the door shut behind him. Lucas hit the lock on his bathroom door, then turned and looked into the mirror/

Dan was right, pink lip stick smudges adorned his face and neck, and his hair was more disheveled than it ever had been because of Brooke's manicured hands raking through his blonde lockes.

He wanted to scream! He was so pissed that Brooke left him between the ultimate pleasure and nothing. But Brooke would pay, he would teach her not to take his pleasure away again. When he moved his hand to the right across the counter, he knocked something over, it was his new bottle of Zoloft.

Could Deb be anymore clueless? He loved to overdose on this stuff, and people in this family just gave it to him like an allowance. He smiled, and shook the bottle, just to make sure it was full of the pills. And it was. So to get some sort of good feeling that had been unrightfully stolen from him, he poured out 11 pills and gleamed at them.

Lucas took the pills one by one, savoring the feeling of being able to control how he felt for once in his life. And as he entered the shower to make the lip stick to come off of him, he couldn't wait for the high to start. He became dizzy inside the shower, and almost collapsed on the shower floor. But since the high had set in, he only laughed at his own clumsiness.

He couldn't stop shaking as he got dressed, and when he got down the stairs, he was relieved that no one remained at the house. Lucas knew that he was in no shape to drive a big SUV, and he would probably end up wrecking it, or would get arrested. But who was he kidding, he didn't care right now, all he cared about was maintaining his high.

"Ah, screw it." He said to himself as he grabbed his car keys out of his hoodie pocket and grinned mischeviously. As he got into his car, he could hardly see straight enough to stick the keys into the ignition, but after a few swear words, he inserted the keys and drove off to Tree Hill High.

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Brooke stood at her locker, unattentively talking to Haley, but her mind was focused on Lucas, and his unknown where abouts. She had asked Nathan where his brother was, but Nathan just asked if he looked like his brother's keeper. So now she started to worry, wondering if some stupid epiphany came over Lucas, and he was doing something stupid.

She got her answer when Lucas came stubling through the glass doors, looking like he was going to collapse on the spot at any second. She quickly ran up to him when he got to his locker, and stablized him.

"What is wrong with you Lucas?" She asked, worry lacing her every word when she saw the sweat beading on his forehead. Lucas only let out a bitter laugh as he stuck his head in his locker to hide his pale face.

"Hey Brooke, what's going on? Break anyone's heart lately?" He asked, his voice raspy from his stomach trying to make it's way into his throat. When he pulled his head out of his locker, Brooke got a large dose at what a horrible appearace Lucas was holding. His face was paler than a ghost, and facea was coated in sweat. She could see that his pupils were dialated, and he had a silly smile on his face, that alone indicated that something was wrong with her new lover.

"Luke, are you high?" She asked him, while touching his forehead to see if he had a fever, and he did. Lucas didn't answer her, he only looked at her desperately, which answered her question. Suddenly, the voices in the halls seemed to take over her hearing, not one of the students knowing that the perfect Lucas Scott had just overdosed on anti depressants for the fourth time in his life.

"What did you take, and how much?" She spoke strictly, not giving Lucas any slack with this. She couldn't believe that he was doing this, and he had the nerve to go in public in his barely stable state.

"Brookie, chill the hell out, only 11 Zoloft. I didn't take 12 like usual, that makes me puke, 10 doesn't give me a good high, so I just took 11, perfect combonation." Lucas said, loving the stress he was causing her, because he had almost given him a stress attack last night when she just left him half way between the ultimate feeling.

"Lucas, we need to get you out of here. You are in no condition to be driving right now." She took ahold of his right arm and began leading him out the door. Lucas could hardly walk at this point he was so dizzy.

"How on earth did you drive here today?" She asked him, but Lucas's happy high had disappeared, and now he just looked like he was in a very unhealthy trance. She had to get him out of here as fast as she could before some sort of teacher confronted them and got Lucas in more trouble than he could handle, and Dan might not be able to get him out of it.

"I almost ran over an old lady who was crossing the street...don't look at me that way Brookie, she lived, and I helped her across the street by honking at her." Lucas slurred, knowing that Brooke was about to smack him. She loved to spend time with old women, she volunteered at the nursing home where her great grandmother was alot. Brooke had dragged him along once, but when he had to feed an old woman, he drew the line. Some foods would never be the same for him again.

"You are an ass Lucas. Sometimes, I really can't stand you. Ya know that?" She told him as she tightened her manicured nails around his arm, and Lucas could have sworn that she ripped his hoodie from her nails alone.

"Yeah Brooke, and you're a bitch. You left me alone last night, and I was sooo lonely. I told you that I loved you, and you did that. Do you feel bad Brooke, you almost made me cry." Now Lucas was starting to act like a little child, making Brooke even angrier.

"You mess with me Lucas, you get punished. And you know I love you back, so don't pull that on me. Now would you shut up for awhile while I get you some help." She kissed his cheek, knowing that he would be wrapped around her little finger with that kiss.

"Luke, we should probably go talk to your dad, he will know how to help you." She spoke with worry laced in her voice. Lucas's fever was spiking, and she could feel the heat radiating off of him.

"NO, Brooke, I know how to take care of myself, just take me to a bathroom, I'll puke for a few minutes, have some water, puke some more, sleep some, then everything will be peechy keen." Lucas said with a raspy voice, and he could feel the bile rising in his throat.

"Okay, let's just go to the Mc Donald across the street, I promise that you will be okay." Brooke kissed his forehead, and pushed him into the back seat of her VW Beetle. She then sped into the parking lot of the fast food restaurant, with so much worry. Lucas was starting to look drowsy, she had a feeling that he had never had so many pills in his system for this period of time before.

Brooke lead him into the boy's bathroom, and followed him in there, much to the dismay of some of the gross men in there. She was disgusted at the unhygenic room, how did guys think that this was even remotely clean.

"What, never seen a pair of boobs? Get over it and go buy a Playboy. That magazine is about the only thing in your league. " She said to one guy who stared at her chest for almost 20 seconds. The gross man quickly tore his glare away from her boobs, and ran out of the bathroom, which Brooke locked so she could be alone while taking care of Lucas.

Lucas shoved his fingers down his throat, triggering his gag reflex, and bringing the toxic bile from his stomach to land in the toilet. He threw up for almost three minutes with Brooke rubbing his back, and crooning pacifying words to him. Next, she handed him a bottle of water from her backpack, and gave it to him, quenching his thirst, and washing the acidic taste from his mouth. Then when he had some more liquid in his stomach, he had more contents in his stomach to throw up.

Brooke felt like she wanted to cry, she had never, not once in their close friendship, had she ever seen him at such a low and vulnerable point. It was excruciating to watch her best friend do this to himself.

"You're okay baby. I love you." She whispered into his hair, which was either wet from his earlier shower, or sweat. Brooke felt his body stop it's wracking heaves, bringing a sweaty, and no longer poisoned Lucas to lean on the bathroom stall.

"Thankyou Brooke." He whispered, but she wouldn't let him fall asleep yet, she didn't feel like lugging his fat ass out of a Mc Donalds. "Come on Luke, let's get you to the car, then I'll take you to my house and you can sleep as long as you like." She brushed his hair back with her nails as he lay in her arms.

When he was in the car, she kept telling him to stay awake, and she whispered numerous times how much she loved him, which she knew would keep him awake because it was the one sentence he would never get tired of.

As they arrived at Brooke's house, somehow Lucas found the strength to lug himself up her mountains of stairs before collapsing on her bed. Brooke layed beside him and covered him with his favorite blanket. She started to kiss the nape of his neck, making him moan.

"Brooke... What does this mean for us... I mean, are we like, ya know... a couple?" He whispered, his voice still raspy, and his throat hurting from his session of throwing up.

Brooke turned him over and kissed his lips as she put extra emphasis on pushing her body on Lucas's pelvic area, making him grow more anticipation. She kept kissing him, and rubbing the area between his legs that would cause him so much pleasure that he could hardly stand it.

"Nope, we still aren't anything Lucas. This is nothing between us." She spoke while looking into her eyes. It was like she changed identities when she was kissing Lucas. She was a sweet caring best friend when they weren't making out or if they were just hanging out, but when they were, she was a ruthless, sexy heartbreaker.

They stopped making out for awhile when Brooke saw that Lucas needed to sleep, apparently after their rendevouz last night, where she ditched at the worst time, he didn't sleep, and either did she.

"Tease..." Lucas said as he was half asleep. He was more and more pissed off now that she was taking advantage of him, giving him pleasure, and pulling it away at a whim. He didn't need anymore conditional love, but at the same time, he loved the spontanaity of his and Brooke's liasons.

"Bastard..." She said in her sultry voice, knowing that Lucas didn't take that comment seriously, the two just liked to talk dirty to eachother. With one last lip connection, the two fell asleep by eachother, with Brooke's hand up his shirt, and his hands in very inapproprate places.

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Okay. I'm not really sure how well I did on the make out scenes, I've never written anything like that before. I hope you liked the Brucas. If anyone had any suggestions for what you would like to happen in this story, just tell me. Please read and review. Love Kendall


	15. Between The Lines Of Fear And Blame

I Don't Own Anything

Brooke woke up in her bed, feeling refreshed from sleeping by Lucas. She felt hands in many places that weren't exactly innocent. One of Lucas's rough, calloused hands was rested on her left breast, in a sweet, but sexy gesture. And the other was scrawled across her body, touching her jean clad bottom.

But her hands weren't in the most innocent places either, with her soft hands rested under Lucas's worn hoodie, and old undershirt. The hands were rested in either place of Lucas's toned abdomen, and his muscular pec.

Her sexual appetite was growing, and she was no longer satisfied with the idle position of their hands, so she reached over and applied her favorite strawberry, pink, lip gloss, knowing that Lucas wouldn't be able to resist her with that on her lips.

Then she connected her candied lips to Lucas's. And immediately she knew that she was successful in awakening him when he groaned and moved his hands to her face. She rolled on top of him, savoring how bothered Lucas was growing, signaling that what she was doing right now was working and that he had no desire for her to stop.

Lucas grew bolder with a new sense of courage as he lightly removed her sweater and t-shirt, and was greeted with the view of Brooke's lacy pink bra. He recognized the bra from the time Brooke dragged him into the lingerie store as revenge for him taking her into the old gross book store for hours at a time.

In a state of fascination, he brought his hands to the flesh above her jeans, which was toned from years of cheerleading, and as he inched his hands highed, Brooke's breathing sped up, knowing where he was headed. Lucas traced the outline of her bra shyly, never being to this level of experience. When he heard her plead with him, he smiled, knowing he was getting his revenge on her for teasing him so cruelly the night before.

Before Lucas could go any further, Brooke decided to get her share of Lucas's goods. She ripped Lucas's shirt off, tearing the neckline slightly in the naughtiness, and ran her hands lightly over the collection of welts that he had sustained from his father. She could tell he was growing anxious as she kissed slowly down to where his baggy jeans resided, with the boxers decorated with little basketballs, peeking out.

Lucas's anticipation grew when he felt the button of his jeans go undone, and his fly unzip. Then finally, his prayers for the excruciatingly hot jeans to be rid of his body was answered.

"Your turn." Lucas said to Brooke as he rolled her to the bottom and began kiss his way from her stomach, and back to her face and neck, careful not to leave any tell tale marks on her neck of their liaisons.

Brooke giggled at Lucas's whispers. She loved this new courageous Lucas. Usually, Lucas was shy about kissing, and anything like this, but now, he was even taking control, leaving her at his will.

Brooke's jeans were almost like a second skin forming to her veluptuous curves that he had checked out from behind on more than one occasion. But as he slid the pants down her legs, he saw her matching panties that made him love her even more. "Damn she was appetizing." He thought in his mind as he once again kissed her with a renewed passion.

Lucas and Brooke could not believe that this was coming true, that they were on Brooke's bed, eyeing the eachother in their mere underwear.

As their kissing became hotter, Lucas moved his hands up to her bra clasp, and was about to undo it, but the shy side came over him, and he froze up, utterly humiliated that he couldn't be manly enough to remove a girl's bra. But he wasn't the only one feeling nervous, Brooke was getting very uncomfortable, the only man that had touched her like this before, was Kurt, and he had been much more rough.

So, Brooke brought her hands up to Lucas's, and lowered them, hoping to ease his nerves slightly. "Don't worry Luke, we won't go this far today. But don't count on it later." She winked before kissing him again.

The two laid on her bed, acting like a newly married couple with the absent fondling, and sweet words being exchanged. And for once, they both felt content.

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Dan Scott sat in a meeting at the dealership, completely uninterested in the feeble conflicts at hand, like changing the colors of the sale tags. He nodded once in awhile, when it felt appropriate, and jotted down the few words that his non interested ears caught.

He almost yelled a hallelujah when he heard his secretary buzz through and tell him that he had a phone call from his son's school. Calmly, he excused himself, and almost skipped out of the room, ignoring the annoyed looked of his employees. He gave them a look that told them that he was the boss and he could fire them at a whim if he wanted to.

"Hello Mr. Scott, this is Mike Jones, the dean of students of Tree Hill high. I just called to inform you that your son Lucas has skipped the entire school day today, and the office didn't get a call from you or your wife excusing an absense for him. This is a very serious offense with his history of getting in trouble. So I suggest controlling that little trouble maker before he gets himself suspended."

Dan was fuming, that little brat always caused problems when he thought he wasn't getting enough attention. Now he would have to search the town, trying to find the kid. He knew that even Lucas wasn't stupid enough to stay home when skipping school.

So fuming, he hung up the phone, apologized for having to leave the meeting, and drove away heatedly, beginning the search to find his son. And the first stop was the school, who knew, maybe Lucas got to school and fell asleep in the back of his car, something that had happened before when the kid was tired.

As he pulled into the school parking lot, he relaxed slightly, seeing the over priced sports utility vehicle Deb had convinced him to buy for Lucas for his birthday after beating the child.

Though, this could be a good or bad signal. Lucas didn't have the patience to go anywhere far, or the money, Dan had never provided the boy with an allowance, Nathan either. Because even if he spoiled those boys with so many material things, he knew that he needed to teach them the meaning of a hard earned dollar.

Anxiously, he fiddled with his key ring, searching for the one branded with the Lincoln symbol. When he found it, he shoved it into the lock and opened the door.

When Dan slid into the driver's seat, he looked around the car for any signs of life, and the only kind of life he found was growing from all the garbage piling up in the back seat, he made a mental note to lecture Lucas about the importance of cleaning his car once in a blue moon.

But one item, one that was not disregarded, caught his eye. A transparent orange bottle sitting in the cup holder, branded with Lucas's name, and some medical jargon he could not understand. Deb had gotten the prescription refilled the day before, but when he shook the bottle, and it seemed half empty.

Dan's eyes grew wide, Lucas had done it again. Some part of his heart which was 3 sizes too small, grew cold. His child, his first born son, had taken more pills, and since the kid's car was here, that meant...

His boy, Lucas, could be staggering in an alley, sweating away the last of his life, fearing that his own father would not care enough about him to come find him. Dan was so afraid right now, infact, he was damned near terrified. He could not find his child, who was possibly sitting in an alley dying.

At once, his mind went into over drive, trying to search for a way to find Lucas. Who knew Lucas the most? Who could find where Lucas would go right now? "Duh...Brooke" He told himself. Dan stormed into the school, hoping to dear god that Brooke was there, and she knew where Lucas was, because he didn't think he could take ever losing Lucas.

"Hello Mr. Scott. What may we do for you today?" The sweet secretary asked him, her high pitched, annoying voice, agitating Dan out of his mind.

"Yea, is Brooke Davis present today?" He replied quickly, knowing that every precious moment that passed could be one less moment that Lucas spent living this day. And he could tell that the plump woman infront of him was tempted to tell him that he couldn't tell him that, but when he gave her the poercing look that said that he could take her out of her job very easily, she reluctantly typed a few keys on the computer infront of her, and answered him.

"No sir, I'm afraid that Miss Davis is not attending school today." Dan immediately cursed inside of his head, but before he could rush out of the school, looking for his son, another panicked presence appeared in the room.

"What is this about my daughter not coming to school today? This has to be some sort of mistake." Yelled Robert Davis as he barged into the office in a worried rage.

"I assure you two, there has been no mistake. Lucas Scott, and Brooklyn Davis did not attend school today. Now I suggest leaving this instant before I get securtiy." The plump woman infront of them said, getting annoyed at them.

The two fathers left the building and walked over to Lucas's car, still trying to think of where their children could be. Dan was even more worried now as he looked down at the orange bottle he had been clutching in his hand. Now if Lucas was in trouble, he would have his best friend by his side, hopefully having some common sense, or they were together being teenagers and doing something stupid, and now they had Brooke's car to aid in their stupidity.

"Where do you think they could be?" Dan asked, horribly worried, and feeling the ice block settle inside of his stomach.

"Probably at my house, Brooke wouldn't go anywhere. But Dan, I'll bet we're just worrying for no good reason. Brooke probably just got sick when they got to school, and asked Lucas to drive her home."

But Robert's logic didn't ease Dan's fears, he could still picute his son laying somewhere dying, because the story Brooke's father came up with still did not match up with the missing anti-depressants.

The two fathers pulled up to the Davis mansion, and their worries were slightly when they saw the baby blue car parked in the driveway.

"See Dan. Told you we had nothing to worry about, they are probably in the living room watching movies." Dan nodded, just hoping that his son was in that house, and not somewhere dangerous.

Trying to be stealth, Dan and Robert entered the home, quietly attempting to locate their children. But the teenagers weren't downstairs, so quitting the quiet act, they barged into the room.

Both fathers were beyond unpleasantly surprised at the sight. Their children's arms were wrapped around the other, cupping and holding places that shouldn't be when a girl or boy's father is around. And if Dan wasn't about to strangle his son for the position he was in, he would have noticed the content smile on Lucas's face.

Robert was the first parent to respond to Lucas and Brooke's inappropriate position. He was not at all happy to see his innocent little girl in her undergarments, and being held onto by a teenage boy.

"Brooke, get up!" He yelled, awakening both of the teenagers. His daughter was the first to sit up, and see her father. But it wasn't till she remembered her revealing appearance, did she try to cover herself.

"Would you two cover yourselves?" Robert asked, noticing the unappealing sight of his daughter's exposure, and the nearly naked boy holding her to close to his body. Brooke brought the quilt up over herself as Lucas pulled up his boxers so he was at the nearest point of decency, and accompanied Brooke under the blanket, not liking the menacing looks he was getting from Brooke's father, and the disappointed look coming from his own father.

"Not under the same blanket you two!" Robert yelled even louder, frightening Brooke and Lucas. Reflexively, Brooke pulled the quilt off of Lucas, and covered herself with it, leaving Lucas cold and exposed. Dan cringed at the sight of his son, barely covered in his basketball boxers. Not being able to take it any longer, he reached down and grabbed the discarded faded jeans off of the floor and chucked them at Lucas, who clumsily slid them over his toned athletic legs.

"What the hell are you two thinking? Skipping school just to come home and have horny rendevouzs? Do you have any idea how worried we were? I thought that my only daughter was gone for good!" Robert scolded his daughter, not believing that his little girl could make him worry over something like this.

Dan just stared at his first born son, in complete and utter shock. He had been worried out of his mind for the boy, tears had literally come to his eyes at he thought that his son might be missing. But now, seeing that he had worried for nothing, that Lucas only skipped school to have sex with his best friend, he was completely disgusted. How could Lucas do something so stupid? And after that lecture he had given earlier...unbelievable. He was going to give Lucas some biting words that he would probably regret later, but was interrupted by Robert, who had the same idea as him.

"I want more for you Brooke, something other than being the next whore to be impregnated by a Scott! I thought you were better than this!" His words brought a devastated look into Brooke's hazel eyes. But the words got a considerable reaction from Lucas, who was shaking in either rage, or coldness.

"Don't EVER call her a whore again! You don't have the damned right to do that! Your daughter is the most respectable girl, and the greatest girl I have ever met. And for you to call her a whore for something that I initiated, that is just despicable!" Lucas said, getting off of the bed and moving closer to Brooke's father.

"So I was right about you. You are just bringing my little girl down. You stay away from my daughter you little bastard!" Lucas and Robert were face to face, scaring Brooke. Both men were sizing the other up. And Lucas got even angrier when Mr. Davis began laughing at him.

"What is so fking funny?" He growled at the older man, still wanting to avenge Brooke's suffering at the words her father had so cruelly said to her.

"Nothing, I'm just wondering how you think that you can take me when you can hardly defend yourself from your father." That was a low blow, and it wasn't until now that Lucas was aware that without his shirt, all evidence of the abuse he recieved on a regular basis was completely visible. But the shame from being called out about being defensless sent the hot blood racing to his ears and cheeks.

Before anything could get ugly, Dan roughly snagged his son's arm and dragged him away, whispering threats that made Lucas fear for his health and safety. He wanted to get Lucas away from that scene before either Robert or him could do anything stupid that could make them loose Brooke. And Dan knew Lucas well enough to know that the boy could simply not loose Brooke's friendship.

When outside the house, Dan literally shoved his son into the side of car, making him collide with the new paint job of his car. He threw the hoodie at the boy, but kept the shirt, examining the tear in the worn neckline.

"Gettin' a little bit frisky, aren't ya boy?" Lucas shamefully examined the black pavement under his birkenstock covered feet, determined not to look at the disappointment and shame of him. Dan moved forward to him in a threatening manner, clearly intending to cause Lucas some sort of physical pain. But Lucas peered up as Dan's hand was in a back swing, and he saw Brooke's face, looking frightendly out at him. He didn't want Brooke to have to witness and feel what he did every day, so he bagn pleading with his father.

"Dad, can we please not do this now?" He whispered with a pathetic voice, and hoped that his father would have the courtesy to wait until they got home to serve him his punishment. So, having pity on his child, Dan lowered his arm and began sticking to the mental and emotional abuse.

"Damnit Lucas! Don't you get it? Do you get how disappointed I am to see my son like this? This is ridiculous! I hope you know that sometimes Lucas, I am ashamed to be your father." Dan spoke with a small voice as he watched Lucas go rigid at the words. The hooded sweatshirt had been pulled over the boy's head, and Dan could notice the physical change in his son's breathing and demeanor.

And there it was. Lucas's worst fears, the one thing that he dreaded hearing, was confirmed. He could almost feel his ears and what ever remnants of his heart, explode. His father was ashamed of him. Rage started bubbling inside of his abused soul, making the quiet mouse like Lucas disappear, and the dangerous one lash out, wanting to give his father a dose of his own medicine.

"I know! Okay! I know! You're ashamed of me, and you never wanted me. And it's my fault, if I had never been born, then you, and everyone else would be happy. I screw everything up, and I know that. And I'm sorry..." Lucas screamed, emotion breaking the words up. He finally worked up the guts to look his father in the eyes, praying that he would see the proud look that fathers give their children after a good basketball game, or at least some sort of tolerance for him.

But there was nothing in the blue eyes that mirrored his own. The only thing there was a void, where feelings of his first born son should have been, there was nothing. And that hurt more than the thought that Lucas was a loser, it just meant that his father felt no sort of paternal thoughts or affection for him.

"Get in the car, let's go home." Dan said lightly, trying to block out the penetrating glare of Lucas's eyes. But he couldn't return the look, because that look would change everything between father and son, and because that look would give Lucas a hope that would eventually be crushed again because of his father's cold demeanor. He didn't want to hurt his child anymore, damn, he couldn't stand to see that look of devastation enter his son's eyes once more.

Lucas didn't reply, but instead of opening the car door and climbing in the passenger seat, he turned away from his father, and began to walk away.

"Get back here Lucas! I still need to talk to you about those eleven anti depressants you downed today!" The words got Lucas to stop in his tracks before swiveling his head back around to see Dan holding the little bottle that had almost become his new best friend.

"It's about time you noticed." Was the only words Lucas muttered so only his father could hear, before turning back around and shuffled away, leaving Dan in awe.

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"It's about time you noticed." The words repeated over and over in Dan's mind as he drove home.

"What the hell was that supposed to mean? Was it that he was an inattentive father? Or was Lucas just messing with his mind as he(Dan) had done for so many years.

As soon as he was in the house, he saw Keith on his computer with some sort of application. For a California school.

"Hey Keith, what is this?" He asked, wondering why Keith would have printed out an application for a California High School.

"Danny I need to talk to you for a few minutes. It's about Luke." Keith entered the room with a solemn look on his face, meaning that what ever he wanted to talk about couldn't be good news.

"What?" So many scenarios ran through his mind, so many bad ones. And right now, Keith's pausing wasn't making Dan any more patient.

"Danny, I was thinking about Lucas last night, and how he isn't doing so well in Tree Hill, so I thought that I want to take Lucas back to California with me." Dan's eyes grew wide, and the fear of losing his son was squeezing it's way back into his cold heart.

"NO, Absolutely Not!" The father yelled. What right did Keith have to walk right into his life, judge his skills as a parent, and then decide to take one of his children?

"Well Danny, if you haven't noticed, Lucas isn't exactly doing well here. And you're not doing the best with him either. Come on Danny, the kid tries to overdose on Zoloft on a regular basis, he gets drunk, and he skips school. He needs a change of scenery, something other than this well of hatred of him that he lives in right now. It's not healthy for him."

"I SAID NO! You are not taking my child, MY CHILD, back home with you!" Dan yelled again, angry at being called out on his bad parenting. He would not lose Lucas, he was starting to make some progress, and that would not be taken away from him. And no matter what Keith said, in the end, it was his decision where ever Lucas would happen to go.

"Then what Danny? Tell me, what is going to change here? Is Deb going to stop hating him, are you going to stop abusing him? Or is he going to continue to live in this hell that has become his life, and then slink off to college to never be seen again? The kid needs to be happy, and you need to stop being selfish for once in your life and let him be happy!" This conversation was turning into a bitch fest, and it was getting more and more heated by each word.

Before Dan had the chance to answer back biting words to his brother, they heard the squeak of the heavy front door open, letting in the blonde boy who was the topic of conversation. Both older men were staring at him, making the kid uncomfortable. But Lucas didn't say anything, he just gave them both death stares before stomping off to his room.

"See Danny, that is what I'm talking about. Did that teenager look like he was fine and dandy?" Keith asked, being careful not to be loud enough for Lucas to know something was up.

"We'll talk about this later." Dan snarled before stalking away to his office and slamming the door. He sat down at his desk and let everything sink in.

"You need to stop being selfish for one in your life, and let Lucas be happy." Keith's biting words ringing continued to ring in his head. Was he really being selfish by making Lucas stay? Would Lucas be happier if Dan let him go? Dan could not take this, the threat of losing Lucas.

Dan knew that he was the one who caused most of Lucas's pain, depression, and bruises, internal and external, but the threat of losing Lucas made him shudder. Lucas was the last remnant of Karen he had left, even if Lucas and Karen didn't look much alike, he still savored when he would give Lucas a side glance, and would see one of Karen's mannerisms, or how he would hear one of the saying about life from Lucas, one that Karen had taught him.

And was he being selfish, and not letting Lucas be happy by forcing him to stay because of his own yearning for any part of Karen he could get? Yea, Lucas was probably the unhappiest person in Tree Hill besides himself, and Lucas might have a chance at a new life, a new chance at happiness if he got to move to California with his uncle.

But Dan really didn't want him to go. And it wasn't just about losing Karen, he realized, it was also about losing his son. Whether he wanted to agree to it or not, he had grown to accept Lucas's presence in his home. And he had grown to enjoy the annoying, yet intruiging skulking and lurking that his son tended to do around the house with his head down.

Dan really didn't want to hold his son back from the happiness he deserved, but at the same time, he didn't want to lose his son, not just Karen, but his son. This was one of the toughest decisons he had to make, either let his son go and be happy, or pull him back and force him to continue being miserable. Maybe Lucas would want to choose. He tried to reassure himself, but somehow, it didn't work, because what if Lucas chose to leave?

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Keith sat at dinner with the rest of the family, in an awkward meal. He was dying to break out and ask Lucas if he wanted to leave this hell hole and go to California, but the respect for his brother wanting to talk to his wife about this first got the best of him.

"Luke, where were you today at basketball, coach was kinda mad." Nathan said while looking at his brother, who was clearly not content with sitting at dinner and trying to act civilized around his father.

"I was at home, I got sick and decided to go home, I forgot to tell Whitey." The response was robotic as Lucas continued to stare at the untouched food on his plate. He was never hungry after he overdosed. Lucas lifted only his eyes, to peer at his father, who was burning holes into him with that penetrating glare. The look told him that he and Dan would be having a little talk about his little liaison with Brooke, and that little overdose of 11 anti-depressants.

"May I be excused?" Lucas asked, while on his way out of his chair, wanting to get away from his father, but Dan wasn't having any of his evasive tacitcs.

"No, you will sit down and eat your dinner like the rest of us, and then you and Nathan will do the dishes. Now sit down and eat your food, you need it, remember." The last part of that sentence was low and in a warning tone. Lucas wondered if his father actually knew that he had overdosed on the pills.

How could he know? Lucas had taken great care in hiding the bottle in his car, knowing that no one would get into it. But then how did his father know? Was it his mannerisms, or was he just being paranoid?

"Whatever." Lucas spoke in discontent, he was so close to standing up and telling his father to go to hell, the usual respose, but he could not find the words, almost as if he was a puppet under Dan's control.

Dan watched his son slouch back into his chair defeated, he had been expecting some sort of Grammy winning performance from his son, and a dramatic exit, but there was none. Something was wrong, the fight seemed to be gone.

---------------------------

Dinner had finished, still as tense as it had been, and once it had finished, Lucas stomped up to his room, completely ignoring his responsibilities for doing the dishes.

Lucas, dressed in basketball shorts, and a light blue shirt, a basketball and iPod in hand, made his way out of the house and down the driveway, only to be stopped by his father.

"Luke, where are you going?" Lucas stopped in his tracks and bit the side of his mouth to prevent some sort of horrible remark from coming out of his mouth that he would regret, and probably get hit from. Over the years, the inside of Lucas's mouth had grown raw, scarred from the abuse by his teeth from holding back remarks.

"To the Rivercourt." The reply was soft, but rigid and tense. Dan could visibly see how on guard Lucas was and hated that Lucas had to be like this around his father.

So Lucas was going to the Rivercourt. Dan knew exactly what that was, it was an old abandoned basketball court that Lucas had fixed up, he remembered watching the boy play many times when he was younger. A few times, when he went to go watch Lucas play, he would see Karen and him having a picnic, and a fun mother and son day. He knew that Karen would see him, they had connected eyes many times, but she would always allow him to watch his son, and for that, he would always be forever thankful to her.

"Why don't you play here on our court?" He asked, curious as to why the kid would want to go all the way to the other side of the tracks, to the 'other side' of town to that ratty court when he could play on a nicely paved, freshly lined court with lights that was in his own backyard.

"Because I was never allowed to play on that court, remember, it was just for your good son and his buddies." The words rolled off of his tongue with a venom that was only reserved for Dan.

Dan looked away from Lucas, knowing that the boy had a valid point, he had scolded Lucas many a time for attempting to play on the private court.

"Come on, lets go sit down, I want to talk to you for awhile, then maybe play a little one on one." Dan said, pointing nicely to the basketball court. He noticed the apprehension rediating off of Lucas, and once more, thoughts of him being selfish invaded his mind once again.

"It's just to talk Lucas, we don't have to play at all." Lucas slowly and reluctantly dragging his feet towards the nice court, where his father was pointing. He sat down softly on the half court line, and curled himself up into a defensive ball.

The pair stayed silent for awhile, watching the sun set on the horizon. Both were enjoying the other's presence whether they would admit it or not. But Dan decided to speak after almost twenty minutes of silence.

"Why do you overdose Lucas?" Dan said as he looked over at his son's shadow of a profile, he could not see any emotions off of the boy's face, meaning that this conversation would be alot easier without the physical reactions that he didn't want to deal with at the moment. But it was too late, the question had already been asked.

"How did you know? You went through my stuff, didn't you. God Dan, it's called privacy, you know, a right that every human being has." Lucas said in his agitated tone, pissed that his privacy had been invaded by the man he hated the most.

"It's also a right that you lost when you started skipping school, having little liaisons with that 'best friend' of yours, coming home drunk, and taking way too many anti-depressants. Which brings me back to my original point. Why do you overdose Lucas?"

"You don't get it and you never will. You don't know how hellish I feel every day, and how horrible things are sometimes at school, home, basketball, anywhere. I tell myself sometimes that if it doesn't stop in a day, a week, a month, a year, anything, then I will do something that will make it stop. It's just the idea of waking up everyday, and feeling just as bad as you did the day before, that makes you want to do something to make it feel better."

Lucas's confession made Dan sit in shock, not knowing how to respond. The kid was being a bit dramatic, I mean really, could life really have been that cruel to him? He thought about Keith again, and once again wondered if things would be better for Lucas if he were to move to California.

"You're right, I won't ever understand why you choose to poison yourself. But why don't you ever talk to someone about these kinds of things. You need to talk to someone, anyone about this..." Dan was cut off sharply by bitter laughter from his son. He didn't understand, what was so funny about what he had just said?

"You are such a fking hypocrite! I know that when I was 14 that you didn't want me to get therapy. And I can't talk to Brooke because I can't disappoint her like I do so many other people. So you don't have the damned right to tell me to talk to someone." Lucas stood up off the court, began pacing. How dare Dan, how dare he deprive him of any sort of therapy for so many years, and now, finally when he notices that something might be wrong with his son, he decided that he needs someone to talk to .

Dan was very tempted to blab about the whole idea of sending Lucas off to California. And as he looked at his son, he realized that this might just be what was best for Lucas. He hated to say it, but there was no way, that in Tree Hill, that Lucas would have a chance to be happy, or at least content, something would have to change.

Lucas quickly swiped up the basketball at his feet, and chucked it at the backboard. He was amazed when he hit his target, giving a loud bang. He gave his father one last look that contained yearning, knowing full well that Dan could not see it, before stalking off, unhappy with the conversation.

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In her office, at her desk, Debra Scott ran her finger over the days on her calendar, counting each until she came to a decorated one that wrote.

"Luke's 17th Birthday!" It was 7 days away, one week, a mere seven days. How did she let it come this close without properly preparing herself for the revelation that would surely enough rock the hardly stable foundation that Lucas had built for his life.

How was she going to tell him? How do you go up to a newly turned 17 year old and tell him that he had been wrong all these years about his mother's suicide? How was the boy going to react? How did she expect him to react? Was he going to hate her from keeping from him? Or will he thank her for sharing it with him?

There were so many questions, and merely seven days to answer them. But she had some help, she told Keith about her little predicament, and he gladly agreed to help her with it.

"How are you holding up?" Deb was startled to hear a masculine voice bhind her, she turned around quickly to see Keith standing in her office.

"I don't how I let it get this close without preparing for it. In one week, he turns 17 in one week. I can't believe it's been that long. He was 14 when he moved in, and I always knew that this day was coming, I just never wanted to prepare for it." Deb spoke in a trance as she ran her hand over a family portrait which held all of the Scott family, wearing white polo shirts and khakis, sitting outside in the yard.

She never noticed before, but Dan's eyes were pointed sideways ever so slightly, as if he were staring at the blonde boy at his side. And Lucas's smile, if you could call the pathetic thing a smile, with weakly upturned lips, it never seemed to reach his eyes. Those eyes, the ones that resembled a fox's, who was trapped and yearned an escape.

She never even attempted to notice, Deb had been trapped inside of her own pain, to even try to help Lucas with his. Oh, yes, she knew that she left Lucas in one of the worst times that she could have. And as she came back from her disasterous business trip, she destroyed Lucas's hopes of her being a mother figure for him.

Deb knew that there was something horribly wrong inside of her, because after she got her abortion, she had never even tried to be a mother to him, knowing it would be too hard to nurture Lucas while she yeared for the child that she had never given a chance.

So, in a futile attempt to grieve the loss of her child, she grew jealous of Lucas, who seemed to be coping with his horrible bouts of pain. Deb began to mutter snide comments when Lucas lurked by, hoping to bring him down to her level of grief, then maybe, they could cope together. But this plan had not worked, only back fired, making both her and Lucas's wounds hemmorage.

"Deb, are you okay? Deb?" The blonde woman was interrupted by the man at her side, who was lightly tapping her shoulder. Actually, she was glad he broke her out of her introspection, because she was tempted to not tell Lucas at all about his mother.

This was going to destroy him, all of his previous knowledge about what had happened when he was 14 would be proved negative, and Lucas might just pull into that thick protective shell of his for good.

"I should probably tell you Deb...I was thinking about Lucas for awhile, and I was thinking that maybe, after his birthday, I should take him back to California with me." Keith notice that the look on her face grew constircted. She turned away from that revealing family portrait, and stared at Keith.

"Let's just talk about that later, atleast when Dan is here, I don't want to make any decisions like that without him." Her voice was light, and she could not comprehend any emotions about the revelation.

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Lucas lay in his bed that night, begging sleep to take him away from his troubling thoughts, and the earlier words from his father, stating that soon enough, he would be seeing a therapist. Which was the exact opposite of what he wanted.

He didn't want to some stranger who he had never met to pick him apart psychologically. He didn't want anyone to figure out that the one thing that he wanted the most, was just to feel his mother's arms around him once more. No one deserved to get a peek into his inner most demons. No one except Brooke.

But as he had said before, he couldn't let Brooke in like that. He couldn't let her know the sick innermost thoughts that swam around in his head. The thoughts of cutting his wrists, thinking that his mother did it, why shouldn't he? His thoughts how his mother hated him so much, that she killed herself just to get away from him. He had so many thoughts that would probably disturb the finest therapists. But they didn't matter right now.

All Lucas really cared about was doing his best to not disappoint his best friend, or was she his love interest? Girlfriend? He really had no idea what the hell they were right now. And in a way, he regretted ever kissing her at all, because she had been the only stable thing in his life. It used to be her, and Dan's cruelness that were always constants, but now, with Brooke playing hot and cold games with them, and their recent make out session that was rudely interrupted, with Dan's Mike Brady slash Mrs. Fields attitude, Lucas was ready to scream his head off.

Lucas wondered for a few short minutes if Dan's intentions were true, or if it was some spur of the moment deal that was wearing off rapidly, leaving Dan regretting ever talking to him kindly in the first place, and giving him the slightest hope. Because whether he would admit it out loud or not, he hoped with all he had that Dan's intentions were true.

The extreme difficulty that Lucas was exhibiting to Dan was merely a test to check and see if Dan was really wanting to try with him, or if it was someone else forcing him to do it. But his dad didn't seem to be backing off.

"Dad" The word that he usually used to adress his father. And as he tested the word, he said it to himself, finally caring how it sounded coming from him. It didn't sound right. Almost as if he were saying gibberish instead of a word that was so simple for most kids.

And that was what it was to most kids, just a word to acknowlede the man who had been a father to them. But not him, he had never had that. The only reason he began calling Dan that was because when you live with someone for almost 3 years, you begin to get sick of calling them by their name, or father.

It began one day when he still had to ask permission to go places. He had walked by his father's office, preparing to go to the Rivercourt. And thanks to some stupid slip of the tongue, he had asked "Dad, can I go to the Rivercourt?" He remembered those moments vividly. Because right after he had said those compromising words, he backed up into the wall and slid down, fearing the cruel and horrible words that were bound to come out of Dan's mouth. But none came, all he heard back was, "Sure Lucas, don't forget to get lost in traffic, and be back by dinner."

Lucas hadn't cared about the first part of the sentence that pretty much told him to go die, all he cared about was the relief of not being called on the first word of his sentence. And ever since then, he had always called his father that. But every time he did, he still feared that his father would say something like, "When will you realize that I'm not your father?" Sometimes, he really thought that he was never meant to call someone Dad. But who wouldn't call their parent that after three years of living with them.

Wow! Almost 3 years, has it really been that long? He was turning 17 in one week, and it seemed like 10 years ago when he last celebrated a happy birthday. Since his mother had been alive...

He missed his mother so much, he missed her smile, her sweet voice telling him that she loved him, her cooking that stuffed him full every time he ate, and how he could tell her everything without the fear of her judging him or being disappointed in him.

Lucas felt like he had grown a million years since he moved into his dad's house. He had been such a child back then, still vulnerable to words, and with that chip on his shoulder. He laughed, Brooke had always made fun of him for that. But now, he was almost an adult, and most of that had been stripped away, leaving a soul that was close to being shut off from the world for good, and a boy who had finally given up.

He rethought his last birthday, and wondered what Dan was cooking up for him this year. Because last year he had gotten the shit beaten out of him, and then later that night, Dan had given him a Navigator, talk about bipolar. But he knew it was something that Deb had guilted his 'daddy' into getting him.

He smiled for a few moments, just savoring like any other kid that in one week, his 17th birthday would occurr. He was on the verge of adulthood, and he liked it. But then his smile faded, he wouldn't be able to participate in, like walking around the house bothering your parents about what you were getting for your birthday, and telling your mom about what kind of cake you want.

And now that whole on the verge of adulthood thing was starting to seem like it wasn't the best thing in the world. Because that meant in one year, Dan would probably throw him out on the streets with nothing. And sure he could stay with Brooke for awhile, but what would happen when she wanted to fulfill her dreams? She doesn't need some homeless bum holding her down. So now he would probably be living in some cardboard box.

Okay, so he was being a tad bit ridiculous. He would have some money and maybe, if he was extremely lucky, some college might want him, and if he was even luckier they would pay for his education. Then he would be able to get away from Dan and this horrible town for good. He hoped.

Lucas finally turned his bubbling thoughts on low as he closed his crystal blue eyes and rolled over on his side to get some sleep. He didn't want to sleep though, because each night he slept, when he woke up, it would be one day closer to the birthday that he dreaded so much. 6 days left...

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So sorry it took this long to get up. Not my best work, but I'm trying to set up Lucas's birthday, where secrets come out and Lucas's world is rocked in horrible and great ways. Hope ya liked, please review, Love Kendall


	16. Had I Known How To Save A Life

I Don't Own Anything

Okay, while typing, I noticed a little error of Lucas's car being back home, well, let's play pretend and say that Keith went and got it the night before? Okay? Okay. Enjoy!

Morning arrived for the Scotts as the family woke up and began their morning routines. And Lucas, who was dead tired, and felt like he was getting a cold, was not at all happy about it.

Lucas dragged himself down the stairs, ready to play the sick kid card and stay home today. But he knew Dan wouldn't buy it, after last night, it was very clear that Dan would not trust him at all.

"What reason does he have to trust you? Way to go Luke, you disappointed him again. Boy do you know how to screw something up." He said to himself as he pulled a black hoodie over his throbbing head.

After his little run in with Dan at breakfast a few days ago, he was weary of getting breakfast, or walking past the kitchen. Usually, he would go to Brooke's house for the morning meal, that her maid would make for them. But now, he wasn't so sure because of the fall out yesterday between him and her father, he was almost certain that she was angry with him.

Lucas planned just to stop at Mc Donalds for breakfast as he swiftly walked past the kitchen, and just as he thought he was in the clear, his father's voice pierced his ears.

"Luke, come in here for a few seconds son."

Reluctantly, Lucas dragged his feet into the kitchen, making it clear to his father that he was not content with being in his father's presence.

"What do you want Dad, I'm going to be late for school." As soon as Lucas heard the words out of his mouth, his soul began yearning, knowing how normal the words sounded from son to father.

"Are you okay Lucas? You look a little pale? Are you getting sick?" Dan moved toward his older son, noticing the pale complextion and the dark circles that resided under his eyes.

"Quit acting like you care, now what do you want?" Lucas said, secretly wanting to tell his father that he wasn't fine, his head felt like a block of cement being jabbed at by a jackhammer, and he could hardly breathe, not to mention, he could almost swear that someone had stuck sandpaper in the back of his throat. But that would make him vulnerable to his father, and allow him that luxury of hurting him.

"Sit down. You look exhausted." Dan said, not taking the bait, his son looked too tired to have another bitchfest. He gave Lucas a bottle of water, seeing how dehydrated he looked.

"I have been thinking about what I wanted to do for your birthday, and I thought that maybe, instead of the family ski trip being in December, we could go for your birthday. I want to make it up to you, all those horrible birthdays you had." Dan spoke in careful words, he didn't want to upset the kid, but at the same time, he wanted to show Lucas that he wasn't going to give up, and he was serious about wanting to do something nice for him.

"Yeah, whatever. I gotta go." Lucas was obviously surprised, and whether it was good or bad, it was impossible to tell. The boy got up and left the kitchen, leaving Dan to wonder if he had made his son happy.

Inside of his car, Lucas got in and slammed the door, immediately regreting it for the loud 'bang' it made. With his head rested on the steering wheel, he felt around the cup holders, looking for his medication, and hoping for it's relief.

But after a minute or so of searching for the bottle, Lucas grunted in frustration, and looked up. He began panicking at the absence of the bottle.

"Where did it go?" His breathing became quicker and more labored. He was officially in a complete crisis mode, because he wasn't sure that he could begin going without that pill.

"Dan..." His mind told him. His father must have taken them, that was how he knew about the overdose. And now he took the bottle that Lucas was beginning to rely on for getting through the day. He couldn't believe it! How could he take away the one constant he had at the moment, because even if Dan was being nice, which could stop at any second, and Brooke was playing him hot and cold, Lucas still had his little pill to rely on to keep all the pain and monsters away.

Well, he couldn't go back in there now, not after that dramatic exit he pulled off, and Dan would probably just ask him more about that damned trip he had never been allowed to attend. And what could he do? Go back in there and ask his Dad for the pills that he had abused and overdosed on? Yeah, that would go over wonderfully.

That damned ski trip...Lucas had always been left out of that privledge, each year being left alone to fend for himself. And now daddy wanted to invite him, and make it a birthday thing. In part of his mind he was elated that he now got the chance to go on the trip, and his dad was trying to kiss his ass. But that other voice inside of his head was telling him to say no, say that he didn't want anything from Dan.

So he decided, he would go on the trip, he would milk his birthday for all of it's worth, but he would also guilt Dan for everything, and make sure that Dan knew he wasn't at all happy about it.

With his head pounding with thoughts and sickness, he drove off to school, without his fix of the anti-depressants, and without the secure feeling that Brooke was behind him all the way.

----------------------------

Brooke arrived at school, looking like she had been run over by a truck. All night, her and her father had fought, about the nearly nude boy in her bed, and the horrible comments that had been exchanged. Now it was starting to take it's toll on her appearance.

She looked around the school for Lucas, she wanted to thank him for standing up for her, even when she didn't do the same for him when her father said some horrible things about Lucas not being able to defend himself.

Then finally, Lucas appeared at his locker, not looking like the same way that he usually did. He looked smaller, and more fragile. Oh god she hoped that Dan didn't do something to him. She rushed up to him, and saw him resting his head on the cold metal of his locker, looking like he was sick.

"Oh, Luke are you okay sweetie?" She asked as she put a hand up to his cheek. But as soon as it got there, she pulled it away, feeling the heat radiate off of him.

"You mean that you aren't mad at me about yesterday?" Lucas seemed surprised that she was being kind to him. Why would she be angry with him? He stood up for her when her dad called her a... she couldn't even think of the word without cringing.

"No Luke, why would I be mad at you? You stood up for me yesterday." Brooke took one of his colloused, basketball worn hands in hers and twirled her's and his fingers around eachother, it wasn't a seductive gesture, rather one used to comfort him, as he seemed on edge.

"Because I was about one word off from getting into a fist fight with your father. And I thought that you might be the least bit angry about that." Lucas's voice was raspy, and he felt like at any second he would fall over on to the hard floor.

"No Luke, you stood up for me. And I love you for that." She reached up and kissed him on the cheek, hoping to make him feel better, but she just worried worse now because of how high Lucas's fever must have been.

"I love you too Brooke." He let out his first smile of the day, happy to hear the words that he never got tired of. If he could hear those three words repeated for the rest of his life, then he would be happy.

"So, guess what is in six days?" Lucas pushed back his headache and scratchy throat as he kept his hand intertwined with Brooke's contetedly.

"Uh, let me see here...in six days, it will be 3 months until Nathan's birthday!" Brooke exclaimed, knowing that she was just messing with Lucas. As she looked in his eyes, she saw a flash of a bad memory and his blue eyes went dark for a few seconds. She felt bad when she remembered that on his fifteenth birthday, that was exactly what Dan said to him.

"I'm sorry Luke, I know that it's your birthday, and that was what Dan said a few years ago..." She was beginning to feel really guilty, because she was the one who was not supposed to hurt him.

"Don't worry Brooke, I don't care, besides, this year, Dan is trying to be the perfect father so he actually invited me to go on the family ski trip this year for my birthday." Lucas snorted in discontent. Dan always managed to put him in the worst of moods, whether it was him being nice and smarmy, or whether he was beating the crap out of his son.

"Luke, that's actually really nice, atleast he's making an effort and trying to do something nice for you." Brooke said, trying to be optimistic for her best friend, knowing that if Dan was being serious about wanting to get to know Lucas, then Lucas was blowing his only chance at absolution. But all she was rewarded with was another snort from Lucas.

"Where was that effort when I was twelve and I spent a week in the cold and dark because me and my mom couldn't afford heat or electricity? Where was that effort when I was five, and we couldn't even afford food?" Lucas whisper yelled, not able to get over the issues that he still had from his childhood.

"Don't take this out on me Lucas, it's your Dad that you need to talk to. I don't want to get into this now. Talk to Dan." Brooke took his hand up to her mouth and kissed it, trying to calm him down. In her mind, she cursed Dan for causing all these issues for Lucas, and not bothering to help him get through them. It was like spilling a carton of milk in a refrigerator, and not cleaning it up. The issues would be left out to dry, making them almost impossible to clean up.

"Yeah, thanks Brooke. Let's just get to class now." Brooke's grip on his hand tightened at those words, knowing that she upset him a little bit.

Brooke never wanted to upset him, but sometimes he needed to hear the truth, not what he wanted to hear. Like, what Lucas wanted to her to say about the birthday trip, was that she hated Dan just as much and he had no right to try to be nice to him. But that was incredibly unrealistic, and with her being his best friend, she was reqiured to tell him the truth, no matter how much it hurt.

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Dan had stayed home from work that day, he wasn't sick or anything, but he just wasn't in the mood to make deals on different colors of floor mats with small minded people who would be in debt for the rest of their lives if they bought a car from him.

He exited his office, just finishing some paperwork that had been long overdue. Walking around the house, he looked for Keith, wanting to talk to him about the little confession of taking Lucas to California.

"Hey, Danny, I've been looking for you. I called Deb to come home, I think that we should all talk about me taking Luke back." Keith's voice was solemn as Dan found his brother in the livivng room.

"Hey, Dan, Keith, what did you want to talk about?" They heard Deb's voice ring through out the house. She soon appeared, still dressed in her work skirt and blouse.

"I think that it's time we talked about Lucas." Keith's said, hoping that these parents would see things his way, and let Lucas go with him, it was for the boy's best interest.

The three adults entered one of the many offices in the house, all quietly contemplating the blonde boy at hand. No one seemed to want to make the first move. to be the one to initiate that conversation that would change their lives.

"I know you already know this, but when I go back to California, I want Luke to come live with me." Keith began, noticing how much tension and secrets were piled up into the room.

"And I already told you, I am his father, and it is my choice. I want Luke to stay in Tree Hill." Dan spoke with his voice being on edge. He was nervous and he would admit it.

"No, you want to keep him in this hell hole you have him trapped in. And that is not fair to him. Dan stop being selfish!" Deb watched on the sidelines, not liking how quickly this was turning bad.

The words telling him to stop being selfish got Dan to stop yelling and think about the decision for a few seconds. He was finally starting to make some progress with his son, like this morning when Lucas said, 'yeah, whatever' instead of some smartass comment. That was some improvement. And he planned on using this ski trip to get somewhat closer to Lucas. But he couldn't do that if he had the weight of Lucas leaving to California, hanging over his head.

What would be the point of trying to get to know Lucas if the boy was just going to live cross country? All of the effort that he was putting in now would be futile if he didn't get to see Lucas at another basketball game, or graduate high school. Those would be Keith's memories. And if giving Keith those memories meant that his son got the chance to be happy, then Dan would give Lucas up to his brother.

"Why do you want to take Lucas?" Deb broke the eerie silence that had enveloped the room. She was just as curious and nervous about having Lucas leave, because after she told Lucas about his mother's suicide, she was going to try to be there for him, and maybe it he would allow it, then she would even be a mother figure for him. He had been so deprived with motherly care, and she hoped that he would let her give him some care.

"Deb, I'm sure that you have noticed how horribly Lucas is doing here. He skips school, he drinks like a fish, and now he's starting to have sex! And if you haven't noticed Dan, that is not model behavior. You two haven't been paying too much attention to him, well atleast when you're not kicking the crap out of the kid, or degrading him. If he is with me in California, then he get's adult supervision, not five minutes of yelling and hitting before you go back to being non-attentive."

Dan and Deb nodded solemnly, both realizing the faults. They had been too focused on Nathan and their respective work places, that they never adjusted their schedules to fit a second kid into the mix.

"Well, Keith, what makes you think that Lucas will do any better in California with you? If he's as much as a trouble maker that you think, then he will get in as much trouble there as he would in Tree Hill, and atleast he has a friend here." Dan was getting frustrated, he wanted his son, and no one was going to take him away. Even though, a small part of his mind was screaming to stop holding the boy down, to give him a chance at happiness.

"Because Dan, in California, he doesn't have to live with your demands and demeaning every second every day. He won't have any reason to overdose like he does on a regular basis. And some of my closest friends are some of the best therapists on the west coast. Lucas might finally get some of the help that you didn't let him have because you were ashamed that your son could have such bad problems. Give the boy a chance Dan. Just give him the chance he deserves."

Keith was now reduced to the point of begging for the boy. All of the time he spent here, he was disgusted that his brother hadn't even bothered to get Lucas any sort of help, besides shoving a happy pill down his throat. That would be his first order of business, to take Lucas off the Zoloft and show him that he really was stronger than a pill.

Dan's mind was racing at those words, wanting to defend his 'alternative' method in parenting. But the common sense that there was no way to defend hitting your kid, he shut his mouth. He really wanted Lucas to stay, and that made him horrible, because not only was he keeping the boy away from a non-hostile envoirment, but it also made him somewhat of a hypocrite. Now that he was threatened with the boy being taken away, he was bringing out his fatherly side towards Lucas.

Could he really do that to his first born son? Could he really deprive that boy of the chance at a new life, a happy life? Maybe he should just make everything easier on everyone by giving Lucas up. Even if he had a chance at having a relationship with Lucas that he didn't want to give up, right now, he was just more concerned with his child being happy. Dan deeply sighed before beginning the sentence that would settle everything.

"How about I just make it simple for everyone. You can take Luke. I'll just tell him that I'm sending him to California. Then in the end, he won't have to choose between us. You know that would shred him to peices." Dan's voice was sad and defeated, knowing that he was doing what was best, he hoped.

Deb, who had been previously silent and content with watching the two brothers duke it out for the blonde boy, had finally heard something from her husband to get a reaction.

"I don't think that you want to do that Dan..." She paused as the older generation of Scott brothers averted their attention to her.

"What I'm saying is that you and Lucas are starting to be in a decent place, right? I don't think that you are considering Lucas's feelings here, either of you. Dan, if you just say to Lucas that you are sending him away, what do you think that will do to your relationship? He will think that you never meant it in the first place, and that you are relieving yourself of the burden and responsibility of him the first chance that you get? How good will that do for Lucas?"

"And you, Keith, you want to take Lucas away from everything he's ever known. In the middle of his junior year in high school, you want to drag the rug from under his feet. Have you ever thought of what you would be taking him away from? His family, his brother, his best friend. He would be leaving behind his mother's grave, the town that he grew up in. How is that going to help his mental state?"

Deb finally stopped her rampage, completely disbelieving the men infront of her. They were bargaining over Lucas like he was some sort of dog, not caring how he felt. If either of those men had gone through with what they thought they were doing, the results on Lucas would be tumultuous.

"You have a point Deb, but we can't make him choose between us, that would just be too hard for him. So that means that we have to make a decision here and now." Keith spoke in a low but convincing voice. He had not realized that he too, was making a decision that would potentially hurt Lucas. Deb was right, Lucas's mother's grave was located here, so was his only friend. But in the end, he wondered if keeping those luxuries close to Lucas would be just as important as taking him away and giving him a chance at a new life.

"I told you Keith, you can take him. Even if we are in a good place, I still want what would be best for Luke. And I'll tell him that. So we don't have to worry about him feeling even more unwanted, and he won't have to choose." Dan said, knowing he was sounding like an ass, just giving his son away.

"Dan! I thought that you cared enough about Lucas to not give him away. You gave me this whole speech about wanting to get to know Lucas, and when you get your first out from taking care of him, you bail! I cannot believe you." Deb was yelling at her husband, completely disappointed in her husband's incompetence with his first-born son.

"I know that it sounds horrible Deb, I know! Lucas deserves a much better father than me. But I can't give him that. So the one thing that I can do for him is to send him away, and let him be happy. Because he obviously isn't responding to anything that I do with him, so why should I hold him back? Take him Keith, but atleast wait until after his birthday." Dan spoke with so much emotion that his voice began to break. He hoped that he was doing what was best for his son.

"Okay, we'll tell him after his birthday, but Dan, if Lucas doesn't want to go, I'm not sure we want to push him." Deb said, still worried about her step-son's feelings, which always tended to get crushed by Dan.

"Yes, of course, we'll do what's best for Lucas." Keith, who had been previously quiet, finally spoke. He was quite happy he had gotten to have Lucas. The boy would do well in California, Keith was planning to send him to one of the finest schools on the west coast, and get him therapy from some of the best therapists in the country.

"One more thing... about Lucas's birthday. I was thinking that instead of having the ski trip in December, why not have it a few weeks earlier, and just go for Lucas's birthday. It would just be something nice for the kid." For one of the first times in Dan's life, he was sheepish about something. And he hated that he had to be sheepish about being nice to his son.

"Oh, Dan sweetie, I think that is a great idea, and I'm sure Lucas will enjoy it." Deb was absolutely gushing at Dan's kindness towards Lucas. She had always detested him leaving his child home alone, and yet she never had done anything about it.

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At lunch that day, Brooke and Lucas sat at their lunch table, the normally animated conversation was nothing more that Brooke talking and Lucas groaning a response. He was merely picking at the sandwich and other lunch items that had been packed in the crumpled brown bag.

"Luke, are you sure that you don't want to go home, you look like hell." She reached across the table and steadied his trembling hands, and noticed that he still had a fever. Not to mention that he had been sniffling all day, and his voice had been cracking from the pain in his throat.

"Thanks Brooke. No, Dan stayed home from work today, and the last thing I want to listen to is Mrs. Brady gone wrong, talking all about plans of the ski trp, or how things are going to be better and that he actually wants to be my daddy now. Too damn bad for him, if he had only thought of this 16 years ago." Lucas threw the last bit of sandwich, that had been picked apart by him, into the brown bag, hating Dan more than ever.

"Luke, baby, chill...I love you, but I hate when you get like this." Brooke said, knowing that if she called him baby, or something equally as girlfriendish, then Lucas would immediately relax. She hated that Dan could get Lucas worked up like this, and now Lucas would be even more sullen, walking around school with a black cloud over his head.

"I love you too Brooke...Ummm...I have a small question...Does this mean that we are a couple now?" Lucas stumbled over his words.

Brooke smiled lightly at Lucas. He was too adorable, right now, his face was a bright magenta, and he was rambling. She could see his hands fumbling with anything he could get his hands on. But right now, she couldn't have a relationship, it was too risky with everything she had been through.

"Sorry Luke, but not right now. After all I had been through with Kurt..." She hesitated with her words, trying to be lighter to not crush his feelings.

Lucas tried to be the supportive best friend, understanding that she didn't want a relationship so soon. But his damaged feelings were getting in the way. He let his kicked puppy dog face show for a few moments before covering it up with the supportive Lucas.

Brooke felt horrible, she had hurt him again. That seemed to be a pattern in Lucas's life, he would put himself, and his heart out on his sleeve, and someone, including her would knock them to the ground, and stomp and spit on them. For a split moment, she saw that wounded puppy look he had patented, cross his face. Brooke could not resist that look, but before she could respond to it, it was shielded by his facade of being okay.

"Yeah, whatever you say Brooke, I completely understand. I know that you can't open yourself up to a relationship right now." Lucas was at the point of mumbling his words that represented nothing more than lies. But he tried to be subtle about it, not letting it show that his feelings were once again hurt.

Before Brooke could say anything to make it up to him, or to tell him that she loved him always, the bell rang, signaling them to go to their next classes, which they did not share.

---------------------------

Lucas sat in his history class, boredom absorbing every fiber of his being. He wondered if the teacher noticed if none of the students in the class room were listening to his boring lecture. Why was he in here? Why did he want to know about what brought about the First World War?

"Because if you don't learn about history, you will be doomed to repeat it." The monotonous tone of his history teacher's beginning of the semester lecture rung in his head.

"Well, apparently Dan didn't know about that, because he got one girl pregnant, and because he didn't learn from that 'mistake', he went off to college and did it again by getting Deb pregnant." Lucas let a bitter laugh escape his lips, piercing the silence of the other students.

"Is there a problem Mr. Scott, or do you find the death of Arch Duke Ferdinand humorous?" The boring and low voice of Mr. Hendrix interrupted his thoughts.

For a few moments, Lucas was tempted to fire back a smart ass comment that would get him in trouble, but the words of Brooke telling him not to get into any more trouble made him refrain. Besides, he wasn't in the mood to get sent down to the Dean's office, where 'daddy' would be called. He would then get in trouble, and he might not get to go on that ski trip. How sad...

Lucas's little train of thought brought more laughter out of his mouth. But luckily, this laughter was stifled by his other peers laughing at him.

"No sir, no problem at all." Lucas gave the teacher his completely fake, 'I'm a teacher's pet, how can I be in trouble?' look to the teacher. Mr. Hendrix then relented, going back to his boring teachings.

In his mind, he thanked Brooke for lecturing him that he could not afford to get into any more trouble. Brooke... The girl of his dreams. The one person, who he could turn to after his mother died. The only person who proved herself trustworthy when he needed someone to trust the most. And currently, the one person whose affection he had, and the girl who could pull it away at a whim, leaving him high, dry and alone. And of course, the gurl he was completely in love with.

------------------------------

Brooke walked into the gym after a long day at school, completely not in the mood for the snobby girls in her cheer squad. The girls had become very hostile towards her being captain of the squad.

After Brooke had relinquished her reign as The Queen of Tree Hill High, the other girls began their gossip, making fun of her for befriending The Biggest Reject in Tree Hill High History. But her cheerleading skills had not dwindled, leaving her to be the captain of the Tree Hill Ravens, much to the disdain of the other girls.

Once Brooke had changed into her cheerleading warmups, ready for practice, she went out into the gym, where she saw all of the basketball players running their laps, with Whitey yelling at them to pick up the pace, and that his auntie could run faster than them.

Lucas caught her eyes, he was lagging behind with running. He wasn't behind enough to bring out any real significance, but it was still enough to make her worry. It seemed that Lucas's cold was really starting to take it's toll on him.

Brooke tore her eyes off of Lucas's struggle and turned back to her squad, which looked like it was in it's prime of gossiping. They looked at her with disdain, and finally turned to look at her when she yelled at them.

"All right girls, let's start that routine that we learned yesterday, the one where Bevin is on the top if the pyramid." Brooke said to them to get them to stop talking.

"Well maybe if you could take your eyes off of the bastard over there, then maybe we could get some work done." Theresa mumbled under her breath, but it wasn't quiet enough for the rest of the squad not to hear. The girls began laughing.

"Excuse me? What did you say?" Brooke stepped closer to Theresa, in a dangerous stance. No one talked about Lucas that way infront of her. No one would insult him like that.

"I just said that maybe if you could take your eyes off of Danny's little mistake over there, that we might be able to get some work done, and we could actually beat Bear Creek this year." By this time, Brooke and Theresa were only a head apart, and if looked like if one of them were to make a wrong move, that a fight would break out.

Haley's eyes darkened at that comment, ever since her and Brooke had become best friends again, she had come to respect all of the pain that Lucas had gone through. And with the things going on in Lucas's life right now, the last thing he needed was a snobby cheerleader saying horrible things about him.

"You don't know anything about Lucas. So I would shut up if I were you." Haley moved towards Brooke, who was ready to claw Theresa in the face.

"I heard that he told you he loved you, and you laughed in his face." Theresa's bitchiness was abruptly stopped, with Brooke's hand coming into contact with her face.

"You little bitch! Where did you hear that from? Bevin? If you would have gotten some reliable information, then you might have known that I told Luke that I loved him back!" Brooke was being restrained by Haley and another cheerleader. All the basketball players, especially Lucas, were beginning to pay attention to the conflict at hand.

"Come on Brooke, get over this little phase. Lucas is the worst thing to happen to you since that horrible perm in the fourth grade. He is a loser, a hopeless loser. Not even you could make him cool. Brooke, you could still come back to us. Leave that little bastard and come back. We still love you." Theresa spoke to Brooke in a sharp tone, while pointing at Lucas, who was looking a little bit upset, like he thought Theresa's words would really convince Brooke to go back to her clique.

"No Theresa, you are wrong. Lucas is the best thing that ever happened to me, you are just upset because I have a great guy, and the only guy who likes you is TIM!" Brooke's voice was vicious, she coudn't stand anyone thinking that was going to go back to this whore posse, excluding Haley, leaving Lucas all alone.

"What the Fck ever! I am not jealous that the only guy you can get is some worthless loser whose own father doesn't want him. Oh, and don't forget about his mommy, ya know, the one who killed herself. There has to be something really wrong with that kid, hell, even his parents didn't want him!"

With Lucas, who was listening to the bitch fight, that was a low blow for him. Those thought had always been swimming in the back of his head, but he never thought that someone else thought that. He was broken out of the thoughts by some high pitched screaming.

"You are a bitch! A low life little bitch! You don't know anything about me, or Lucas, don't judge him. You stupid little whore! I may not be as popular, but atleast I haven't slept with all the boys and some of the girls in school. Atleast I have friends!" Brooke was on top of Theresa, hitting her and scratching her.

Whitey began blowing his whistle, angry at the disruption of the fighting girls. He looked over at Lucas, who was wearing his blue practice jersey with a white under shirt, with black shorts.

"Lucas, would you go control your little girlfriend!" He yelled at the boy, who looked sick and upset. Lucas looked at him for a few moments, like he didn't know what he was talking about, then jogged over to Brooke.

"Brooke, baby, come on. Get off of her. I don't care what she said. Just let her go." Lucas tapped Brooke's shoulder lightly before he began pulling on it. He was getting desperate to get her off of Theresa, becasue she was starting to get more and more violent.

Brooke swung her hand back, in a back swing to punch Theresa, but in the swing, she caught Lucas's face. As she heard him groan, while laughing at the same time, she abruptly stopped.

"Omg, I'm so sorry Luke." She got off of the bitchy cheerleader under her and went to check Lucas. When she searched his face for a place where she hit him, he just laughed and lightly grabbed her wrist.

"I'm okay Brooke, you just got me across the cheek." Brooke hugged him, and whispered into his chest.

"I'm sorry Luke, I just wanted to protect you. She said some really horrible things." She held him tighter, as she felt his arms encirle her waist ans shoulders.

"I told you before, I don't need you to protect me. Theresa is a bitch. But I love you." Sure Lucas was a little bit upset about what Theresa had said. Who wouldn't be upset if someone said that it was your fault that your parents don't love you. But he didn't want Brooke to get in trouble over defending him.

"I know baby. But remember what I said a few weeks ago? Even if you don't need me to protect you. It's my job." Brooke looked up at Lucas's face, where a small red spot was quickly turning to a purplish blue. It reminded her of when she slapped him a while ago. Except this time, his temper was cooler, and he wasn't mad at her. It was amazing what a few confessions of love would do for a boy's temper.

"Awe, look how sweet. I mean Brooke, how sweet for you to get with in one foot of this loser. He's gross. What a charity case. Has he paid you to lay him yet?" Theresa walked up to the pair, ready for another round of fighting with Brooke.

Instantly, Lucas began to withdraw, trying to block out the harsh comments. Using his periphrial vision, he saw Haley walking forward. What was she going to say now. He knew she didn't like him, and he wasn't in the mood to hear any of her tear downs. Why did people have to pick up where his father left off with the insults? Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

"Theresa, why can't you just go back to your pathetic life, you know, the one you got sick of so you had to make other people's lives miserable. I'm sure Tim will be there waiting for you. Besides, you wouldn't want everyone to know about what happened two weeks ago at that party." Haley's smile was ear to ear, she hated Theresa, ever since 5th grade when Haley was pushed in the mud by her.

"Fine, but Brooke, my offer still stands. When you come to your senses, we'll be there waiting for you." Theresa said, as if she were spitting it in Lucas's face that she thought Brooke was better than him.

"All right everyone, let's get back to practice! Luke, pry your scrawny arms off Ms. Davis, and get back over here!" Whitey blew his whistle and laughed when Lucas's face turned red from embarrassment. Lucas, still not very sure of him and Brooke's sort of relationship, leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, in a short but sweet kiss.

"Luke, I swear, If you gave me your cold, I will hunt you down and make you go shopping with me." She whispered in his ear before he pulled away and ran back to practice.

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Lucas got home from practice, where his father was waiting for him at the front door. If no one had known the history between father and son, they would have thought that the father was loving, and the son was rebellious.

"That's just damned creepy." Lucas said as he walked past his father with his backpack recklessly slung over his shoulder. Dan had a smile on his face that made Lucas get chills because he had never seen a smile so sincere from his father. All he was used to getting from his father were scowls and looks of hatred.

"Luke, we are going skiing for your birthday, we'll be leaving in two days." Dan said to his son as he followed the boy to his room, which had just recently gotten a new mirror from his last tantrum.

"I'm taking Brooke with me." Lucas demanded as he threw his bag on the floor and fell back on his bed, feeling worse than he had all day. The rigorous basketball practice made Lucas's cold ten times worse.

"That's fine Luke, it's your birthday. Are you sure you feel okay, because you look alot worse than you did this morning." Dan made a move to walk closer to Lucas, but hesitated when he remembered that being close to Lucas would do him no good when in about 3 weeks he would be on a plane to California.

"Since when have you cared. I got my tonsils out when I was ten. My mom's insurance couldn't pay for most of it, we finally got it paid off when I was 13. I didn't see you knocking down the doors to help me or to help pay for anything then." Lucas mumbled into the comforter of his bed.

Right now he was monitoring every move he made, hating being under the scrutiny of his father. He was dead tired, and he felt like crap, the last thing he wanted to do was to have a bitch fest with his 'daddy'. All he desired to do was pull the covers on his bed over him and fall asleep, going to a dreamland where his mother was still alive, and his father was anyone but Dan Scott. What a dream...

Dan's voice was caught in his throat for a moment, thinking about the past that Lucas brought up so often, as if he were trying to guilt him for the way he lived growing up. And the kid was right, where had he been? Somewhere other than the hospital comforting the mother of his first born son who was going into his first surgery.

"I understand that in the past, I haven't exactly been model father material and..." His rambling on of apologies to Lucas was interrupted by a foriegn sound. It took awhile for Dan to figure out what it was, and when he did, he smiled. Lucas was snoring, loudly, he might add. Good, the boy needed sleep.

Lightly, Dan took two blankets and covered Lucas, noticing the fever that had taken ahold of his body. He hesitated as he came face to face with Lucas, whose face was void of all emotion.

"I hope that someday, you will understand that I am sorry for what I am about to do. I do love you Luke, but this is going to be for your own good. I hope that you'll finally be happy." He whispered to Lucas's face, which seemed to constrict in pain at his voice. Wow, even in his dreams he still bothered his son.

"Night Dad." Lucas opened his eyes and watched as his father retreated. He had heard every word that had been said, and he could not find a way to fathom it. But, the 'I love you' part was nice. Lucas soaked that part up like a sponge. As he rested his head against the pillow again, he frowned.

5 days remained...

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Hey guys! I hope that you liked that chapter. I had to write the whole Luke has a cold thing in there, because I have a horrible cold, and i felt that someone should have to go through that. I was too tempted to give Dan some life threatening horrible disease, so I gave it to luke. I won't leave 5 chapters until Lucas's birthday. But I have BIG plans for this story. Please review guys, Thanks. Love Kendall


	17. This Mix Could Sink The Sun

I Don't Own Anything

The next day, Lucas stood at Brooke's locker, waiting for her. He could hardly see straight because he felt so horrible. If he thought that he felt horrible the day before, he had no idea that today would be ten times worse.

Lucas was beginning to get nervous, but he didn't know why. Brooke was surely going to say yes to the question he had to ask her. There was no way that she would let him go on vacation for a week with Dan, without her there to make flirty comments, and of course, to keep him company.

"Then why are you getting so damned nervous?" Lucas yelled at himself so loudly, he could almost see the stares of the peers around him. Ever since he and Brooke have become, well, whatever the hell they were, he felt like he had in a way, sort of lost his best friend. He was nervous around her, and he couldn't stand it.

"You waiting for Brooke?" He heard the annoying flirty voice of Theresa next to him. Instantly, he tensed up, wanting to protect himself from her. He was always anxious around girls who weren't Brooke, atleast after his mother commited suicide. Even Deb made him nervous, he always gained an embarrassing stutter around girls who weren't Brooke. They were just intimidating to him.

"Y.yeah.h..." He stuttered, remembering the horrible comments from the day before. What was wrong with her? What had he ever done to her?

"Well, I don't think that she'll be coming. What I said to her yesterday made her think, and she called me, and told me that she was thinking about coming back to her group. I mean she would still be your little buddy, but she definetly wouldn't have as much time for you." The voice was cutting, and even if he knew it wasn't true, in the back of his mind, always resided that little fear that maybe, one of these days, Brooke would realize what she was doing, and she wouls go back to her group.

"Y. you, don,do,n't,t k,now wha,t,t,y,ou'r,re tal,ki,n,ng,a,b,bou,t,t." Lucas was humiliated about how he was stuttering through the sentence. And his face was a bright red by the time he finished the last word. Following the embarrassing speech impairment, was a laughter, coming from the bitchy cheerleader, who he didn't even know why he was bothering with.

"Omg, that is hilarious. Is that it?" She said through pauses in her laughter. Lucas obviously was confused by what she meant by this.

"Wh,a,a,t?" He asked, trying to be as clear as possible, but finding it impossible with that consistent laughter filling his ears. He looked around at all of his peers, wondering why none of them would have pity on him and save him from this.

"I asked it that was that reason that your parent's didn't want you. Is that it? Because you can't talk. That is hilarious? Or wait? Could it be because you are the biggest social loser in all of history? Tell me, I'm just dying to know..." She began circling him as if she were some sort of vulture, and he was they prey.

"Well Theresa, how about instead, you tell Luke here, why your parents are never home." A familiar voice sounded through Lucas's ear drums. For one, he was almost afraid that his brother would side with Nathan, but on another point, he was totally relieved for the distraction.

Nathan Scott appeared by his brother, who looked so uncomfortable, you would have thought that he was a new student. The last time Nathan had seen his brother this anxious, was when he moved in almost three years ago.

"Tell your brother, wait, he is your brother right? I'm not sure, because I remember you telling the whole school that he could have been anyone's kid. But anyways, tell orphan boy that he should do the whole world a favor, and drop DEAD." The words were so venomous, you could almost see the fangs poking out the sides of her mouth. She gave a twisted smile before walking away towards her clique.

No words were to be said. Lucas knew that everyone would say not to take her seriously, and that she knew nothing. But once again, Theresa had stated the thoughts forever swimming around his head. It was like she knew his thoughts more than anyone else.

Would he be doing everyone a favor if he would just, 'drop dead'?

"No..." He told himself with the smallest amount of doubt. Brooke loved him, his father finally admitted that he had some amount of affection towards him. Maybe Nathan would have the smallest bit of caring. Deb would probably throw a party in order if his death, with streamers, and lots of other people that would be happy.

"You okay Luke?...Look don't take anything she says seriously, she's a bitch, and the only reason she is doing this is because she wants to feel better about herself." Nathan told his brother while putting a hand on his shoulder. The motion made Lucas tense up before he pulled away.

"Whatever." He walked away, not liking that his morning hadn't turned out the way he wanted it to. He was hoping to meet Brooke at her locker, ask her about the trip, have her say yes, and they would walk to class hand in hand. But once again, that had to be ripped away from him forcefully.

"Luke, baby? Where are you going? What's wrong baby?" Lucas was surprised to feel a warm presence latch onto his arm. But this wasn't some threat, this was Brooke. Maybe now, even if he was just told that he would be doing the world a favor by dropping dead, he might just have his happy ending yet.

"Nothing Brooke, just Theresa being a bitch." Lucas held on to her tighter, as if she were really going to realize sometime that she was hanging out with the biggest reject in history, and go back where she came from.

"I know she is Luke, I will kick her ass later. But that doesn't mean that you have to squeeze the life out of me." Brooke laughed as Lucas loosened his grip, afraid that he had hurt her.

"Don't worry about it Luke." She reached up and pecked his cheek, knowing that she was being a tease, but Lucas looked like he could use a picker upper. She didn't know what Theresa had said to him, but it had to be horrible considering the haunted look in the back of Lucas's eyes.

"Um, Brooke, can I ask you a question?" The pair stopped at Lucas's locker where he fumbled with his locker combonation. His hand were shaking.

"Sure Luke." She turned away from her Cosmo magazine, and towards Lucas. Whatever he had to ask her sounded serious.

"You know about the ski trip that Dan is focing on me, and I was just wondering if you would come with me. Because we all know you couldn't stay away from me for a whole week." Lucas suddenly found a burst of confidence in the back of his heart. And as he looked Brooke in her beautiful hazel eyes, he knew he roped her in.

"You are so right. You couldn't go one week without me, so yeah, I guess I'll go, ya know, just to babysit you." Brooke held out her manicured hand, and watched him take it gratefully.

"I love you so much Brooke." He mumbled into her hair as the pair hugged. He relaxed slightly in her arms, realizing that this embrace reminded him of the hugs that he used to recieve from his mother.

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Nathan watched as his brother walked away from him, clearly upset by what Theresa had said. He was puzzled, why hadn't Lucas talked to him. Usually when Nathan would ask his brother about what was bothering him, Lucas spilled the beans. He smiled contently as Brooke latched onto Lucas, he was happy that Lucas would have someone to talk to.

Nervously, he approached Peyton, loving how her golden curls surrounded her head like a halo, symbolising the angel she really was.

"Oh, hey Nate. How are you this morning?" She smiled at him as he joined her at her locker. Nathan smiled, realizing then, just how strong his feelings for her were. That thought made what he was about to ask her a lot easier. With a strong burst of confidence, Nathan opened his mouth and asked Peyton the question that had been plaguing him.

"I'm good, but I have to ask you something. Do you want to go to Colorado with me and my family for a week. It's for my brother's birthday, and since he got to take Brooke, my parents told me I could invite you." He rolled off his tongue in one breath. Her smile made him so much calmer.

"Yeah Nate, that would be a lot of fun. My dad is gone for the next two weeks, and I'm sure that he won't mind." Her ecstatic voice made Nathan smile. He was so excited that on the flight to Colorado, he won't have to hear talks of stocks from his parents, and flirting coming from his brother and Brooke.

"Okay, that's awesome, we're leaving in two days. And we're going skiing, so pack warm. I'll talk to you in history." Nathan said while smiling at her. He was resisting the overwheliming urge to kiss her senseless. But that would make him look like and idiot, so he refrained.

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Two Days Later

All of the Scotts, including Brooke and Peyton, piled into the Scott's SUV, excited about reaching their destination of the Scott's condo, in Breckenridge, Colorado.

In the front of the car was Dan and Deb, with Dan driving. In the middle single seats were Keith and Nathan, and squeezed in the back, was Lucas, in the middle of Brooke and Peyton.

Everyone in the car seemed to be relaxed and ready to ready to drive to the airport. Well, not exactly everyone, Lucas's shoulders were hunched in nerves, never having been on a long trip. And who wouldn't be nervous about going on their first trip with their family. After all, he had never been invited before.

Lucas's scowl grew even more severe, remembering the lonely nights he had spent in the Scott mansion. Brooke had offered to stay in the large house with him, and he had gladly accepted. But that dream had been dashed by Brooke's father, who wouldn't let her stay in the house with him.

Lucas had been extremely frightened by all of the creepy sounds that had accompanied his lonely nights. After all, he had only been 14, a mere child, and he had been left alone. He almost laughed at those weeks, where all he lived on was pounds of Easy Mac, the only food that he knew how to successfully prepare without burning the house down.

Occasionally, probably once on the trip, he would get a call from Deb, just to make sure that he wasn't dead or something. The call would last about 2 minutes, and they would always leave him in a horrible mood. Brooke then would make him a nice double pack of Easy Mac, and they would sit in the room with the large room with the entertainment system, watching different shows that Brooke liked.

"Luke, Lucas. Hello, earth to Broody..." He was broken out of his depressing thoughts by a hand waving in front of his face, and the voice of an angel in his ear. Lucas looked up towards Brooke, confused at what was happening.

"Oh good, I thought that I had lost you for a moment." He felt a warmth around his hands, and saw Brooke holding them in her's. Lucas smiled, still in wonder at how one little graze from Brooke could make him feel wonders better.

"Sorry Brooke, just thinking about stuff. I mean, you know that I have to be nervous about the first time I've been invited on a family vacation." Lucas said the last part of the sentence loudly with almost 17 years of bitterness built up. He took special care making sure that his father heard the sentence.

Dan flinched at the last part of his son's sentence. He knew that this was the first step to being discouraged, and eventually backsliding into his old method of fathering Lucas. He also knew that he couldn't let that happen, he had to show strength to Lucas, that he wasn't going to back down agianst the diffuculty he was going to display.

No other words were spoken after that other than Brooke and Peyton reaching over Lucas to show eachother pictures in the magazines they were flipping through. Lucas and Nathan whispered to eachother occasionally, each happy that their love interests were becoming fast friends.

As the family arrived at the airport, Lucas continued to be difficult and standoffish. And through the whole drive there, Lucas had been completely uncomfortable, knowing that his father was looking at him through the rear-view mirror, examining his every move. And though he had been tempted the give his father a middle finger and show him just as he felt, he relented, even though he was still intent on giving his father a piece of his mind.

Lucas and Brooke, with their hands intertwined, walked behind everyone else, whispering sweet nothings to eachother, both laughing sweetly at the flirtatious way that they were talking.

As Keith walked along his brother, talking to him about Lucas, and his motives with the boy, he heard laughter. It was restrained, but he could hear how much joy it held though. He turned his head to see who it was, and he had almost been sure that it was Nathan and Peyton, after all, they were the 'cheerier' couple as he told himself.

But as he turned around, he saw that it was Lucas and Brooke, holding hands, and whispering in eachother's ears. During the whole time he had spent at the Scott's home, he had never seen such a large smile on his nephew's face. It was nice, actually seeing a miserable child smile.

"It makes you think, doesn't it. Whether or not you should take Lucas. I mean look how happy he is there. You would be just as bad as me if you wanted to take away all of the happiness that a 16 year old boy has. Do you really want to do that to him." Dan peered at his brother, who was distracted by Lucas's laughter. And he had to admit it, it was really nice to see the boy smiling a genuine smile, and laughing without forcing it.

"It's too late Danny, I already have him enrolled in one of the best private schools in Middle California. And besides, maybe that is a one time thing, think about it Dan, how many times have you actually seen the boy that happy? And I'm not being as bad as you by taking him, I'm saving him from the hell house you have him cooped up in. He has a new life ahead of him, a new start. Don't take it away from him Danny." Keith warned his brother in a low voice, trying not to be too loud.

"He won't make friends." Dan said simply, secretly seething about his brother's completely correct words. But what Keith was speaking was the truth, and even if it stung, he was completely aware of it. Lucas had a new future coming, 'a new start', as Keith put it. And who was he to deprive Lucas that? A chance to go somewhere and not be known as Dan Scott's infamoud bastard child. To be able to join a basketball team and not have to hear the vicious gossip of the town's people who knew his parentage and who were intent on shoving it in his face.

"And why won't he Dan? Is this another power trip for you. You are losing your complete control over him, so you have to find other ways to make sure that he is unhappy." Both men were beginning to get angrier, and were starting to lose their tempers. And as Dan noticed Nathan's small attention span change to this conversatioln, he made his next reply lower.

"He never has been good at making friends. Before Karen killed herself, he didn't have any friends." Dan said as he leaned over and spat the words in his brother's ear.

"Then why are he and Brooke such good friends? If Lucas is as anti-social as you say he is, then why does he have such a good relationship with her?"

"Do you know how long that took, and how persistent Brooke had to be to get him to open up? About a month and a half of her almost stalking him and telling him that she was serious about wanting to get to know him. I don't know about you, but I'm not sure that a spoiled rich kid in California is going to have the patience to try to et to know Lucas." Dan said.

"You talk about all the spoiled rich kids, Lucas drives a new Navigator, and Nathan drives a new Corvette. Lucas will fit in just fine. And really Dan, maybe getting away from you will get rid of some of his social issues." Keith's words were biting, but held a certain truth that bit into Dan's soul.

"Will you two quiet down? Lucas is right back there. And I don't want him to know until after his birthday, after I tell him about Karen..." Deb spoke in a low whisper to the men behind her.

Dan and Keith instantly lowered their voices as they peered back at Lucas and Brooke, who had stopped talking with their mouths, and started talking with their hearts. Brooke's head was rested on Lucas's arms, and their hands were still intertwined. There silence spoke more than words, and that said to Dan, that the little boy he had never known was hopelessly in love. And somehow, he knew that Brooke wouldn't further break Lucas's heart.

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Nervously, Lucas navigated his lanky frame through the rows on the airplane. He was incredibly nervous, never having traveled somewhere, via airplane. The plane hadn't even taken off yet, and his stomach was already threatening him with nausea. Suddenly he regretted ever having that big lunch from earlier.

"Row 26, seat A." He gumbled to himself as he glanced at the first class seats, trying to find his. The other conservative old people sitting in different seats, looking at him like he was a mangey mutt who was beneath them. Ignoring the stares, he found his seat, and plopped down in it, nervous sweat coating his forehead.

"Row 26, seat B." Lucas heard a sweet feminine voice grace his ears, and in his absolute nostalgia from his horrible cold, and disorientation at being on an airplane, he whispered the one word that he so badly wanted someone to reply as 'son'.

"Mom..." The one syllable word felt easy to roll off of his tongue, even after being out of practice at saying it. He wanted to open his eyes and see the brown haired angel that gave up so much to take care of him. And as he heard the next sentence, he had to open his eyes, because it sounded so much like his mother. She had to be there. The suicide wasn't real at all, and now she had found him, and they were ready to be the small family again.

Lucas peeked his eyes open, catching a glance at the brunette hair, and the absolutely angelic face. He couldn't see any distinguishable features yet, but as far as he could tell, it was his mother.

"Lucas, sweetie, are you okay baby?" A familiar sense of worry crossed over Brooke. Lucas was starting to yearn for his mother again, and she didn't know what to do when he got into these kinds of moods. The one thing that she could never take was the raw, sheer, disappointment in Lucas's baby blue eyes when he opened them and saw that she wasn't his mother, merely his best friend.

"Mom?" Lucas whispered again as he felt his hands being pulled into a light grip by soft hands, hands that felt like his mother's. But the hope that he had built sky high, was crushed as his view focused and Brooke came into his line of vision.

"You know the saying Luke, 'Every man marries his mother.''' He said to himself, trying to comfort his destroyed hopes. He had been sure, damn sure, that it was his mother, that when he opened his eyes, his mother would be standing there by him, waiting to pull him into her loving arms.

Brooke knew not to say anything at this time, Lucas looked horrible, physically and emotionally. This hadn't been the first time he had mistakenly called her his mother, and each time he did, her heart cried for him.

"I don't feel good Brooke." He slurred while looking her square in the eye. His head felt like it was pulsating, and when he would cough, it would take almost five minutes to get rid of the pain that accompanied it. And the hopes of his mother being crushed had made him hurt so much more. Maybe he should tell someone besides Brooke, and get to a doctor.

"I know you don't. Here, take this Dramamine, it will help with the nausea, and put you to sleep." She handed him 3 pills, and a bottle of water. He took both with greed, and slid down in the seat.

Throughout the flight, the pills had succeeded in quelling his violent bout of nausea, but the whole sleep thing that Lucas had been looking forward to never came. It was probably because of his nerves that woudn't cease. The whole flight, Lucas gripped the arm rests, and when ever the plane hit some turbulence, he had been completely sure that they were going to die. Brooke only laughed at him and held his hand.

As the plane declined, Lucas tightened his seatbelt to the point of cutting off the blood flow to the lower half of his body. He closed his eyes tight and said his prayers. And as the plane hit the runway, his eyes almost bulged out of his head. He gripped Brooke's hand tighter and looked around. Why wasn't anyone else panicking?

"This is the pilot speaking, I would like to tell you, Welcome to Denver, Colorado. The local time here is 4:15 P.M. I hope you enjoy your stay in Colorado. Thankyou for flying Delta. Please fly with us again. Have a good day." Lucas heard the announcement, and calmed down a great deal. So they weren't all dead. They had arrived, and they were safe.

"Luke, can I have my hand back please?"Brooke asked the rigid teent that sat beside her. His breathing was finally slowing, and was beginning to grow aware that he was holding her poor hand in a death grip.

"Yeah, sorry Brooke." Lucas said in a slightly embarrassed voice. He couldn't believe how foolish he had been, and as he got off of the plane, he immediately searched his bag for his bottle of anti-depressants. Hoping that they had somehow magically been replaced. No such luck.

"How was everyone's flight?" Dan walked through the airport towards luggage pick up. He purposely walked by Lucas, wanting any possible contact with him. He did notice though, the nervousness, and the timidness that radiated off of Lucas as the boy felt his presence.

"I'm afraid to say that Lucas here isn't the best flier. He thought that we had crashed when we landed." Brooke latched her arms onto Lucas's and rubbed his shoulder in a comforting manner, trying to rub away his rigidness. She said this to Dan because of her wanting Lucas to find some absolution when it came to his father. If there was one thing that she knew about Lucas, it was that in the deepest depths of that huge heart of his, he yearned for his father. But didn't every kid? And if she could help things along, then she would.

"I might be a little bit more used to flying if I had been invited on a trip with my family before this." Lucas mumbled, just loud enough for her and Dan to hear.

"I know that I never took you on a trip before, and I only took Nathan and Deb. But I thought that you didn't want to go. You never showed any interest in going." Dan spoke in defense of his actions. There was really no explanation that would justify leaving his child home while he went on vacation with the rest of the family, but he could try...Or he could apologize.

"Oh yeah, when I was 14, and I had a fully packed suitcase after you told me about the trip, I had no interest in going. None at all..." Lucas's sarcasm was rolling off his tongue with a renewed venom. He wanted to make sure, that every fiber of Dan's being felt the guilt of his actions, and that every part of Dan felt the fear and pain he did when he would lay awake at night, listening to all of the creaks and and the cracks that came from the house.

Dan wasn't sure what to say, or if there was really anything to say. Why hadn't he taken Lucas? The kid had obviously wanted to come, after all, Lucas's few posessions had been packed in a suitcase, and he had come down the stair case the day they were leaving, ready to go.

But that was when he was extremely ashamed of Lucas...no...he wasn't ashamed of Lucas, he was just ashamed of the situation and baggage that Lucas brought with him. How does one explain to a business partner, an illegitamate love child, who only moved in here because his mother killed herself?

His words from earlier in the week, the ones that stated that he was ashamed to be Lucas's father, came out wrong, he hadn't meant to say it like that. It was supposed to come out that he was ashamed of his parenting skills, or rather, his failure as a father. Not that he was ashamed to have fathered Lucas in the first place.

"I'm sorry..." Those were the only words that would agree to come out of his mouth without him saying them the wrong way, offending Lucas more than he already has.

"Those words would have meant something when I was 5, or when I had no one to give a father's day card too. But I'm almost 17, and those words have lost their luster." Lucas dropped behind, to the back of the small group with Brooke at his side. But in the back of his head, he was sort of satisfied that Dan had given an apology. It was a very pathetic apology, but in the end, still and apology.

Dan was silent. Lucas would never know that he had recieved all of those elementary father's day cards. All of the innocent and heart breaking words would ring in Dan's head every day.

"Someday, you'll know just how much I know about you, and how much I care." Dan whispered while peered back at Lucas and Brooke. He wanted Lucas to know that he wanted to be a father to him, but history and conflict proved to be too complicated, meaning that fathering Lucas proved to be too much.

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Lucas was completely mezmerized at the towering mountains and the falling snow that surrounded the rental car that everyone rode in. He was finally seeing everything that he had imagined on those lonely nights at home. And it was just as he imagined, perfect.

Brooke's hand laced with his a few moments later, as if she knew his restrained excitement. And she was excited for him, because this was the first step of acceptance, from Dan, and for Lucas.

As the drive up the mountains continued, Lucas grew more and more fascinated. He couldn't believe he had been left out of seeing this wonder. And as he looked over at Nathan, who was listening to music with Peyton, he grew angry. How could Nathan not be appreciative of this?

"Because Luke. He's been doing this drive all of his life, and this is your first chance, and probably your last." He said bitterly to himself. He would admit that he was jealous of Nathan, because he had gotten to enjoy the family memories, and the two parent home. And all he had were the memories of him and his mother, which were forever tainted by the fact that she had wanted him dead before he even had the chance to take his first breath. But he wasn't angry at that anymore, just disappointed in himslef for believing that one of his parents had actually wanted him to be born.

He felt his body shift as the car turned and began it's trek up a hill. He was amazed at the beautiful architecture that surrounded him. And the falling snow made the sight ever more beautiful. Maybe up here, if he had the right timing, and the right location, he could get Brooke to stop playing with him, and they could be a real couple, and he could kiss her in public.

As the car reached the top of the hill, his breath was caught in his throat. So this was the fabulous building of condos that he had missed out on while being left at home.

Lucas jumped out of the large rental car, and quickly put his hand out to help the clumsy Brooke out after him. Okay, maybe he should have worn more than a long sleeved shirt and sweat pants. He had completely underestimated the blizzard that Dan had warned him about. He had never been this physically cold since his mother killed herself. The only thing he was used to putting up with was the 50 degree weather that made up Tree Hill's winter.

For a few moments, he was caught up in the adrenaline of everything. This trip was for him, not Nathan, not because it was a tradition, but because his father wanted to do something kind for him. For HIM. But as the cold weather blew through the worn off brand shirt that he loved, his introspection was broken.

"Come on Luke, get your suitcase, let's go upstairs, it's getting cold." Brooke took ahold of his hand, and began dragging him away. As Lucas looked up to the top floor, which he heard was where the condo was located, he cringed, the long way up the stairs was not what the doctor ordered to take care of his cold, and now, even the dramamine was wearing off.

Even if Lucas had been relieved to have ridden the elevator up, standing in too close proximity to Dan, he felt like he was going to puke. His head felt horrible, and the one thing he desired was to curl up on a bed next to Brooke and sleep for hours and hours.

Brooke, Peyton, and Lucas, were all amazed that the condo that they thought was a small portion of the building was really half of the top floor. It was incredibly huge, and the interior was warm and incredible.

Looking around, Lucas felt uncomfortable, as if he were on vacation with a friend, not his own family. He was consciece of every move that he made, fearing that if he even made a wrong breath, that he would break one of the beautiful works of art that decorated the home, or even worse, offend his father by making himself 'too at home'.

"Come one Peyt, let's go to my room, it has a lot of cool stuff in it." Nathan grabbed Peyton's hand, excited to have all this alone time with the girl he wanted to be his girlfriend.

"Oh no you don't. You and Lucas's horny bodies are not going to share beds with these two young ladies. Now Nathan, you will share your room and bed with your brother. Peyton, Brooke, girls, you don't mind sharing a room together, do you." Dan said, noticing the looks of extreme disappointment on his sons' faces. He smiled though, because what he just did was something that a normal parent would do.

"Come on Dad, me and Brooke are best friends, why can't we share a room?" Lucas whined to his father. He didn't want to share a bed with Brooke so they could make out or possibly more, he wanted her to sleep by him, just so he could have a loving presence by his side.

"Oh yeah Luke, that'll happen. Atleast 10 years from now when you are married. I don't suppose you already forgot the two times that I caught you during or after one of your little liaisons." Dan was feeling even better, he was showing some parental authourity, and his son was actually listening. Maybe he shouldn't let Luke go...

"Damn Luke, Dad, actually caught you! Where'd ya do it? Your room?" Nathan abruptly began laughing at his brother. He wasn't being mean this time either.

"Shut it Nate, it's not like you and Peyton were completely innocent on the plane. And you two aren't even together yet." Brooke opened her mouth and blurted out, much to the embarrassment of Peyton and Nathan.

"Okay guys, cut it out. Go settle in, and if you want, we'll go out to dinner." Deb broke into the conversation, noticing how hungry and tired everyone looked. With leaving that morning at 6, and all the traveling. It was only 5 o'clock in Breckenridge now, so Dan told everyone to get ready for dinner.

"Okay guys, I have a reservation for 6:30 tonight, you can get a shower, take a nap, or do what you want. Just be ready by 6. Is that clear?" Dan said, noticing the tiredness in all of the teenagers' eyes, especially Lucas, who looked as if her were about to drop.

"Luke, come here for a second son?" As the other people in the condo dragged their feet back to their respective rooms, he called out to his son, who tensed up on cue, and turned protectively towards him.

Lucas was alarmed as he heard his father's voice, calling him name, and callin him son. He hated this! It was like he was walking on egg shells around Dan, wondering when the atomic bomb would drop, and Dan would finally see that he was being nice to him, and would snap out of it, and go back to beating the hell out of him for fun. And as he saw the smile, with no extra motives coming from his 'dad', he looked up at the ceiling, as if he were asking God if this was another joke at Lucas's expense.

"Uh, yeah Dad?" He turned and walked back to his father, trying to be comfortable in what was supposed to be his family's third home. But he couldn't, one false move, and God's twisted sense of humor at his expense would show again, making Dan's intentions less than honorable.

Dan almost let the edges of his lips curl up even more at the name his son addressed him as. He vividly remembered the first time that his son called him that. It had been almost two months after Lucas had moved in with them, and Lucas had asked, "Dad, can I go to the Rivercourt?" For a moment or two, he had been speechless that the boy he had tormented actually called him his dad. And thinking back, he had pretty much told Lucas to go die, but he hadn't said 'son'. He hadn't been ready for that sort of commitment towards the boy yet.

"Here, take this cold medicine, it will help with the headache, the sore throat, and the blocked up head." He handed Lucas a pack that held two pills. He wasn't going to give Lucas the option to poison himself. But he didn't recieve a thanks, only a confused look coming from Lucas.

"I know that you feel like crap, I'm supposed to know these things, I'm your father, remember." Dan smiled at the boy, trying to get him to relax. He looked so on edge, as if he felt like he didn't belong here.

"No, I don't remember." Lucas snatched the pills from his father's hand, and stalked out of the room in a new rage. He was so angry, at Dan, but mostly at himself. Why couldn't he let go of the past yet? Dan was making a great effort to try for a normal relationship with him, and all he could do was deny that effort and be difficult about it. But the thoughts of earlier, "Where was that effort when I was 5 and went to school hungry? Mom was so upset that she couldn't give me food. That day, Nathan had his cool basketball lunch box which was stuffed with food from our dad, while I suffered from aches of hunger while nibbling on a few crackers that a brunette girl had taken pity on me and given me."

Lucas dragged his duffel bag behind him, dragging his feet to Nathan's room, still brooding over feeling hungry when he was five while Nathan stuffed himself full.

"Lucky bastard..." He whispered to himself, his jealously of Nathan taking over. Why was he still this jealous after all these years? It wasn't Nathan's fault that he had food while his brother starved. It wasn't Nathan's fault that in Dan's eyes, he was the son that had more to offer, and Lucas had nothing. Somehow, these thoughts that were supposed to drain his jealousy,but they only made the thoughts blossom.

He opened his brother's door, which he noticed was a very expensive wood. Inside the room, Lucas almost dropped to the floor in awe. If he thought that Nathan's room at home was nice, then this room was decked out with so much stuff that Lucas couldn't believe. The electronics, huge television, large bed that he would have to share, and other little details that Lucas couldn't even imagine owning.

These were the kinds of thoughts that Lucas had adapted when he moved in with the Scotts, and when he was granted the privledge of going on trips to the beach house with them. He had been rather surprised to have that privledge. But as always, there had been some sort of catch when it came to Dan. That whole time at the beach, he had been ignored, or tormented, by both Nathan and Dan.

"Are you okay bro? You look worse than Tim when he ate that old pork chop." Nathan looked up from his pathetic attempt of unpacking his suitcase, and over at his brother.

Lucas let a small smile appear on his face, trying to act as normal as possible, and not let the jealousy pangs get to him. He really had no idea what Nathan was talking about with Tim, he had been left out of all team bonding, but trying to act as normal as possibe, he had to smile at his brother.

"Thanks Nate." He mumbled tiredly as laid down on the bed and curled up. He was still freezing from the cold weather that resided outside of the large condo. Frowning, he wondered if he remembered the warm jacket that he loved. Yeah, he remembered it, and how he painstakingly packed it into his suitcase.

Nathan watched his brother sadly, something he did often. He usually looked to God, wondering why a great guy like Lucas got dealt the worst hand of cards. Lucas was a great guy, with a huge heart, but he still got the short end of the stick. Nathan knew so many guys that needed a dose of the real life, those guys took advantage of everything, their parents, money, house, friends, and girls. All of those things, were things that when Lucas was given the chance to have them, he treasured them. Nathan would admit, he took advantage of some of those things too.

Lucas shifted uncomfortably under his brother's scrutiny. It wasn't as bad as his father's watchful eye, but why was he forced to be uncomfortable around his own family? But was it his family? Or was it Dan's family, that he wasn't apart of? Lucas was becoming more and more confused. Sometimes, he really wished that Dan would have kept his crappy fathering attepmts to himself, and not left Lucas to wonder about if he was going to get a hug the next day, or get the life beaten out of him.

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Almost an hour later, Nathan and Lucas emerged from their room, both ready for another fun filled dinner with Dan. Immediately, Lucas sauntered over to Brooke, who was eagerly waiting for him.

As Lucas leaned down to kiss her, she stopped him by putting her little finger on his lips. She was not getting sick up here, and a kiss by her sickly boy toy would not help.

"Sorry Luke, but until you aren't hacking up a lung, and when you can actually breathe out of that cute little nose of your's, I am not kissing you on the lips." Brooke said. She loved him to death, but her health, and the upcoming cheer tournament, were more important than a kiss.

"We'll just see about that, you never said that I couldn't kiss you on the cheek." Lucas swiftly leaned down and gave her a loving peck on her cheek.

"Come on love birds, we have reservations to make." Keith said, laughing as his shy nephew instantly pulled away from his...whatever Brooke was to him. Lucas was like that, free to show his emotions around a small set of people, but when other people showed their faces, he would withdraw back into that ugly shell of his.

Dan watched his son pull away from Brooke, clearly embarrassed at having been seen actually showing some emotions around people. It had been nice to see Lucas showing unrestrained emotions without fear of judgement or rejection. Dan had never really seen the glint of happiness in Lucas's eyes while around his father. Well, he really had, it had been when he caught him and Brooke in a very compromising position, he had noticed for a very short moment that his son was wearing a smile, an actual smile.

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Lucas looked out the window of the car as they pulled into the parking lot of a very nice restaurant. He had never been to any restaurant that was this fancy, because when there was any sort of fancy event, of course, he was left alone. As the moments creeped past, he became more and more uncomfortable.

What if he made a fool of himself? He had never had any sort of etiquette teachings in this area, and all of the different silverware, and mannerisms that were considered polite and correct, intimidated him. What if Dan thought he was a slob? Was he really a slob, after all these years of eating Easy Mac, and other uncivilized foods, he wasn't so sure if he was ready to make the hurdle of microwavable foods, to the finest foods ever cooked.

Brooke could sense the presence next to her tense up significantly. She could tell that Lucas was worried about the fancy restaurant that they were attending, but she would teach him the basics so he wouldn't make a fool of himself like the clutz he was.

Inside the restaurant, Lucas looked around at all of the nice decorations, and grew even more uncomfortable. All of the people in the building were so fancy and formal, and he suddenly felt more and more insecure, feeling that his clothes weren't good enough, and his etiquette, or lack there of, was not enough to impress anyone.

"Welcome to Bijou's Restaurant, My name is Pierre, and I will be serving you tonight. First, may I take your drink orders?" A formal guy carrying a leather bound pad of paper approached the table.

Lucas became nervous and fidgety again, he wasn't sure what to order, but somehow, a simple Sprite, or a Mountain Dew seemed too uncivilized. He heard all of the adults rolling names of wines off their tongues, and Nathan said something that he had never heard of, Brooke ordered a Shirley Temple, then finally, the waitor's eyes were on him.

"Water." He choked out, sincerely uncomfortable. A nice menu was sat infront of him as he wondered if Dan could do anything that didn't involve dropping so much money. He gingerly picked it up, not wanting to disturb the fancy silverware, or the soft table cloth. The words in the fancy writing intimidated him, because it was then that he realized that he didn't know half of the words or their meanings. Suddenly, he wanted the kid's menu, the one with the chicken fingers and fries, not any of these foods that he didn't even know existed.

"Brooke, babe, what should I order?" He pestered his lover as she pondered the menu without an ounce of the confusion that he felt at the moment. He was going to look like such an idiot, not knowing the difference between the entrees, which all looked the same to him.

"Uh, let's see here, you would like the uhh...try the spring rolls, that might be something." Brooke seemed to know what every single thing on that menu. He wasn't really sure what the spring rolls were, but he would agree, it's not like he had any reason to put up a fight.

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Dinner had long since been finished, as Lucas sat in him and Nathan's room, knees pulled up to his chest, and arms wrapped around them. The dinner had been a disaster for him, he had been left out of most of the conversation, and he had been called out many times for using the wrong piece of silverware. Okay, so he had been humiliated.

The one thing that was mostly on his mind was Brooke, she had looked like she was in her niche, laughing at high class jokes and other things that a heathen like him would never understand. It was sort of nerve racking, seeing how Brooke fit perfectly in a situation like that. With all those expensive meals, and nice clothes.

Maybe something like this wouldn't work out between them, because he wasn't sure that he could give her something like that, with all the fancy perks. All he would be able to do was give her a half rate life where he had dirt under his fingers. She deserved so much more than him.

Why was he even thinking about this? He and Brooke were still 16, and it wasn't like they were even an official couple. But he sure as hell wanted to be.

"Are you excited about your birthday Luke?" He recapped a question given to him by his father. He wasn't sure how to respond to this question. Sure he was excited for his 17th birthday. Pretty much everyone would be excited about their upcoming birthday. But he couldn't help being suspicious about what was going to happen on his birthday. It could be like last year, him being borderline abused, or Dan could follow through and he would have a birthday he could tolerate, and one where when he wished for a real father that loved him, it would actually be true.

But he couldn't help thinking that everything that he knew was about to be ripped out from under his feet, like the roof was about to cave in. Dan and them had to be keeping something from him. Because in the airport, he had seen angry whispering between his father and uncle, while occasionally looking back at him.

He felt Nathan's body heat at his side, moving closer and closer, whispering something that sounded like "Peyton, I love you. Be with me..." Lucas chuckeled a bit at his brother, but the laughter was abruptly stopped when Nathan's arm rolled on top of him, pulling closer.

This had to be a funny picture, brother and brother wrapped in eachother's arms. And right now, Lucas didn't feel like he had the strength to pull away. Besides, he was cold, and Nathan was warm, who was he to complain? So without another word, Lucas shut his azure colored eyes, and imagined that it was Brooke by his side.

2 days remained until his dreaded birthday...

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Total filler chapter, I know, and the next chapter will have some couple fluff. I just wanted everything to be okay for the characters for awhile before I totally ruined their lives. I really hope that you liked it. Love Kendall.

Next chapter

-Skiing fun (Is Luke going to be a good skiier? I think not)

-Luke's wonderful birthday.

-Why did Karen really kill herself?


	18. You Don't Wear My Chains

I Don't Own Anything.

I would like to thank my favorite reviewer, Bimbo12, who helped me tremendously on this chapter. Thankyou so much, I could not have written this chapter without you. I hope you all like this, it is a special chapter, and really long. Love Kendall.

The Colorado sun rose above the mountains, reflecting into the windows of the large condo owned by the Scott family. The only form of life that had risen, and was making himself productive was Dan Scott.

Dan was sitting at the kitchen nook, sipping his coffee as he held it to keep his hands warm from the Breckenridge cold. He loved this part of vacation, where he got to sit and watch the sun peek it's face over the dominating mountians. It was peaceful, sort of like when everything else was going wrong, put to example, say that his son was getting hooked on drugs, and he was thinking about sending him away, no matter how bad the situation got, the sun was always there to comfort him.

He remembered every time that Deb and Nathan would tease him for being an early riser, the only one in the family to get up early. But it was ever since Whitey had made their basketball team get up at the crack of dawn for practice, he couldn't find it in himself to stay asleep.

His solitary time when the sun rose, was interrupted when Lucas moved in. Fondly, he recalled how Lucas would walk into the kitchen a few mintues after Dan had, see him, and stumble away nervously, embarrassed at being caught by his father for waking up so early. Later on, while eavesdropping on Brooke and Lucas, he heard Lucas talk about how he couldn't go down to the kitchen in the morning and have breakfast while watching the sun rise anymore because of Dan.

Dan felt guilty for making his home so uncomfortable for his son that the boy didn't even feel the right to move freely, but another part of his mind was almost cheering, because he and Lucas had another thing in common, they both loved to get up early and watch the sunrise.

As he peered at his watch again, he scoffed. This was getting ridiculous, didn't anyone appreciate having a longer day by getting up early? Finally, after waiting five more minutes for any sign of life, he walked to his boys' rooms, wanting to wake them up first.

Dan didn't even bother to knock on the door of his sons' room, it wasn't like the pair even deserved any privacy, with one having a nasty addiction to anti-depressants, and the other was one of the biggest play boys in Tree Hill.

He carefully opened the door, making special care not to make the door hinges squeak too much. Finally with the door completely opened, he stepped in and took in the scene in front of him.

A friendly laugh escaped his lips, seeing Nathan's arms wrapped around Lucas's in a more than friendly gesture. Nathan's head was in the nook of Lucas's shoulder, with Nathan's drool soaking Lucas's blue raven's shirt. He could see that Lucas was not a willing participant in this spectacle.

His laugh wasn't as quiet as he had predicted it would be. His older, and more axiety prone son woke up, attempting to jump up and sense the disturbance. But the hulking arms of his brother prevented him from doing so.

"Well isn't this cute. I've been waiting for a brotherly moment between you two for my entire life." Dan joked with a light heart. It felt nice to joke with his son, but he just hoped that Lucas would joke back.

"Hey, I'm not the one he wants. He's the one that's been hugging me and calling me Peyton all night. I've been pushing him off me all night, but he just says that he loves me more." Lucas laughed, waking up the boy next to him. Nathan shot up, unaware of knocking Lucas in the head with his arm.

"Ouch Nate, chill. I'm not Peyton." Lucas was laughing without a care, without knowing the implications of his laughter. All three laughed, not caring that this was a first for them.

"Come on Luke, you really think that I would think that you were Peyton?You both may be blonde, but I would never kiss your grungy ass." Nathan said, liking how him, his brother, and his father could laugh with out caring who heard. But the laughter was abruptly cut off as Lucas realized what he was doing. The boy instantly quieted and turned back to the hard, emotionally unavailable Luke.

Dan's laughter was stifled as Lucas's was. He had been elated when Lucas showed his happiness around him. It meant that Lucas was finally letting go, and letting his guard down. And in his own selfish way, he had believed that if Lucas started letting himself go around him, then Lucas would want to stay in Tree Hill.

An uncomfortable silence fell upon the men as they sat in the room, each thinking and savoring the moment they each shared.

"Luke, we have to go fit you and Peyton for skis later. You should go get a shower and clean off all of Nathan's drool. Nate, I want you to come with me to go grocery shopping so we all don't starve." Dan said, trying to lighten the mood of the room again. All he wanted was a good relationship with his sons'. And considering all the torture he had forced on them, was it that much to ask?

Lucas wasted no time leaving the room, it was evident that the boy wanted no part in this situation. He got off the bed, and made his way to the connected bathroom, slamming the door.

----------------------------------

Nathan watched as his father stared at the door that had just been slammed by Lucas. He couldn't stand the pained look in his eyes, and had no idea how to make it go away.

He didn't know his brother that well to be able to tell his dad that it will all be okay. He wasn't sure if Lucas even wanted this to be better. Or if Lucas secretly yearned for a relationship with their father, or if he just wanted to be left alone. And who's fault is that?

"Nate, Luke gave you so many chances to have brotherly conversations and relationships, and you ignored them, you ignored him. Like the time when he told you that he had your back. You spent more time absorbing and enjoying the words that you never gave Lucas any confirmation that you reciprocated his brotherly feelings.

You never gave him the security that you had his back too. Damn Nate, you're so selfish. All you had to do was say that you had his back, and you could have become real brothers."

Nathan was mentally scolding himself harshly for wasting so many years with Lucas. They both could have used that relationship, and he had deprived them both of it.

"Don't worry Dad, he'll come around. He's just a little bit uncomfortable. He hasn't even unpacked yet because I think he's afraid of making himself too at home. Just be yourself...or maybe being yourself isn't really the best plan..." Nathan caught himself as he remembered that his father's seemingly 'real' self, was an evil, money sucking, abusive bastard.

"Just say it Nathan, you know it and I know it. I suck when it comes to your brother. I abused him, and I ruined any chance of a father-son relationship with him. Come on we should go to the store now. People will be waking up soon, and I've seen some of these people hungry, and it's not pretty." Dan tore his stare away from the door where running water could be heard, and began following his other son out.

"Dad. You called him my brother. That's the first step. Take it slow with him." Nathan's words made a world of sense to Dan, but in a way, they also frightened him. He didn't have the luxury of time to take it slow with Lucas. Tomorrow night was when they were telling Lucas about California, and his mom. And Dan wasn't so sure that he had the time and patience to get Lucas to trust him the tiniest bit.

-------------------------------------

Inside his bathroom, Lucas turned on the water, and twisted the knob to the hottest tempurature possible. How could he have let himself slip up so much around Dan? Usually, he was well aware of any move that he made aound the man. But he and his father actually shared a nice moment, and it even included a laugh. And he would admit, it felt good to let some of his emotions go.

But he still let himself slip up and let Dan see a more vulnerable side of him. A long time ago, he promised himself that he would never allow his father the luxury of seeing that side and giving him the ammuniton to use it against him.

At this moment, Lucas was going through a light case of withdrawal. He missed his anti-depressants. Those were his only reliable friend. And even if they just made him think more and more about suicide, they were still what gave him the confidence to make it through the day. And Dan had to take that away too.

By now, the bathroom was completely full of steam, and it felt good. Lucas still hadn't recovered from the extreme biting cold that surrounded him. Stripping, he stepped inside the shower, and let the needles of white hot water stream onto his back. He could hardly stand due to the burning flesh on his back. It was almost unbearable.

"But...Luke, this is better than ever letting Dad in again. He only hurts you, remember. He hates you, and he wishes that you had never been born." Lucas whispered harshly to himself. He couldn't let anything like that ever happen again. Dan didn't deserve the satisfaction.

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Hours later, Peyton and Lucas stood in the ski shop, both scanning all of the snow gear and skis. Peyton seemed to be quite at home, while Lucas's hunched shoulders indicated that he wasn't.

"Luke, have you ever skied before?" Peyton came up to him and asked, noticing how he was staring at all of the equipment like it was all foriegn to him.

"No, I stayed home when the family went on vacation. They just took Nathan. I just hope that I don't come home with some sort of broken limbs. Whitey would kill me." Lucas laughed lightly, not wanting to put this poor girl through the bitterness that was his life.

"Don't worry, you'll do fine, it's really easy to get the hang of. But speaking of Nathan..." Peyton's voice was leaking with curiosity about his brother.

Peyton really hoped that Lucas could give her some decent information about Nathan. She knew him pretty well, as a friend, she knew that he was known as a player. She knew that he resented Lucas a little bit, and she knew that she really liked him. What she didn't know, and hoped that Lucas could provide, was how Nathan felt about her.

"You want to know if he likes yoouuu..." Lucas taunted nicely. He knew that his brother really liked Peyton, but for some reason, he thought that she was too good for him.

"Well yeah. But I also want to know what you think about him, and more about what he likes, how he is with girls and stuff." Peyton said shyly, not wanting to be too forward about her obvious feeling for Nathan.

"Good news, he liiiiiikes you tooo." Lucas sing songed, liking how she was so embarrassed about the situation. Except, that was the opposite of Brooke, she was not afraid or ashamed to show anything, feelings, truths, no matter what. That was what balanced the two of them out.

"Tell me about him Luke, I know one side of him, but there is so much that I don't know. Please tell me." She was so excited that Nathan shared her feelings, but now she had to know if he would act on them. She didn't want to put herself out there just to have him be scared and push her away, he was really the only one besides Brooke that had accepted her in the town of Tree Hill.

"As you probably know, he is quite the playboy, and a womanizer. But that is only when he is single. At parties and stuff, he seems like a wild guy who all he wants is a good f. But it's not like that at all." Lucas felt weird talking about his brother.

"But he's really not. When he has someone like you, someone he really cares about, he is as loyal as a golder retriever. When he and Haley started dating, he was very sweet, but from the beginning, I knew his heart wasn't in it. But even if he wasn't fully in the relationship, he was never unloyal. He's actually a great guy." Lucas's voice drifted off, thinking about his words. They were true, but he couldn't stop all of his thoughts.

He loved Nathan, sure, but really, he was a jealous wreck. He was jealous at all the times that Nathan got the praise, all of the times that Nathan got the father. But those feelings of jealousy had faded as Lucas grew older and more mature.

Really, he wanted him and Nathan to be alot closer, and for them to actually share some brotherly time. But he was nervous about all of the other times that he put himself out on the line for Nathan, showing that he wanted a brotherly relationship with him, Nathan had ignored him, or just stared at him like he was some sort of freak.

But maybe now that he and Nathan were sharing a room, they could get closer...

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Later on that day, Nathan and Lucas were in their rooms changing to get ready to ski. Nathan was almost done dressing, but Lucas was having a horrible time trying to figure out the layers.

Lucas stared at his brother, trying to see how his outfit was put together. He couldn't figure out if the socks went in out out of the pants, and if he was wearing the right undershirt.

"Dude, if you keep staring at me like that, I'm going to think that instead of being with Brooke, you should be with Tim." Nathan knew that his brother was just trying to put his outfit together, but he couldn't resist the joke. Who knew, maybe it would break the ice between them, and then they could actually start bonding.

"I don't know about that Nate, but last night, you were the one that was hugging and kissing me. I'm surprised that I don't have like a hickey or something." The brothers laughed, loving that they could share a moment like this without any awkward tension.

"I swear, I didn't. You don't know what you're talking about Luke, maybe I should tell Brooke that you have the hots for me. Sorry Luke, but that's kinda sick..." Nathan walked over and patted his brother on the back. It was a gesture that was brotherly and joking.

"Oh really, so last night you weren't kissing me, and drooling on me, yelling, "Peyton, I'm in love with you, be with me..." Lucas exagerated in a dramatic sense, fell to his knees, trying to add as much drama as he could to the situation.

"Shut up Luke. Now get your ass up and get ready, Dad wants to leave soon." Nathan grabbed the collar of his brother's shirt and drug him to his feet.

------------------------------------

Out in the entry way, everyone was dressed up in their ski clothes, all looking ready for a nice afternoon of skiing. Well everyone but Lucas, who was nervous about learning how to ski.

What if he completely screwed up and humiliated himself again, just like last night. He didn't want to make a fool of himself infront of Brooke anymore.

"Hey Cheery, you're looking pretty cute." Lucas came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her petite waist. He kissed her on the cheek, knowing that she would probably kill him for kissing her on the lips when he still felt sick.

"Oh hey Broody, you're looking...like hell...are you sure you should go out today?" Brooke turned around and put her hand on his cheek, feeling if he had a temperature.

"I'm fine Brooke, stop treating me like I'm a baby." He laughed lightly, and pushed Brooke's hand off of his head.

Dan watched his son flirt with Brooke. Those two were obviously in love, and he was glad, Lucas needed some love in his life. But at the same time he was worried, because being in love also means that your heart is in even more danger of being broken, and that was what Lucas didn't need. He knew about the having your heart broken thing because that was what happened when he lost Karen. Even if it was his fault.

He was teaching Lucas how to ski today, and even if he wouldn't show it, he was incredibly excited about spending the day with Lucas, and teaching him how to do something. It was an experience he never got to share with Lucas, like teaching him how to play basketball, or taking him out for driving lessons, or all the things that he did with Nathan.

"Are we ready to head out?" Keith spoke, interrupting Lucas and Brooke's flirting for the second time.

"Yea, here's the schedule. I'll be teaching Lucas today, Deb, you are going with Keith, and Nathan, you can go with Brooke and Peyton, or you can go on whatever slopes that you want, just call me on the cell when you get done." Dan gave the orders, and noticed Lucas's body language go to defensive mode.

"Let's go!" Brooke and Peyton said at the same time, both were extremely excited about their skiing time, and both were eager to spill secrets to eachother about their favorite boys.

Lucas, dressed in an all black jacket, and black ski pants, followed the rest of the family out of the condo, with his fleece glove attactched to Brooke's covered hand. It was driving him crazy, because all he wanted was to have skin on skin conatact with the woman he loved.

"Don't worry Luke, if you survive the day with Dan, we'll have fun in the hot tub later." Brooke whispered in his ear seductively. It made him yearn all the more for his time with 'daddy' to be over sooner.

--------------------------------

On the bunny hill, Dan stood by Lucas, who was on his skis, but he couldn't really say that Lucas was balanced, the boy seemed to be almost ready to fall over.

Lucas had really hoped that he and Peyton would both be on the hill, being taught how to ski, but he had been disappointed to hear that she was another one of the spoiled brats that have been going on ski trips since she was a little girl. He wasn't disappointed because he liked her, because he didn't like her at all, they were just friends, he was disappointed because he would have to go at it with Dan alone.

"Okay Luke, we are going to take this slow, put your skis into a wedge shape." He moved closer to his son, who was having trouble standing, never the less ready to move. It took almost 2 minutes for Lucas to accomplish the form, and Dan couldn't see it, but Lucas's face was already turning red from embarrassment.

"Here we go, we are going to go really slow, and I'll be right by you the whole time, when we get two thirds of the way down, I'm going to let you go, is that okay?" Dan started his way down, going at the slow pace that Lucas was going. The boy seemed too nervous and rigid, and he couldn't seem to relax.

"Relax a little bit Luke, bend your knees, you're doing just fine." He said, trying to get him to let go a little bit. But before Lucas could try to oblige, he completely lost his balance and fell forward, falling into the snow.

"Just get back up Luke." He pulled Lucas up off of the slope, if you could call the small hill that. Lucas was already beginning to get discouraged.

"Let's try this again." Dan said as they were on their feet again. Lucas reassured himself, telling him that he was ready to do this, and that he wouldn't disappoint Dan.

----------------------------------

"So are you going out with Nathan yet?" Peyton and Brooke were on a ski lift, going on a really long slope and it was bound to atleast take 10 minutes.

"No, I'm not yet. But that is what me and Luke talked about earlier. I guess that Nathan likes me too, and I think that tonight at the hot tub, I'm going to ask him, because I really like him." Peyton was so excited that she almost dropped her poles.

"Omg, I'm so excited for you. I don't know if me and Luke are together yet, I want to be with him, and I know he wants to be with me, but I just can't open myself up yet, even if Lucas has my heart, he doesn't have the key yet. And I know he keeps things from me, which is one of the reasons I can't trust him yet. If he can't trust me enough to tell me everything, then I'm not sure that I want to give everything to him." Brooke just spilled all of her thoughts from the last few weeks out to her new friend.

"I completely understand. I don't know if I want to give my whole self to Nathan yet either, I've seen him at some parties, and he just doesn't seem like the kind of guy for a relationship. Lucas told me that he would be really loyal, but I just don't know..." Peyton trailed off as they got off of the ski life and skied to where the slope started.

"We'll bitch about the Scott brothers when we get down to the bottom of the slope, then I'm going to go find Luke and make fun of him." Brooke said as she got the head start infront of Peyton.

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From the top of the small hill, Dan watched his son shakily try to ski down it. All Lucas had to do was turn down the hill and he would be fine. But apparently that was too much for the boy too.

On the fifteenth try, Lucas fell again, he just couldn't get the hang of it. And each time he fell, he felt like he was one step closer to disappointing his father.

He could tell that his father's patience was growing very thin, as he could hear the exasperation everytime he said to get up and try again. And that made him more nervous, yet more determined to show Dan that he could do whatever Nathan did, even if he wasn't as good.

Quite annoyed at his first born's inability to ski the simplest little hill, he skied down to where the boy was futilely trying to stand up.

"Turn on your side Lucas, with the bottom of your skis facing down hill." That was the 5th time today that he had to give that direction to Lucas.

Why was this so hard for Lucas? Nathan got the hang of this hill on the 4th try, and that was when he was seven. How come his almost 17 year old boy, on the 15th try couldn't get it"

"God, It was so easy for Nathan..." He rolled off of his tongue as he watched Lucas still try to get up.

Lucas heard the words and felt his cheeks burn with hurt. He clenched his teeth together, trying to grind back all of his hurt feelings. But it didn't work, not even a little bit, that pesky feeling of inferiority was building up in his chest again, yelling at him for being so stupid about Dan.

Why did Dan always end up comparing him to Nathan, whether it was in basketball, school, life, or in this case, skiing. Lucas would admit that Nathan was the better player on the basketball court, after all, he got all of the grooming that came along with it. But in school, Lucas was the far better student, bringning home A's by the barrel full, while Nathan was fine with a C.

Like last year, Lucas brought home a geometry test with a 100 on it. It needed Dan's signature just because the teacher was paranoid that the students wouldn't show their parents the tests. So Lucas placed the test on his father's desk. Later on, at dinner, Dan passed him his test with the signature, with no praise. But when Dan gave Nathan his C+ test back, he got all sorts of "good jobs" and, "we're proud of you son"s.

But this was the icing on the cake, he hated being told how easy things were for Nathan to do while he struggled.

Maybe though...if he tried a lot harder, he could get the hang of this and Dan would change his mind. But for now, his feelings were going back in their vault, away from harm.

With all of his strength, Lucas pulled his body up and stood up, ready to trek the rest of his way down the hill and prove his father wrong

---------------------------------

"So, how do you plan on telling him? Lucas, I mean." Keith said as he and Deb rode up the ski lift to their slope.

"Well, I plan on letting him celebrate his birthday for awhile, just so he can have some fun in his life. And we are going to do presents last, his last gift will be one from Karen, and after he opens that, I'll tell him." Deb's voice was solemn, and she didn't want to go through with it. It would only cause the boy more anxiety.

"Then the day after that, I think that we should tell him that we want him to go back to California with me. I don't want to keep this secret from him for too long, because that will just make him trust up even less." He turned away from the beautiul winter trees to the woman next to him, she was very distant, just staring into the snow below her.

"I don't know if I want to do this Keith, I don't want to ruin Lucas's life even more, or if I even have the right to tell him. I was so mean to him over the years." Deb could tell that the only thing keeping her tear ducts from leaking was years of practice of holding back tears. It was required, because she couldn't just break down infront of the women at the country club everytime they mentioned if they were pregnant, or how their baby was doing.

"I understand Deb, I don't want to take Lucas away from his brother or his best friend, because it seems that he has finally found a real life around here, but I have to, because starting over in California will be good for him, and getting away from Dan will do well for his self esteem. It may not seem like the right thing to do, but we have to think that the things that we are doing will be what is best for him." Keith's voice didn't sound to sure, it was almost as if he was trying to convince himself.

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Brooke, Peyton, and Nathan had all gathered up to go check and see how Lucas was doing, and since they weren't due to meet up to go home for a few hours, they had plenty of time.

"Hey Luke, still on the bunny slope, eh?" Nathan skied up to his brother and father who were in the middle of the hill, trying to get Lucas down without him falling.

"Yeah, shut up you lucky prick, I know that you are the better skier, Dad has made sure that I know that. Now would you shut up and go away. I don't want you here." Lucas thought as he stared at the blue skis under him, jealousy burning through him as his father's words before did.

He almost felt guilty being mad at his brother for something he had no control over, and for ruining the moment he had earlier. But he couldn't stand it! He hated being jealous of his brother, because he knew that it was wrong, but he wanted some of the stuff that Nathan got, and the security he grew up with and still had. He just wanted to be his father's son, like his brother was.

"Ya know Lucas, for being one of the most graceful basketball players that I have ever seen, I think that you are probably the most uncordinated skier that I have ever seen." Brooke laughed at him nicely.

Lucas actually smiled at Brooke's comment, he knew it was warm hearted, and that Brooke never intentionally tried to hurt him. And he knew that there was no reason for him to have to resent Brooke.

He ended up falling again as all his thoughts turned away from his disasterous skiing attempts, and towards Brooke and his passionate love for her.

"We should probably go, there are still a few slopes that we want to go on before we head in. We'll meet you here in a few hours." Nathan said as he and both the girls began skiing away.

Lucas watched them with yearning from the ground as he watched his lover ski away, laughing with everyone else, without him. He began to feel like a loser, not being able to ski the simplest little hill, while all of his friends were out having fun, and were able to ski.

Maybe he was just that, maybe that was all he was destined to be, second best to Nathan, or in other words, a giant loser. He wanted to be good at something, sure he was good at basketball, but that was Nathan's thing. And he wasn't even the best at that. Yeah, loser pretty much summed him up.

"You can get this Luke, just concentrate." Dan gave him a hand up helped him get his balance again.

Hours later in the same place.

Lucas had been getting better at skiing, but he still didn't feel like he was good enough for any of Dan's expectation. And he still felt the humiliation of Dan's earlier words of how easy it was for Nathan.

Once again, Lucas's concentration had been taken away from the idea of balance, and he fell forward, without the warning that he usually did.

A sharp pain was felt as he hit the grooved snow. He couldn't pinpoint where the pain was coming from, but as he felt something in his wrist strain, he knew that he pulled something.

"Are you okay Lucas?" Dan's voice held some exasperation and annoyance as he skied to his son, who wasn't getting up as quickly as usual.

"Yeah, just fell on my wrist, I should be fine." He hid all of the pain in his wrist that he felt, trying hard not to disappoint Dan, because his goal for today was to get some molecule of praise from Dan.

"Why don't you just take a break and go to the lodge for awhile." Dan helped him stand up, not noticing that on the inside, all Lucas wanted to do was fall down and never get back up.

Lucas felt Dan's disappointment in him radiating, and it hurt, more than the injury to his wrist.

"Dad doesn't think that I can do it does he. He thinks that I am a failure. Great job Lucas, you just gave him ANOTHER reason to favor Nathan. Because Nathan was an easy student, and you are a damned failure!" Lucas's mind told him as he removed his skis.

At the bottom of the mountain, Dan led him to the ski lodge to sit for awhile, and gave him some money to get a coffee or some snacks.

"I'm going to go find Nathan and go skiing with him for awhile, you'll be fine here for awhile." Lucas hid his face by looking at the floor. He didn't want Dan to see the turmoil that burned within him.

"LOSER! That's all he thinks you are. He couldn't stand your failure, so he has to go to his good son." His feelings were fighting between anger at himself, and the lonliness that threatened to take over, as he watched Dan walk out the door and meet up with Nathan.

His brother and father were laughing as they skied away, both having fun, neither of them noticing that Lucas burned with jealousy, lonliness, and feelings of inferiority.

And the only way to make those feelings go away was to swallow 10+ pills. But even that wouldn't help the horrendous feeling that he aquired when he felt that Dan was giving up on him.

The feeling in the pit of his stomach was right, he needed pills, and he needed to find a way to get them without Dan or Keith finding out.

And he had just the way...

--------------------------------

Approximately an hour later, Dan, Nathan, Keith, Deb, Brooke, and Peyton all came bounding into the ski lodge, looking like they had had the time of their lives.

Dan looked at his first born son, who was sitting exactly where he left him, staring at the commercial carpeting, looking like he was defeated.

"Luke, baby, would you stop thinking so loud!" Brooke walked up to him and sat on his lap, breaking him out of his self destructive thoughts.

"Sorry, just have some stuff on my mind." Dan heard the tone in his son's voice and felt bad, he knew exactly what was on Lucas's mind. It was those unfair comments that he had said earlier that pretty much told Lucas that he loved Nathan more and Nathan was easier to deal with.

He hadn't meant that comment stating how easy it was for Nathan to learn how to ski. It had just slipped as he thought about the memories of teaching Nathan how to ski. And those memories had led to thoughts that he could have had those memories with Lucas too if he hadn't been such a selfish prick and abandoned the kid.

On that bunny hill, he could feel Lucas's frustrations boiling over, and he knew that the boy could use some encouragment to keep going, but he couldn't open his mouth long enough to. It was all because of Lucas's determination to get up again and get it right. A determination that was too much like Karen for Lucas's own good.

"You don't have the right to be all broody this week, because tomorrow is your birthday, and if I see any brooding on your birthday, then you won't get your 'gift'. Brooke whispered the last part of the sentence into Lucas's big ears, knowing that if Deb or Dan, or even worse, Keith, knew about her gift to Lucas, then they would be on 24 hour supervision.

---------------------------------

Back at the condo, Lucas and Nathan were in their room each getting ready for the hot tubbing that they were about to partake in. Both were deep in thought and submersed with nerves.

Nathan, because this was the time that he was going to ask Peyton to go out with him. It was the perfect setting, an outdoor hot tub, with a view filled with beautiful fir trees, and where you could watch the skiers go by, and a perfect place to make out if she says yes.

Lucas, for once again, he was going to aske Brooke if they were anything more than friends. He was getting mroe than confused at her mixed symbols, because one day, he would ask her, and she would say that they weren't, and the next day, she would go up to him and kiss him. And it wasn't like he knew what to do, because he couldn't go up to her an kiss her, because she might not accept it.

He peered up at his brother, who was making sure his hair was looking good. He grew jealous as he stared at his brother, because it seemed that Nathan got the good end of the genes too, with his brown hair that would actually stay where he wanted it too, his filled out and perfectly muscular body, and his features, the ones that resembled their father so much.

Then there was him, he had a toned body, sure, but he was also unbelievably scrawny. He had blonde hair too. Blonde hair! Where the hell did that fit into the gene pool? Sometimes he believed that he got the gene from his grandmother, but then again, that was a bit of a stretch. The only thing that he really shared with Dan was his blue eyes. And that was one thing that he shared with Dan that couldn't be ripped away.

As they were both prepared, they exited their rooms in their swim trunks, t shirts and sandals. Both their jaws almost dropped as they saw the beauty of the girls who they were infatuated with.

"Pick up your jaw Nathan, I don't think the people under us appreciate it when you drop it." Peyton hooked arms with Nathan, knowing it was a more than friendly gesture, but wanting to give him a hint that she liked him more than a friend.

"Let's go Lukey." Brooke grabbed Lucas's hand, not noticing how he flinched from the pain. But Dan noticed, and grew worried as she saw the swelling on the boy's wrist.

----------------------------

"Oh my God! Who's idea was it to put a hot tub outside in the cold?" Brooke and Peyton were both complaining as the boys laughed at them, hiding how cold they really felt.

"What are you talking about Brookie? It feels fine out here." Lucas smiled as he climbed into the tub of steaming hot water as fast as he could to relieve his body of the biting cold that had taken over his body.

"Yeah Luke, that is why you are covered in goose bumps. Come on, admit it, big tough Lukey Scott doesn't like the cold." Brooke climbed in next to him and onto his lap.

Nathan and Peyton were sitting by eachtoher awkwardly, both weren't sure what to say, or how to just state that they wanted to go out with the other one.

"Would you two just admit it already and stop making things so awkward!" Brooke broke out, sick that her and Luke were too distracted with their awkwardness to kiss or even talk.

"Brooke!" Nathan and Peyton both said at the same time, nervous that the other didn't feel the same way. Both Nathan and Peyton turned and looked at eachother looking the other in the eye to see if the feelings were true.

Suddenly, Nathan shot forward and attatched his lips to Peyton's glossed ones. He put more passion into the kiss than he ever had in his life, even when he had kissed Haley. And it wasn't like Peyton's passion wasn't put into this either. He felt pressure pushing back on his lips, kissing him back.

"It's about damn time!" Brooke exclaimed as she pushed her hands on Lucas's wet chest and kissed him with the amount of passion that Peyton and Nathan held.

Pulling away, Brooke stared at Lucas, who was panting from the amount of passion. He wanted to ask her if they were something legitimate yet, but it didn't seem like the right time, because this was Nathan and Peyton's time, and he didn't want to ruin that.

"You are awfully scrawny Luke, maybe I should trade you in for Nathan over there. He is so toned." Brooke said to him as she rubbed his chest, feeling his pecs.

Lucas knew that she didn't mean that as a dig, and that she was only flirting with him, but that comment bothered him, it reminded him of the comment from his father earlier that stated how much better Nathan was than him. But he wouldn't be little girl about the comment now, after all, his was getting closer and closer to locking his feelings in a vault for good, and all he needed was one more big event to push him over the egde. And this comment was just a little baby step. But all it made him want to do now was to down even more pills.

"I don't think so Brooke, I could never kiss anyone other than you." He flirted back and kissed her even more, feeling her saturated back. And for a moment in the tangled web that they all weaved, everything was right. At least on the outside...

-----------------------------

After ordering out dinner that night, everyone was either in their rooms watching a movie, or upstairs doing the work required to run their respective businesses.

One person was left in the kitchen, cleaning up all of the dinner that they ate. Deb was standing infront of the sink, cleaning the dishes, unaware of the other presence in the room.

"Perfect timing Luke, just play it cool, she'll believe you." Lucas told himself as he sat in one of the chairs in the bar area opposite his step-mother.

"Hello Lucas, did you enjoy dinner? You and Brooke looked awfully cozy." She looked up the teenage boy who sat near the sink, trying to act as if the next day she wasn't going to destroy everything that he had ever believed, even if it was for his own good.

"Yeah it was great. Me and Brooke really enjoyed it." Lucas said, trying to figure out a way to approach the subject of recieving his bottle of anti-depressants. After a few more moments of silence, he decided that the best way to ask was just to jump in head first and go for it.

"Uh, hey, I was wondering. I just finished the last of my Zoloft, and I need a new presciption. Will you take me to the pharmacy tomorrow?" Lucas tried to make his voice sound as normal as possible.

"You finished that bottle already Luke?" Deb didn't sound suspicious at all, she just sounded worried that his depression was getting worse.

"Yeah, un, my doctor talked to a psychiatrist, and he reccomeded that he up my prescription one pill." Lucas was amazed that he came out with that lie so quickly without any creases. Of course it was completely impossible. Because to have his dosage upped, he would have to actually have a therapist or someone to reccomend it.

Of course, there was one thing that Lucas was not counting on as he knotted his fingers inside his sleeves in a nervous habit. Behind him was another presence.

"Not a chance Luke." He heard the low and ominous voice of his father. Frightened and embarrassed at being caught, he turned around with a shamed look on his face.

"Deb, don't even think about getting Lucas any sort of anti-depressants. Not when the kid abuses them." Dan's voice was dangerous as he stared straight into Lucas's frightened blue eyes.

"I cannot believe that you would stoop so low to the point that after I told you that you couldn't have them, and I took away your bottle, that you would go to my wife to get your fix!" Dan's eyes flashed violently, scaring Lucas.

"What do you mean Dan?" Deb asked, looking more and more worried as she saw a guilty expression pass over Lucas's fair features.

"I mean that while we were buying Lucas prescription after prescription of Zoloft, he thought it would be fun to take twelve at a time, wait until he almost passed out, and then decided to thow them up. Right Luke!" The way his father put so much emphasis on his name made Lucas's level of shame rise.

"And now that he can't get his fix to get high because I took them so he wouldn't poison himself. So now he has to get desperate and beg for drugs." Lucas laid his head down on the granite counter, hearing the more extreme disappointment from Dan. But he was well aware that he deserved it this time.

"Luke...is that really what you have been doing this whole time? You idiot, you unbelievable idiot! Do you have any idea what that could do to you, in short term and long term! I cannot believe that you would be so selfish to try to kill yourself by overdosing. How many times have you done this? Is it so many times that you are a hopeless addict?" Deb yelled at him, more angry at herself for supplying Lucas with his poison.

"Would you shut up! It's not like you even noticed! In fact, you are the one that bought me that stuff. And neither of you can lecture me about the abuse of anti-depressants when you were never there to monitor me while I took them! So Deb, you can shut the hell up now, because I don't want to hear it." Lucas yelled, getting frustrated as he felt his feelings of the day boil over, threatening to open up his isolated soul.

"Lucas! You are never to talk to your step mother like that ever again!. You apologize right now and tell her that that was no way to treat a mother!" Dan watched his son's shoulder's hunch up as if he had been struck again. What had he said wrong?

"Step-mother? Mother? How should I know how to treat one. I don't have a step-mother, all I have is a woman who tolerated me for 3 days before never speaking to me again. As for a mother, she fin' killed herself if you don't remember! She left me on her damned own free will, and I will never forgive her for it. I HATE HER." Lucas jumped up, almost knocking over the bar stool and stormed to his room, not bothering to listen to his brother's questions about what happened. All he wanted to do was curl up under the blankets and go to sleep.

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Morning arrived as Dan woke up before the sun came up. Usually, he would have just gotten up as the sun would shine through his window, telling him it was time to wake up. But today was a very special day.

Lucas's birthday was today, and Dan was doing all he could to make it special for the boy. And the first step to doing that was getting up early so he could make the cake with out anyone stealing the icing, or licking the spoon.

Getting out all the clinking pans, and ingredients, Dan sighed, regretting that the first birthday he was making special for his son was his 17th.

A groan, and a movement in the couch in the great room by him, startled him, he thought that he was the only one crazy enough to wake up this early. Looking over to the leather couch, he saw a scrawny figure rise.

A red chenille throw covered most of his son as Lucas peered his bright blue eyes back at him. The eyes looked at him with sparked curiosity, as if wondering why his father was up so early.

Dan wasn't sure how to react in this situation. With the circumstances of what had occured last night were weighing heavily on his soul. He knew it was the right thing to do, but he still regretted the 'mother' comment. That just wasn't fair. But he knew that if he talked about that to Lucas right now, a fight would break out between them, and considering what was bound to happen that afternoon, he wasn't about to cause him more stress.

"Happy Birthday Lucas. What are you doing out here? Did you and Nate have a fight?" He asked the boy as Lucas pulled his body to a comfortable postition, watching his father over the couch.

"No, he took my blankets." Lucas said while pulling the light throw over his shoulders to filter the cold air out his nerves. But the presence of his father, and the awkwardness between them was making him more anxious.

"Why didn't you take them back. Or just pull them, he would have given in soon enough." Dan laughed inwardly at his sons' antics, glad that they were finally getting to bond and behave like brothers should. He had been waiting for this for a long time, and he was well aware that his recent de-isolation of Lucas had a lot to do with it.

"I did, and he kicked me in the place where a guy never wants to be kicked. So, knowing I would get my ass kicked if I slept in Brooke's room, so I came out here because there were blankets that wouldn't get stolen from me." Lucas said between stifled yawns.

Dan's inward laughter broke off as he heard the, 'knowing I would get my ass kicked', part. He wasn't sure how to take this comment. Either Lucas was sure that Dan would hit him mercilessly for going into Brooke's room, or he wasn't serious. Teenagers used that expression all the time. Deciding it was best to ditch that subject, Dan found another subject to ask about.

"How's the wrist? I saw that you took a pretty nasty fall on it yesterday, and I didn't know if you injured it at all." Dan queried as he saw Lucas's bright eyes fell from him to the expensive leather couch.

"Fine, just bruised and sorta swollen. Like you cared, all you said was that I should take a break and that you were going to go ski with the good son." Lucas huffed bitterly as he scratched at the leather, trying to find any way to keep from staring at his father.

"Don't twist my words around Lucas. I didn't want you getting hurt anymore, so I told you to go take a rest. And I promised Nathan that morning that I would ski atleast one slope with him.I spent all day with you Lucas. I have to have some time with Nathan too." Dan said as he stirred the ingredients of Lucas's cake mix, trying to not upset the boy too much, but growing annoyed with the possesivness that Lucas was showing.

"Soooo, why are you up extra early this morning? Usually you aren't up for another hour." Lucas deliberately avoided the subject, he didn't want to fight with his father on his birthday. This was supposed to be a good day for him.

"Making your birthday cake. Dark fudge cake with fluffy white icing, right?" Dan looked at his son, who had peered up again, watching him stir the cake mix. He still couldn't believe that his father was a cook, and a really good one too. But he couldn't let go of the fact that his father never once wanted to celebrate his birthday until now.

"Finally getting the hint that I'm your son huh? Remembering all the years that I lived with you, and almost _'begged'_ for your attention. Give me a break." Lucas's voice held a lot of sarcasm and even more bitterness.

"Come on kid, I'm really trying here, can't you see that?" The pleading in Dan's voice and eyes was almost enough to make him believe his father. Almost.

Sighing heavily, Dan placed the cake mix into the oven setting it on 350 degrees, and walking over to the couch to sit by Lucas, who was curled up, sitting on the couch with the chenille throw tossed over his shoulders, shivering slightly.

"I can see it, I just can't believe that it's true." Lucas whispered in a barely audible tone. Dan strained to hear his son's words, knowing that all words between them were important. Many more moments passed as Lucas and Dan both watching the other out of the corner of their eyes, wondering if there was anything to say that they wouldn't regret later.

"Do you think...that any time, ever, that we would have a chance at a normal father-son relationship...or that you would ever forgive me...for anything?" Dan finally whispered as he inched towards Lucas, who didn't seem to notice.

"I don't know...I think that there are some things that a fatherless child goes through that you will never understand. And even if I tried to block it out all these years, I couldn't, the feelings were amplified. Like when I was in boy scouts, and it was father-son barbeque and camp out night. I didn't want to go, but my mom told me that I would have fun..." Lucas paused for a moment at the mention of his mother, and swallowed the rock that had settled in his throat.

"Oh boy was that night fun. Since I didn't have a dad, I spent the night with the camp director and his son. They didn't bother to include me in much because I was the odd number, the one that couldn't participate in the relay races, and cooking s'mores for my dad. You were there. I remember it. You and Nathan won most of the relay races. Your only real competiton was Tim and his dad. I didn't know about you back then, but for some reason, I was still jealous of you, because you seemed to be having so much fun while I sat on the side lines." Lucas seemed like he wasn't talking to Dan anymore, more like he was telling himself this story over and over again.

"I remember that." Dan whispered in the light tone that Lucas seemed to like. He was almost afraid to speak loudly, almost afraid that if he did, then Lucas would stop talking. And Dan needed Lucas to talk about this. Because even if he was going to California, this was a chance to show Keith to see that Lucas would be better off here, with his family and friends. Lucas had a support system here.

"I know that I'm not the only kid in Tree Hill without a dad, and I never claimed to be, and it didn't hurt as bad to not have a dad when you didn't know the whole story. I always thought that maybe you were gone on some sort of adventure, and that someday, you were going to come back for me and my mom, and tell me you were sorry and that you loved me..." Lucas still wasn't noticing that Dan was moving closer and closer to him.

"But I was just a little ignorant child. Later I found out about you and Nathan, and needlesly to say, I was crushed. You were no longer the dad on the wild adventure, you were the dad that just didn't want me. After that, once I came to grips with the fact that I was nothing to my father. I grew ignorant again, still imagining different circumstances that caused you not to be there for me or my mom. Everyone knows that ignorance is bliss." By this time, Dan was only two feet away from his son, but all he wanted to do was wrap him in his arms and take away the pain in those words. The pain that was so real...

"Did you know that when you came back, my mom could hardly look at me without bursting into tears. I didn't know about my real dad yet, so I just assumed that it was my fault, that I was the one that did something wrong. But when my mom told me, I opened up my eyes and realized that I hadn't disappointed my mom, just my dad." Hearing those heart wrenching words, Dan closed the space between him and Lucas, and pulled the boy into an embrace.

For a few blissful moments, Lucas fell into the hug, savoring the love and comfort that he contained. But seconds later, Lucas seemed to fully realize what was happening, and that he was accepting the hug. Going rigid, Lucas pulled away and scooted even farther into the side of the couch, putting him a small distance away from his father.

Dan didn't want to release Lucas from the hug, but he didn't want to force the boy into something in their rocky relationship that he wasn't ready for.

"You never ever disappointed me. Not once have I been disappointed to call you my first born son." Dan wished for the contact with his son again, for the few moments where Lucas relaxed and gave in, showing that he really did want him for a father. But now, that impenetrable wall was up again, and he didn't know how to work through it.

"You haven't called me your first born son very long, so I'm suspecting that that you will be disappointed any time now." A light but loaded with bitterness chuckle escaped Lucas's lips as he looked out the balcony window, at the barely visible snow that covered the brances. The sun had yet to show it's face over the mountains. It was amazing how the darkness made everything between him and his father spill out. Because Lucas knew that once the sun had risen, they would be able to see the other's face, and there would be no chance that either of them would have the guts to tell the truth.

"You're are wrong Lucas, I always considered you as my son, and it's not your fault that I didn't say it out loud. That was just me trying to keep up with my pride and ego from my high school years. But when I saw you overdose, I realized that those years were over, and that there were children in the mix now, it was time to move on." Dan then was opened up to the fact that a few weeks ago, he had lied to himself about never considering Lucas his son for as he moved in, because he had. And like he said, it was his stupid pride that wasn't letting him admit that he had made a mistake. But Lucas wasn't the mistake, abandoning the boy and treating him as horribly as he did, that was the mistake.

A beep from the over timer broke Dan and Lucas out of their own personal introspection. Lucas's head shot up in a protective mode, and looked at his father, who turned his head to check the oven.

"Your cake is ready. Is there anything special that you want on it, sprinkles or anything?" Dan asked as he pulled the hot pan out of the oven and tested to see if it was done.

"No, that's okay, icing and candles will be good." Lucas was almost laughing as he saw his father in an oven mit. It was sort of a funny sight, seeing the all mighty Dan Scott cooking, and having an oven mit decorated with flowers on it. Cracking a smile, he watched his father ice the cake.

"What ya smiling about?" Dan asked in a nice fatherly tone as he watched his son smiling as he watched him work with the cake infront of him. After all, Lucas's smile was a rarity in it's self, but it was nice to see him happy about something.

Lucas thought about dropping the smile off of his face, knowing that he hated showing his emotion around anyone but Brooke, especially Dan. But as he watched his father smile back at him, he felt no secret agenda, or bad intentions coming from his father. So instead of protecting his feelings in a vault, he put them on his sleeve, ready to retract them at the smallest sign of them getting hurt.

"Nothing, just how funny it is that the Almighty Dan Scott is icing a cake, and was wearing flowered oven mits. All you would need to complete the wonderful ensemble would be Deb's apron." Lucas pointed at his father, feeling an eternal knot in his chest loosen.

"Ha, watch it. I think that I bring out a new side to the floral apron and oven mits. But you can always look at it this way, I can actually cook. Unlike you, Mr. Easy Mac, and microwave pizza. If you want sometime, I can teach you how to cook, ya know, there is more to life other than the microwave." Dan was feeling a lot lighter now that Lucas was acting lighter.

"Yeah, my mom tried to teach me once, and well, the house smelled like burnt pancakes for about two weeks. I am what she called, a hopeless case, but even when she called me that, she kept trying." Lucas was smiling at the memory of his mother. And he was glad, this had been one of the first memories that he was able to recall of his mother that he didn't grow angry and bitter, or choke up about.

"Yeah, well I guess that is another thing that we have in common, your mom taught me how to cook. And as you probably guess, I sucked. But she was patient with me. Too patient. I told her so many times that she should give up on me, and that I never need to know how to cook. But she always told me that cooking was a necesity, and there were too many girls out there doing all the cooking, and that I had should know how to cook. How do you think that I know how to cook cakes, breakfast, dinner? It was your mother."

Dan watched as Lucas slipped into another bout of brooding and contemplation. He hadn't meant to dampen the mood slightly, but that was something that Lucas needed to know. He needed to know about how wonderful his mother was, because how he talked about her last night, Dan knew that the boy's memory of her had been clouded from his mother's suiside

"What's going on here? It smells like chocolate." A yawning Nathan entered the great room as he saw his brother smiling and his father smiling at him. What dimension is this in?

Dan watched as his second born son came into the room sleepily. He then noticed that Lucas wasn't smiling anymore, or even brooding. The arrival of Nathan had made him slip back in to his rock hard shell.

"Figures, I can't ever get you up early to go run with me, but at the slightest smell of chocolate in the morning, you are right up. But Lucas beat you to the punch. That's my boys right there, shallow enough to only get up early if I am baking a chocolate cake." Dan was trying to get Lucas to smile again around another person, then maybe he could get Keith to see that Lucas was happy, at least somewhat. But seeing the shell that Lucas had retreated into, he knew that he was probably going to be the boy who called wolf.

"Happy birthday Luke. I guess that you're up only because you want the first piece of your cake." Nathan sat on the couch by his brother, who seemed to have changed moods so fast that he could hardly blink. The smiling Lucas, was now back into his old melancholy mood.

"Yeah, and if you think that you are having any cake, you are sadly mistaken." Lucas laughed, trying to bring back the lighter feeling in his chest where the world wasn't weighing down on him.

"Okay, boy's since there is no way that you will be able to settle this without fists, then how about I settle it for you. Neither of you will get the cake until this afternoon when we get home from lunch. Then we will light the candles, and Lucas will be the first one to get a piece. And if I find that either of you have sneaked a peice, or even a finger of icing, then I will have you two up and power running with me at 4 A.M." Both sons could tell that Dan was kidding around.

Dan was more than enjoying the time with his boys, and it felt new, but it was a good new. A new thing that he hoped could continue and get even better. And it might, because if he got Lucas to let go around him, and then Nathan, there was lots of hope that the boy could let go a lot more and be happy.

But when he saw the figure of his wife enter the room, he felt the atmosphere grow thicker, and heard the wonderful laughter of his first-born cease, leaving Nathan's laughter to die down, and Deb to question what was going on.

Lucas stared at the blonde woman that had walked into the room, and was completely confused on how to react around her. He sort of resented her calling him an idiot, and it really hurt when she had called him an addict. He had been well aware that she thought very little of him when she pretty much abandoned him, but he had no idea that she thought that low of him to call him an addict.

"Happy Birthday Lucas." Deb said nicely, knowing that they would have to make this a good day for Lucas, because it might be his last good day for awhile depending on how he took it. And even if she was slightly angry with him for being so irresponsible about the pills, she should not have called him an addict. But today, she was determined to make this a nice day for Lucas.

Lucas was surprised at the warm tone coming from Deb, because normally, she gave him a rough uncaring tone that made him cringe and sincerely regret whatever he did to make Deb change her opinion about him.

"I am going to go take a shower..." Nathan spoke, noticing the tension and the piles of unsaid words in the room, and felt that he was required to leave the room for the words to come out true. He almost felt guilty about leaving though when he saw the pleading look on Lucas's face. He mouthed an IOU to Lucas, who was looking pissed, as he left the room, wanting to eavesdrop on whatever the conversation held.

Dan watched Lucas, who had discarded the throw, and was now sitting with his feet on the floor and his arms crossed over his chest, looking detactched and ready to ditch at the first sight of trouble.

"Lucas, we both said some things that we didn't mean last night, and I think that it is time that we clear somethings up." Deb began softly, trying to regain some of her maternal habits for Lucas. And it had been easy when he was just a vulnerable little 14 year old who had just lost his mother, and was in need of some attention. But now, Lucas had grown into a rebellious and sincerely guarded 17 year old who didn't want her attention.

"Speak for yourself, I didn't say anything that I didn't mean last night." Lucas mumbled in a barely audible voice as he watched his feet rest on the carpet.

"I said somethings about you that I really feel bad for, and I know that you said some things about your mother last night..." Deb and Dan watched as those words got a rise out of Lucas.

"Don't ever talk about my mother! I meant everything I said about her last night. She left me. She broke the biggest promise that she ever made to me, and I hate her for it, and I will never forgive her for it." Lucas hissed out, wanting to reveal his feelings of thinking that his mother was a bitch, but that would put him on Dan's bad side again, and that was one place that he didn't desire to be on his birhtday.

"Lucas, don't talk about your mother like that." Dan intervened into the conversation, making sure that Lucas didn't cut Karen down when she sure as hell didn't deserve it.

"Dan, let me talk to him." Deb sat by Lucas on the couch, and was taken a little bit off guard when she saw Lucas turn away from her. He was acting like a fussy 5 year old, and that was making this conversation that much more difficult.

"Lucas, I'm sorry that I called you a hopeless addict. I wasn't thinking, and I was angry at myself for never noticing that you were abusing the pills. I put the Zoloft in your hands the whole time, and I guess I wanted to find someone else to blame except me for the situation. It was wrong of me to call you that...But it still doesn't change that you have not only abused a drug, but our trust also, and you need some serious help." Deb adapted the soothing motherly voice that she had used the night Lucas came to live with them.

"I don't care..." Lucas said as he stood up abruptly and left the room to go to his room. As he opened the door, he knocked over Nathan, Brooke, and Peyton, who all turned out to be eavesdropping on his conversation.

"Omg, Luke, we weren't eavesdropping, we were looking for...Peyton's contact. Yeah, she was with Nathan this morning, and she thought she lost her contact." Brooke took Lucas's hand up and noticed the stressed out look in his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm sure you are. But I don't care, I know that my life is like a freaking soap opera and you nosy people just can't wait to see what is going to happen next." Lucas lightened up a little bit, not wanting to bring down the mood.

"You bet. Happy Birthday b..." Lucas's hope went up as he heard the first letter of Brooke's word. He hoped that it was 'boyfriend.' He was pretty sure that it was too, because she had her arms around his neck, practically hanging off of him.

"uddy." Lucas's hope was crushed under the heart breaking word,'buddy.' He really thought that they were something more, or that she would have pity on him because it was his birthday, and would accept his sorry ass as boyfriend material. But as Brooke's lips flew forward, and only hit him on his cheek, he closed his eyes, feeling unwanted again.

"Thanks Brooke." Lucas didn't bother putting the 'I love you', comment in the sentence, because even after what all they had been through, he thought he meant more to her, but apparently not.

"You okay Luke, you seem kinda sad." She asked in her sweet voice that sounded like a whisper. She was feeling like she had done something wrong, because before she told him happy birthday, he seemed perfectly happy, but now, he was back to the old Lucas, the one who didn't like to let people in.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I've just had a really long morning. But you know, I can't wait for my 'gift', tonight." He said seductively, not remembering that his brother and Peyton were in the room.

"Would you two stop with the PDA? It's too early to watch you two exchange 'pleasantries'." Nathan said while pretending to gag. In reality, he was happy for his brother having a girlfriend. He deserved some form of happiness after his streak of sadness and depression. And if that form of happiness happens to be in the form of his best friend, then so be it.

"You'll get it if you behave." Brooke leaned in and kissed himon the tip of his nose, tricking him into thinking that she was reaching for his lips. She felt sort of guilty for teasing him when she saw the wave of disappointment flow across his face before getting covered up with another one of Lucas's lame masks that he thought could fool her.

--------------------------------

At Lucas's request, no skiing was going to take place today. He didn't feel like going through the stress and inferiority issues today, because today, he was determined to be happy.

In the back of the building of condos, all 4 teenagers were climbing the hill to have some 'extreme sledding action'. As Nathan had put it. He knew that his brother would like this, and it was an excuse to be close to their respective lovers.

"Are you sure this is safe Nathan? What if we fall off?" Peyton clung to her boyfriend as he sat the sled down and began to climb on it.

"If we fall off, we are an inch from the ground and are cushioned by the snow. And besides, if we do fall off, you will have your ultra hot boyfriend there to protect you." Nathan had Peyton climb infront of him and held on to her front to make sure her light form didn't fall off immediately.

"You ready Luke?" Brooke climbed onto the sled infront of Lucas, who grabbed her middle lovingly, and pushed the sled forward, making it lurch down the hill.

The feel of the cold air attacking his face and body was a real rush for Lucas, he loved this. And holding onto Brooke was making the experience so much better.

"Luke, I'm sliding off!" Brooke said in a panicked voice as she felt herself slide off of the plastic sled, and Lucas going with her. And as she felt Lucas's hands tighten around her body, she felt so much safer.

Lucas rolled the pair off of the sled while laughing at Brooke's panic. Lucas landed on top of Brooke, who had snow covering parts of her face. Smiling, he obeyed his overwhelming urge to kiss her. His lips gave into gravity as they landed on Brooke's, instantly, her tongue begged for entrance and his mouth complied. But suddenly, she pulled away, leaving him a breathless mess, staring at her in question.

"Nope, not yet Lukey. You still have to wait for tonight for your gift. I don't want to ruin the surprise." She ran her finger along his lips, removing the pink gloss and just so she could make him want her more.

The pair sat on the hill, holding hands and keeping warm until they saw Peyton and Nathan trekking their way up the hill holding hands.

"Hey Luke, you wanna race? See who can get to the bottom of the hill past the building first and stay on track the most. Loser carries the sleds back to the condo and makes the hot chocolate." Nathan challenged his brother as they got to the top of the hill.

Lucas thought about the challenge for a few moments, very skeptical about the idea. He had never beaten Nathan at anything, video games, stupid challenges, basketball, or in the competition for their father's affection. And he knew that if he took this challenge, then he would probably be dragging the sleds behind him while Nathan had Peyton and Brooke hooked on to both of his arms. Or, he could be in that position. He would take the challenge.

"You're on." Lucas grabbed his sled and set it parrallel to Nathan's on the hill. He could hear all the trash talk that Nathan was telling Brooke and Peyton, telling them that he was going to destroy Lucas.

"Quit talking and race." Lucas growled out, feeling more and more competetitive as the seconds passed.

"Okay Luke chill. On three. One...Two...Three!" Nathan yelled, triggering both of the boys to lunge the sleds over the top of the hill and begin the fast trip down. Lucas was ahead of his brother as he gave himself little pushes to keep the momentum. The bottom of the building came closer and closer, signaling that the race was almost over.

The invisible finish line that had been crossed by Lucas first as he jumped off of the plastic sled, before the thing's momentum brought it straight into a tree. Seconds later, he saw Nathan finish the race, clearly a sore loser.

Lucas was more than elated that he won. He actually beat his brother in something. It was a small victory, but a victory in it's self. It was the first step for him to more victories, to not settle yet again for the humiliation of second place. He hated second place. The whole word was demeaning, like it was saying that you were good, but just not good enough.

"My sled is over there by the tree Nate, and by the way Nathan, I like my hot chocolate with extra marshmallows, don't forget." Lucas exclaimed to his brother who got off of his sled, looking angry.

Nathan hated the satisfaction in his brother's voice as he walked over to retieve the sled. This race had not gone as he had expected it to. He had hoped that he would beat Lucas by a land slide and once again prove that he was the better brother.But now as he watched his brother don a girl on each arm, he grew envious.

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Lunch had passed smoothly as the family plus Peyton and Brooke arrived back at the condo for cake and presents. Lucas entered the kitchen where he saw numerous boxes and bags that were labeled with his name on it. He had never seen so many gifts labeled with his name. It was intruiging. Curiously, he sauntered over to the counter where the presents resided, just to get a peek at them, and maybe shake one of them to figure out what it is.

"Not so fast Lucas, we are going to have the cake first, them we will open your presents. But you just have to be patient." Dan grabbed the scurff of Lucas's shirt nicely, not wanting to spoil the surprise, but at the same time, never wanting to have to tell Lucas about his mother.

"Fine, but I get the first piece of cake. Nathan get's the piece that doesn't have as much icing." Lucas pointed at the cake, trying to act as normal as possible. He didn't want to act all emotional about presents, cakes and people, but this was the first time that someone besides Brooke that even bothered to remember something like this

Lucas sat down by Brooke and looked around the room at his friends and family. They were all here to celebrate HIM, not Nathan, not anything else but him. Dan, Deb, Brooke, Nathan, Peyton, and Keith were all celebrating his birthday. And as he watched the 17 candles being lit on the cake, and heard everyone singing him Happy Birthday, he felt an inner peace, something that made him feel like everything was going to be alright for once, and nothing would go wrong.

"Here you go Lucas, I put extra icing on it, just so you and Nathan wouldn't fight over it." Dan passed the cake to Lucas who dug into it with a great appetite, there was no way that he was going to waste the first birthday cake that Dan had ever made for him.

"Presents now?" Lucas began to withdraw a little bit more into his shell as all of the boxes were sat in front of him. There were one's from everyone, and even some from people he wasn't even sure who they were. But no one had to get him gifts, he never really told anyone that it was his birthday except Nathan, Dan, and Brooke.

The material items were making him beyond uncomfortable, because even though for his 16th birthday, he got a car that was nicer than most adults in Tree Hill, this wasn't his area of expertise. If you looked into his room, you would be surprised at how little material items he had in there, as Nathan's room probably cost more than some people's houses. It wasn't even that Dan and Deb refused to buy him nice things, because they did, he still wore hoodies, and sweat pants, and his old wardrobe, but it was a little more updated, with brand names like Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, Hollister, Nike, Adidas, and other things that were deemed 'cool'.

"Lucas, I want you to open this one first." Dan handed him a small box that was wrapped in paper decorated with little basketballs. Totally Dan like. Doing as he was told now, even if he was uncomfortable, Lucas took the paper off of the box carefully, wanting to remember everything about this.

"Come on Luke, you aren't one of those paper savers are you. Just git'r'done so we can see what you have!" Nathan yelled greedily as he watched the paper come off excruciatingly slow.

The product that came out of the paper still didn't reveal what his gift was, only a velvet box appeared, signalling a red alert in his mind that this gift was going to be expensive. So, putting an end to his and everyone else's curiosity, he opened the velvet box slowly, and was met with one of the most shiny sights he had ever seen.

Dan watched as Lucas stared at the absurdly expensive watch, almost as if he were afraid to touch the silver and gold lining of it. He hadn't known what to get his old soul of a son, because the boy didn't seem to like video games, he had more clothes than he could count, and well, he just didn't know his son. But a few months ago, the family had gone on a trip to one of the biggest malls in North Carolina to look for some wedding gifts and to pick up one of Dan's watches from Rolex. He had seen Lucas look disinterested at everything until they reached the watch store. Lucas had stared into the display boxes like a hobo at a pastry store.(A/N, couldn't think of another metaphor,sry.) That was when he later decided that that was what he was going to buy Lucas.

"Dad, this is a Rolex, these things cost like thousands of dollars. I totally can't accept it." Lucas didn't want to give back the beauty that was residing in his hands. He had seen these before and never thought that he would be the owner of one.

"Well, that's too bad Luke, because if you look on the back, you'll see why I can't take it back to the store." Dan motioned to his son, who looked like he was in love with the watch. And as he saw Lucas turn the watch over, he saw the boy's face light up with happniness. Even if he knew that it was completely ridiculous to get his 17 year-old son a Rolex with an inscription, it was all worth it to see Lucas's happy face as he saw the watch.

Curiosity spiked, Lucas turned over the expensive item with great care, and saw the inscpirtion written into the gold back. The words were, "Happy Birthday Luke. I love you son." Those words alone were enough to make Lucas happy with the day. He could go to sleep and be happy with the day. But right now, he still had 10 hours left of his birthday, and that was more than enough time to ruin it.

Lucas slipped on the watch with fascination, and admired it's gold and silver contrast against his slightly tanned skin. None of the other exclamations that people were saying got to him, as he grabbed his next gift.

As Lucas opened the rest of his gifts, he had been surprised at the plethora of people that had thought of him. There had been gifts from his grand parents. The people that he had met a few years ago and who had never bothered to think of him before. He was amazed at Dan's power over the family, he could have them hating him in seconds flat, or, if he felt like it, he could have them buying him birthday gifts when they never gave a shit before.

Lucas was amazed at all the gifts and money that he recieved, he had never had this many material things before in his life. And he couldn't stop staring at his left wrist that was decorated with his prized watch.

As soon as Lucas thought he was done opening gifts, Deb went to go get something, and came back with an average sized box. It had beatiful, and aged wrapping paper, and an envelope on the top of it. She sat it in his lap tenderly, as if it were fine china, or a time bomb. He couldn't decide which. The only way to figure it out though, was for him to open the box.

"Open the card first Lucas." Deb said in the motherly tone that made him think that this was the most important gift of them all.

Deb, Dan, and Keith all looked on to the boy who finally held the secrets in his hands. There was no turning back now, no taking the safe way that would make sure that Lucas didn't get hurt anymore. This was official.

Lucas picked up the card and examined the pretty hand writing that he had admired since he was a small child. The writing sent off a code red in his mind. This couldn't be right...

"It's from my mom..." Lucas trailed off slightly, already getting emotional from the handwriting, he wasn't sure that he was going to be able to read the card, much less look at was inside the box.

"Nathan, Peyton, Brooke, would you three go to your rooms, I think that this is something that Luke is going to need to be alone with us for, just so we can explain." Keith whispered to the other teenagers in the room who looked on at Lucas in a state of confusion. They obeyed, disappointed that they couldn't yet know what the secrets were.

Lucas took the deepest breath of his life as he pulled the light orchid colored paper from it's envelope and began reading. The letter said...

_My dear, sweet, Lucas,_

_My, baby, I believe that if you are reading this letter, that you are celebrating your 17th birthday with your_

_father and Deb. I hope that they have taken wonderful care of you. I trust that atleast Deb did. Happy _

_Birthday Lucas._

_I hope that you don't resent me for the things I have done, breaking my promise of never leaving you, _

_and leaving you with your father. He is a good man Lucas. But my baby boy, you don't know the whole_

_story of why I had to leave you. I hope you know that I never wanted to._

_I was a young girl, too young to have a baby, but I did, because I felt in my heart, that you were not a _

_normal child, you were special. So I had you, and I never regretted it for one second of one day of my _

_life. You were my angel. My blonde haired, blue eyed angel. _

_But as you can probably imagine, times were tough, nobody wanted to employ an 18 year old mother._

_I had little to no money, and because my parents were against me having you, they kicked me out, I _

_had no support to help take care of you._

_I had no way to take care of you for a few months, and I had to find a way to take care of you. That's_

_when I found them. It was a group of people who told me that they would help me open the cafe. I was_

_young, and naive, and desperate to give you a good life, so I accepted._

_Things went well for awhile. I had opened the cafe, and it was starting to get some regular customers._

_You were happy, and I could pay the bills. I almost thought that it was too good to be true._

_Turns out that I was right. Years later, the group came to the cafe to see how their investment was_

_going. They asked me for their investment back in full. And that was a lot of money. I told them that_

_I didn't have the money yet, and that I would have it really soon._

_But the cafe soon hit a dry spot, and I had no way to come up with the money without losing you to _

_child services. So I went to the group to tell them outright that I wouldn't have the money for quite _

_some time. _

_Then they gave me an three choices. Either I got the money, or they would kill you. The third choice _

_was that they were going to kill me, right infront of you. And I couldn't let that happen. So I talked with_

_Deb for awhile, and she agreed to take you in._

_Everything was set. I didn't want to be selfish and kill you or have you watch them kill me. So I took_

_the next best way out. Killing myself. I knew that it would kill you, and that you would possibly never_

_recover from it, but this seemed like the next best plan._

_Don't be angry with Deb for keeping this from you. She was only following my wishes of protecting _

_you. Don't ever forget how much I love you either, and that I am always watching over you. And, my_

_sweet baby boy, please don't try to find the people who did this to us. I know that you are a kind and_

_mature man that wants to do that, but don't. Those people are dangerous, and they would only hurt you._

_Happy Birthday my angel, I love you with all my heart._

_Love, Your Mother._

Lucas had yet to realize that tears were falling freely from his cheeks, and catching onto the paper with the aged ones that belonged to his mother. He was in complete shock, there were no words or emotions that he could fathom as he skimmed through the letter again, making sure he wasn't missing anything, and taking this the completely wrong way.

He felt his father place his hands on his shoulder, rubbing the tension out of them comfortingly. But he wasn't sure how to feel about this. His mother still left him on her own free will, and yet, she did it to protect him. It wasn't his fault that she killed herself.

But as soon as the situation sat in to Lucas, he grew angry at Deb. She was the one that let him demean himself and sat that it was his fault that she killed herself. And the whole time, she knew, she knew all about his mother and what events really surrounded his death.

Then it turned to anger at his mother. How could she really think that him finding her dead in her own blood after she killed herself was any bit better than the other options. She broke his heart and soul, and didn't think that he deserved to know about these things until he was almost an adult and had gone throught hell and back just to get to the point where he was half way content. But no, he couldn't be mad at his mother, her memory didn't deserve his anger.

"Lucas, open the box." Deb reminded him of the modest sized wrapped box in his lap. He had no idea what was in this box, or if he even wanted to open it. Because it seemed that it might cause him even more hurt. Taking his time, he took the paper off the box, wanting to save everything that his mother had touched with her angelic hands.

The paper was discarded, leaving in his hands, a leather album with his and his mother's names on it. He ran his hands across the spine of the book, which seemed to be stuffed full.

"We'll leave you alone to look through this." Dan patted his son's back one more time before getting up and beginning to leave the room. Only a small voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Dad, will you look through this with me?" Lucas asked as he looked up from the book, a pleading and desperate look in his crystal eyes.

"Sure Lucas." Dan sat on the floor beside his son and slung an arm around his shoulder, wanting to make this as comforting for Lucas as he could. But as he watched Lucas flip through the album he wondered if he was going to make it through telling this kid that he was sending him away to California.

"Thanks Dad." Lucas whispered as he flipped through the pages. If he would have looked away from the book in his lap, he would have seen his father's guilt ridden face, and realized that something was going to go horribly wrong.

----------------------------------------------------------------

THE CHAPTER IS DONE! I hope you all aren't too disappointed about the surprise to not review.This chapter took me forever and I hope that you all like it. Love Kendall


	19. Letter Rewrite

Hey guys, this isn't a chapter at all. This is a rewrite of the letter and surprise that was in the last chapter. I wasn't at all happy or satisfied with it, so I went to the best person ever for ideas. My buddy, Bimbo12, who gave me the idea in the first place. I really hope that you all like this.

As for the next chapter, it could take awhile. Right now, I am playing tennis from 9 to 4 every day. But I am working on this in the weekends. It doesn't help that I don't have my computer up there with me, so I'm writing it first, then typing it. I'm pretty excited about all the ideas that I have. Please tell me what you think of this rewrite. Luv Kendall

_My dear, sweet, Lucas,_

_My, baby, I believe that if you are reading this letter, that you are celebrating your 17th birthday with your_

_father and Deb. I hope that they have taken wonderful care of you. I trust that atleast Deb did. Happy _

_Birthday Lucas._

_I hope that you don't resent me for the things I have done, breaking my promise of never leaving you, _

_and leaving you with your father. He is a good man Lucas. But my baby boy, you don't know the whole_

_story of why I had to leave you. I hope you know that I never wanted to._

_I was a young girl, too young to have a baby, but I did, because I felt in my heart, that you were not a _

_normal child, you were special. So I had you, and I never regretted it for one second of one day of my _

_life. You were my angel. My blonde haired, blue eyed angel. _

_Times were rough, yes, very rough. But we got through it together. You made it easy on me, you were_

_such a calm and happy baby. And things got a lot more stable after I opened the cafe. I got some_

_regular customers, and finally, I was able to provide for you sufficiently._

_Everything was going smoothly for awhile until you turned 13. That was when everything started falling _

_apart. I hadn't been feeling quite right for a few months, getting sick, loosing my appetite, and feeling_

_tired all the time. So I decided to go to a doctor finally, just thinking that I had a bad flu._

_I had cancer Lucas. Terminal cancer, last stage. I went to over 5 doctors, and they all told me the _

_same thing, that there was no cure. The only thing that they could have done was extend my life time_

_by a few months. But with our insurance, that was not a likely possibilty. My only option was to just_

_go home and deteriorate._

_I couldn't let you watch that happen. I was told that my health would decrease rapidly until one day_

_I wouldn't wake up. _

_I didn't want you to see me deteriorate. You were already a sensitive boy, with many issues, and you _

_shouldn't have to watch your only parent fade away. So instead of waiting for the inevitable, I decided_

_to kill myself._

_I know that it may seem extreme, but Lucas, my sweet baby, It was the better alternative than forcing_

_you to watch my health decline. Everyday it would have gotten worse, and I didn't want you to have to _

_take care of me. _

_I sorted everything out with Deb, but never told her of the cancer. That was my burden, and I found a _

_way to take care of it. Please don't be angry with Deb for keeping this from you, because she didn't _

_know the whole story either._

_Happy Birthday my sweet angel,_

_Love, Your mother_

Lucas had yet to realize that tears were falling freely from his cheeks, and catching onto the paper with the aged ones that belonged to his mother. He was in complete shock, there were no words or emotions that he could fathom as he skimmed through the letter again, making sure he wasn't missing anything, and taking this the completely wrong way.

He felt his father place his hands on his shoulder, rubbing the tension out of them comfortingly. But he wasn't sure how to feel about this. His mother still left him on her own free will, and yet, she did it to protect him. It wasn't his fault that she killed herself.

His feelings then turned to anger at his mother. How could she even think that him finding her dead in her own blood was any better than living out the rest of her life? She broke his heart and soul, and didn't think that he deserved to know about these things until he was almost an adult and had gone throught hell and back just to get to the point where he was half way content.

Damnit, he would have gone through everything with her. He would have made her comfortable and given her everything she needed to live out the rest of her valuable life. He would have been there for her! But no, he couldn't be angry at her for deciding when her life was lived. He could only yearn for the fact that he could have made her life better.

"Lucas, open the box." Deb reminded him of the modest sized wrapped box in his lap. He had no idea what was in this box, or if he even wanted to open it. Because it seemed that it might cause him even more hurt. Taking his time, he took the paper off the box, wanting to save everything that his mother had touched with her angelic hands.

The paper was discarded, leaving in his hands, a leather album with his and his mother's names on it. He ran his hands across the spine of the book, which seemed to be stuffed full.

"We'll leave you alone to look through this." Dan patted his son's back one more time before getting up and beginning to leave the room. Only a small voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Dad, will you look through this with me?" Lucas asked as he looked up from the book, a pleading and desperate look in his crystal eyes.

"Sure Lucas." Dan sat on the floor beside his son and slung an arm around his shoulder, wanting to make this as comforting for Lucas as he could. But as he watched Lucas flip through the album he wondered if he was going to make it through telling this kid that he was sending him away to California.

"Thanks Dad." Lucas whispered as he flipped through the pages. If he would have looked away from the book in his lap, he would have seen his father's guilt ridden face, and realized that something was going to go horribly wrong.


	20. So Few Come and Don't Go

I don't own anything. Warning. Mentions of rape. If this subject offends you, please do not read. Thanks.

_"PLEASE DEB! You have to do this for me, I absolutely need you to take Lucas for me! He won't have anyone else!" A 32 year-old Karen Roe yelled desperately through sobs that were making her entire body shake. _

_"Karen, I just want you to tell me why! What is going on right now that you need to do this? What is so important that you would leave your son for?" Deb yelled back to her friend, equally as loud. She just couldn't understand why Karen was forced to such extreme measures that would require her to leave Lucas._

_"I don't want to leave Lucas! And I CAN'T tell you! I don't want to get you involved. All I want is for Lucas to have somewhere safe to go, and for someone to love him. I want him to be happy. Please Deb, don't question this. Just take him. I really need you to." Karen was incredibly close to breaking down completely. And even closer to telling her closest friend why she was doing what she was doing. But she couldn't, she would be putting Lucas in even more danger, and Deb, Dan, and Nathan. That couldn't happen. It would all be over after all this happened._

_"Tell me so me and Dan can help you. Karen, you need to trust that whatever it is that is happening right now, me and Dan will help you! You don't have to leave Lucas. All you need to do is trust us." Deb was crying immensely. She didn't want to lose the closest friend she had in Tree Hill. _

_Sure, at the Country Club, there were plenty of women that would accept her into their ranks in a heart beat because of her bank account. But she didn't want those women to be her friends. They were all just women who had been spoiled all their lives, and don't know the value of hard work. That was one thing that she really admired about Karen, she raised Lucas by herself. And she made something of herself, all without Dan's help._

_"Deb, I know that after this happens, that you will take Lucas, and take care of him like he was your own son. Please respect my decision, and don't hold it against my baby." Karen then turned to leave the house. As she reached the large door, she turned around sadly and looked at Deb._

_"You have been a great friend Deb, I am really glad that we got the chance to be friends, despite everything that has happened. Goodbye Deb, I will never forget such a great woman." She let a lone tear make it's course down her face before leaving into the stormy skies._

Deb awoke in a cold sweat, frightened at the memories that had been conjured. Those were the memories of the weeks before Karen killed herself. And till this night, she had not completely known the full story behind what had caused the tragedy. But now that she was informed, she kept scolding herself for not doing more.

"Why didn't you push more? You could have helped her extend her wonderful life, even if it was just for a few months. Those few months could have been used to say goodbye to Lucas, and to make amends with everyone." So many conflicts could have been avoided only if Karen had just lived the course of her life.

------------------------

Dressed up in her bikini, Brooke stepped out of the walk in closet and infront of the vanity to prepare for her night with Lucas. Looking into the mirror, she could see in the background Peyton sitting on the bed, drawing something.

Her reflection in the mirror was one that a girl would kill for. She had the skinny, slightly toned body, a perfect tone of skin, which was flawless, and of course, her perfectly shaped boobs. But despite all of that, she still couldn't find the right amount of self confidence for what she planned to do with Lucas tonight.

"Okay, and what kind of surprise are you giving him? Because he is going to drop to the floor when he sees you in that." Peyton said to her friend as she looked up from her art.

The compliment made Brooke a tad bit more confident, but as she continued to study herself in the mirror, making sure all her assets were in order for Lucas, she kept thinking. Someone had taken advantage of this body, of her body. Not just that either, her mind, spirit and soul. Kurt had taken advantage of this.

And just like that, Brooke felt smaller than she ever had in her entire life. She wasn't meant to have boys love her at all in her life. Because first, Kurt had ra... he had taken advantage of her when she had loved and trusted him with her whole heart. Then here was Lucas, who technically hadn't done anything wrong yet. But after tonight, if she couldn't go through with this, he was going to hate her.

"We're going to the hot tub if he can pick his jaw up enough to look away from me. And then we are going to have some 'fun'." Brooke spoke with a false sense of confidence. Her trust levels in Peyton were not even near high enough to spill her darkest secret.

"Well when you get back, I expect that you tell me all about your fun." Peyton said, looking away from her drawing, which just happened to be of Nathan.

"A lady never tells her stories to nosy friends." Brooke laughed as she made her way out the door, dodging a pencil thrown playfully by Peyton.

Brooke's ease dissipated quickly as she opened the door and stepped out. But the vacancy that the ease left was immediately occupied by nerves about what she was going to do. All week she had planned on giving Lucas a night to remember, and even becoming his girlfriend. But now...

She wasn't so sure. She was still beyond traumatized about last year, and didn't like boys excluding Lucas touching her. And now, with the newest revelation at hand, she didn't think that she had the strength to to overcome her fears and become something more to Lucas.

At the same time though, Brooke was also afraid of disappointing Lucas. So far, he was having a really good birthday, and she had built this night up to him for almost a week now. And he was probably excited to see her, and wondering if she was going to let them become more. The last thing that Lucas needed was more disappointments, especially from her. She was such a tease.

Hushed voices broke her out of her personal guilt trip. The voices were almost loud whispers, ones that she was suprised she hadn't heard before. Looking towards the kitchen, she spotted Dan and Keith in a clearly heated conversation. Hiding behind a wall, careful not to disturb them, she listened closely.

"Did you even see him today Keith? He looked happy. He even asked me to look through that album with him! I'm telling you, Lucas is improving, we don't have to do this to make things better." Dan almost plead to his brother as the pair stood infront of the refrigerator, completely unaware of the other prescence in the room.

"Danny, he had been happy for what? 10 hours? That is not improvement Danny, that is hardly a good mood. And the chances are, that when Lucas wakes up tomorrow, he will be the same sullen, depressed boy that likes to overdose on anti-depressants. We need to do this Dan. Sending Luke with me to California is an escape from this endless well of pain that you have trapped him in." Keith's voice was climbing decibels with each word. He couldn't belive that his brother thought that Lucas was improving.

In her area behind the wall, Brooke had to cover her mouth with her smooth hand to disguise her gasp.

They were sending Lucas away? After everything that has happened, they think that sending Lucas to California, away from everything he's ever known will cause any improvement?

Not being able to dwell on those thoughts for too long, she heard the voices and the anger start up again. Sliding down the wall and sitting down, she continued to listen.

"Keith, you don't understand. Yesterday, I went to wake him and Nathan up, and he was happy. He was joking around with me and Nate, and actually being himself. And he was talking to me this morning, opening up to me and telling me how it was like for him growing up. Pushing him into an unknown place, with new people and new therapists is just going to make him withdraw even more. I think that if we just give this more time, let him go at his own pace to open up, then he will get better."

In her mind, Brooke was praising Dan. However odd that was. He had hit the nail on the head. If they gave Lucas time, then he would come out of that shell. But pushing him like Keith was trying to do, just spelled disaster.

She remembered many times when she had just become friends with Lucas, that she pushed him to talk about his mother or father. Or when she put him in uncomfortable social situations, that he would just shut her out even more. Her frustration levels on those days had been beyond high, and she had even contemplated just taking the easy way out, and going back to her old friends.

But it was when Lucas would hug her and apologize so sincerely, that she realized that she was doing the right thing. When he held her the way that noone else had, and just whisper how sorry he was, no matter how many times she had told him that it was unnecessary, those were the moments when she loved him the most.

"You know Danny, you have never been a patient person, even when you were a kid." Keith said with a slight chuckle, confusing both Dan and Brooke with his sentence, which seemed to have no relevance to the current subject.

"What does that have to do with anything Keith?" Dan asked, with a slight hint of agitation slipping through his mouth with the words.

"It means Dan, that you are a very impatient, person, sort of like Dad. Right now Danny, you say that you are willing to wait on Lucas to open up to you. That you don't care how long it takes, and you will be there, but I doubt that. Sure, you'll be a good patient father for the first week, no problem right? Just tell yourself that it is just going to take more time?" Keith could tell that he was grading on his brother's nerves fast, and soon, he was going to say something that would set Dan off.

"But a few weeks after that, when Lucas doesn't even budge a bit, you begin to lose your patience a bit. More time passes, and Lucas isn't performing the way you want him to, and you start to decline into your old fathering skills. You know what I'm talking about, the cruel comments, and hey, why now throw in a punch or a kick here and there." Keith was taking threatening steps towards his brother. He didn't know why he was issuing the tear down, perhaps it was from old jealousy from childhood. But he liked to think that it was that he was trying to protect Lucas.

Brooke watched the exchange, extremely frightened, and hoped that this didn't turn to fists. It was just like a few weeks ago when she confessed that Dan abused Lucas sometimes. She had to do something before this got violent. Anything.

"Hey boys." Brooke broke out her swagger, and strutted through the living room towards the front door. She was praying that she could hold her composure and not break down to tears like she so desperately wanted to.

She could feel Dan and Keith's shocked eyes on her back as she closed the door behind her. And she knew that they were wondering if she had heard anything of their exchange.

The door slammed behind her as she rushed through the halls, towards the pool area. Her breathing was stifled and labored in shock.

Did Lucas know about this? Why did they want to send him away? And her most fearful question... Did he want to leave her? This was her worst nightmare. She didn't want him to travel all the way across the country to new places without her.

As Brooke got a reasonable distance away from the condo, she slid down the wall and let her repressed tears slip from her fears and her questions.

Should she tell Lucas? From the conversation, she was pretty sure that this was a secret that Lucas wasn't supposed to know about yet.

Instantly, her anger turned towards Dan. She couldn't believe the nerve of that man to think about sending Lucas away. He and Lucas had a half way decent thing going on right now. They were being civil, and she had earlier felt her heart swell with joy when she heard Lucas ask Dan to look through the album.

But, rehashing the conversation word for word again, she realized that it was more Keith that her anger should be turned on. He was the one that was trying to rip Lucas away from everything that he's ever known.

There were so many people to blame for the current predicament that she wasn't sure who to pin it on. Dan, Deb, Keith, Karen, maybe even her and Nathan...

Brooke then made the decision that she wasn't going to tell Lucas about this yet. It was Dan's responsibility to tell Lucas that he was taking the easy way out of fatherhood. She didn't want to see his face when he heard that Dan was sending him away. It wouldn't matter to Lucas that his father was currently trying to put in all sorts of stops in to keep him from going. All he would care about is the fact that Dan was finding another way to ditch him.

As Brooke walked into the pool area, she caught sight of Lucas through a window. He was sitting in the hot tub, staring into the water with that broody scowl of his. She could tell that he was thinking of past memories. Brooke always knew what horrors could occur if she left Lucas alone with his thoughts.

Trying her hardest, Brooke put on her flirty, warm smile on for Lucas, hoping he wouldn't catch on that she knew something important e didn't.

"You're late Brooke." Lucas looked up at her with his Scott smirk that she knew he had gotten from Dan, though she would never let him know it. Her smile faltered slightly at the comparisons between Dan and Lucas.

"I know Broody. I got caught up with Peyton. Don't worry, I wouldn't forget about you." She slipped into the hot tub beside him andtensed the smallest bitas he slipped his muscular arm around her and pulled her closer to him.

Lucas grew worried that he had done something wrong as he felt Brooke's body grow tense at his touch. What had he done? All he wanted was close contact with the woman that he loved. Was that so wrong?

"Are you okay Brooke, you seem a little bit distracted?" He asked as he looked into her beautiful hazel eyes. Those eyes were a complete enigma to him. And tonight, those eyes signaled to him that something was seriously wrong with Brooke.

Brooke flinched in her mind, he had caught her, and he had known that something was bothering her tonight. The new question was if she should juet tell him all of the things bothering her, or not tell him and ruin his trust. She absolutely couldn't tell him about the imformation that she had just learned. And then there was the new revelation that she learned only days before they left on this trip.

"No Luke, I'm just a little bit tired, it's been a long day." She let the lie roll off of her tongue. She hated lying to him, just like everyone else did. And now she was hiding not one, but two vital facts from him. She leaned forward and planted a small kiss on his cheek for reassurance, hoping that it would distract him enough to forget about her unease.

"Are you sure, because we don't have to do anything like this. Just having you around for my birthday is more than enough of a birthday present." He said to her softly, feeling a little bit guilty for making her feel like they had to do this.

Brooke didn't have time to prepare before Lucas's cobalt blue eyes began peering into hers. She was well aware that his eyes were picking her's apart. Her only defense was to look away.

Lucas saw her eyes shift away from his loving stare. He felt a small pin prick his heart. She had never looked away before.

"Yeah Luke, I'm fine." She felt so bad, because he was being a complete gentleman, and giving up what he wanted, just to make sure she was comfortable, and it was HIS birthday.

"Good, because I don't want my cheery to be sad on my birthday." He gave her his patented puppy dog look, the one that he knew she could never deny. Deciding to give in to his charm, Brooke leaned forward and met Lucas's lips with hers. They got heated quickly as Lucas pulled her on his lap. He felt her tense up more, but decided to ignore it.

Minutes later, the pair's stamina diminshed, and they pulled away and stared into the other's eyes in complete love.

"Brooke, are we ever going to be a couple? I've asked you a few times, and I know that you weren't ready, but I want to know now. It seems like a perfect time. I love you so much, and I feel like you make mea different person, a better person. I want you to be with me." Lucas spoke with every ounce of his courage mustered. He finally found the confidence in his heart to take the initiative to make her be with him. Just like she made him be friends with her.

Brooke sat there, on Lucas's lap, shocked. She had heard this before, a few times actually. When Lucas told her that he wanted to be with her the other times,she could feel it radiating how sincere he was. She never doubted that. And she knew, that if it wasn't for what she leared a week ago, she would be kissing Lucas with everything she had and telling him that she did want to be with him, with all her heart.

This was really going to hurt him. The hope in his eyes, the innocent yet edgy look she could see. Both were things that she could not stand to crush once more, especially on his birthday. He was being so sweet, and she was feeling like a bitch. She broke off of her stare and began concentrating on their intertwined hands, with Lucas rubbing his calloused thumb over her hand in a comforting manner.

Lucas watched Brooke look down at their hands, alomost as if she were contemplating his question, and whether she really wanted to be with him. Just the fact that she was wondering about it, wondering if she wanted to be in a relationship with him, it hurt. He didn't have to think about his feelings, they were just there, and they were powerful too.

"Luke...I don't know how to..." Brooke began, immediately knowing how lame that sounded, and was even more shocked when she heard Lucas's voice interrupt her.

"Brooke, am I ever going to be good enough for you to want to go out with me?" He abruptly spoke the words that had been plaguing his mind for the past weeks that Brooke had rejected him. He was really curious, because he knew that he was good enough to be friends with her, but ever since he would ask her, and all she would want was to make out with him.

"What are you talking about Luke?" Brooke asked, shocked and sad at the question that Lucas had asked her. It was completely valid question. Of course he would begin developing an inferiority complex around her if she kept denying him.

"I'm just asking if you are ever going to want actually want to go out with me. Because Brooke, you tell me you love me. You make out with me, but every time I try to make it official, to see how much you really love me, all I get is an, 'I'm sorry Luke, I hope you understand.' Well, you know what Brooke, I'm tiredof trying to understand." Lucas spoke his frustrations almost through gritted teeth.

"Luke, you are being kind of selfish right now, I know that you want to go out with me, but you also know that I can't be in a relationship right now." Brooke said, feeling tears well in her eyes as Lucas's grip on her hand loosen, almost as if it was painful to have the limited contact with her.

"You can't be in a relationship with me, but you can kiss me, make out with me, and all the stuff in between. That's great to know what you really want me for." Lucas spoke with a dry sense of humor while pulling his hand away from her's completely. He was feeling a tad bit used at that moment. He knew that Brooke didn't mean it like that, she wasn't trying to hurt him. But that was how he felt. Used.

"Do you want to be with me Brooke? It's simple as that. No obstacles, nothing else but me asking if you want to be with me Brooke." Lucas gave her the ultimatum, hoping to all the higher powers that she said yes, and she wasn't just using everything else as an excuse to not be with him because she just didn't want to.

"Yes. I do want to be with you." Brooke spoke, feeling almost frightened of Lucas. He was under mountains of stress, and she was afraid that this was going to be the one thing to break him.

"THEN BE WITH ME!" Lucas shouted at her, feeling his anger and confusion boil over. He hadn't meant to yell at her, knowing that Kurt used to do that to her. But he couldn't take it. She wanted to be with him, but she wouldn't, how did that make any sense?

"Lucas, it's not that simple.I can't just jump into a relationship with you." Brooke wanted to let her first tears fall, but she couldn't, she didn't know why, but she was feeling a sense of pride right now, a pride that she wouldn't allow another boy, including Lucas to mess with her emotions again.

"This is about Kurt again, isn't it. That's why you can't be with me. Come on Brooke, you know I won't hurt you like that." Lucas grew calmer again as he attempted to grab her hand. But it was clear that Brooke wasn't having any of his abrupt change of attitude.

"No Lucas, you don't get to tell me why I can't be with you. Not when you don't even know all of the facts." Brooke drew her hand away from his and grew angry at him.

"Then tell me all of those facts then Brooke. I can't know what is going on with you unless you tell me everything. " Lucas wanted to be closer to Brooke, but he knew when she needed her space, and when she didn't want to be around him.

"Yeah Luke, you want me to tell you everyrhing, but you are the guy who overdosed numerous times, but didn't find it important to tell his best friend!" Brooke was snapping at him now, and she didn't care. She felt bad though, because she knew that she was just as guilty as him in the secret keeping department.

"Yeah, I did that, and I apologized for it.It's in the past now. Just tell me why you don't want to be with me!" Lucas didn't like the facts of the past thrown back in his face, and he was growing slightly agitated with Btooke.

"BECAUSE LUKE, KURT IS BACK!" Brooke yelled at him and almost felt satisfied at his shocked and sorry face. She hadn't wanted to tell him, or anyone that her tormentor is back. She was so ashamed, and now Lucas deserved to feel that shame for yelling at her about her insecurities about a relatioship.

Lucas had no words to say at that moment, he felt like a stubborn jackass. He had no right to take his frustrations of his mother, father, uncle, and everything else out on her because he was confused. He felt even more horrible because Brooke didn't feel like she could tell him something so important like this.

"Brooke, I didn't know, I'm sor..."Lucas began trying to move closer to her again, wanting to show her how sorry he really was, and that he hadn't meant to yell at her like he did.

"Don't give me that Lucas. Don't tell me that you're sorry. You are such a stubborn bastard. I thought that maybe you would understand that I wasn't ready for a relationship. With you being the one that took care of me and all. I don't want to hear it Lucas." Brooke stood up and quickly retrieved her towel. She left in a sad rage, with tears falling freely down her face. But she would never let Lucas see them.

Lucas wanted to crawl into a hole and die at that moment. When did he become such an asshole? He had yelled at Brooke, and he had pushed her away. It was his own damned fault that Brooke had left.

---------------------------------------------

Inside one of the bathrooms in the condo, Brooke sat on the floor, absolutely sobbing her eyes out. She cried for her fear of Kurt being back, her fight with Lucas, and everything else that she could think of to cry about.

She was heartbroken about the fight with Lucas, even if she had no reason to be hurt, she had done nothing wrong. She had just expected more from Lucas about her not being ready. He had always been so understanding after she told him. He would make sure she was comfortable with everything and make sure she had everything she needed, and never growing agitated with her.

But now, he seemed like a completely different person, at first, he had been the sweet gentleman, but when she started pulling away, he didn't seem to get the hint. He grew angry, and to be frank, it frightened her.

Brooke felt so alone at that moment. Her security net being Lucas, felt like it had been yanked from under her. But she had someone though, someone to talk to about Lucas's secret impending departure. And him acting like a first-class jackass.

Peyton, that was the person she could talk to, a newly trusted friend.

--------------------

Lucas sat in the pool area for another hour, brooding over how he had acted to Brooke. He was greatly regretting it and wished with everything that he could take it back.

Why had he acted that way with her? Usually he would have taken the hint that she didn't want to talk, and he would just hold her for awhile. But his temper had gotten the best of him. He really hated that Scott temper.

Lucas guessed that he had acted that way only because everything was finally going right, him and Dan had a half way stable relationship, he now knew that his mother had actually not hated him. And when he thought that nothing could go wrong, he had asked Brooke to be with him. Then when he got disappointed again, his anger flared up.

Deciding that he had had enough of this guilt trip he waws putting himself through, Lucas stood up from the hot tub and toweled off, not paying any attention to the wrist that was getting more swollen and bruised by the hour.

Sighing, Lucas looked back at the scene of his and Brooke's fight which had taken place over a half hour ago. Boy, he was really a jack ass.

--------------------------

Dan stood at the bar in the kitchen, silently sipping his form of alcohol. Keith had long since left to go to bed after Brooke had interrupted their conversation. They had both decided it was too risky, because Nathan or Peyton, and anyone else could walk in at any moment.

He was waiting for Lucas to get back from where ever he and Miss Davis had been. Earlier, he had seen Brooke storm into the house, not with anger, but sadness. There had been tears in her eyes. And that of course meant that Lucas had done or said something wrong , and he, wanting to get involved in his son's life, was determined to give his son some girl advice.

His attention was then immediately turned from his drink when he heard the door to the condo creak open slowly. Clearly, someone wasn't in a hurry.

Dan smiled when he saw his son. Any normal father would probably have passed this off as any other moment, but to Dan, he had quickly realized that he had rarely saw his son when the pair weren't yelling at eachother, or when he was abusing the kid. He cringed at that horrible thought.

He continued smiling proudly at Lucas, until Lucas turned to the cabinets looking for food. The expression on Lucas's face worried Dan immensely. It was of frustration, hurt, and regret. Usually he was the one to cause that face, but what had done it now? It probably had something to do with Brooke's distress from earlier.

"Luke, are you okay son?" Dan spoke lightly, the way a worried father should. He saw Lucas pull a box of cereal out of the cabinets, and noticed that the boy was deliberately trying to hide his face by reading the lable.

"I'm fine." Dan smirked as he noted that it was one of the most pathetic 'I'm fine's he had ever heard. But it was an improvement though, he had been expecting a snappy mean reply from Lucas.

"You don't sound fine Lucas. Come sit down." Dan sat down on the sofa, and invited his son to sit next to him.

Lucas was shocked at the invitation, and frankly, too tired to turn it down and settle for another lecture about how he'd have to open up to his father some day.

"So now will you tell me what's wrong?" Dan watched, relieved that Lucas sat down next to him. But at that sentence, he began busying himself with pulling on threads from the nearest throw pillow.

"I just told you. Nothing is wrong. I'm just tired, it's been a really long day."He said in a calmer tone than he usually would. Lucas was wondering why his emotional defenses weren't working. Normally by now, he would have already told Dan to screw off and be brooding in his room. Why was he being so agreeable?

"Does what's wrong have anything to do with a Miss Davis?" Dan knew he was beginning to tread in deeper waters, and that any second, the old, pissed at the world Lucas could come back and tell him where to shove his advice.

Dan looked over at his son, who instantly froze up at hearing his sentence. He knew that he had just his the jack pot when it came to what was wrong with his son now.

"How did you know?" Lucas still refrained from looking at his father. He still kept staring at the pillow in his lap.

"Well, it might have to do with her running to the bathroom with tears in her eyes. What did you do?" Dan asked, knowing that it would get a strong reaction out of Lucas. Because this non-responsive Lucas was scaring him considerably.

"Why do you think I did someting?" Lucas said through almost gritted teeth. How dare his father blame him when he didn't know the whole story. Even if it was his fault.

"Because, you're a Scott. And I don't think that Brooke would run through here in tears if you didn't do something wrong. Tell me what you did Luke." Dan knew that calling Lucas a Scott that way might have been dangerous. But as he looked at the boy, he saw that he couldn't have been any more tense. Why wouldn't Lucas look at him?

Lucas curled himself up into a ball on the couch, with his knees pushed up to his chest, and his arms wrapped around his knees. With his chin rested on his knees, and staring down at the floor, Lucas answered his father's question.

"I was kind of being an asshole. She was trying to tell me something, and I wouldn't listen. And I don't think I was being very caring. Then I sort of yelled at her a little bit, asking her why she wouldn't be with me." Lucas mumbled, trying not to be too specific about what he had done to Brooke, he was just too ashamed.

Dan could easily tell that this was something that Lucas didn't really want to talk about. He looked guilty and regretful about what he had done, and Dan didn't want to lecture him about how to treat a girl, Lucas already knew how, but he had let that Scott temper take ahold of his emotion. So Dan decided to take on a deeper subject with Lucas while the boy still seemed to be opening up to him.

"Why are you hiding from me?" He asked quite bluntly. Looking over at Lucas, he saw that the question had startled the boy a bit. He almost looked like he was ready to bolt at any second.

"How am I hiding from you?" Lucas muttered in a barely audible voice, almost like he was afraid to disturb his father with his voice.

"Lucas, you haven't looked at me all night. You hid your face behind a cereal box for God sakes. And you are barely talking louder than a mouse. What happened to earlier Lucas, when you asked me to look through the album with you? I know you're upset about Brooke, but just tell me what else is wrong Lucas. "

Dan watched Lucas's body language while he spoke. At the mention of the album, Lucas's shoulders were so hunched that he could have sworn that they covered the boy's ears. He also noticed that when he stopped speaking, Lucas's face, which had been turned to the floor, was now being turned completely away from him, almost in an act of defiance.

Lucas still hadn't answered his father, he was far too ashamed to answer. The answer would make him weak in Dan's eyes. And that was the last thing he wanted to be.

"Luke, look at me." For once, Dan's voice wasn't scolding, or reprimanding. He was trying to make Lucas comfortable around him. Because he knew that there was no way that Lucas would open up around him if he was being yelled at.

Dan suprisingly didn't grow frustrated when Lucas didn't turn to look at him. He remembered Keith's speech from earlier that night, and wanted more than anything to prove his brother wrong by having patience with Lucas. He would push Lucas, but he wouldn't be violent about it anymore.

"Lucas, I said look at me." Dan's voice was a little bit tighter, but at the same time, it wasn't how he used to be. Usually by now he would have smacked Lucas over the head and began yelling at him about respecting him. But now, he felt like his patience was renewed when it came to his first born.

When Lucas didn't look at him again, he knew that something was wrong. Lucas's body language wasn't defiant, his hunched shoulders were now more slumped than ever. He hesitantly reached and grabbed Lucas's right wrist.

It wasn't a rough grab, but he still heard Lucas grunt back pain. Dan couldn't remember causing the boy an injury to his wrist. So, curiosity taking the best of him, Dan pulled back the sleeve of Lucas's hoodie. He prayed that he wouldn't see any signs of self-harm, because that had always been one of his worries, that Lucas would hurt himself if his pain was too extreme. The only thing that he saw though was a severely swollen and bruised wrist.

This wasn't the time to talk about an injured wrist though. It was time to talk about Lucas's injured mind. Seeing that Lucas wasn't going to volluntarily turn around and look at him, he took the initiative and got infront of Lucas's face, forcing him to look at him.

Lucas sat, his face completely away from his father, determined not to let that man see him in this completely vulnerable state. He continually ignored Dan's requests, then orders of looking at him. Right now, he didn't want to have to see his father's face as he finally let his grief over his mother show it's ugly face after all this time.

He felt his father gently tug at his wrist, and instead of letting out the moan of pain like he so desperately wanted to, he merely grunted back the pain like a real man would. The last thing that he needed to give his father was the satisfaction that he was still feeling the effects of the disasterous skiing trip in his ego, and in his wrist.

Lucas heard the leather couch rustle and he felt the weight that had been on the other side of him go away. He sighed, thinking that Dan had just given up on his unresponsivness. He had somewhere hoped in the bottom of his mind that Dan would persist and not relent until he found out what was really bothering him.

But complete and absolute shock took over his mind as he saw his father appear in front of him. Dan kneeled infront of Lucas, stopping for a moment to let his bad knee get used to the position. He was in this position to let Lucas feel comfortable this time. Towering over the boy would only discourage him from opening up.

"Tell me what's wrong bud." Dan knew that he was treading in dangerous water calling Lucas 'bud', but at the moment, when he saw Lucas's face, his heartbroken face, he was sure that it was validated. Besides, he missed calling Lucas those kind of names when he was a child. The only nickname he'd ever really had for the boy was 'bastard'.

Lucas's face looked like he was being haunted by horrible thoughts and memeories. There were no tears, he figured that he was probably cried out. But he noticed that in this position, Lucas didn't look like a 17 year old boy, he looked 7, the way he was curled up and doing everything he could to not look at his father. He thought that they had gotten over these insecurities this morning. Who was he kidding? Lucas had 16 years of built up complaints and 16 years of reasons to never give him a chance to father him.

Dan reached forward and lightly grasped the boy's chin. He felt the stubble on his chin and realized how old Lucas was, and how much he had really missed. He never taught Lucas how to shave, the way he did Nathan.

"Look at me bud, tell me what's wrong." He could feel Lucas resisting the hold that he had on his face, and was amazed that Lucas still resisted looking at him, even after all the motivation he gave him.

"Why should I?" Lucas barely spoke to his father, wondering why he had the right to ask Lucas what was wrong with him. This morning, when he had opened up to Dan, he had been planning a lashing, and that was mostly to draw up some guilt. But now, this was getting too personal, too close to his heart to let Dan hear it. Either that, or Dan would have to say something Oscar worthy to deserve to hear it.

_"Because, if you have any hope of staying on this side of the country with everything you love, you better start opening up. I want to keep you here Lucas, but I can't do that alone, I need your input."_

Dan thought about saying that, but he knew that he would be doing more damage instead of encouraging him to open up.

"Because Luke, I'm trying to be your father..." Dan was interrupted by a defiant snort from Lucas, but chose to keep going with his statement. "I want to help you so much Lucas. I want so much for you, but I can't do anything for you Lucas if you are going to keep everything bottled up. Let me know when things are bothering you so I can do everything I can to help you. You don't have to let me into your heart yet, but you need to let me help you so we can be on the path to being okay with each other."

Dan felt good after his little speech, he had Lucas's attention now. And hopefully, the boy would let him in on what was wrong with him now.

"I miss her so much. I miss her so damn much. I miss how she used to sing to country songs on the radio, she had the best voice. I miss when she would hold me when I was upset after a bad day of school when I was little." Lucas said, his face still being held by his father, but his eyes were redirected at the floor.

"I had nothing besides her. I had no family, I didn't even have a damn friend. I had nothing, and she knew that. She knew that I was completely reliant on her..." Lucas paused for awhile, grateful that he wasn't crying.

"And she still left...Why couldn't I save her? I couldn't even see when my mother had cancer. How selfish is that? I was too busy with basketball to notice that my mother was sick. If I had been more attentive, then she might have wanted to stay around."

Lucas's voice sounded completely different, normally it was more filled with emotion, but now, it was empty and devoid of anything. It worried Dan. What also worried Dan was the statement that Lucas just gave him. Didn't the boy understand?

He grabbed the boy's face a bit sterner, catching the attention of the blue orbs that seemed to want to look everywhere but at him.

"Listen to me Lucas, listen to me good. Did you not understand what your mother wrote to you? She had cancer, and she was doing everything she could to hide it from you. You weren't supposed to see her sick. She didn't want you to see her in that kind of state. You had no fault, anywhere. Do you hear me? You were not at fault. Your mother did everything she could to protect you, and I will not have you blaming yourself for things that you had no control over."

Dan said, severely frustrated with Lucas's self-blame issue. Did the boy really have that low of self-esteem?

"And Lucas, you always had family. Always. It may not have been directly in front of your face, like a father coming home to you at night, or a brother to play with, but you always had family. I took you in as my son. Deb took you in as her son, and Nathan as your brother. You also have grandparents. You were never alone Lucas."

Lucas could not believe what he was hearing. Did Dan really think that Lucas believed that family shit? Dan took him in as his son? That was the biggest load of bullshit he had ever heard. And he was going to let his father know it.

Dan felt Lucas trying to get his face free from his grip, but he wasn't going to let go until he was sure the boy understood everything he was trying to say.

"You took me in as your son? Bullshit! You ignored me for 2 days after my mother killed herself and I needed my father. And when you did pay some attention, it was to tell me that you and Natey were going on a daddy son day, and that I wasn't invited! You didn't want me there. I know it and you know it! Just say it. You didn't want me in your home." Lucas was growing more and more fiesty towards Dan, and Dan could feel the hostility. But hey, at least Lucas was opening up.

When he heard his son's words, he grew shocked. Did Lucas understand anything?

"Lucas Scott, do you have any idea how wrong you are? With all the power I have in Tree Hill, do you honestly think that if I really didn't want you in my home, that you would have stayed there under my roof? If I hadn't wanted you in my home Lucas, you would have been in foster care before you had even had time to blink. I agreed to take you in, and so did Deb, so don't think for a moment that you weren't wanted there. Do you understand me Lucas?"

Lucas seemed to grow stricken at those words, almost as if they were the last words he had expected to hear.

"Do you understand everything I am trying to say to you Lucas? You were never at fault when it came to your mother, you've always had family and you always will. And I want you as my son! No more little inferiority complex around me. You want something from me, you ask me for it. You are just as good as Nathan and you are never to think any different. Do you understand Lucas?" Those words seemed to boggle Lucas's mind as he could not look away form his father.

Dan felt Lucas's head nod slightly up and down, signaling that he understood. But just a simple slight nod was not enough for Dan to truly think he understand.

"Tell me that you understand Lucas." Dan spoke to Lucas, hoping that he finally got his point across.

"I understand Dad." Lucas said, looking into his father's eyes. He didn't believe half of the words that his father said anyways. There was no way that that Dan can go from telling him yesterday how much better Nathan was at everything, to saying that he was just as good as Nathan.

"How's your wrist feeling?" Dan moved on to a different subject, knowing that Lucas was emotionally exhausted from today. The boy did seem to be absently rubbing it.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it." Lucas said, hoping that Dan would just get off his case. He was in a really bad mood right now. He didn't feel like spending time with his father anymore. It felt like he was walking on egg shells around the man, almost like any second, Lucas would say something wrong, and his father would go back to his old ways. He wasn't sure that he could take it.

Dan let out a large sigh, realizing that getting Lucas to open up was going to be much harder than he thought. He could hardly believe that after his huge speech about how much he had wanted Lucas, that the boy was still being this difficult. But eventually, Lucas would have to open up. He hoped...

"Lucas, I thought I told you to stop hiding things from me." Dan's voice was a mixture of sadness and disappointment.

Lucas looked over at his father, who now sat next to him on the couch. He gave him that squinty glare of his, questioning what he meant with that statement.

"Lucas, your wrist looks hideous. An idiot could see that it is hurting you. What I don't see, is that even after all I've said to you today, that you would immediately go back to your old ways and hide it from me. You have to tell me these things Lucas." Dan watched his son ponder what he was saying.

"We are going to the hospital to get that checked out tomorrow. No buts." Dan smiled internally when he said this. It was like he was protecting Lucas. He loved taking over the father role with Lucas. It made him feel like he didn't have his conscience breathing down his neck. And mostly because, he had never really had the guts to make the transition. His only real hope was that Lucas would soon accept that he was being a father finally.

"Fine." Lucas slowly stood up from the couch, checking the clock and realizing that it had been over a half an hour since he walked into the condo. He grunted unhappily, wondering why he could never have a short conversation with this new Dan.

With the old Dan, the pair would just saw 'screw you', and 'I hate you bastard', then they would go back to their neutral corners. But now, everytime Lucas walked through the door, it was always a father son bonding time. He wanted to bond with Dan, but this was just getting overwhelming.

"Luke...Did you have a good birthday son?" Lucas didn't stop and turn around at Dan's question, he was too tired to try and hide his emotions right then. And he felt that if he were to turn around, then all of his masks would crumble to pieces, then he would be left with no defenses in front of Dan. Everything he felt would be left out in the open, for his father to judge.

Nodding his head ever so slightly, Lucas signaled that indeed, he'd had one of the first decent birthdays that he'd had in awhile.

"Yeah, thanks Dad." Lucas knew his tone was a little bit ungrateful, but he still couldn't get over the fact that it took Dan 17 years to give Lucas a good birthday. He had never expected anything like this for those years, but all he had really wanted from his father was a 'Happy Birthday Son'. And he had finally gotten it.

------------------------------

Brooke sat on the bed that she shared with Peyton, reading her magazine and trying to take her mind off Lucas. Her anger still burned in her chest. There was anger at herself, for waiting to tell Lucas about Kurt, there was anger at Kurt, for having the nerve to show his face back in Tree Hill again, anger at Lucas for his making situations difficult for her, and there was anger at Dan and Keith, for even thinking for one moment that Lucas would be better off in California.

All these facts were weighing down on her soul, and she didn't know what to do, she wasn't sure if she could handle all of this responsibility.

"Okay, by the look on your face, I assume that things didn't go well with Lucas. Are you okay?" Peyton emerged from the bathroom with wet hair, and a worried expression playing across her face at Brooke.

"It's all just so messed up Peyton. Everything was going so great for awhile. I was happy, Lucas was semi-happy, and it all just came together. But now, everything is ruined. I ruined it, HE ruined it, Lucas ruined it, and Dan ruined it. I can't see how it happened so fast Peyt, but it did. I can't take all these secrets Peyton." Brooke could feel the tears make paths down down her face as she spoke in near riddles to Peyton.

"Tell me what happened with Lucas tonight Brooke. What did he do?" Peyton sat down beside her new friend, wondering if Brooke would open up to her considering that they weren't extremely close friends yet.

"It was both of us. He was being such a gentleman at first, making sure I was comfortable, and asking me if I was sure. But I was just so distracted that I couldn't really give him my full attention..." Brooke began the first part of her tale, having trouble wording the events that had taken place.

"Then we just sat there for awhile, and it was so nice. That's one reason I love Lucas so much, because we can be completely silent, and it can be so comfortable...but then, Lucas asked me if I wanted to be with him. And I do Peyton, I want to be with him so much, but I just can't yet..."

Brooke was just about to blurt out everything about Kurt, but she caught herself just in time. Her insecurities wouldn't let her. She was still to afraid of Kurt, and everytime she thought about him being back, she began withdrawing back into the shell she had formed back after the days Kurt raped her. Even thinking about it gave made the hair stand up on the back of her neck in fear.

"I'm sure that he understood Brooke, you've told him this before, and he always gives you space." Peyton tried to be comforting to her new friend, but at the same time, not trying to over step her boundries. She had never really had someone open up to her like this back before she had moved. She had just had a bunch of followers, no real, honest friends.

"But that's just it Peyton, he usually understands that I don't want to be in a relationship right now, no matter how much I love him. But tonight, I think he just got sick of it. He yelled at me to be with him, and he asked if he would ever be good enough for me. But he doesn't understand, he's going to be leaving soon, and I don't think that I can..." Brooke didn't realize her mistake of blurting out that Lucas is leaving until after Peyton broke her off.

"Wait! Did you just say that Lucas is leaving?" Peyton said rather loudly, surprised at the new devepolment. And by the look of Brooke's face, she didn't think that she was supposed to know.

"Shh...not so loud. Please don't tell anyone, not even Lucas, I'm not even supposed to know. I heard Dan and Keith talking tonight, and they are going to send Lucas back to California with Keith." Brooke whispered to Peyton, feeling tears welling inh her eyes, threatening to fall.

Peyton was shocked, utterly, speechless, shocked. She didn't know all of the intimate details of Lucas and Dan's relationship. But she did know that Lucas would not take kindly to being sent away.

"What? Why are they sending him away?" Peyton asked her friend, wondering why they were sending Lucas to California. Since she had been here, he didn't seem to be getting in trouble, and he seemed like a good guy.

"From what I gathered from the conversation, it's because Keith wants Lucas to get away from Dan, because he thinks that Dan is the root of all of Lucas's rebelling. And they didn't say it, but I think that Keith is going to get him a psychiatrist in California. I don't want him to go Peyton. He's all that I really have. I can't trust all those other girls. They don't listen like Luke does. They don't know anything about me." Brooke was beginning to break down after fully digesting the consequences of Lucas's leaving.

"I don't want him to leave either." Peyton wasn't really friends with Lucas at all. The only conversation that they had ever had was the one about Nathan. But if he was this important to Brooke, then she sure didn't want him to leave either. She was nervous though. She wasn't this close to the family yet, but she was still entrusted by Brooke to one of the biggest secrets that was being kept. She wasn't sure she could keep the secret.

------------------------------

Okay guys, I am completely unhappy with this chapter, and I know full well that after such a long wait, you are really disappointed. But good news, I have the next part all planned out. And I just have to type it. In your reviews, I want you to tell me what Lucas's reaction to being sent away should be. Please give me some inspiration. It might take a few weeks because I just started my homeschooling. And with 6 hours a day on the tennis court, and 3 other fics, I can garuntee that I will find the time to write this. My other fics aren't as long as this one though, and won't take as much time to write. Please tell me what you think. Thanks, Luv Kendall


	21. Letting Go Of All I've Held On To

I don't own anything

Where to Turn

Chapter 20

'Lucas's first basketball game.'

'Lucas's first day of kindergarten.'

'It's A Boy!

Lucas Eugene Scott

6 pounds, 4 ounces.'

Around midnight, Lucas was flipping through page by page, the album that had been gifted to him by his mother.

Lucas was marveled at all of the pictures that followed all of the important moments in his life, from his birth announcement, to his first lost tooth, to his high honor roll certificate in his first semester of high school.

He whispered the headings to each picture and certificate in awe, while also soaking in his mother's beautiful hand writing.

A wistful sadness took over his emotions as he flipped the page from his eighth grade graduation to his freshman year of high school; the last year that his mother was living.

He could feel the tears prickling behind his eyes as he saw a picture of him playing basketball at the Rivercourt. He remembered when his mother had taken that picture. It had been on a nice day when he and his mother had gone a picnic to the park.

That day had been perfect and Lucas was seriously regretting losing the memory of it in the midst of his suffering.

"I'm sorry Mom." He ran his fingers over the smiling face of his mother in a picture with him as he gritted his teeth to keep the tears blurring his vision out of his face.

Lucas couldn't believe that he'd forget the true memory of his mother over the years. He'd forgotten the sweet loving woman who had always made sure that he knew he was loved. Instead, he had remembered the woman he had found dead in his house and he remembered the burning feeling of hatred boil up in his soul at her funeral.

Now that hatred was for himself as he caught himself staring a picture of his mother hugging him. They both had true smiles on his faces as their eyes glittered in the light.

Lucas felt a tug at his heart as he realized that he hadn't smiled like that since that fateful day when he was 14. There had been a few almost genuine smiles when he was with Brooke, but those smiles still held the haunted emptiness behind his eyes.

The heated tears behind his eyes flooded to the surface, blurring his vision and making the pictures turn to blurred colors and figures.

Everything seemed to be hurting him. It was all coming back; all the pain he felt at the sight of his bloodied mother, all of the digs that Dan threw at him with the sole purpose of making him feel even more worthless, and all of the feelings of being unwanted coming from all areas of his life.

He could hardly take the pain that was threatening to make him physically sick as he found more and more memories that made him miss his old life. He wanted to get rid of the overwhelming pain that was flowing through his veins.

"Zoloft…pills…pain…no more pain…" Lucas muttered as he closed the book and remembered his anti-depressant pills that had been taken from him.

"I've got to find it." He stood up from the over stuffed chair and quickly searched the medicine cabinets. He knew that he had to be as quiet as possible for the fear of his father finding him snooping for the forbidden pills.

"Damn it!" Lucas swore when he read the last prescription label. None of the labels showed the name 'Scott, Lucas.'

Lucas growled in frustration as he realized that his father had so cruelly hid the medication. Where could the little orange bottle be?

After checking all of the cabinets and drawers in the living area and the kitchen, Lucas threw himself back on the couch in anger.

Why wasn't anything going right? Between Brooke and his banned pills, Lucas felt extremely unstable. He could almost laugh at the irony in the situation.

Usually, the most unstable thing in his life was Dan, he could never tell if the man was serious or if he was just being allusive. But now, he seemed to be showing persistency in wanting to be his father.

And it seemed that the most consistent things in his life, Brooke and his pills were disappearing right before his eyes.

Lucas smiled at the thought of his father finally showing interest in knowing him and being his parent. He knew that he was being rather difficult on the outside, but it was just because he still couldn't let Dan have the completely vulnerable part of him.

As he stared at the discarded album sitting next to him, the familiar lump of hurt and unwanted feeling appeared in his throat.

He needed those pills now. He needed the feeling of numbness that washed over him when he took a dozen of the pills. And most of all, he needed the pain to go away.

New motivation came over him as he flew up from the couch and continued his search for his medication.

Lucas searched through the condo quickly, but still making sure that he didn't make a suspicious mess that would cause questioning.

Once out of places to look, Lucas stopped and leaned on the kitchen counter, completely out of breathe from the search. He had examined all of the downstairs places that he could in the condo, and was severely disappointed to not find anything to help him.

In a desperate attempt, he had rechecked the medicine cabinet again, and to no surprise to him, no Zoloft. But he had been surprised to not find any pain killers at all. It was just a bunch of cold medicine and vitamins.

"F" He whispered to himself as he took a sip of water that he had taken from the refrigerator. There wasn't anywhere else that he could think of to look at the moment because it was his first time staying here.

His thoughts of injustice from never being invited on the trip before returned as he looked around the condo. He swallowed the thoughts of the hurtful situation, not wanting to further rouse his feeling beyond the point of controlling them. The last thing he wanted to do was feel tears behind his eyes.

"Where oh where would Daddy keep my anti depressants?" Lucas hummed to himself the little song that appeared in his head as he continued to plow over where they could be.

Tapping his fingers on the granite counter, Lucas peered around at the moon lit room. He knew that he had one more alternative of where to look, and it was the most dangerous.

The last guess was that the Zoloft was being kept in his father's room. Lucas was well aware that venturing into Dan's room and sneaking around for the anti-depressants that he was forbidden to have was a great reason to get his ass kicked by his father.

But as he thought about those memories of getting his ass kicked, the injustice of having to stay home during vacation, and the memories of his mother that were long gone, he decided that finding the pills was worth the risk of his father hating him once again.

Then maybe things would be back to normal.

_Creak…Breathe…Creak…Breathe…Creak…Breathe…Creak…Breathe…Creak…_

The only sounds that could be heard as Lucas walked as lightly as he could towards his father and Deb's room were the floor boards creaking below every step he took and the shallow sound of every intake and outtake of breath he took.

It seemed to take forever before he was met with the sight of the oak door of the master bedroom. The light colored wood was lit by the moon shining through the sky view window above him.

"_Come on Luke, you can still turn back. You don't have to do this; you can still make Dad proud and stay away from the pills."_

The thought of seeing the smile on his father's face when it was pointed at him was a good feeling and it almost made his heart swell.

He didn't have the guts or the courage to disobey his father at this point in time when the man was finally showing some love, trust and affection for him.

With an almost proud of himself grin on his face, Lucas turned away from the oak door and took a few steps.

Lucas had full intention of going back to bed and pretending that he had never had thoughts of stealing his anti-depressants. But as he came to the top of the staircase, ready to go down the stairs, a large picture frame caught his eye.

Dan, Deb, and Nathan were all on the top of a ski slope smiling brightly through their red wind blown cheeks. The family was all hugging while trying to keep from sliding off of their skis.

"_Family Vacation December 2005. Dan, Deb, and Nathan"_

Lucas read the bronze plate that was attached to the bottom of the wooden frame. He was nowhere to be found in any of the pictures that decorated the wall of the condo.

He felt a large lump lodge itself in his throat as he continued to read the date of the large picture. The photo was taken during last year's vacation. One of the vacations where he had been left home alone.

Anger and hurt began boiling up in him again as he saw his father's proud face as he stared at the camera. His father had known while taking this picture, while smiling at the lens, that he had left his son home alone during the holiday season.

"_Screw making Daddy happy. It's_ _not like he ever went out of his way to make sure you were happy before. Do it Lucas, come on, it will make you happy. You will forget all about Daddy not remembering you, and it won't hurt anymore."_

Lucas sorted through the conundrum in his head, weighing the pros and cons of each possibility.

He could go back to bed and forget this even happened, but in the back of his head and heart, he would still have that terrible hurting and remembrance of his father abandoning him. Most likely, his father wouldn't notice that he was hurting and his whole effort of making the man proud would be in vain.

Or he could do what he really waned to and sneak into that room and take the bottle and forget. He could forget about all the hurt and abandonment and most likely have Dan find out and things would go back to normal.

His least favorite alternative would be if he tried to get the Zoloft and got caught in the act. He would be sure to get some painful punishment from Dan, and he wouldn't have the escape of the pills to block out the hurt.

With one last glance at the photo, Lucas decided that the risk was worth it. He wanted those pills really badly. He wanted to stop the hurt with every fiber of his being.

_Creak…Breathe…Creak…Breathe…_

Lucas took the final few steps before he was right in front of the door. He grabbed the bronze door handle and turned it very slowly. Once he felt the bolt unhinge, he pushed forward lightly.

The screech of the oil deprived hinges turning made Lucas cringe and consider turning back. But as he opened the door wide enough to see the contents of the room, he realized that he was too close to his goal to turn back.

A light snoring was echoing throughout the room as Lucas took his first hesitant steps into the area.

_Creak…Breathe…Creak…Breathe…Creak…Breathe…Creak…Breathe…Creak…_

Lucas continued walking slowly and tentatively in the same rhythm towards the dresser that was across from the sleigh bed that his father and step-mother were currently sleeping, clueless to what he was doing.

Once he reached his destination, he stalled in front of it and searched the wooden surface. He was incredibly conscience of every single move and sound he made. Each creak of the floor below him, and each time he unconsciously moved something that made noise made Lucas's chest tighten and his breath catch in his throat.

In the center of the dresser, under a few misplaced socks, was a small cherry wood box. Lucas allowed a small smile to cross his face in hopes that the little box would contain his desires.

"_What if it's not in here? What if not in this room? Where else could it be?"_

Lucas was panicking in fear so much that his hand was shaking uncontrollably. On accident, he knocked one of Deb's little glass knick-knacks into another.

The clanging of the glass colliding was louder than usual and nearly gave Lucas a heart attack from the fear.

For a few moments, the blonde boy gazed behind him at the king sized bed, hoping that the adults wouldn't wake to the disturbance.

Almost a minute later, Lucas returned to his task. Very carefully, he placed his hands on the top of the box and lifted it.

The contents on the top didn't seem to hold any importance to Lucas. It was just random bits of jewelry, a passport and a small sewing kit.

As he scanned the top of the box, he instantly grew discouraged and adapted his thoughts from a few moments ago thinking that his pills weren't in the room.

But despite his doubts, Lucas continued searching through the box, discarding the insignificant items. After a few more seconds of digging, he found a trace of what he was looking for.

A small patch of orange transparent plastic was sticking up from under some crinkled piece of paper. Quickly, he removed the paper, throwing it aside without care, and instantly, his eyes went wide.

The prescription that stared up at him was barely readable through the darkness that shrouded the room, but he could still see the black letters that spelled out his name and the chemical name for the medication known as Zoloft.

He could sense a feeling of faint happiness or content deep inside of himself as he grabbed the bottle and shook it.

Lucas's lips upturned slightly as he heard the clicking sound of the pills making contact with the bottle.

A sudden rustle of movement and a sleepy grunt broke Lucas out of the triumph he was feeling. He had completely forgotten all of the risk he was still taking by sneaking into the room and looking for something that he was forbidden to have.

He whipped his head back to see the sleeping couple behind him, and was relieved to see that his father had just turned over in his sleep, and was not awake to catch his son.

Lucas let the air out of his lungs that he was subconsciously holding in his lungs as he turned back to the dresser and began replacing everything back in its proper place so that it would never look like he had searched through it.

Gripping the bottle as hard as he could, Lucas stepped away from the dresser and began walking towards the door.

_Creak…Creak…Creak…Creak…Creak…Creak…Creak…Creak…Creak…Creak…Creak_

Lucas wasn't as slow and careful with his walking this time as he made his way out of his parent's room. And as he closed the door to the room, he lost all caring of being quiet and rushed down the stairs as fast as he could.

He didn't bother going back into his and Nathan's rooms on the account of not wanting to look suspicious. Instead he went straight to the wash room forget his pain.

Once in the light, Lucas stared down at his right hand that held his bottle of medication. He savored the familiar sound of the pills in the bottle and the sights of them as he twisted open the top of the bottle.

The only disappointment that he discovered as he poured the contents into his hand was the number of pills that appeared.

Only seven little pills spotted his calloused hands. He had forgotten that before his father had stolen the bottle, that he had taken the majority of the bottle.

Lucas sighed sadly as he recounted them again and again, always getting the same results.

Seven

Not nearly enough to get a good numb feeling. For that he needed at least ten. But he decided that he would make do with only seven. Semi-numbed pain was some what better than full fledged pain.

Without anymore doubting thoughts filling his head, Lucas filled up a disposable paper cup with water and downed the pills and water. He swallowed hard as the proportion of the water to pills made a few pills catch in his throat.

Once they were swallowed, Lucas paced around the tile floor, waiting for the effects to kick in so that he could be rid of the reminder of the large picture that conveniently did not include him

Lucas wasn't sure if this was the feeling he had been hoping for when he took the pills. He almost felt guilty for betraying his father and going behind his back.

It was odd how he could be so intent on rebelling and getting back at Dan for forgetting about him and for hurting him, and then the next moment, feel guilty and terrible for going behind his back and abusing his father's trust.

Lucas let a dry humorless laugh reach pass his lips as he examined the situation and the control that his father had over him. He couldn't believe that his father could make him feel so bad without even lifting a finger.

He should be feeling the deadened effects of downing pills, but instead all he could feel and think about was his father and the disappointed face that was bound to appear if Dan found out about his little excursion through his room.

Lucas could feel the knots in his stomach and heart loosen a small bit as he continued waiting for the full effect of the pills to kick in.

A yawn took over his senses as he tried to concentrate on staying awake. He didn't want to waste this good feeling by experiencing it by going to sleep.

_Must stay awake…Must stay awake…Must stay awake…_

Lucas tried to distract himself with something to do while waiting for his high. He shifted his eyes around the fancy bathroom that was littered with dirty towels from him and Nathan. There was no doubt about it, they were slobs.

His eyes passed over each bathroom product, scanning each and its importance. His mind was growing weary and his eyelids were growing heavy as they settled on one item that rested on the harsh white porcelain.

The razor blade

He knew that he could simply take easy route of making his hurt go away by taking the blade across his smooth skin and purging himself of everything.

But immediately as the tempting thought crossed his mind, it was discarded. He couldn't take the easy way out of being hurt by doing exactly what his mother did.

_Must not disappoint Mom, must not disappoint Dad._

But he'd already disappointed his father and was feeling the guilt slowly creep back into his chest. It felt like a sheet of darkness covered him every time the thought occurred.

"This is totally ruining my buzz" He thought as he fell onto his and Nathan's bed, falling asleep rapidly.

"LUKE, COME ON, LET'S GO!"

Dan yelled down the hall to his sons' room as he stared at watch in agitation. He had scheduled an appointment to get Lucas's wrist looked at and if the boy didn't start to get moving, they were going to be late.

"Dad, I told you, he's sleeping like a dead man for some reason, he snored insanely loud last night." Dan looked over at his second born son who was busy shoving his mouth full of Lucky Charms.

"Thanks for the information Nate, you're very helpful." Dan said sarcastically to his son as he started pacing in the entry way.

"That's it." He strutted down the hallway and knocked the solid door.

"Lucas Scott! Get your scrawny butt moving, we're going to be late for your appointment!" Dan shouted between each pound on the wood.

"God Dad, will you shut up? I'm coming." A sleepy voice came from the other side of the door, in response to the older man's badgering.

Dan smiled at the normal sounding response of a disgruntled son being woken up, and the missing usage of the usual 'Go to Hell' that normally came with those sentences.

Ten stressful minutes later, a disheveled Lucas emerged from his and Nathan's room, looking severely annoyed and on edge.

As Lucas followed his father through the condo, his head pounding and his stomach threatening to ascend into his throat, he couldn't stop thinking of the plan he had formulated to obtain even more Zoloft considering his depleted supply.

He could feel the sensation of the hard plastic coated with the sweat of his hands as he gave it a death grip, ensuring that there would be no way to lose it.

The sights and sounds of Brooke and Peyton chatting at the breakfast table abruptly stopped as Lucas came into view. He stared at the pair, an unreadable expression covering his face.

Lucas could feel the memories of last night's disappointments and misplaced blame and frustration build up in his chest. Maybe he hadn't had any fault last night when he yelled at Brooke. But he couldn't help but feeling like an asshole.

Brown orbs made contact with blue ones as Brooke and Lucas held a stare. The stare frightened Brooke for a few moments as she realized that she couldn't see past the hard exterior that Lucas had so quickly placed up.

The normally open book that Lucas was had quickly disappeared and had relapsed back into the one she had known days after his mother's suicide.

Lucas continued to hold the long stare as he watched the emotions flow through Brooke's eyes.

Fear…Panic…and a bitter understanding.

The last thing he before he broke the painful gaze was Brooke realizing that he had already built his walls back up.

Brooke immediately shifted her eyes away as soon she saw Lucas break the gaze as he had done those few years ago when he was still denying the fact that someone could be his friend. She really hoped that she still had the strength to tear those walls down again.

But she wasn't so sure that she could. Lucas had grown stronger over these years and so had his walls against those who betrayed him.

She watched him walk away from her, his head pointed towards the floor as his eyes had been when they shifted from hers.

"You don't look so good Luke. Are you feeling okay?" Dan asked as he maneuvered the rented SUV through the roads and towards the hospital.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine; I guess that I'm just not completely over my cold." Lucas mumbled as he stared at the tan interior, still hoping to avoid all eyes in hopes of making it easier to sustain his walls.

"Are you sure, your face is really pale."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I don't even see why you're taking me to get my damned wrist checked out. It's fine, besides…you never cared before."

Dan heard the last part of the statement added with venom. He thought that he and Lucas were getting over that turbulent part of their relationship. Sighing, and then gulping back his regrets, Dan answered his son in a calm voice.

"Because I don't want you walking around with an injured hand and I don't want it to affect your basketball at all." He didn't realize that he had offended his sensitive with the statement until a scoff was heard coming from the boy.

"It's always about basketball isn't it? You don't care that your son is in pain. The only thing you care about is that it might affect the team. Just tell me upfront next time, don't try to hide behind caring father antics."

The next few minutes of driving were completely silent until they pulled into a parking space at the hospital.

Dan waited until Lucas exited the car with a slam of the door and stomped away until he let himself slam the steering wheel with his fist and let a few swear words slip.

Damn that kid was sensitive. Every word he said seemed to brush Lucas the wrong way, whether it was about basketball or his father's obvious favoring of Nathan.

"S" He whispered one last time before exiting the car.

Nathan and Peyton laid on the couch in the condo, sipping hot chocolate as they watched the fire. They were each enjoying the other's simple company, even if one had other things on her mind.

Peyton knew that Nathan had a right to know about the plans of sending Lucas off to California. But was it really her place to interfere in Scott family affairs.

She didn't feel as comfortable about being in their personal business as Brooke did and the last thing she wanted to do was over step her boundaries.

"Nate, I have to talk to you about something." She choked out as she looked up into his sapphire eyes.

"Uh oh, what did I do?" Nathan asked humorously as he smiled down at Peyton. He loved her features and her smiles, and right now, even her skittish face.

"No, it's nothing like that; it's just something that I heard last night from Brooke…" Peyton paused, uncertain and waiting for some noticeable reaction from her boyfriend.

Nathan grew concerned about the grave expression on his girlfriend's face as he noticed that she was not trying to be amusing. He dropped the silly grin off of his face and asked what she had heard.

"I'm not sure that neither I nor Brooke is supposed to know about it, but I thought that you had a right to know. It's about Lucas." Peyton bit her bottom lip when she saw the frightened look on his face.

She hadn't thought that this might terrify or hurt Nathan. But still, now she had to go through with it. Nathan should know.

"Brooke told me that she heard that your Dad was sending Lucas back to California with your uncle."

Nathan took in the quickly said sentence as his line of sight shifted from Peyton to the floor in shock.

They wouldn't do this; would they? Why would they want to take Lucas away? His brother was just starting to adjust to having a relationship with their father. Sure, the strained relationship had its rough periods, but that was to be expected with what history held between them.

And most of all, he was beginning to develop his brotherhood with Lucas. Sharing a room on this vacation was allowing him to get to know Lucas better. The pair had talked about all things from girls to basketball. But the only subject that neither of them would tread on was of their father.

"Nate…I'm sorry, maybe Brooke was lying. The two did just have a fight." Peyton tried to make her boyfriend feel better, but she immediately knew that it wasn't working when she saw his eyes darken and his head nod back and forth.

"It's okay Peyt, thanks for telling me."

The pair fell into a tragic silence.

The waiting room inside the hospital was loud and full of screaming children and parents attempting to pacify them. Some adults had tears or were groaning in pain.

Lucas however, was groaning in annoyance. His ruined high from the previous night had his nerves frayed, and being around his father, who only cared about basketball, just made it worse.

"Luke, I have to go fill out all these paper's okay son?" Dan told his sullen son as he held a large stack of personal and insurance information. He heard a grumpy grunt from the boy's throat before he stood up and walked away.

"S" Dan cursed as he sat down in the chair that was previously occupied by his son.

Lucas walked around the halls of the hospital, hoping to put his plan to the test. This just had to work; it was his last hope of getting anti-depressants.

He looked through the throngs of people, searching for one particular type of hospital employee.

A red and white striped outfit signaled to Lucas that he had found the said volunteer employee that he'd been looking for.

He spied on her for a few moments, just long enough to make sure that there was a possibility that this scheme could work.

It was perfect. The candy striper volunteer looked to be just about his age. She was pretty, but still nothing compared to Brooke. And as she searched through the rack of books, he found his perfect opening to execute his plan.

Putting on his Scott smirk, Lucas stalked over to her, ready to pull out all of the stops to get his Zoloft.

"Hey there" He maneuvered around to the other side of the book rack to look at her straight forward.

Lucas could see a surprised and confused look on the girl's face as he leaned on the book cart, examining all of the classic books, many of which appeared in his own personal library.

"Hello, my name is Allie, how may I help you?" The girl spoke in the calmest voice that she could with the shock of being confronted by such an attractive boy.

"Yeah, I was just wondering how such a pretty girl like you got caught up in reading Steinbeck to the elderly." Lucas picked up one of the books that was his particular favorite and began flipping through the aged pages.

"Oh, my school requires a certain amount of community service hours per semester, and I get to do my today." Allie was sorting through the books absently, trying to decide whether to stare shamelessly at the guy in front of her, or to just steal small glances.

"Well then, lucky me."

"I guess you are, but you still never told me what you needed." Allie tried to distance herself away from this handsome stranger. She had a boyfriend, and getting caught up in this boy wasn't the best plan.

Lucas internally was praising himself. This was going just as he had planned. Allie was getting caught up in his charm, and right now she would probably do anything he asked.

Now it was time to turn on the sob story that he had planned just for this very occasion.

"I have a severe chronic depression and my Dad; he's too ashamed of me to help me get my medication. I need some medicine, please." Lucas switched his smirk to the puppy face that Brooke said fit him so well.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not authorized to handle any of the medications…" Allie went back to organizing the books, not liking where this situation was heading. This situation could get her into some serious trouble.

"But I have a prescription. I worked so hard to get it because my Dad thinks I'm crazy and he won't let me have anymore. Please!"

Allie was having trouble ignoring the traumatic story coming from the boy beside her. She really wanted to help him, but she wasn't sure how she could.

Lucas pulled the empty prescription bottle from his hoodie pocket and gave it to Allie in desperation. This had to work, it was his only hope.

"It would mean the world to me if you would help me. I don't know anyone else who will." He watched her examine his prescription bottle with clear pity shining through her eyes at his 'situation'.

"Well, 'Lucas Scott', I don't think that I can get this particular prescription filled because I have no authorization to handle medications, and I don't have the key to get to the loose pills…" Allie could see the terrible disappointment shining though his cobalt eyes and felt awful that she couldn't help him.

But then, she got an idea. She did have a key to get into the sample medicines.

"But what I can get you is a few sample packs of Zoloft. It's the same thing, but it just comes in little packs of 10 or so. Is that okay?" Those cobalt eyes lifted to look her in the eyes. She could have sworn that she saw a flash of mischief, but she just chalked it up to her nervousness of breaking cardinal rules of the hospital.

Lucas was cheering in his mind. He had won. He had beaten his father by finding a way around the man's ever changing ways.

"Yeah, that's great. This means so much to me." Lucas spoke quickly, trying to rush her because he knew that Dan would be looking for him soon enough.

Minutes later, Allie came back to find Lucas still standing there, flipping through the old Steinbeck book once again.

"Here you go Lucas. I hope that you feel better with these. And if it helps, I don't think you're crazy at all." Allie handed over the little boxes, hearing all of the pills jitter in their foil and plastic containment.

"_Yeah, but I think you're naïve. Who would believe that sob story? If only it weren't mostly true…"_

"Thanks Allie. You really helped me." Lucas placed the packets in his hoodie pocket. He was tempted to take a whole pack of them now, but instead decided to wait till he got back to the condo to be able to savor the high.

"Luke! There you are. I've been looking for you for a while."

Lucas knew the voice of his father, and cringed when he heard it coming closer. Allie was still standing there, and having his father show up just might blow his cover.

"I'm coming Dad." Lucas answered the calls, walking away before any sort of cover could be revealed.

Dan walked into the condo behind Lucas, who seemed to be walking as fast as he could. Ever since he had found Lucas talking to that girl in the hallway at the hospital, the boy had been jumpy and anxious and almost in a hurry.

Pausing in the entryway of the home for only a few moments to kick off his snow covered boots and his coat, Lucas hurried away, ready to down many of the pills. He was almost home free too when he heard his father's voice once again.

"Luke what's the rush? I thought that maybe you might want to have lunch with me. I know that you didn't have breakfast this morning, so you must be hungry."

Dan watched his son stop in his tracks, almost as if he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. How odd…

"Let me guess Dad, you only want me to eat to have enough strength and muscle to play basketball right?" Lucas turned around to face the man hoping to not look too suspicious to what he was up too. He was so close, and all he had to do was shake off his father, which shouldn't be too hard considering the past.

"Lucas, what happened to you? The last few times we talked you opened up to me and we had civil conversation. Now you are acting difficult, I just want to know what changed."

Lucas heard the seriousness in his father's voice and realized that Dan wanted this to be another one of those emotionally draining long conversations. He didn't have the mental strength or the patience to handle one of those right now.

"Nothing happened Dad; I just don't think that every moment we spend together needs to turn into a long winded confession of feelings and memories of the past, which is a shitty one at that. Don't you get that you can't make up seventeen years of bonding with a few nice conversations and lunches? All I want to do is go to my room and take a nap. Is that okay?"

Dan didn't know what to say to that confession. He was surprised that Lucas thought that he was trying to make up the bonding that they missed when all he was trying to do was make new bonds before the boy had to travel cross-country to his new home.

"I just wanted to talk to you Lucas. You don't have to get so defensive about it."

Now that he thought about it, Lucas was acting awfully defensive today. He was almost acting like the old rebellious Lucas.

"I'm not getting defensive!"

Lucas turned away from his father sharply. His movements were just rough enough for one lone sample packet to fall from his sweatshirt pocket and onto the floor.

Time seemed to stop as Lucas stared down at the small packet. He could hear the pills shake in their foil packing, and he could see the covering and raised letters stare up at him from the carpeted floor.

ZOLOFT

The name of the medication stared blatantly up at the pair, too large to hide.

Dan watched his son's body language as soon as he registered the object that had fallen. Hot rage and an avalanche of worry build up in him as he watched the horrified face of his first born.

The horror quickly turned to panic as Lucas dove down to the floor to obtain the package.

Once the boy was back on his feet and trying to walk away from the confrontation, Dan broke out of his trance.

He didn't yell because he didn't want to draw the attention of anyone yet. He wanted to deal with Lucas all by himself in this situation.

He angrily stalked forward and grabbed Lucas uninjured arm by the elbow and pulled. It was the exact opposite of a touch that had set Lucas free those few weeks ago.

"Don't you even try to walk away from this Lucas." Dan growled out through gritted teeth as he halted his son in his tracks.

"I'm just taking after my father's example." Dan could hear the snarl that came with the biting reply. The boy hadn't even bothered to turn around and face his father.

"Lucas Eugene Scott, don't blame your utter stupidity and your irresponsibility on me…LOOK AT ME!"

Lucas felt himself being violently yanked around to face Dan. The touch bothered him greatly, but he wouldn't show that to him at the moment.

Dan's tone of his order for Lucas to look at him was much harsher and angrier than it had been the previous night.

"Don't touch me."

The venom that came from these words was almost eerie as Lucas yanked his arm back into his own possession.

Dan decided to ignore the orders from his son and continue on with his tirade of anger.

"Show me what was in your pocket Lucas." Lucas could feel his father's hot breath hit him in the face as the man yelled at him. He could feel the supply of pills in his pocket, almost taunting him that he had been caught.

But just because he had been caught didn't mean that he was going to completely give in.

"I said show me what is in your pocket. You might want to do what you're told and make this easier on yourself Lucas." Dan noticed the boy's tense manner and reluctance to release whatever it was that was enclosed in his fist.

Growing more and more impatient, Dan finally chose to take initiative and grab his son's arm once again and pull it out of the sweatshirt pocket.

Dan was beyond shocked when he saw what was previously hidden in Lucas's hand. It was a single package of sample Zoloft.

"Don't Touch ME!" Lucas whipped around to face his father, knowing what had been taken from him. He couldn't believe that he had been so close to getting his pills, and then some fatherly intuition that had been absent for 17 years had finally kicked in.

"Zoloft" He whispered the title of the block lettering on the sample packets. He couldn't believe it that Lucas would deliberately go behind his back to obtain them. That sneaky little bastard…

"Damn it Lucas! I can't believe that after our conversation and your last desperate attempt that you would dare go behind my back and do this! Why would you go and pull this little stunt?"

As Dan looked into Lucas eyes, he was shocked to see how much his son had changed. He had gone from how vulnerable he was last night, to a cold, angry and emotionally distant 17 year-old boy. He almost shivered under the death glared that the kid was shooting at him.

"Don't look at me like that! I suspected that after our last conversation about your habits of abusing Zoloft, that the more intelligent son would be smart enough to not try it again. And at least not get caught.

Dan then threw Lucas's injured wrist from his grasp, not knowing that he was hurting the boy. And even if he was angry, he still had no intentions of ever hurting him.

"Well I didn't plan on getting caught and having you invade my privacy." Lucas adapted his smart ass attitude, and Dan could tell that he too was close to exploding.

"I think that we've had this conversation Lucas, and I'm not having it again. I am your father and I have every right to be in your privacy. In fact, I'm not sure that you even deserve privacy." Dan was starting to get even more frustrated.

"You're not my father." Lucas hissed violently to Dan, knowing that he was grating on the man's nerves.

Dan decided to ignore that comment, knowing very well that the boy was just being a brat and pushing him to see how far he'd go until he hit the boy.

"And you shouldn't have even had to have a plan about not getting caught because you never should have done it in the first place. How many boxes do you have? Empty your pockets Lucas."

"Screw you." Lucas said as he held onto the other four boxes in his pocket. He couldn't let Dan get any more pills because he was already down 6 pills from Dan taking one of his boxes.

Fed up, Dan reached into the pocket himself, not paying any attention the wrist that was covered in a brace from the doctor. He pulled out four more packets.

"Don't touch me!" Lucas pulled out of the offending grasp.

"Oh, this is real nice Lucas. You already have alcohol, drug abuse, and speeding tickets under your belt. Are you trying to go one more notch wit stealing!?! Did you drain the pharmacy? Is that everything?" He was well aware that he was scaring Lucas, and in a way, that was the goal. Maybe he could scare the boy into never overdosing again.

"What's this?" He asked suspiciously as he grabbed the cylindrical object that poked out of his son's hoodie pocket.

As he pulled the transparent orange bottle, he noticed Lucas close his eyes and whisper something that resembled a curse word.

The prescription on the bottle made Dan unbelievably angry. This was Lucas's confiscated medicine bottle. He had taken this away awhile ago. And as he shook the bottle and found it empty, his anger finally boiled over.

"So what now Lucas, stealing from your father? This is just great, you are so grounded. I can't believe that you would do this. You would stoop so low to get your fix." Dan yelled, for once realizing that he was grounding Lucas for the first time ever.

"You're not my father. You can't ground me." Lucas was almost growling at Dan now. He was so angry at himself for being so careless about hiding the pills.

"I can ground you and I am grounding you. Deal with it. You can't have your fancy car. No seeing Brooke outside of school, and no parties." Dan's guide lines were met with a laugh from Lucas.

"Why don't you just stick to your original method of punishing me? It fits you better." Lucas said, trying to tense up his muscles, bracing for a hit because he knew that he was pushing the man to the point of abuse.

"Stop being a brat Lucas. You are acting like a spoiled little brat. You are grounded, not get over it."

Lucas was getting sick of this conversation. All Dan was doing was cutting him down and taking away his drugs.

He wasn't really listening to the lecture that his father was dishing out, so he just scoffed and turned away, wanting to go back to his room and sulk.

As Dan was lecturing Lucas about his long term punishment, he noticed an abrupt movement. And when he looked up, he saw Lucas walking away.

How dare him! How does the kid think that he can get away with that kind of disrespect? Apparently all those manners that Karen taught him had worn off.

Dan reached out and grabbed Lucas's good arm and yanked, making sure that the boy couldn't walk off.

"Where do you think you're going? I'm not finished with you yet…" Dan said, not expecting what was to come next.

WHAM!

For one split second, Dan saw Lucas's fist in a back swing and then felt the contact against his jaw.

"You are not my father! Don't touch me!" Lucas yelled as he punched his father.

Dan should have known that he was asking for a punch when he yanked his son's arm so hard after the continuous orders to keep away.

"Why you little…" Dan didn't have enough time to react before Lucas threw his while body weight at him, tackling him to the ground.

Dan knew very well that if he had been ready for the tackle, that Lucas wouldn't have been able to take him down. Because Lucas's full body weight was nothing to Dan's muscle tone.

"I hate you! You're not my father! Don't touch me!" Lucas's anger was finally unleashed as he was on top of Dan, trying to get more hits.

Dan was frightened about Lucas's behavior. It was almost as if grounding the kid and yanking on his arm was the last straw of Lucas keeping his self control. So now he had to lie on the floor, dodging Lucas's hits.

"You can't ground me. You can't tell me what to do because you are not my father. I HATE YOU!" Lucas yelled extremely angry, not knowing that he was starting to attract attention of the other occupants of the condo, who had just noticed that there was a confrontation going on.

Finally, when Dan regained his bearings, he was able to ward off more of Lucas's hits by grabbing both of his wrists and rolling Lucas to the bottom.

"Stop touching me. I hate you so much. You are not my father." Lucas repeated his mantra to Dan as he attempted to strike him repeatedly.

"Stop it Lucas! Quit it. Stop trying to hurt me. It's not going to work." Dan continued to struggle on top of Lucas, amazed at how strong he was. The kid was too scrawny and barely a day over seventeen. Maybe he and Nathan have been hitting the weight room again.

"Get the hell off me. Let go of my wrist. You're hurting me. I hate you!" Lucas growled, squirming under his father's weight and trying to get his wrists out of the man's grip.

"I don't know what you're talking about Lucas. I'm not hurting you. You're hurting yourself. All I'm doing is holding your wrists because you can't seem to behave. If you would stop moving, then you would stop irritating your wrist."

Dan tried to be calm with the kid as he saw the violent look that flashed over his face. He was having trouble controlling himself though.

"You're not my father. Get the hell off me. I hate you." Lucas's breathing was becoming shallow and his voice was showing signs of breaking. Apparently the boy was getting more and more tired.

Dan was very thankful that Lucas's physical strength was giving in because he too was getting tired. Even with all the fitness and conditioning that he did, he wasn't ready to go head to head with a fit seventeen year-old for a lengthy time.

"I'm not your father? You hate me? Huh Luke? If you insist so much that I'm not your father and that you hate me so much, then why do you call me Dad?"

As soon as Dan said those words, he was filled with satisfaction when Lucas froze. He knew that he had caught the boy in a corner.

"Huh Lucas, tell me. Why do you call me Dad?" At this point, Lucas completely gave up his struggle and lay on the floor under Dan's weight.

"Just please get off me." Lucas looked away from Dan and let his head rest on the carpet. He could feel the hot blood rushing up to his face and ears, showing Dan that he was clearly humiliated at the question.

"Lucas, I am your father. I'm your Dad even. And I think it's time that we both just accepted that. Can I trust you to not attack me if I let you up?" Dan adapted his nice fatherly voice.

He watched closely as Lucas was intent on staring at everything in the room except his father's identical eyes.

Barely distinguishable nods from his son made Dan realize that Lucas was no longer in attack mode.

Very cautiously, Dan lifted himself off of Lucas, still ready to pounce on the boy if necessary.

He stood above Lucas, who still was lying on the floor. He reached down to give his son a hand up, but instead of a hand, he saw Lucas put his foot in a back swing and launch it forward.

A sharp, stinging pain was felt when Lucas's leg collided with his injury knee from college. A yelp escaped from Dan's mouth from shock that his son would kick him like that. But he did know that the damage would have been a lot worse if Lucas's foot had made complete contact with the appendage, instead of half.

"Damn it Lucas! I am trying as hard as I can to keep you from being shipped off to California. But this horrible attitude of your's isn't helping at all!" Dan yelled at his son, who was still lying on the floor, except this time with a dazed expression.

Dan didn't realize the impact of his words until a few seconds after he yelled them. He knew that he had made a grave mistake though when he saw the dazed look turn to complete confusion.

Lucas was never supposed to find out like this.

He looked up from the floor where his son lied and saw all of the family members standing around the entry way, all looking shell shocked.

Dan knew that he had screwed things up big time.

Thanks to Bimbo12 for major plot ideas.


	22. How To Love, How To Let Love Go

Disclaimer: All characters and situations from _One Tree Hill_ are properties of Mark Schwahn, and CBS Warner Televison. No copyright infringement intended.

Where To Turn

Chapter 21

_"Damn it Lucas! I am trying as hard as I can to keep you from being shipped off to California. But this horrible attitude of your's isn't helping at all!" Dan yelled at his son, who was still lying on the floor, except this time with a dazed expression._

_Dan didn't realize the impact of his words until a few seconds after he yelled them. He knew that he had made a grave mistake though when he saw the dazed expression turn to complete confusion._

_Lucas was never supposed to find out about this._

_He looked up from the floor where his son lied, still looking confused, and saw all of the family members standing around the entry way, all looking shell shocked._

_Dan knew that he had screwed up big time. _

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He could not comprehend the words that his father had spoken. Over and over again, he recited them in his head, but they just wouldn't make sense.

_Shipped off...California...horrible attitude..._

Looking up around him in his dazed confusion, Lucas could see everyone surrounding the scene that had just occured. He took in each of their shocked expressions, wondering if they had understood the words that had been said.

Lucas opened his mouth to voice his questioning, but his vocal cords didn't seem to want to cooperate.

"Lucas, are you listening to me?" He understood the words that came from his father this time as he reached down to give him a hand up.

Once on his feet, Lucas peered around to his family and friends' faces. The emotions that were there ranged from guilt, to extreme worry, and even small tears in Brooke's face.

Dan couldn't believe that he could be so careless about blurting out the shocking news. He, Deb, and Keith had been planning on how to tell Lucas without dropping a bomb on him for almost a month now, and he had ruined it. He had dropped the bomb on his son violently and now he had to deal with the reprecussions.

Looking to Keith, he nearly flinched under the burning glare he was giving him.

What was he supposed to do now? He could deny everything that he had said and send Lucas to his room for his crimes and have him eventually find out that everyone had lied to him. Or, he could tell his desperately upset son that he was sending him to California and relieving himself of the responsibility of raising his first born son.

There was really now way that Lucas would get out of this situation without mental scarring, and there was no alternative that allowed Dan to escape without fault.

Aware that all eyes, including Lucas's were staring at him, waiting for the follow up statement, he had to make a decision, and a quick one. Either lie to his son and break his heart later, or break his heart now in front of all his family and friends.

"I want you to listen to me for a few moments Lucas. Please don't interrupt me." Dan began the first part of his confession. He was sweating bullets as his son's eye brows furrow in confusion. He hoped that he could get through this without any permanent scarring to himself, or Lucas.

"Lucas, for about the past month, Keith, Deb, and I have been talking. We don't think that you are doing very well in Tree Hill. What I said earlier was that all of us think that it would be good for you to go back to California with Keith."

Dan paused after dropping the bomb on his son, looking for the boy's reaction. He saw the blue eyes look up from the floor to him. The blue orbs still seemed to be processing the overload of information.

With difficulty, Dan looked over to his wife to continue the confession. He hoped that she could soothe him enough to bring down the caliber of his reaction somewhat. Once the eye contact was made with Deb, it was clear that she got the hint that it was her turn to speak.

"Lucas, I think that if we send you with Keith, things will get better for you. You can be away from all of the bad memories, and most of all, you can get the help that you deserve. Lucas, some of the best therapists in the country are working with your uncle, and they can help you."

Deb adapted her soothing motherly voice that she had used when Lucas had first moved in with them after the terrible tragedy. She watched his face cautiously, not knowing what kind of reaction that they had just pulled from the teenager.

His eyes were a whirlpool of different feelings and reactions. There was rage, deep hurt, rejection, abandonment, violence, but none of these had shown up on his face yet. Everything was contained to his eyes.

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Lucas listened intently to the words that were being spoken to him. He had to concentrate to keep his knees from buckling as Deb began to speak to him. His jaw was slighly dropped, leaving him with enough oxygen for his heavy labored breathing.

His confusion at the words from only a few minutes earlier was slowly but surely being replaced with a harsh new wave of understanding. His father and step-mother were sending him away to 'help' him. They were releasing themselves fro the burden of having to parent him any longer.

The wave of understanding hit him with surprising force, and brought a splash of deep hurt. They didn't want him anymore.

_"As if they ever wanted me in the first place."_

Lucas's emotions were beginning to reach boiling point as he heard his step-mother's pleas of the help that he would get from the therapists and doctors. The help that he 'deserved'.

_"The help that they denied me for years when I really needed it."_

"...and they can help you." Lucas felt malice and his inferiority complex building up again as he listened to the last part of Deb's sentence. Out of all of the emotions he felt once complete silence descended upon the room, the one that he could most decipher was hurt. Pure, raw, hurt.

One statment came to mind as he looked up at his father.

"If you don't want me, just stay it." He mumbled, going back to staring at his feet. Lucas was so disappointed in himself. He had actually believed that things were getting better with his relationship with his father. The man had been fatherly towards him, and he had made him believe that one of his parents really did love him.

_"Guess the joke is on me then_._ Then why do I feel more like crying than laughing?"_

Lucas's hands were clenched into fists at his sides as he watched the reactions of everyone around him. No one really seemed too terribly surprised to hear about the news. There were some tears in Brooke's eyes, but none of them looked to be shocked about the news.

_"It seems I'm more unwanted than I ever thought I was."_

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"If you don't want me, just say it."

Dan's heart literally broke when he heard those words mumbled from Lucas. He knew that it was to be expected, that they were dealing with a very shaky relationship, and that most likely, his son's previous feelings of being unwanted would resurface.

"Luke..." He started to explain, hoping that it may calm the storm that was brewing in his son, but he never got the chance to explain, because once he started, he was harshly cut off by his son.

"NO! You son of a bitch! If you don't want me, then JUST SAY IT! " Lucas's anger was beginning to boil over. His finger nails were digging crescents into the palms of his hands as he watched the guilty expression cross his father's face. So it was true, his faterh didn't want him. The guilty expression gave it all away.

Bitter laughter cackled from Lucas as Dan didn't bother to respond to his anger. The laughter was really only there to disguise the temper tantrum that he so desperately wanted to throw. It respressed the urge that he had to yell, scream, cry, and lash out violently.

"Listen to me Lucas, it's not my choice. Keith and I just feel..." Dan tried again, still hoping to asauge his upset son. He understood the anger, he was just surprised at the amount of bitterness that had joined in Lucas's attitude. The bitter laughter had sent shivers through his spine.

Is this what had become of his son?

"It's not your choice? Bull shit it's not your choice! If you really wanted me to stay around, than I think you could. You are just trying to relieve yourself of the guilt of you not wanting me anymore. Don't sugar coat it." Lucas was standing completely still, watching his father's reactions to this confrontation vigilantly. The man's usually imposing posture and his demanding voice were reduced down to a sweaty, nervous man.

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Brooke watched helplessly on the sidelines of the confrontation. She was incredibly shocked about how fast thhat the situation was going bad. She could tell that Lucas's stability was going fast, and after the yelling she heard earlier, and the presence of a few abandoned boxes of Zoloft, she knew that this was a ticking time bomb.

It broke her heart to hear Lucas's statement of, _"If you don't want me, just say it." _He didn't know how wrong he was thinking that Dan didn't want to send him away. From what she had heard earlier, Dan was more than actively trying to keep Lucas home.

Most of all, he was acting like an actual father.

But she knew that Lucas was hurt from the situation though. He had been learning slowly but surely that his father was trust worthy, and even the remote possibility that his father was trying to send him away would make him feel like it had all been a lie and that he was once again being abandoned.

When she heard Lucas cut down his father about not sugar coating the fact that he was getting rid of him, she knew that she had to step in. In Dan's weakened state, she could see how hard it was for him to see his son so angry and bitter, and he couldn't possibly get it through the boy's stubborn mind that he didn't want Lucas to go. And if this were to go on much longer, that Lucas would never be told otherwise.

"Lucas, stop!" She interrupted him immediately as he went to open his mouth again and surely spew out more venomous words towards his father.

As soon as he looked at her, she could see that she wasn't dealing with the same Lucas as when they started this trip. His eyes held swirling emotions that he was going to unleash, and his body stature was more tense and aware of it's surroundings. But most of all, he just seemed hurt. Over everything that she could fathom in his eyes, she could see that he was hurting.

Whether his hurt was from her rejection of love once again, or from all of the adults he tenatively trusted were proving otherwise, or just from emotional exhaustion from all of the events that had taken place in the last few days, she didn't know.

But the way he looked at her was a way that she had never seen before. It was a look of malice, and held traces of mistrust in the speckles in Lucas's eyes. She had broken his heart, sure, but she didn't know that she had broken their trust.

"Lucas, you don't know the whole story! Dan doesn't want you to leave, he's been trying to prove to your uncle that he can be a good father to you, and that you can be happy in Tree Hill. He cares so much about you. Don't try to claim that he doesn't want you around, because he's been trying so hard to keep you around."

She hadn't meant to say so much, but she needed Lucas to know that he was wrong.

Her best friend's reaction was at first to be expected, his eyes had widened, and a faint expression of guilt and shame, crossed with hope entered the whirlpool of emotions. This is what she had been aiming for, that maybe Lucas would see his wrongs and he could maybe forgive Dan some what, and everything would work out to where Lucas could stay with his family in Tree Hill.

Okay, so she wasn't expecting it to work out that well, but the thing that she wanted most for her best friend was that maybe he could find some resolution with his father.

As she continued to watch Lucas's reactions, she hadn't expected the eyes to change from guilt and hope to suspicion and conviction.

"How do you know that Brooke?" Came Lucas's accusitioning question.

She hadn't expected that either.

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Lucas listened to Brooke's testimony eagerly. He had been shocked to hear how much his father cared about him and that he was wrong in blaming the man for wanting to send him away.

In a way, a huge knot was loosened in his chest, so his father really did want him around. He had been too quick to blame his father, too quick to try to disprove his father's positive attention.

This was what he had been waiting for for weeks. For the other shoe to drop and for Dan's real motives to be revealed. It had been too tiring to be around the nice Dan, just waiting for the roof to cave in on the kindness and for the man to revert back in to slapping him and calling him a disappointment.

But he had been wrong about that. Dan really did want him, and he had been fighting to keep his presence. Instantly, he felt the guilt from his accusations boil up in his chest. He had been wrong, but it had never felt so good to be wrong.

He replayed Brooke's words in his mind again and again, still searching for evidence to find that this was a joke. A red light alarmed in his head when he thought about how Brooke would know all of this. Apparently she had only been watching the display for a few moments, and how would she know his father's true motives?

"How do you know that Brooke?" He asked with a dangerous edge lacing his words. If his suspicions are right, then his trust issues were about to increase ten-fold.

Brooke was looking like she had just gotten caught in a terrible lie as she tried to catch herself in her statement, now knowing that she had released more information than should have been.

"Luke...I'm not..." She stuttered over her words, not sure how she could get herself out of this without hurting Lucas.

It was then that Lucas was sure that his suspicions were correct. There was only one way that she could know more than him about Dan and Keith wanting to send him to California. She had to have known before hand about this situation, and if she had kept this information from him, then he wasn't sure that there was any way he could trust her anymore.

"Brooke, please don't tell me that you knew about this before me, and you didn't bother to tell me." Lucas's voice was low and dangerous as he watched the same guilty look that had passed his father's face only a few minutes earlier when he had blurted out that he was being shipped off to California with his uncle.

Was this the only way that he could get people to be honest with him? To have them accidentally blurt out the truth?

His best friend's silence and her eyes reverting to the floor was the only confirmation that he needed to be sure that Brooke had betrayed him and his trust. He had still trusted her, even if they weren't on the best of terms. And she had abused that trust, she had kept this vital secret from him and that was going to be hard to forgive her for.

"Okay, what next? Are you people going to tell me that all of you knew about this, and none of you told me?" Lucas's bitter smile and laughter returned as he watched all of the people around him watch, seemingly very uncomfortable.

He listened and looked at all of them, waiting for that comforting assurance that they wouldn't do such a thing to him. But all that could be heard was silence and a few sniffles coming from a very upset Brooke. Turning around and taking a real look at everyone, he saw that they were all coveting that same look of guilt that had haunted him all this day.

Lucas had expected someone, atleast Peyton to rush to say that 'No, we hadn't known, I'm sorry Lucas.'

He still held a small thread of hope that someone, anyone, would prove that they hadn't betrayed and lied to him. But as they all stood still, guilty eyes glued to him, something inside of him snapped, something that had been waiting to be unleashed since he first time his father called him a bastard child.

No more was Lucas going to hide his feelings of raw hurt and betrayal, he was going to let everyone know exactly how he felt, and they would finally know what had been done to him in their lies and actions.

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Watching his son at that exact moment was extremely difficult for Dan. He knew that his son was feeling betrayal from every corner of his life at that moment, and he couldn't even imagine how it felt to have everything you trusted to go out of their way to prove that trust wrong.

He hadn't thought that the rest of the group had known about the plans to send Lucas away. He had been very shocked to hear that Brooke had known, and then to figure out that everyone else knew too. That hadn't been the plan. The plan had not included all of Lucas's friends and family keeping a hurtful secret from him.

The stricken look that crossed his son's face as he tried to swallow the fact that everyone had known but him was weakening his heart. In these past few days, he had gotten to know more about Lucas than he had in the whole time that the boy had lived at his house, and now he found that it was more difficult to see your son hurt when you knew him, than when you didn't.

Dan watched, standing completely silent as he watched the stricken look change to a dangerous, furious expression, one without inhibitions. This was not a look that he had seen Lucas with before, and frankly, it scared him.

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"You want to know something? All of you people really had me fooled. Every single one of you made me feel like I could trust you in one way or another."

Lucas paused as he began shaking in rage. He could only hope that his anger didn't give way to his hurt feelings before he had a chance to say what he was dying to say at the moment. Because if he didn't get a chance to say it, he knew that he may never have another chance.

"And once again, stupid me believed you. I believed that I had a friends, a brother, a girlfriend, and a father."

Lucas's voice faltered for a moment as he watched each guilty expression. In a strange way, the looks satisfied him. Each of them deserved to suffer and feel bad after what they did to him. They didn't deserve happiness when Lucas never got to feel it.

"But I really have to know Dad, did you every really want to know me, or were you just another part in this charade?"

Dan was completely shocked at his son's question. He had thought that these feelings of blame and conviction had been over after Brooke's revelation. But apparently Lucas's bitterness was back and stronger than ever.

"Lucas, remember what Brooke said. She told you that I don't want you to go. And she said that I am trying to keep you from having to go. Please belive what she said Luke." Dan watched the bitterness and anger in his son's eyes grow. He didn't know what was so wrong with what he had said.

"What reason do I have to believe her? She lied to me by not telling me."

Lucas's trust was shattered as he spoke those words. It killed him to not be able to trust the one girl who had been there for him since his Mother's death. She had gone out of her way to prove to him that he could trust her when he was in such a vulnerable state. And suddenly having that trust not be there was hard for him.

"Fine Lucas, if you don't want to believe her, then I'll tell you and maybe you'll believe me." Dan hoped that he could get really make his son have faith in him again. It felt so good when the boy had opened up to him, and after all they had shared with each other, it would be hard to go back to the state of their previous relationship.

"Lucas, I don't want you to go, but like I said earlier, I don't really have much of a choice..." Dan saw the lip curl and the snarl, coming from Lucas, who seemed to be seeing red at that statement. Once again, he didn't know what he said to offend his overly sensitive first born.

WHAM!

Dan didn't see the fist flying at him until a few moments before it collided with his cheek bone. He was thrown back a few feet from the force, but was not knocked to the floor like he had been in the earlier squabble.

Gasps could be heard around the room as Lucas attacked his father. None of them could believe that their calm, passive Lucas could be reduced to such anger to resort to violence.

Was this what they had done to him?

What shocked Dan the most about the punch was how much anger was delivered with it. The pure fury was what hurt the most.

Lucas was obviously trying to knock his father to the floor and gain the upper hand. But with his injured wrist and his father being ready to ward off the attack, he couldn't seem to even get a kick in.

The pair was still standing as Dan finally got ahold of Lucas's upper limbs. Holding tight onto his forearms, right below his elbow, Dan could feel Lucas's squirming more and more now that his flailing arms could deliver no more hits.

"Lucas, stop it. Listen to me..." He tried to keep his voice calm and soothing, hoping to calm the boy enough to be able to let go of him.

"Why didn't you deny it?" Lucas yelled at his father as he continued to struggle against the hold that Dan had him in.

"What?" Dan didn't understand what his son was asking him. What didn't he deny, and why did it have Lucas near tears?

"I asked you if getting to know me was a joke, and you never denied it! Why didn't you deny it?"Lucas's voice was hoarse and cracking as he struggled to yell through his overwhelming emotions. The tears that were pooling up in his eyes from the stress were falling and mixing with the coat of sweat that had formed along his body.

Dan was struck motionless at hearing his son. He had never really given any thought to denying his son's earlier question. Too much had been going on that he didn't see Lucas's need to hear him say that.

Apparently he had paused too much in thinking about Lucas's pain, that as he looked at his emotionally exhausted teenager, words were too difficult to form. And Lucas' apparently thought his silence meant that he wasn't going to deny it.

Lucas roughly pulled out of his hold and ran to the front door. He paused at the open door for a second and looked back at the group of people who had betrayed him.

There were no words to describe how he felt at that moment. All of the hurt, betrayal, rejection, and distrust churned inside of him and threatened to make him sick.

He waited for someone, anyone to say something redeeming to him, maybe an apology or something of the sort. But as they all stood there, staring at him with wide teary eyes, he realized that none of them were going to make a move to stop him from leaving.

Turning his back on his whole world, Lucas slammed the door behind him.

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Hey guys, I know that this chapter is pretty short but I wanted to get as much out of this scene as I could, and I think that putting it as it's own chapter is going to work better than putting everything else I had planned in there too. All that will be in the next chapter. Tell me what you think. Broody


	23. A Broken Heart Than Keeps Beating

Disclaimer: All characters and situations from _One Tree Hill_ are properties of Mark Schwahn, and CBS Warner Television. No copyright infringement intended.

Where To Turn

Chapter 22

A Broken Heart That Keeps Beating

_Lucas roughly pulled out of his hold and ran to the front door. He paused at the open door for a second and looked back at the group of people who had betrayed him._

_There were no words to describe how he felt at that moment. All of the hurt, betrayal, rejection, and distrust churned inside of him and threatened to make him sick. _

_He waited for someone, anyone to say something redeeming to him, maybe an apology or something of the sort. But as they all stood there, staring at him with wide teary eyes, he realized that none of them were going to make a move to stop him from leaving. _

_Turning his back on his whole world, Lucas slammed the door behind him._

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The condo shook with the force in which Lucas Scott slammed the door. Each person couldn't fathom what to think or how to act after the person that they had betrayed had left. They knew that they had done wrong, maybe without meaning to, but they did.

Dan was taking it the hardest of all of them, and for once, anguish and guilt showed up on his stony, business man expression. His thoughts were racing as he wondering what to do next, because his next move could determine whether or not he could have a relationship with his first born son for the next year till he turned eighteen.

So many key moments in his and Lucas's relationship flashed before his eyes. The few moments when he and his son had a civil conversation, the times when they screamed at each other in anger and bitterness, and the times when they would go for a month without speaking with one another.

As he looked back at the faces of his wife, son, and the two other girls, Dan knew exactly what he had to do. Reaching for the door knob, he yanked the front door open to go after his son.

"Dan, maybe you should let him have his time to cool off. He is really upset and I think that searching for him could just agitate him more." A distressed Deb spoke out to her husband. She was extremely worried about her step-son, his mental state, and his disappearance, but with her husband's and Lucas's past, she wasn't sure if going after him would be in the best interest for anyone.

Dan paused at the open front door for a few seconds before looking back at his wife.

"I gave him time for seventeen years. Now its time for me to be his father." That was the only thing he had to say for Deb to just shake her head in agreement.

Shutting the door behind him, Dan stood for a almost a minute before realizing that he had no idea where his son might have gone.

Lucas didn't know where he was walking or how long he had been walking. The only thing that he was aware of was the snow that had begun to fall, and the fact that he should have grabbed his winter jacket.

The wind had picked up, causing his ears to grow unfeeling and his cheeks to blush to red. These things didn't necessarily bother him, but what did worry him was his uncured cold. The illness that had plagued him had been getting better in the past few days, but the harsh weather had awoken the feelings of congestion and labored breathing.

As he walked through the area, not having a clue where he was or where he was going, Lucas was trying to keep his thoughts moving at only a second at a time. He could only think about one moment, then the next. Any longer than that was just too painful.

People walking down the streets in winter jackets, hats and gloves were giving him strange looks. He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt that was beginning to dampen from the snow fall melting on him, and a pair of jeans.

Nearing the downtown area, Lucas spotted a playground for children. There were no kids playing, and his body began to fatigue. Why not? Sitting down under the play roof, Lucas felt much too large to be in a child's play area, but at the same time, it was a welcome relief from the biting winds and the heavier falling snow.

Without the distraction of walking keeping his mind away from his earlier pain, Lucas could feel the afternoon's events rushing back.

Could any more have gone wrong? His father wasn't supposed to find his pills, he wasn't supposed to have been rejected by Brooke, and he wasn't supposed to have been betrayed by everyone in his world. And for God's sake, he shouldn't be sent off to California.

Lucas could almost feel his heart rate rising when the thoughts of California came to mind. He still couldn't believe that even after Lucas had poured his heart out to his father, asked him to look through the photo album with him, and damn near trusted the man, only to be cruelly deceived. And Brooke's deception was biting to even think about. How could everyone do this to him?

How could Brooke look him in the eye and not tell him that his world would soon crash?

How could his father make promises and attempts at bonding with him when was ready to ship him off to the Western Coast?

But the question that plagued him the most was if everyone in his life would play malicious games with his life and emotions. Dan pretending to want him as a son, and Brooke playing around with him, all just seemed like a giant game to him now. And he was the one who was played.

At this point Lucas couldn't even bear to let tears fall. The only thing he emitted was a heaving sigh filled with disappointment at himself, his father, and Brooke.

Finally getting tired, Lucas found himself in front of the ski lounge that he had been at only a few days before. Not wanting to go inside because Dan would be looking for him, he sat down on the cold concrete and curled his legs to his chest and sitting his head on his knees

Dan was getting exhausted from looking for Lucas. He had searched all around the building, including the lobby, the pool, and the the gym. After that he began searching outside in the bitter cold, and after nearly an hour, held down with shivering and exhaustion, Dan Scott refused to give up.

If there was any sort of behavior that Lucas expected from him, it was for him to give up. But this time, Dan refused. No matter how difficult that his son may act, no matter how distrustful he may be about Dan's fatherly advances, he wouldn't give up on Lucas. The boy had experienced too much of that during his seventeen years.

Of course after his speech to himself about his persistence about Lucas, he was rudely interrupted by the knowledge that he had given up on Lucas in the worst possible way by sending him away with his uncle, appearing to be relieving himself of all fatherly duties.

A head of shaggy blonde hair caught Dan's eyes as he approached the ski lodge. Immediately he identified the head as belonging to Lucas. After all, night was approaching fast with the shadow from the mountains taking away almost all the sunlight, and who else would be broody and moody enough to be sitting by the wall outside a ski lodge?

Walking forward, he found himself standing in front of his brooding son. Lucas was curled up in a shivering ball with his arms over his knees and his head between them.

Dan wondered how he could have let things get this far. When he had recieved custody of Lucas when the boy was fourteen, he'd had every single opportunity to help his son grieve and to become his father. And what had he done with those opportunities? Stomped on them and denied Lucas every right that he had to a father. He had tormented, bullied and neglected every single need that Lucas had for his parent.

"What are you doing here?" He was quickly broken out of the 'what if's?' by a bitter and sarcastic voice that he knew so well. He then noticed that the boy was looking at him with a glare that made even the tough Dan Scott cringe. There was also a crooked and angry grin playing across his mouth.

There have been many times that Dan had wanted to just smack that grin from his son's mouth, and there had been a few times that he actually had. But right now he knew that he couldn't act abrasively. This confrontation could be the one to either completely sever their parent-child relationship, or give him some hope that something could be salvaged.

"I came to find you and take you home." Dan's tone wasn't weak, for he still had to hold up the role of father, but it wasn't mean.

"You mean take me home so you can ship me off and never have to deal with me. Is that why you came looking for me? Gotta find Lucas, because if you don't come looking for me, then he might actually see what a bad Dad that you are." Dan couldn't help but hear the sad overtones in Lucas's words.

The fact that there was sadness in his son's voice gave Dan a small tendril of hope. He hadn't lost Lucas yet, because if he had, the boy would be completely unaffected by everything that his father did and said. He was extremely close to losing Lucas though, so close that it hurt him as a father.

Sighing, Dan decided not to take the bait that the moody teenager was giving, no matter how much it was grading on his patience. The smart ass attitude had to be one of the that most bugged Dan about his son.

"Come on Lucas, let's get you out of the cold." Reaching out his hand to help Lucas up, he looked down to see that the glare that he was recieving from Lucas was colder than the frigid temperature. His main concern was to get Lucas inside and warm, because the sun was now almost completely set and the temperature was rapidly dropping. Not to mention that Lucas was merely dressed in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt and jeans, and he still hadn't completely recovered from his cold virus.

"Like you even care." Dan's offer of a hand up was disregarded as Lucas took a few moments to rejuvinate his frozen and stiff limbs before he stood up.

The words of Lucas had bitten into Dan's soul as he watched Lucas stand up and begin to walk away. Yet no matter how many times that Lucas grated on his nerves, Dan realized that he would always have a special place in his heart for his first born.

Lucas stormed into the condo a few seconds before his father. He could hear some sounds coming from the kitchen and figured that Deb was cooking dinner. Not that he cared, he wanted nothing to do with any of the people that had betrayed him.

"Dan, did you find him?" Deb's voice came closer as she rushed towards the front door, eager to see her step-son. She stopped in her tracks as soon as she saw Lucas walking into the condo angrily.

"Oh Lucas, sweet heart, are you okay? You're shivering." She spoke in the most worried tone that she could muster while reaching our her hand to rub his arm. She was trying to be motherly towards him, but when she saw his bitter sneer, she knew that her efforts were in vain.

Watching guiltily as Lucas yanked his arm away from her touch and walked to his room, Deb soon felt Dan's hand on her shoulder. Looking back at her husband, she could see that he wore the same rueful expression on his face.

"I don't know why I even agreed to send him off with Keith." Barely flinching at the sound of Lucas's slammed door, Dan sat down in the lofty chair.

"You wanted what was best for your son. That's no crime. We all agreed that things weren't working out for him while he was living with us." She sat next to her husband, rubbing his shoulder and trying to encourage him that he was doing the right thing.

"But is this really what is best for my son? Sending him away because things 'aren't working out'? I'm his father, it's my job to make things work out, even when it seems like they aren't."

"Things seemed to be working out between you two lately. He asked you to look through his photo album with him." Deb said, continuing her attempt to encourage Dan.

"Yeah, but the sad thing is that I had to know that I was going to lose him to start to get along with him. And in case you didn't notice, Lucas is still rebelling. Did you see all that Zoloft that he went behind my back and stole?" Dan's tone was growing frustrated as he thought about how complicated that the situation with his first born son had grown.

"Maybe his rebelling is just his cry of wanting his father." Giving Deb an appreciative nod, Dan let her know that her talk had helped him deal with his difficulty with Lucas.

**One Week Later**

The rest of the vacation had gone by in a tension filled haze. When Lucas wasn't avoiding everyone in the house, he was busy making bitter and sarcastic comments to them. In his own opinion, everyone had betrayed him and no one deserved his trust.

Everyone's lives were beginning to return to normal the next week. Dan and Deb were preparing to go back to school, and the boys reluctantly had to return to school.

When the family had returned from vacation, they had said a goodbye to Keith. He was returning to California to prepare for the arrival of a seventeen year-old boy. He had arrived at his brother's house in the first place not expected to gain the responsibility of Lucas, and now he had to accomodate his life for the boy, including living space, school, and therapy.

To Dan, having his brother leave for awhile and wait for Lucas's arrival in a few weeks was a relief. Keith was now one less person to criticize his crappy fathering skills. Lucas was doing enough of that.

Speaking of Lucas being difficult...

"Lucas Scott! Get up already, you're going to be late for school!" Dan yelled, pounding on his son's bedroom door. He had noticed during the past few days that Lucas' hadn't been feeling too well, which wasn't much of a surprise to Dan considering he had sat in freezing temperatures for a couple of hours while harboring a cold virus.

When he didn't recieve an answer, Dan got frustrated and opened the door to Lucas's room. Lucas laying like an unmoving lump under his blankets was exactly what Dan had expected to see.

"Come on Luke, you have to get ready for school." Reaching down and shaking his son's shoulder, Dan's hand almost recoiled when he felt Lucas's high temperature.

"Leave me the hell alone." The weary and angry statement was accompanied with sicky, gutteral coughs that racked Lucas's body.

Just to make sure that his assumptions were correct, Dan reached down and put his hand on his son's forehead to check his body temp. He drew his hand away just in time to avoid Lucas's swatting hands when he was sure that the boy had a burning fever.

"Okay Lucas, you aren't going to school toady. I'm going to work from home today too so I can make sure you're okay." Dan carefully patted Lucas on the back, hoping to comfort the painful sounding coughs.

"What ever makes you feel like a good father." Lucas mumbled, burying himself deeper under his blankets. Though he was relieved not to have to sit through school, he wasn't looking forward to the fathering from Dan that was sure to come.

Why should he be nice and polite to his father if he was just going to get sent away?

Dan sat slumped in the luxurious chair in his home office. He had already called his secretary to inform her that he would be working from home and to cancel all of his meetings, along with Lucas's school.

Secretly he was glad that Lucas was sick today, maybe this could be a way that he could show Lucas that he really did care about him. And who knew, if he found a way to take care of his son, then things between them might start working out. After his conversation with Keith at the airport before he left for California, Dan could really use some encouragement about being a father.

_"I'm going to miss you big brother." Dan said as he hugged Keith at the airport. Things between them had been very tense once the family had returned from Colorado. Dan's apprehension about sending his son away was becoming very apparent to Keith._

_"I'm going to miss you too. Remember that Lucas has a flight in two weeks. And just so you know, you're doing the right thing for him." Dan could feel his rage rising at his brother's tone. It was the same tone that he used to use in old brotherly competitions._

_"How can it be the right thing when I lose a son Keith?" _

_"You know Dan, I have always found your behavior amusing. You bully your own child when you have complete control over him, yet when someone trespasses on your territory and you face the threat of losing that control, you play nice with Lucas. But I'm not going to fight with you Dannny, not here. See you later little brother." Keith gave his brother an empathetic smile and walked towards the security gates._

"Hey Nathan, where's Luke today, I haven't seen him in any of my classes." Brooke approached Nathan in the hallway during their passing period. She had been looking forward to seeing Lucas on the first day that he was supposed to be back to school. She was hoping that she could come to an understanding with her best friend that she wasn't trying to hurt him by keeping that information from him.

"He's sick today so he stayed home with Dan." Nathan spoke as he exchanged his books. He really didn't know that much about his brother's life after the disasterous end to the trip. Between spending time with Peyton, and having Lucas avoiding everybody, he hadn't had any conversations with his brother. Sighing, and turning towards Brooke, Nathan began speaking.

"Listen Brooke, I wouldn't go and try to visit Lucas right now. He's still avoiding everyone and giving out bitter comments whenever someone talks to him. When you really think about it, we hurt him pretty badly and I don't think we should push him."

"Well, when did you beome such an expert on the psychology of Lucas?" Brooke asked him with a raised eye brow.

"When I asked him to play basketball and he threw the ball at my head. Somehow I don't think that he will want to talk either." Nathan spoke with a skeptical tone in his voice. If he knew Brooke, he knew that Lucas being difficult wouldn't stop her.

"Do me a favor Nate, get me all of his assignments for the day, and I will take him to him later." Nathan didn't particularly like the sound of Brooke's idea. She didn't know exactly how mean that Lucas could really be if he was feeling malicious.

Brooke left no room for argument as the bell rang, signaling that all the students should go to class.

Dan tossed his pen down on his desk as he once again heard the body racking coughs coming from Lucas's room. He was beginning to really worry about his son because the frequency of the coughs had increased and they were also beginning to sound sicker by the minute.

He hated how miserable his son was, but what bothered him the most was that he could no little to nothing about that misery with Lucas's consent. Lucas was suffering and he didn't want anything to do with his father.

An extra painful sounding cough paired with a moan wore down Dan's will to let Lucas be. Standing up,Dan walked into his son's room to see him sitting up, heaving his whole torso into his coughs and holding his chest in pain.

Not being able to just sit back cruelly and watch his son suffer, Dan went to retrieve some medicine for him.

After his father left the room, Lucas laid back down under his blankets, feeling a chill bite his body to the point of bringing on shivers. The chill had been plaguing him from the time that they had returned from the vacation. And to tell the truth, he felt the cold that had been beginning to recede return with a vengence. He hadn't told anyone how physically awful that he felt for fear of his facade falling. Lucas had a bad feeling though that his cold was escalating into something worse.

But he couldn't hide it anymore. Dan had seen him vulnerable, and now the man was acting like a martyr about his fathering skills. Well, he would just see how badly that Dan really wanted to play 'Daddy' when he made everything, even caring for his son's cold, difficult.

Dan returned to Lucas's room holding two pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other. He saw Lucas curled back up under his blankets, the only thing that was visible was his son's hair. Now he had the task of getting Lucas to sit back up. He knew that this would be a difficulty because even from under the blankets, he could see the shivering.

"Lucas, here's some medicine. SIt up son." Apparently Dan's plea didn't even deserve words from his son as Lucas merely grunted and pulled the blankets even tighter around him. He knew he wanted the medicine, but his stubborness was preventing him.

Dan reached down and grasped the edge of the comforter that Lucas was cocooned in and he yanked back on them, successfully disentangled his son. But this small victory was not without backlash from Lucas.

"What the hell is your problem? I'm cold." Lucas's voice wasn't all that convincing while it was hoarse with congestion and riddled with coughs. Dan smiled though, because he had achieved his goal of getting Lucas to sit up.

"Take your medicine." Dan handed him the pills and was stunned when Lucas took them without a fight. The boy must have been feeling really bad to not put up any sort of fight. That fact worried Dan, because he had never seen Lucas this sick. Sure, there had been some small illnesses during the time that Lucas had lived with them, but nothing had decapacitated him enough to lose his attitude.

As Lucas swallowed the pills that his father had given him, he felt his inflamed throat protest. Almost instantly another bout of coughs came, and he could feel metallic taste of bile came up with them. Gagging, Lucas wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, unaware of the red coated saliva that rubbed off on his hand.

Dan was rudely alerted that there may be more wrong with Lucas than he thought when he saw the blood that smeared on the back of his son's hand. Lucas looked down at his hand and didn't seem to worried about it. He just took a tissue, wiped the blood off and threw the tissue in the garbage, along with numerous other blood tinged tissues.

"Why didn't you tell me when you started coughing up blood?" Dan's voice was nearing anger as he thought of his son's stubborn attitude. He couldn't believe that Lucas would risk his own health and let himself endure this much pain instead of letting anyone know that he was sick.

"Never mind, get up, I'm taking you to the hospital." He didn't give Lucas the chance to give some sarcatic response that knocked his fathering skills before he made the conscious decision to do what was best for Lucas. Coughing up blood was no small deal.

"Leave me alone, I'm cold, I'm tired, I don't feel good and I don't want anything to do with you. Take a hint." Lucas's hoarse voice came out as commanding as it could be as the blood specks came out with coughs. But Dan didn't give him a chance to curl up under his blankets again.

Lucas's hard headedness was at the point of pissing Dan off. He could understand that Lucas was angry with him, but for the boy to defy him to the point of risking his health was just plain dumb. When he saw Lucas moving to pull his blankets up over him again, he knew that he had to straighten him out.

Dan forcefully grabbed Lucas's chin and turned it so that the boy's head was completely facing him. He didn't care if Lucas's eyes averyed to try to avoid the confrontation, he just needed for the boy to understand the point that he was trying to get across.

"Lucas, you have to understand that this isn't about your stubborn attitude, or your anger, or how pissed off you are at me. You are obviously very sick and you need to see a doctor. So can you just put aside your anger for a little bit and let me get you help?" When Dan didn't recieve any kind of a response from Lucas, he knew that the boy had understood what he was saying.

"Okay, get your shoes and jacket. I'm going to go warm up the car."

Lucas nodded, showing his father that he understood the directions. He knew that he probably needed to go to the hospital, and the blood had worried him, but the main reason that he had kept it to himself was that he didn't want to need his father. He had made so much of a point in the last few days that he didn't need anyone. Dan had shown that he didn't need his first born son by making the decision to have him live in California. Lucas wanted to show him that he didn't need him back. Now his body was too weak to not need help.

If there was one thing that he hated, it was needing someone or something and then not being needed back.

Closing his eyes, a frustrated tear slipped down his face.

Hey guys! I know that it has been FOREVER, and I sincerely apologize for that. I have had the first part of this chapter written out for awhile, but then I had a big surge of writing. I have the rest of the story planned out, and if you guys have any ideas, go ahead and put them in your reviews. I hope to keep up the writing now that i have a real direction forthe story. Please review and tell me what you throught. I love reviews and I hope that i haven't lost too many readers. Love Broody.


	24. I'm Damaged At Best

Disclaimer: All characters and situations from _One Tree Hill_ are properties of Mark Schwahn, and CBS Warner Television. No copyright infringement intended.

Where To Turn

Chapter 23

I'm Damaged at Best

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Brooke walked up to the front door of the Scott house with a packet all Lucas's assignments, and another bag filled with all his text books. Knocking on the door rhythmically, she waited for someone to answer the door. She had tried calling Lucas's cell phone after school to see how he was feeling, but he didn't answer. Not that she expected him to either because he hadn't answered his cell phone since everyone returned home. She was now at the point that she found it futile to leave a voice message.

"Come on Scotts, I know that you're there, open the door!" She sing-songed. She was beginning to get worried that no one was home. But Nathan had told her that Dan and Lucas were home. Finally, she got tired of standing in front of a closed door. Brooke then sat down the extra bag and pulled out her cell phone to call Nathan. After two rings, he answered.

"Hey Nate, I thought you said that Lucas was home with Dan today. But nobody is answering the door and I don't hear anything going on inside."

"Brooke, sorry I didn't tell you, but uh, my Dad took Lucas to the hospital this afternoon. Just leave his stuff by the back door." Brooke thought that she detected something spurious in Nathan's tone, but he left no room for her to argue with him when he said a hasty goodbye and hung up the phone.

"Well that was rude." Brooke snapped her phone shut and walked to the back of the Scott house with Lucas's books.

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Nathan walked back into the waiting room at the hospital after his conversation with Brooke. He knew that lying to Brooke was the wrong thing and that there was a very high chance that she would kick his ass when she found out that her best friend was in the hospital, but he knew how Brooke would act.

She would find out that Lucas was in the hospital, come in more worried than anyone, buy out the whole gift shop and make a big deal out of everything. Lucas didn't need that right now, and nobody should have to comfort her when they needed to worry about Lucas.

Sitting down in one of the chairs away from all the other people in the waiting room, Nathan looked around to find anything to keep his mind off of his brother.

From what his father had told him in the phone call after school, Lucas had gotten really sick during the day and had coughed up some blood. Dan had taken him to the hospital, and now Dan, Deb, and Lucas were all in an examining room.

Nathan wanted to think that maybe this was just a false alarm kind of thing, and that Lucas just had a bad cold, but when he heard about the blood, he couldn't help but to worry out of his mind for his brother.

Picking up the nearest "AARP" magazine, Nathan began to flip through it until he heard the familiar footsteps and voices of his parents.

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"Well Mr. and Mrs. Scott, I think that Lucas is going to need some chest X-Rays, and I want to run some blood tests on him. After what you have told me, and after examining your son, I believe that he may have Bacterial Pneumonia. The blood tests and X-Rays will help me make sure. So now if you will just wait in the waiting room for awhile, and I will come and get you when we are done."

Dan and Deb listened dilligently to the doctor as Lucas lay half asleep on the examining table, a small bout of coughs coming from him every few moments. They nodded and headed towards the waiting room. Deb placed a tender kiss on Lucas's fevered forehead and Dan put a hand on the top of his son's head, ruffling his hair. They both savored this contact because if Lucas hadn't been so completely disoriented, then he never would have allowed the contact.

Inside the waiting room, Deb was the first to see her son, and she went up and hugged him. The sudden health crisis with Lucas was makeing her maternal instincts go in overdrive.

"Oh Nathan, I'm glad to see you." She hugged her biological son, releasing some of her worries from Lucas in the hug.

"I'm fine Mom, really." He hugged his mother back, but he didn't really understand her extremely heightened motherly behavior. Deb then let go and patted her son on the shoulder. Why don't you two go get some coffee. The doctor said that Lucas might take awhile. I'll stay here and wait."

Dan and Nathan walked out of the waiting room into the winding hallways and corridors of the hospital. They walked in silence until they reached the coffee machine. Dan needed the coffee more than Nathan did. His nerves had been frayed with worry for Lucas all day.

They both sipped their coffees, Nathan with less enthusiasm, not speaking a word. But Dan had a lot on his mind. He needed to havea talk with Nathan about his fathering skills, which seemed to be sorely lacking these past few months.

"Nate, what do you think of me as a father?" He asked inquisitively, extremely interested in seeing what his other son thought of his fathering skills.

"What do you mean Dad? " Nathan looked up from the steaming cup, confused.

"Well your brother obviously thinks I suck at being his father, and I guess that for him, I do suck. But have I been a good father to you?"

"Yeah, you've been a pretty good Dad." Dan sighed at his son's answer. What else should he have expected from a teenage boy?

"That's a pretty vague answer Nate. Could you explain?" Dan asked pointedly, wanting more out of his son. "

"What do you want me to say Dad? Yeah, you have been a good father to me, you've been there for me, you've gotten me everything that a son could want. But at the same time that you were taking care of me, you had another son that you bullied and neglected in favor of me. So yeah, you've been a great father to me. But a great father in general, I don't know." Nathan looked at his father, not sure if that was the answer that his father desired either.

Dan nodded grimly at Nathan's response. Hearing that he was a wonderful father to one of his son's felt good, but it was an empty victory because of his treatment. Just another time when Dan cringed when he thought of Lucas's feelings as he witnessed his brother's treatment.

"I'm glad you've had a good childhood Nate and that you never experienced the bad side of my fathering. I guess I was putting all of my failures to Lucas into fathering you. How unfair is that?" He said the last part of the sentence mostly to himself.

"You're not going to get any pity from me Dad. I witnessed every disgusting thing that you did to my brother. I love you, and you're my Dad, but I can't help but feel bad that every time you fathered me, Lucas had to watch and wonder why you couldn't do that for him." Nathan began to stand up and walk away, but before he started his way back to the waiting room, he turned back to Dan.

"You haven't completely lost him yet. I can see there there is still a part of him that thinks you can be his father. But if you send him to live with Keith, that will be it, you will never get him back." After this he paused, seeing that Dan had a retaliation.

"Nathan, sending him to live with his uncle is going to be good for him. He will get the therapy that he needs, and besides, many times he has shown me that he doesn't want me as his father."

"And that's why you will never be the father that he needs. You can never look past how Lucas acts to you. You will never realize that no matter how bad you treat him, he wants you." Satisfied with how he stood up for his brother, Nathan walked back to the waiting room.

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Lucas was vaguely aware of all the doctors and nurses poking around, injecting mystery substances in his veins, telling him to stay as still as he could, and looking in his throat and checking his blood pressure. His chest hurt too badly to tell them to stop though.

At this point he would rather have Dan by his side than all of these strangers. He would admit it though, he was slightly frightened. He didn't know what was happening or what was wrong with him and nobody was around to ease his discomfort.

What seemed like hours later, he was back in the same examining room with the bright lights and the white and sterile enviorment. Moments later he heard the familiar voices of his father and step-mother. Relief flooded him because if he was angry about their betrayal, he needed comfort. He felt Deb's small soft hands grasp his right hand while Dan stood in front of the doctor, ready to hear Lucas's diagnosis.

"I was right about him having Bacterial Pneumonia. His lungs are inflamed and he has an infection. I want to keep him over night in the hospital for observations and because he is very dehydrated. We will give Lucas some anti-biotics to help fight off the infection, and he should be better in about ten days."

"What about the blood doc. He was coughing up blood when I brought him in." Dan inquiried, still not totally assured about his son's condition.

"His mucus had blood in it from his lungs and throat. There is really not that all that much to worry about. That should recede with in the next few days. Now if you want to sign these papers, we will have him admitted and move him to a room." The doctor handed Dan a clipboard with the consent papers, which he signed hastily.

Dan and Deb were then forced back in to the wating room until the nurses got Lucas in his room and set up on an IV.

"Nathan, your brother is going to have to stay here over night for observation. I'm going to stay here with him tonight. You and your mother can go home and get some rest." He could see that they wanted to protest, but neither of them had a very good argument considering that it was already seven o'clock that night and both of them were exhausted with worry.

"Ok Dan, but let me bring you back some clean clothes and some food." Deb then began leading her son out of the hospital.

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Lucas woke up disoriented, coughing terribly and immediately regretting it when his chest protested with burning pain. He was still feeling terrible cold and tried pulling the thin hospital blankets over his entire body.

As he opened his eyes, his disoriented senses began becoming aware of his surroundings.

The lights in the hospital room were dimmed and on low to the point that blurred eye sight could barely focus. In the background, he could hear basketball announcers commentating a game. And the smell, even through the congestion in his nose, he could smell the sterile enviorment.

When his eyes finally began to focus, he could clearly identify the figure sitting in the chair next to his bed as his father. Why was Dan here?

"Whats going on?" Instead of his words coming out intellegently, they came out slurred and meddled together.

Dan looked away from the elevated television screen and towards the unintellegent mumbles coming from his son who was just waking up from the sleeping medication they had given him to lessen the pain in his chest.

"How are you feeling Lucas?" Dan stood up from his chair and moved over to his son's bed where he stood over him.

"What are you doing here? It's almost midnight." Lucas's words were still slurred, but they were slightly more understandable to Dan.

Dan didn't really have an answer to his son's question. He hadn't really been expecting Lucas to question his presecne at the hospital. Did Lucas really have that little faith in him that he expected to be left all alone in a hospital over night while he was sick?

_"Well you did leave him by himself when you went on vacation, when you went out to dinner with Nathan, and for the first sixteen years of his life."_

"You're sick Luke. You've got Pneumonia. I guess all that time out in the cold while you were sick didn't do you any good." Dan smiled, trying to keep the mood light for his son. The last thing that Lucas needed was a long winded conversation about the past when the boy was drugged up and sick.

"Maybe if you weren't such an ass, I wouldn't have spent so much time in the cold." Lucas then groggily pulled the blankets over his body, cringing when the IV caught and pulled on his hand. Falling asleep, he tried to decide in himself whether he was relieved or agitated by his father's attention and presence.

"I see that you're back to normal." Dan cackled bitterly as he lightly patted Lucas on the back. The grin on his face from Lucas's behavior grew as his son shrugged the hand off his shoulder, accompanied by some sound that resembled a 'leave me the hell alone' or 'don't touch me'. Both were common responses from the boy.

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Almost two hours later, Dan began to grow weary of watching ESPN and flipped off the television. He was exhausted, but he refused to fall asleep. The whole reason that he decided to stay in the hospital overnight was to make sure he was there for anything Lucas needed.

A nurse walked into the room as one did every single hour to check all Lucas's vitals. He gave her a polite tight lipped smile as she checked all the numbers on the computers by Lucas's bed. He was sure that his son was completely knocked out when the nurse wrapped the cuff around his arm and checked his blood pressure without any sort of response from Lucas.

"Good night Mr. Scott." The nurse said as she exited the room.

Dan then scooted his chair as close as he could to Lucas's bed, relishing in the close contact with his son that he had denied himself.

"I guess I'm a coward to do this now, knowing that you are completely knocked out, or I hope that you're asleep, but I really need to say this." Lucas facing him, though dead asleep made him nervous. But the snoring from Lucas's congestion gave him reassurance that his son was in fact, asleep.

"I talked to your brother this afternoon about my fathering skills. You have made your feelings apparent, and I wanted to know what your brother thought. He said that I was a good father, but only to him, and that to you, I haven't done anything right. I guess I should have expected that." Dan paused to gather his emotions. He really didn't spill his guts like this very often.

"He's right though. I don't think that I've ever made the right decision concerning you. Everything that I did to you was wrong and usually hurt you. Even recently when I decided you would be better off living with Keith, I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I even thought that you would want to go and leave me behind. I would never blame you if you wanted that."

"What kills me though is that I had every chance in the world to be your father. I could have embraced you when you came to live with me. You had needed a father, your father, and I had flat out denied you. I was thinking this afternoon how I could been so good to Nathan when you had to sit on the sidelines and watch."

A break in the rhythmic snoring with some coughs stopped Dan for a few moments. He was worried because he didn't know what he would do or what Lucas would do if he ever heard the things his father was saying.

"Nathan also said something this afternoon that bothered me. He said that no matter how bad I am to you, or how much you protest that you still want me as a father. I don't really understand that. Why would you want me as a father after everything I did to hurt you. For God sake, I hit you Lucas, I went out of my way to make sure that you never got what you wanted. I gave you pills instead of being a father, and I even told you that your mother considered getting you aborted. Why would you want that?"

"Don't you see Lucas? By sending you to Keith, I am trying to give you a life away from all the terrible things that I did to you. I'm not trying to get rid of you or my responsibilities. When you found out about everything, and thought that I was trying to hurt you, that broke my heart kid, it really did. To know that the one thing that I thought I was doing right with you was the exact opposite just takes me back to how frustrated I am that I can't ever do anything right with you."

Dan sighed, emotional exhaustion now mixing with the physical.

"Keith can give you everything that I haven't been able to. He's not so much of a coward that he will deny his son the psychological help that he needs. I was so selfish when I didn't give that to you, because before you came to live with me after your mother died, I had been on the top tiers of Tree Hill, I was the family man, and the car salesman. And then you needed help and I just couldn't give it to you. How would it look for the family man of Tree Hill to not even be able to handle his own son? The whole situation just seems so selfish now."

"In California you are going to get a life that isn't filled with reminders of how I wronged you. Right now I feel that Keith would be better for you than me. Sending you away does hurt me though, even though you think I'm probably going to celebrate you being gone. It hurts me because, as a father, I can't be enough for my son."

"This probably means nothing to you right now. You're asleep and here I am spilling my guts with out the courage to talk to you like this when you're awake. Good night Luke." Running his fingers through the messy blonde hair, Dan pulled his chair away from Lucas's bed. Unable to watch his failures manifested in a teenage boy, he walked out of the hospital room.

Just after he exited the doorway, Lucas' s eyelids fluttered open and he gave a disappointed sigh. Even after spilling all of his feelings, he walked away.

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Deb walked into her step-son's hospital room very early the next morning. He was sitting up in his hospital bed, his glazed over eyes were heavy lidded and obviously not focused on the television set.

"Hi Lucas, how are you feeling?" Deb approached her step-son carefully, knowing just how bitter he still was. She hoped that in his lulled state state that he could be civil.

"Fine" His short, one-worded answer was slightly discouraging, but she wouldn't push him too hard to talk. She would try to keep the mood light.

"Well, the doctor says that you'll get released this afternoon. He also says that you are looking stronger now that you're hydrated. That's good news right?" Lucas emitted a grunt, not making any move to redirect his eyes from their glazed unfocusing.

Scanning the room, she tried to find her husband to relieve some of the awkwardness that the bitter and silent teenage boy radiated. Foot steps behind her caused her to turn around.

"Dan, you look exhausted." She exclaimed, very relieved to not have to be one on one with Lucas. Her husband did look extremely exhausted too. The stubble on his face was more prominent than usual, and his clothes that consisted of sweatpants and sweatshirt were very wrinkled.

"Yea, I was up almost all night with Lucas. I fell asleep around three." Looking at the clock, he noticed that the clock said that the time was seven thirty. His eyes then averted to the brooding teenager that laid in the bed on the other side of the room. He didn't really know how to act around Lucas after confessing those things in the night. Even though he was almost completely sure that Lucas hadn't heard him, the interaction was still difficult to think about because Dan had realized some feelings that he hadn't known about before.

Dan led his wife out of the hospital room because he was well aware of the scrutiny of Lucas. The pair walked down the hallway of the hospital in silence until they reached the cafeteria.

"I just had to get out of there. Lucas was driving me nuts with all of the tension." Dan sighed as they sat down at a table. He really had just wanted to have a break from Lucas. After spending nearly ten hours straight with the boy and his anger, he just wanted some time without it.

"Yea I noticed that he was kind of tense when I walked in. So how is he really? I asked him and all he told me was that he felt fine."

"Personality wise, he's fine. He's still the same bitter, angry, sarcastic boy that we brought home from vacation. But physically, Lucas is still really sick. He spent the better part of the night coughing, shivering and in pain. I know that he's still feeling awful, but I think he's afraid to show us how bad he really does feel. It's hard because I did the only thing that I could really do for him by taking him to the hospital." Deb felt bad for her husband, but she understood how he was feeling.

"That is how it always feels when you're a parent. Remember when Nathan had his tonsils taken out when he was nine. You didn't eat or sleep the whole time he was here. I remember that you interrogated every single doctor about what was going on while he was getting the operation. The nurses got so sick of you. This is just the first time that you have experienced this with Lucas."

"Yeah, and he's seventeen. How sad is that?" Dan was at the point where he could insult his own parenting. He could finally admit it to himself that he had screwed up the fathering of his first born son.

"But Dan, would you rather have it now when he's seventeen, or never." Dan contemplated his wife's words. She was right, he would rather experience the fatherly worry now, then think later in life 'why did I never worry?'. Nodding, he gave his wife an understanding expression.

"What did the doctor say about him this morning?"

"He said that Lucas was stronger now that he's got some anti-biotics and hydration in him. But he infection in his lungs probably won't get better for awhile..."

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"...And be sure not to drink out of the same glass as Lucas, or eat with the same silverware. Make sure that he takes one anti-biotic pill three times a day. And it's important that he stays hydrated. His body will fight the infection much faster if he drinks a lot of water. If you have any questions, concerns, or if Lucas gets worse, don't hesitate to call me or bring him in." The tall framed doctor spoke to Dan before averting his eyes toward the patient.

Lucas Scott had not been a very animated patient. Usually his patients, no matter how sick they felt, reacted to his charms, and it made their stay at the hospital a little bit more pleasant. But Lucas had been quiet and moody through his stay. The only things that Lucas had said to him was that he felt like hell and to stop prodding him with needles.

"Okay Lucas, I know that a tough seventeen year-old boy like you is going to hate this, but hospital policy says that you have to go out of here in a wheelchair." The doctor pointed to the door where a nurse stood with a wheelchair by her.

With a painful sounding cough, Lucas stood up and made his way to the wheelchair. Under normal circumstances he would have probably thrown a tantrum at the indignity, but with how badly he was still feeling, he would temporarily allow himself to be pushed out of the hospital.

He felt Dan then stand behind him and start to push him. His thoughts were racing with confusion about what to think about Dan's confession the night before. Should he act like he never heard any of it and maybe wait for his father to confront him about his feelings? Or, should he confront his father now and force him to tell his son everything?

Once the Scott's were down by the entrance of the hospital, Lucas had decided that he was sick of being pushed around, literally, and he said that he could walk to the car.

"Okay boys, I'll meet you at home." Deb said as she walked away to her car. Looking back she saw Lucas walking gingerly to Dan's car, refusing any steadying hands that were offered to him. She wanted so badly to make up for the years that he felt neglected by her. But she was almost afraid of his behavior toward her. She wanted to mother him, but he wouldn't let her past his wall of anger.

Just like Dan, she felt that she could lose every chance that she had to mother Lucas if the boy was sent to live with Keith.

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The car ride was between Lucas and Dan was silent. The only sounds that could be heard were the engine running, and the congested sounding breathing from Lucas.

Dan wasn't sure how to act around Lucas. He almost expected Lucas to understand and have full knowledge of his previous night's confession, but the boy knew nothing of it. His worry of Lucas's health state hadn't been lessened. As a father, when his son was sick, it was his responsibility to do everyhting that he could to ease that misery.

"Is the car warm enough Lucas?" The bone-chilling shivers hadn't receded from Lucas, and the boy was sitting in the front seat of the car was clothed with a hoodie and a jacket, with the car heat blasting on him. But Lucas seemed to be hunched in on himself, huddled as if trying to keep body heat.

Lucas watched the passing winter scenery. A heavy frost was covering almost everything outside the car, just watching the cold seemed to be sending chills down his spine.

His father's question barely registered in him, and not to start any fuss over his condition, he grunted some agreeable answer. His chills weren't what was on his mind though. What was the most on his mind was confronting his father about his speech. He just couldn't act normal around Dan with all those words weighing down on his chest. Gaining his courage and making sure that his throat was clear, Lucas spoke.

"I heard everything that you said last night." Looking away from the scenery, he turned his head to look at Dan. He was ready for one of those long-winded conversations now.

Dan almost slammed on the brake when he heard Lucas's confession. He had a feeling that things between him and Lucas were about to change.

So what would he do? Should he confess everything to Lucas, or deny everything and blame it on Lucas being drugged. Should he be the New and Improved father, or the old father that he was so comfortable being?

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Wow, I can't believe that I got another one up already. It was mainly to show you a bit of insight into Dan's mind. Please tell me what you guys think of him, and what you think he should do. I hope you guys liked it. Love Broody.


	25. Hope Dangles On A String

Disclaimer: All characters and situations from _One Tree Hill_ are properties of Mark Schwahn, and CBS Warner Television. No copyright infringement intended.

**Author's Note - Please Read**: I went on the internet and searched to see how accurately that I was portraying Zoloft, and figured out that I wasn't very accurate. When I first started writing the story, I did not do the proper research. I understand that all the information isn't correct, and I must ask my readers to put aside any criticism for improper medical details about the medication. To go back and change some things would change the story. For instance, Zoloft is apparently not addictive, and where would the fun be for Lucas if Zoloft wasn't addictive? Now that I have the information, I am trying to make it as accurate as possible. Thanks, Broody.

Where To Turn

Chapter 24

Hope Dangles On A String

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_"I heard everything that you said last night." Looking away from the scenery, he turned his head to look at Dan. He was ready for one of those long-winded conversations now._

_Dan almost slammed on the brake when he heard Lucas's confession. He had a feeling that things between him and Lucas were about to change._

_So what would he do? Should he confess everything to Lucas, or deny everything and blame it on Lucas being drugged. Should he be the New and Improved father, or the old father that he was so comfortable being? _

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"What all did you hear Lucas?" Dan's voice was slow and calculated, careful not to let any revealing emotions show through. Lucas was usually so sensitive that he would take any negative emotion as an insult or something meant to hurt him.

"Enough to know why you are sending me to live with Keith." Lucas knew that he sounded more hurt than argumentative, but he was so tired of hiding his emotions. Even if he still felt physically sick, he was ready to bare his emotions to his father.

"Did you understand that I don't want to get rid of you, or make you think that you're disposable to me, because you're not. I just want you to get what you need."

Dan looked around where he was driving and found a parking lot so they could stop. Even though he knew that Lucas needed to get home and rest, he wanted to have this conversation when they were both being honest. And obviously, Lucas was feeling quite honest at the moment.

"I understood when you said that sending me away hurt you as much as it hurts me. So I guess my question is that if it hurts you so much, and it hurts me so much, then why don't you just let me stay?"

That statement hit Dan harder that he ever thought something could. All of the childish undertones shocked Dan. He didn't think that he had ever heard such a child like statement coming from Lucas. Normally he was abrasive, rude, and moody. He would never usually tell Dan that something hurts him. This change showed Dan that Lucas was laying his feeling on the line in this conversation.

"Lucas, I'm sending you to live with Keith because, even though it hurts both of us, Keith is going to be able to give you a lot of things that I can't give you." The instant that Dan said it, he knew that it wouldn't be a satisfactory answer to Lucas.

Lucas sighed, exhaustion creeping up his spine. Dan's answer wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to listen to crappy logic. The only thing he wanted to know why his father wanted to get rid of him, and why he was so easy to throw away and forget about.

"Like being a father?"

Watching his son say that, he was shocked when the boy's eyes locked on to his. That was just another reason that Dan had to believe that Lucas had a lot invested here and now.

"Excuse me?" He hadn't expected to be hit with such an emotional question.

"You said that Keith can give me everything that you can't. Does that include being a father?"

Lucas then looked away from Dan and out the windshield. A part of him didn't want to hear the answer to that question. If the answer said that he didn't want to be the father that Lucas wanted, Lucas knew that he would give up on Dan, he would pack his own bags and drive himself to the airport to go to California.

"I haven't been the best father to you. You are the best person to attest to that. Why do you want me to be your father so bad when the only thing that I have done is hurt you?"

Dan looked over at his son who was still looking out the window, now processing what his father had said. He noticed that the boy's face was getting paler and his eyes were starting to droop.

"Why don't you want to be my father?" Lucas didn't care if he sounded like a kicked puppy, or if Dan saw how vulnerable he was. As long as he found out what was wrong with him that Dan couldn't be his father.

"I do want to be your father Lucas. But I also want you to have the best life that you can." Dan was getting slightly tired of being grilled by Lucas. He was just as exhausted as Lucas was. But the only difference was that Lucas seemed like he could continue this conversation until he got the answers that he was looking for. Now if Dan could only figure out what that was.

"But why does the best life have to be in California. Why can't I have that here?" There was the child-like undertone again. That was a good question, Dan had to admit. His only answer was one that Lucas wouldn't like. He didn't want to give the answer, but once he turned his eyes and caught a glimpse of Lucas's cobalt eyes, he knew that lying would be even worse.

"Because Lucas, no matter how much I want to be your father, and how much you want me to be your father, I don't know if I can handle being that for you. You need so much from me, and I really want to give it to you, but I can't be this illusion of a perfect father to you."

Dan felt the guilt seem to creep through his skin when he saw the discouragement playing in Lucas's eyes. The boy never even tried to hide it.

When Lucas gave no rebuttal to his father's statement, Dan figured that it was time to go home. Lucas was exhausted, he was exhausted. Pulling out of the parking lot, Dan drove towards the Scott home, eager to be home and sleep, and also eager to get Lucas's discouraged eyes out of his head.

Lucas tried his hardest not to let Dan have the best of him, he really did, but it was hard. Just when Dan would say something that made him think that his father understood his need for his Dad, Dan would say something else that made Lucas realize that his father knew nothing about him.

It hurt though, his father saying that no matter how much Lucas wanted his Dad, that Dan couldn't be that for him. The thing that Dan said that bothered him the most was the notion that Lucas wanted a perfect father.

Could Dan be any more clueless about his son?

Nearly ten heavily silenced minutes, Dan pulled his car into the garage and turned off the ignition. Lucas didn't bolt from the car as fast as his weakened body could carry him as Dan had expected him to do. Instead, he unbuckled his seatbelt and sat, looking as if he had something that he wanted to get off of his chest.

"I never asked for you to be perfect. I just wanted you to be my Dad."

Not giving a chance for Dan to give a reply, Lucas weakly got out of the car, leaving his father to ponder what he said.

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ESPN highlights lit up the television in Nathan Scott's room. As usual on Saturday mornings, he watched the best plays from the night before, a box of cereal for breakfast, and staying in his pajamas until his mother yelled at him to get dressed.

Unlike most teenagers his age, Nathan had terrible time sleeping in until noon or later. Since he was young, waking up early for basketball training or running had been ingrained in him. This habit never left him, even to this day.

Just as the top ten plays of the previous night began flashing across the screen, he heard a slight commotion from outside of his room.

Knowing that his brother was supposed to be getting out of the hospital this morning, he got out of his bed and went to his door, eager to see Lucas.

Even if Lucas and his relationship was quite strained, he wanted to reconcile with his brother again. He really just missed having his brother to hang out with or to go play basketball with. But no matter how much he tried to deny it, his view of Lucas had changed drastically since everyone had returned from vacation.

Hearing that his brother had been abusing his anti-depressants had been stunning news to Nathan. He had known since Lucas moved in that his brother was unhappy, in fact, Lucas had let just about everyone he met know that he was unhappy. But he had never even thought that his brother would go so far as to abuse prescription drugs.

_"No, maybe he needs an extra large dose of Prozac."_

_"I just don't see why you and mom are making this so hard on yourselves, why don'y you just get him some Prozac and shove it down his throat, it might make this situation 10 times easier."_

Guilt flooded through Nathan as he remembered his words when he had been fourteen. He had been such a selfish fourteen year-old, suggesting to his parents that Lucas need anti-depressants. Looking back, he couldn't believe that he did that to Lucas, who was suffering more than he could even imagine. He hadn't been overly surprised when Dan had gotten Lucas the pills, after all, the man had asked for days how he could deal with raising his fourteen year-old son without actually having to raise him.

Was Lucas so miserable and desperate growing up in this house that he preferred to live in a drug induced world rather than a real world?

From his doorway, he saw Lucas ascending the staircase with little ease. He looked uncoordinated in his movements, sometimes putting out a hand on the railing for balance. Behind him was Deb, who had a deterred look about her.

Nathan could tell that Lucas was refusing any sort of help from anyone. He wasn't surprised that Lucas didn't accept help though even if he had gotten out of the hospital barely an hour before. Nathan had once heard Dan say that if there was anyone more hard headed than his second son, it was his first son.

"Lucas, if you need anything, just ask." Deb sat a glass of water down on Lucas's night stand as the boy literally crawled into his bed. Handing him the doctor's prescribed anti-biotic, she lingered, waiting until he took it. She wanted to make sure that he took his pills the way that they were prescribed after his history of Zoloft.

_"Are you or have you ever abused prescription drugs?If yes, please explain.YES / NO_

Deb had marked no on that question for Lucas when she had been filling out his medical forms for him to be admitted to the hospital. She knew that her and Dan would be questioned endlessly on the answer to that question, and that Lucas's treatment would vary greatly if they had known about his abuse of Zoloft.

"What? You don't trust me?" There was a trace of mock hurt feelings and malice in his tone. Smirking, he took the pill with a swig of the water. When Deb saw his throat convulse and swallow, she was satisfied. Leaving the room, she went to go continue cleaning Nathan's mountain of dirty clothes.

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Lucas laid under his blankets, not wanting to deal with the mountain of books and folders that sat on the floor next to his bed. He would almost rather talk to his father than open up those text books and face all of the work that he had to make up from vacation and sick time.

He really hadn't been to school in a long time, and he was sure that his teachers wouldn't be too happy with him once he came back.

Hearing a presence enter his room, Lucas wanted to groan. Didn't Dan understand that he just didn't want to talk right now? Not after the embarrassment that he felt from telling his father what he had. The last thing that he wanted was to hear from Dan that the man was going to send him to live with Keith after all the feelings had been let out into the open.

Turning over, he got ready to mouth off to his father, but when he saw his brother, he could genuinely say that he was surprised.

"Hey Luke, um, how are you feeling?" Nathan stood at his brother's doorway awkwardly, hoping to be able to talk to him. He saw the how startled that Lucas looked when he saw him in the doorway.

Lucas gave a non-committal grunt to answer Nathan. The response wasn't a complete put-off, but it wasn't a greeting of open arms either.

Lucas would admit, he missed his brother. Things hadn't been this awkward between them since the brothers had been fifteen and they were just beginning to get along and accept each other. But in the end, just like everyone else, Nathan hadn't told him what he knew about California. The brothers had even slept in the same bed and had conversations, and Nathan still hadn't told him. That hurt.

But even if Lucas wanted to be bitter to Nathan, he couldn't stay that way for long. He was beginning to get lonely. Normally he had the companionship of his brother and his best friend, but lately, without being able to speak to someone with a nice personality, he was growing tired.

"I'm fine." Nathan noticed once again that Lucas wasn't committing himself to either a nice or a mean response. That meant that Lucas was just as unsure about this confrontation as he was.

Lucas then sat up in his bed, showing that he was willing to talk for awhile. He wasn't going be completely obvious and out right talk to his brother though. Nathan still had some making up to do.

Never having been one to beat around the bush, Nathan jumped right into the heavy questions that he had for his brother. He really didn't even care if Lucas threw him out of his room because he was angry. There were just some things that as a brother, he needed to know.

"Why did you take so much Zoloft Lucas?"

The inquiry hit Lucas so hard that he felt nearly paralyzed. How in the world did Nathan know about his addiction to Zoloft? Maybe he could play this off, tell his brother that he didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." Lucas let out a nervous chuckle. He knew that Nathan would never believe it.

Nathan stood in front of Lucas's bed and crossed his arms. He wouldn't let Lucas bark at him to leave him alone like he had been the last week. The only reason that he had listened to Lucas and left him alone during that time because he had known that he hurt his brother, and he wanted to respect those wishes. Things were different now.

"Really, you don't? Then why was Dan yelling at you about overdosing on Zoloft, and why did you steal all of those pills from the hospital?"

Lucas didn't want to have this conversation. In the past few minutes, his body seemed to have pulled the plug on all of his energy and was telling him to rest. But of course, he couldn't because Nathan seemed set on having this conversation.

"Oh, so now your being truthful. Where was that when you knew that Dan was getting rid of me? Do you want Daddy all to yourself? Well you can have him, apparently he can't even handle being my father." Lucas wanted to talk about anything but his weakness for a pill, or rather, ten pills at once.

Nathan pitied his brother when he heard Lucas's disappointment, paired with coughs that seemed to bring up mucus with them. It made him wonder what had transpired between Lucas and his father to make Lucas say that Dan couldn't handle it.

"Lucas, that is not even the point of a conversation. I asked you why you took all that Zoloft." That was the moment that Lucas realized that Nathan was not about to be derailed from what he came here to talk about. If the subject of their father didn't throw him off, then nothing would.

"Nathan, Dan gave me those pills when I was fourteen. He didn't try to help me grieve, or get me real help. When he gave me my first prescription, I felt like he was just sweeping me under the rug because he didn't want to deal. To have that knowledge when you are fourteen and your mother just committed suicide, sucks. There is just no other word for it. "

Lucas saw that Nathan wanted to speak when he broke off his sentence. He knew that he wouldn't be able to continue though if Nathan continued speaking. Raising his hand with a pleading look on his face, Lucas began speaking today.

"For the first year that I took Zoloft, it really messed with my chemistry. For a month my body would have these shakes, I couldn't sleep, and sometimes I was even nauseous. The side-effects sucked, and the pills didn't take away any depression either."

"I guess you could say that I was a good boy for the first year and a half about taking my pills. I took them as directed, and kept waiting for them to magically make me an optimist. And then when I turned sixteen, as you know, Dan started becoming really bad. Every single day, he would find some way to make me feel like shit."

"One night, I remember taking more than one pill. Two pills made me feel better than one, so naturally, three pills made me feel better than two. Every night for about two weeks, I would take one more pill than I had the night before. Instead of three, I would take four. Then five. They made me feel better and better, and finally, I began feeling nothing when I took the pills. That was the best."

Lucas paused, reflecting on how horrible he used to feel before taking the pills. He remembered emotional pain that would make him gasp for air because it was so bad.

"Then it dawned on me. I had something that took away the pain of what Dan did. And Dan and Deb were giving it to me whenever I asked, because apparently I wouldn't cause any trouble if kept feeding me the happy pill." An extraordinarily painful cough stopped Lucas for a few moments. The burning pain in his chest made his eyes water.

"After that, my habit continued. I was at the point of taking about four to five pills a day to make sure that I felt nothing. Not even Brooke knew what I was doing. Then one night, Dan and I had this huge fight about the last fifteen years. The usual words were exchanged and to end the conversation, Dan had cuffed me in the back of the head so hard that I almost blacked out."

"That night I took ten pills. That was my favorite feeling."

Nathan couldn't think of anything to say. He could tell Lucas that he could have gone to him for help, but Nathan knew that was crap. He had bullied his brother since the pair had started school, and he ignored Lucas when he had moved in. Nathan then realized that he had never given his brother all that welcoming of an impression.

"Does that answer your question?" Lucas finally looked up from his blankets and into his brother's identical eyes.

"I'm sorry Luke." That was all Nathan could muster. Hearing Lucas's confession made him realize just how many times that he had wronged Lucas, and how many times that he wasn't there, and Lucas felt the need to swallow numerous anti-depressants to be able to feel nothing.

Seeing the questioning expression on Lucas's face, Nathan clarified.

"I shouldn't have kept what I knew about Dan and Keith from you. But if it helps, I didn't know for very long. Peyton had just told me, and then you and Dan came home and had your fight. And I'm sorry that I wasn't your brother when you needed it. I was selfish."

When Lucas didn't answer for a few moments, Nathan got kind of nervous. He wondered if Lucas still hadn't forgiven him for everything. He knew that Lucas had a right to blow him off, and he wouldn't feel all that unjust if Lucas did.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Lucas let his pensive frown turn upward.

"Don't worry about it little brother."

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Two days passed in a haze to Lucas. Interaction around the house wasn't as awkward because of his reconciliation with Nathan. Forgiving his brother had felt good. He had known that Nathan and Peyton hadn't really held any of the real blame for his pain, but he just needed a let out for his rage toward Dan and Brooke.

Brooke...he felt as if he hadn't thought about her in forever. But when her gorgeous face and her cute little dimples, a searing knife of betrayal singed his heart.

The only memories that he could conjure were of her teasing him and rejecting him once again for being together, and him being a complete jerk and letting his Scott temper take over. And of course, her betraying him and keeping what she knew about California to herself.

He really missed her presence as his best friend. Not having anyone to confide in about anything while he laid in bed all day in pain wasn't all that fun.

So far, the doctor had been a big liar. He had said that in the next few days, he would begin to feel better, his cough would recede, and his chest wouldn't feel like it was on fire. Liar.

The only thing that had gotten better was his chills. Instead of being huddled under his blankets and shivering, he was able to get out of his bed and move around without rushing to get back under the covers.

During those two days, Dan hadn't come in and talked to him after he had said that he didn't want perfection, just a Dad. At this point, Lucas figured that this was Dan's way of saying that he couldn't get what he wanted, without having to tell him to his face.

He guessed that nothing really had changed between him and his father. Dan still didn't want to take responsibility because he didn't think that he could handle fathering his first born. This thought crushed something in Lucas.

Now instead of wondering why he was so easy to get rid of, he was wondering what was so wrong and repulsive about him that Dan couldn't handle fathering him. Lucas had a feeling that he would never get the answer to that question from his father, Dan probably couldn't handle answering as much as he couldn't handle fathering his illegitimate son.

But Lucas's hope for answers from his father still hung from a spindle fiber. Time was running out for that hope.

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Dan was painfully aware of how time was running out for him and Lucas. In two short days, Lucas held a plane ticket to California.

There were so many things that he wanted to say to Lucas before the boy left. He wanted to clear the air after their conversation where Dan tried to explain why Lucas had to live with his uncle. No words have even come to mind that qualified as a reasonable rebuttal to Lucas that would explain to the boy that he couldn't be his father that way.

He felt like such a hypocrite to his son. Merely a week before he had held Lucas on the ground and convinced the boy that he was his father and he had better get used to it. Now he was avoiding his fatherly responsibilities and telling the boy that he couldn't handle him.

Those mixed messages must be killing Lucas. One day his father wants him, the next he's ready to send him across the country to live.

How could he ever fix this for his son in two days? Was it even worth it to try to fix things if the boy was just going to leave for California?

His choice was to never try to make things right, let Lucas go to California and possibly lose his son. Or he could work his ass off in the next two days and try to redeem himself in his son's eyes, then send him off to California and still lose him.

Dan just wasn't sure that his heart could take reconciling with his son and having things be okay with his, just to have him leave.

Little did he know that in a few short minutes, he would have to make his decision. And he wasn't prepared to make the decision that would be best for his son.

"Dad"

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Lucas made the trek down into the living room where he knew that his father was watching one of the many basketball games that were on T.V. He was correct in the fact that Dan was sitting in his chair, and basketball played across the T.V.

But Dan's eyes weren't even directed toward the screen. They were directed to a picture frame that Dan held in his hands.

"Dad" His hoarse voice alerted his presence to his father, who was so engrossed in whatever picture he was looking at that he didn't notice his first born standing only a few feet away from him.

Dan finally looked up from the picture, one of the sparse few that he had gotten to take of the boy without him noticing. This one was of Lucas after a basketball game. He had played an exceptional game and had a rare smile plastered to his face. He remembered himself quickly trying to capture the photo on his digital camera without Lucas noticing.

"Yes Luke?" Dan instantly cringed when he heard the frigidness of his voice. Here was his son, coming to him, probably to put himself out there, and he couldn't even manage a warm tone.

"Can I talk to you?"

Dan noted the nerves that permeated off of Lucas. He could feel the tension flow off in waves. That assured him that whatever Lucas was here to talk about, it would be a wrenching topic for both father and son.

"What do you need?" Dan wasn't sure how to approach Lucas in this conversation. He was at a cross road where he was required to make his decision. Fix it, or don't fix it.

"I have a question." Lucas said as he sat down. He really didn't want to just ask Dan this large of a magnitude of a question automatically. There had to be some prompting first.

"Okay Lucas" Part of Dan wanted to tell his son to just spit it out. But that would make the boy crawl back into his tough shell, and he would probably never get the chance to hear what his son was about to say.

"Well, uh, you said the other day that you couldn't handle being my father." Lucas spoke slow and calculated, carefully choosing his words so there would be no chance for Dan to misinterperet.

As much as Dan wanted to deny those words that he regretted, he couldn't do it. There was a truth to the words, a cold, hurtful truth.

"Yes I did."

"I was wondering if you could tell me before I go what it is about me that you can't handle being my father." It was out now and there was no going back. Dan had his hopes in his palm right now, and he could either clench his fist and throw them to the ground, or he could embrace them and soothe his son.

"Lucas, there's nothing wrong with you that I can't handle. It's something with me that I can't..." In the middle of trying to explain to Lucas, he was cut off.

"No! I don't want to hear that it is something about you, because obviously it's not. There had to be something wrong with me to make you act toward me like you did. What is it? Is it because I'm blonde? Karen's son? Does my personality suck?" Dan could tell that Lucas was beginning to grow heated. He knew because they both had the same Scott temper.

"Lucas! None of that matters. Yes, you're blonde, you got that from my Mother. Yes, you're Karen's son, remember that I loved your mother. And your personality is just fine."

"Then why did you treat me like dirt?" The anger was lost in that statement, which was slightly relieving to Dan. They would get nowhere if Lucas's temper was boiling.

"I was intimidated by fathering you Lucas. I had a peaceful family life with a son and a wife. Then I hear your mother killed herself, and there you were. A fourteen year-old that I knew nothing about, and suddenly, I was the anchor of your life. I had no idea how to handle that."

Dan was trying to appeal to his son to keep him calm, but at the same time, he couldn't lie to him. That would piss Lucas off more than any hurtful answer.

"You gave me Zoloft to take care of me." The anger was back.

"I know that Lucas, that was a mistake on my part." Dan began to feel like he was being attacked by Lucas. The boy's tone was vicious and convicting.

"You hit me." Those words came out in more of a growl than real words.

Dan would not sit and be attacked by his son. Yes, he had wronged his son, but Dan was never someone that got attacked without giving back some sort of backlash. Royal Scott had taught him that.

"I can't fix everything that I did to you Lucas. I know that I could sit here and listen to you yell about everytime that I have wronged you, but I won't because that won't change anything. I don't have it in me to fix you Lucas!" Dan raised his voice at his son, effectively intimidating the boy.

When he saw Lucas's throat seem to swallow a large lump, he knew that he had made a big mistake.

Lucas just nodded at his father, almost as if he understood that his father was giving up on him. After that pause of speechlesness from Lucas, the boy walked out of the room.

As he watched his son walk out of the living room, Dan cursed and swiped a magazine to the floor. He had just screwed himself over even more. If he had worried about things with Lucas before, now he had ten times more to worry about.

Instead of a civil relationship with two days to fix, now he had a day and a teenager that probably hated his guts. But what he had said to Lucas was true. He didn't think that he could fix the boy.

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Hey guys, I'm not sure if I'm completely satisfied with this chapter. It felt like I was just writing a bunch of dialogue and nothing really happened. Don't worry though, many things will happen in the next chapter. For the brotherly conversation fans, I hope you enjoyed it, and don't worry, there will be more. And I'm sorry to the Brucas fans, but don't worry, you will get some Brucas action soon. This story is beginning to go into a major mode change, but it might not be what you think...I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter and I would love for you to review. All the reviews that I get make my day. Thanks so much for reading. Love Broody


	26. Say You'll Stay Forever and A Day

Disclaimer: All characters and situations from _One Tree Hill_ are properties of Mark Schwahn, and CBS Warner Television. No copyright infringement intended.

**Author's Note. Please Read:** I understand that the first scene is almost the same as the scene in season 4's "Ashes of Dreams You Let Die" The scene was just what I needed for the first part of the chapter, and remember from my disclaimer that I do not own anything. Thanks, Broody.

Where To Turn

Chapter 25

Say You'll Stay Forever and A Day

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Dan tossed and turned in his bed, a layer of sweat coating his body and making his clothes stick to him. He was stuck in a restless sleep, with a terrible scene playing out in his mind.

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_"What are you doing Lucas?" _

_The scene that played in Dan's mind took place in his home, in his own room actually. He and Lucas were standing on opposite side of the room, facing each other. Lucas seemed to be standing in a fighting stance with his legs planted widely and his shoulders squared on his father. _

_"Getting my justice." _

_Dan was shocked at the absolute chill that Lucas's voice sent down his spine. The normal emotionally high wired voice held none of it's previous feelings. Instead they were replaced with an unemotional, frigid cruelty that nearly sent Dan reeling._

_The expression in his son's eyes rivaled the cold tenor pitch of his voice. Cobalt eyes held their same color, except they lacked their swirling whirlpool of emotions. Lucas's eyes seemed to be taken over by a never ending drive for revenge toward his father._

_"Calm down Lucas." _

_Lucas's father was well aware that his son looked to be the epitome of calm and collected. He didn't look unsure of himself and his stature was intimidating. This was the most confidence that Dan had ever seen in his son. _

_"I am calm Dan. In fact, I don't think that I have ever felt this calm. Because tonight, you are finally going to get what you deserve."_

_Dan was silenced by Lucas's words. He had almost no idea what Lucas meant by giving him what he deserved, but whatever he meant, it left a terrible feeling in Dan's gut. Hoping for a reprieve, or at least an explanation from his son, he cautiously stepped forward. _

_"Don't move Dan."_

_A ray of light reflecting off a metal object in his son's right hand caught Dan's eye. Tearing his sight away from the cold stare, he focused on the object. The silver metallic object was a weapon. A deadly weapon. A gun._

_"Why the hell do you have a gun Lucas?" _

_While Dan wanted his comment to come across as intimidating and forceful, he sounded more intimidated and afraid; a way that he had never sounded around his son._

_"Like I told you. I'm getting my justice." With that revealing statement, Lucas raised his right arm with the gun and had it aimed at his father. _

_Dan was too stunned to move. His son, his first born son, possessed a gun and had it aimed at his father's head. Was this how Lucas was going to get his final justice? By killing his father?_

_"This is for abandoning me and my mother. You left us and it pushed her to the point of suicide. This is for giving me Zoloft instead of being a father. This is for wanting me aborted and telling me about it. This is for hitting me when you thought that I was out of control when all I really wanted was your attention!" Finally, some enotion broke through in Lucas's words. This was a good sign, he could still appeal to Lucas._

_"But I am finally going to make sure that you can never hurt me again. Ever." _

_Dan's chest constricted when he saw the muscles in his son's hand begin to contract, and his index finger tightened around the trigger of the gun. His thoughts raced with questions about what was soon to be a horrible tragedy._

_Was this really how things were going to end between him and Lucas? The son killing the father for revenge? He was briefly reminded of the Camelot story of Mordred, the bastard son of King Arthur that betrayed his father by killing him with a sword. Was this his destiny too? _

_**BANG**_

_The sound of a shot reverberated through the room. Dan's eyes were squeezed shut as he expected to be hit with the pain of a bullet invading his body. A few seconds later, when the echo of the shot died down, and Dan wasn't hunched on the floor nursing his bullet wound, he opened his eyes._

_Standing in front of him was Lucas, still with the gun wielded and aimed at his father, this time with a small spark of the Lucas that he knew in his eyes._

_"Fix it Dan." Lucas spoke, emotion now flooding his voice. His comment wasn't a request, it was a detrimental demand. Too shocked to muster any words, Dan stayed silent._

_"I missed you on purpose, but I promise you that I will not miss again. Fix it. You haven't completely lost me yet. If you don't fix it, you will pay."_

_------------------------------------------------------------_

Shooting up right in his bed, Dan was gulping to try and get oxygen into his lungs. He was chilled from the sweat that held a thin coat arond his body, making his clothes feel like a sticky second skin. He was completely panicked as the sound of the gun shot and his son's command to fix things echoed in his ears.

Not wanting to wake his wife and worry her about his nightmare, Dan carefully tip-toed out of the room that he shared with his wife, and the room that shared the now terrifying scenery of where his son shot him for the terrible things that he had done.

On the other side of the hallway, he saw the closed oak door of Lucas's room. Temptation and curiosity overwhelmed him as he began walking toward Lucas's room. He had to see his son, just to check if he was the emotionally damaged teenager that he knew best, or the cold murderous boy that wanted justice. Cracking open the door as quietly as he could, Dan peeked inside.

In his bed, tangled in his blankets, was his son. Lucas didn't possess the cold and cruel expression as he did in Dan's nightmare. Instead, he looked almost peaceful, despite the disturbance of the coughing. His son's hands were both visible, and to Dan's relief, weren't wrapped around a gun.

"If you really want me to fix this, then I will. I will try my hardest to fix this for you, I promise."

Dan whispered as silent as he could to Lucas. Creeping away from the door and shutting it, Dan walked down to his office. He didn't want to disturb Deb, and he was just too haunted to sleep.

Was his epiphany real? Would Lucas turn into that monster and be lost to his father forever if Dan didn't fix things? Or was the scene just a dream, a figment of his imagination that would never come true? Somehow, Lucas's words hit too close to home for him to ignore.

His nightmare was no coincidence. It was a wake up call.

Dan's heart knew the decision that he had to make for his son. This was it. No more mixed signals to Lucas, he wanted his son to stay and that was final. There would be no more hitting Lucas when the kid showed attitude. No more saying hurtful things when Lucas attacked him with a barrage of questions that he just didn't want to answer.

Things would be different now. He promised himself, and he promised Lucas. Now in order to fix things with Lucas, he had to figure out how to apologize to the boy.

Dan knew that he had probably caused his son to want to California now. Last night, he had yelled at his son and he wouldn't blame his son if he would not want to stay anyore.

Tomorrow...tomorrow his son would be leaving on a flight to California to be forever lost to his father. If he wanted to fix things, he had some work to do.

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Lucas woke up that morning, feeling slightly better than he had the day before. The burning pain in his chest had gone down, and coughing no longer hurt so bad that his eyes watered. He was surprised that he had slept through the night, due to his Pneumonia and his imdending departure to California, he thought he would be up all night.

Walking to his bathroom, Lucas flipped the light on and began running the water in his faucet. He was trying to put off going downstairs to get some breakfast. Even though he was hungry for some eggs, bacon, toast, and orange juice, he wasn't sure that his appetite would survive seeing his father.

All hopes that he had fostered of getting to stay in Tree Hill had been yanked away from him yesterday. His father showed him that he didn't want to fix things between them yesterday, and finally, Lucas was accepting that.

He had told his father everything that he wanted and needed, and that was all he could do. If his father couldn't be his Dad, there was nothing that he could do to change that.

Finally, he felt his stomach give a cry that could not be denied. His hunger returning with a vengence, Lucas finally grasped the courage to walk down to the kitchen.

"Good morning Lucas. Are you hungry this morning?"

Lucas was immediately greeted by Deb, who stood at the stove cooking breakfast. Dan sat at the table, the sports page open in front of him, sipping coffee.

Briefly, he wondered if this was what it was like to wake up in a normal family. Mumbling a quick agreement to the offer of breakfast, Lucas sat as far away from his father as possible. If he was going to be sent away, he wanted it to be as quick, silent, and painless as possible.

Dan sorely noticed hos son's intentions of sitting as far away as he could from him. He didn't expect anything less. He knew that if he was going to fix things with his son, that Lucas was going to make it as difficult as possible.

A plate was sat down at Lucas's spot at the table, and Lucas began eating with the hunger only a teenage boy could have. Dan caught himself gawking at the ravenous display, and wondering how he could approach the subject of fixing things with his son.

The last time he attempted something close to this, he layed on his fathering techniques too thick, enough to overwhelm his son and creep him out. He either did that, or he neglected to father his son so much that the boy suffered.

How could he find an acceptable balance in one day?

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Boxes were stacked along the walls in his room as he went through all the items in his closet. Lucas was feeling a strange pang of nostalgia as he sorted through all his possessions that he kept in the top of his closet. He hated to admit it, but he had come to know this room as his home in the past two and a half years that he had lived here.

The farther back in his closet that he got as he packed all of the clothes, the cheaper the clothes got. All of the clothes in the back of the closet were the ones that he had taken from his previous life with his mother.

All of the articles of clothing didn't fit him even more and the fabric was aged and scratchy, and cheap compared to his current wardrobe. Absently, he fingered the soft material of the shirt he was wearing and compared it to what he wore when he was fourteen.

Injustice and anger at his father rose once again in his throat when he thought about the financial struggles that him and Karen struggled with. They could have lived a little bit better if Dan had paid a bit of child support.

As he was wondering why he had even kept the clothing in the first place with Deb stocking him with a new wardrobe every year, he came across one article that choked his throat in horror.

A simple gray t-shirt was the piece of clothing the was the last in his closet. This wouldn't have meant anything to him except for the rust color stains that covered the majority of it.

The rust stain was blood...His mother's blood.

This had been the shirt that he had been wearing the night that he had discovered his mother's bloody and lifeless body. He realized that he had never washed it, and never thrown it away, and now here it was, the memories of hugging the cold and lifeless corpse of his mother assaulted him violently.

"Mom" He whispered agonizingly, and his eyes involuntarily stinging with unwanted tears. Taking the shirt off of the hanger, he squeezed it in his hands, feeling the stiffness of the blood stained parts contrast with the softness of the unstained gray cotton.

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Dan knew that Lucas was packing up his room by hearing the racket of him taking things off of his walls and out of his closet. Instantly he regretted putting all of the empty cardboard boxes into his son's room a few days before.

With all the signals that he had been sending Lucas lately, why didn't he just push him out the door? Unable to stand by without trying to fix things any longer, Dan scaled the stair case to Lucas's room.

Looking into Lucas's open door, he saw the boy hugging a piece of fabric close and his distressed voice saying something that he couldn't understand. Though he didn't want to interrupt what looked to be an extremely personal moment, he wasn't sure how much more time that he could waste in the goal to get to know Lucas.

"Lucas..." He knocked on the door lightly. Even though the sound wasn't very loud or intrusive, Lucas seemed to jump out of his skin. An overly emotional 'What!?!' was the response that he earned.

"What? You come to help me pack? I guess that you want me out of the house as fast as possible. I can understand that." After a few moments of getting himself together, Lucas finally spoke. He tried to hide the horrifying shirt from his father, knowing that it would only bring out reprimand.

Dan gathered his choice of words in his head, making sure that they held the right amount of fatherly caring. Not perfect, nor neglecting.

"No Lucas. Come here and sit down for a second." Dan gestured to Lucas's bed, the only place that wasn't covered in Lucas's personal items that waited to be packed.

Lucas was a little bit hesitant about listening to his father. The last time that Dan had told him to sit down, the conversation ended up with Dan yelling at him. Still he sat down though. Parents had holds over their children in ways that they never knew.

"Are you sure that you wanted to go live with Keith?"

Lucas was surprised at the question. This was the first time that Dan had actually asked him his opinion about going to California. After all the fights that the pair had gone through, not once had Dan asked him if he actually wanted to go live across the country.

"You haven't given me much of a choice in the matter. You don't want things to get better between us, then my only option is to live with Keith." Lucas said sadly, at the same time his pitch still held a bit of attitude. He had already made the mistake of letting himself be vulnerable around Dan. And since that resulted in hurt feelings and severed hopes, he wasn't about ready to go through that again.

Dan noted that his son had said that his father didn't want things to get better between them. This was just the opening that he needed to get through to Lucas.

"Lucas, what would you say if I told you that I did want to fix things between us, and that I wanted everything to be better?" Dan knew that his son's answer would be something along the lines of calling him a liar or a hypocrite.

"I would call you a liar or a hypocrite. The last times that I we talked you told me that you couldn't handle being my father and that you couldn't fix me. So forgive me for not believing a damn word that you say."

Deep inside, Lucas was hoping that his father was trying to get him to stay. He really didn't want to go, not at all. But his experiences with being hurt by Dan crushing that notion made him keep his childish hopes all to himself.

Dan felt that he had won a small victory inside. He knew his son more than he thought!

But that victory was overshadowned by Lucas calling him a liar. If Lucas thought that everything he said was false, then how could he convince the boy that he really wanted him to stay?

"Lucas, I know that in the past few days I have been sending you so many mixed signals about whether I wanted you to go or not. That was unfair of me to do that to you and it's my fault that you feel like you have no other choice than to leave.And I know that you don't want to hear anything else that I have to say, but please, listen to what I have to say."

Gazing at his son's hunched figure that sat next to him on his bed, he took Lucas's silence and lack of movement as agreement.

"I don't want you to go live in California Lucas. When I said that I couldn't fix you last night, I realized that I had never even tried. Somehow I was going to send you to live across the country without ever trying to really get know you or how to fix you. I don't want that to happen, I want you to stay here in Tree Hill,so we can fix things between us, and so I can get to know you and be that father for you."

Only a few seconds into Dan's speech, he saw Lucas's head shaking, almost as if he didn't want to believe what Dan was saying. He abruptly stood up and faced his father.

"No! How the hell am I supposed to believe you? Huh? Just the other day, I was** begging** you to let me stay! And you said no! You said that you wanted me to live with Keith. Now you say that you want me to stay home? How am supposed to think that is true when obviously everything else you said was a lie?"

Lucas wasn't sure he was comfortable with the emotion that poured out of his mouth, but he couldn't stop it. Dan was right, he wasn't being fair at all.

"Lucas, I know that you don't have much of a reason to believe me, but if you are going to ever believe one thing that I say, believe this; I want you to stay and I want things to get better with us."

Dan sighed, aware that Lucas was completely correct. How should the boy think that anything that his father said was true when all he had done was send him contradictions every time they talked. The fact that his son couldn't trust anything that he said made him slightly sad though.

Shaking his head and still not believing a word that Dan said, Lucas continued.

"What do you expect from me Dad? Do you want me to run into your open arms and say 'Yes Dad, I'll stay!' Because it doesn't work like that. You can't jerk me around every time that you change your mind about something!"

Lucas's words were more like a plea for mercy. He was sick of having to be yanked around at Dan's whim when the man decided whether he wanted his son or not. He just wanted peace, and just when he thought that he was going to get what he wanted, Dan ripped it away. Again.

Dan was speechless. There was no way to defend himself in that statement. He was sure of one thing though, this wasn't how he expected this conversation to go. Lucas usually never won these types of things.

"I just want some peace without you jerking me around all the time. I thought that I could have that here, but you proved me wrong. So can't you please just give me this one thing?"

His voice had calmed down and dropped a few decibels from his previous tone. His energy was still not at full strength from having Pneumonia, and his vigor slowed down at a moments notice.

Dan could literally see Lucas's strength drain from his eyes and his now slumped shoulders. He had to end this conversation quickly so that Lucas would be able to think with reason, not exhaustion. One last appeal should do the trick.

"I can give you that peace that you want Lucas. No more jerking you around anymore, I promise. I want you as my son."

When he stood up from Lucas's bed and rubbed his son's shoulders, he could feel them shake with fatigue. With that, he left his son's room, hoping that Lucas would want to stay on his own accord instead of Dan having to push even harder.

Lucas collapsed under his blankets and marveled at how the bed felt more comfortable than it usually did. His exhaustion coupled with his father's words swimming in his head pacified him to the point of sleep.

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_It was almost an out of body experience, as if someone else was experiencing this dream and he was only a watching bystander. _

_Lucas was standing in his father's room, unnoticed by the two other figures in the room that stood in stand-off formation. _

_The first figure wasn't surprising; his father. Except the only unusual thing was that his stature wasn't as imtimidating as it usually was, he almost seemed intimidated. What shocked Lucas though was the second figure in the room. _

_The second person was himself, only that this Lucas was not very familiar. This Lucas had a gun and was ready to shoot his father. As he stood on the sidelines and watched the scene unfold before him, he wanted to stop the cold version of himself. _

_"Like I told you. I'm getting my justice." With that revealing statement, Lucas raised his right arm with the gun and had it aimed at his father. _

_Knowing that no one could see or sense him, and that there was no way that he could stop himself from shooting Dan were the most difficult truths that he had to face. Why was he forced to watch this with no way out? And why was this other part of himself so set on killing his father? Sure Dan had done many thing that wronged him, but did that really warrant murder?_

_"This is for abandoning me and my mother. You left us and it pushed her to the point of suicide. This is for giving me Zoloft instead of being a father. This is for wanting me aborted and telling me about it. This is for hitting me when you thought that I was out of control when all I really wanted was your attention!" _

_The heart wrenching emission from what he supposed was another part of himself began to make sense to Lucas. This Lucas wasn't someone that he had never known before, he knew this boy._

_This was the boy that was deep inside of him. The voice that spoke to him and said that Dan had hurt him enough and that he needed to fight back. And this was the Lucas that would inevitably end up ruling him if he was indeed sent off to live in California. _

_"But I am finally going to make sure that you can never hurt me again. Ever." _

_That sent the unseen Lucas into a frenzy. He didn't want to be ruled by this monster that lived inside him. He didn't think that his father deserved to know this side of him, the one that wanted Dan to hurt much more than he had hurt his son. _

_Seeing his alter-ego's hand flex and tighten around the trigger to brace himself for the force of the gun shot, Lucas dove forward to try and stop himself. _

_**"NO!"**_

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Startled, Lucas shot up in his bed, holding his aching head with his hand. Looking around his room, he didn't see his vengeful self and his father. The only things were the boxes that either waited to be packed, or waited to be shipped across the country.

The nightmare had shaken him to the core, and he almost felt like it was a message or a warning. He would turn out like that other Lucas, bitter, unforgiving, and detatched if he left for California. The thought made him want to stay home forever.

What scared him though, was that that Lucas was somewhere inside of him at this very moment, waiting to be set free and have full reign. How could he even function when he knew that he had it in him to raise a gun and fire a bullet at his father.

But if he had any way to control that and stop it, he would. And if that meant giving in to his father's request, then would do that. He had one request to give his father though.

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Dan sat in his office with his laptop open in front of him, displaying plane ticket information that Keith had sent him. The flight was for tomorrow, and it left from gate G36.

He could feel himself already beginning to give up on convincing the boy to stay. How could he have Lucas believe anything if all he had done in the past week was change his mind?

A heavy sigh deflated his chest as he thought again about his nightmare. He guessed that things with him and Lucas were going to turn out ugly, with Lucas unable to forgive. He didn't want that. He didn't want Lucas to change because he wasn't ready to let go of his son yet. Or ever.

Heavy breathing, almost panting from the doorway caught his attention. Averting his eye sight away from the screen that showed all the flight information, he looked up and saw Lucas.

Lucas stood at his father's doorway, ready to give his one restriction on staying. If Dan broke this contract, then Lucas was sure that things would never get fixed.

"Lucas..." Dan began, only to be cut off by Lucas putting his hand up. His son seemed determined to say something without any interruptions.

"Please don't change your mind."

Those words sparked a new future within Dan and his son. For Dan it was a fresh start with his son, one that he vowed not to screw up. And for Lucas, it was a tentative step toward a funtional relationship with his father.

"I promise Lucas, things will be different."

With a lump in his throat, Lucas nodded and turned to leave the room. This time he left a piece of himself with his father. What he didn't know what that he held a piece of his father with him too.

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I must ask the Brucas fans to bear with me, I wanted Lucas's decision to stay to be completely based on his father, not because of his brother, or his best friend. But I totally promise that Brooke will be back in the next chapter, and we will see a lot of her. We just reached a major milestone in this story and I have to thank everyone that has either read or reivewed so far. It means a lot for me.

The mood of this story is going to change in the next few chapters. While Lucas and Dan will be rebuilding their relationship, there will still be some slight issues, but the whole story won't be completely centered around them anymore.

I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, please review. Love Broody.


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